Final
Recovered Feelings
Seconds turned into minutes. He spent that time thinking over his actions, regretting his decisions.
Minutes turned into hours. She spent those hours waiting for her flight at the airport.
Hours turned into days. He spent those days regretting deeply, silently mourning over his broken heart by himself as he wished that time would turn back just so he could fix his mistakes.
Days turned into weeks. She spent those weeks getting used to life in a new place and silently mending her broken heart by herself with no one she knew by her side.
Weeks turned into months. He spent those months as a completely changed man; he no longer smiled. He no longer laughed. He no longer showed any emotions — not until she was by his side again.
Months turned into years. During those years, she now placed her mended heart on a high shelf in a protective box, no longer allowing anyone to get close to her, in fear that it would break again.
With five years past, they were no longer the same person. He was no longer the Byun Baekhyun who would make jokes and brighten up the room with the wonderful smile of his, and she was no longer the Song Rinah who forgave quickly and melted the hearts of others with her beautiful smile.
They were broken.
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Baekhyun sighed, mindlessly pushing his food around as his friends shifted around in their seats uncomfortably. They glanced at each other sadly; they were devastated to know that their friend was still hurting after this long. “You should eat,” Sehun said quietly, glancing up at the older male through his bangs, “We don’t want you to faint again like last time.”
“I’ll be fine,” the latter mumbled before pushing his plate away and getting up from his chair, “I’m not hungry. I’m going to go get some fresh air instead.”
“Be careful,” Suho called out, only to receive another mumble in reply before the front door slammed shut. The boys sighed; they knew it wasn’t going to be easy to get the old Baekhyun back.
As Baekhyun walked aimlessly around the neighborhood, sudden memories appeared in his head. He shook his head instantly, getting rid of his thoughts. “I wish you were here,” he thought bitterly to himself, “But of course you wouldn’t stay because of the way I acted. I’m so sorry.”
As he thought, he bumped into someone, causing him to snap out of his thoughts. “I’m sorry,” he mumbled quietly, only to freeze when he looked up. The person in front of him looked familiar. He swallowed the lump in his throat; it couldn’t be…
“Rinah?” he asked meekly, his eyes glimmering with a small sliver of hope. His guess was confirmed when the figure in front of him froze. He reached for her, but she turned around and ran away, leaving him behind. “Rinah, wait!” he shouted, chasing after her. “I have to tell her,” he chanted in his mind, “I need to tell her before I lose her again.”
He finally caught up to her near the part they usually went to on their dates. “Rinah, please,” he begged, “Listen to me.”
“I don’t want to,” she whispered, refusing to turn around and face him, “I can’t.”
“Rinah,” he pleaded, his vision beginning to blur, “Just listen to me. You won’t have to see me after this.” She remained silent; he took that as consent to begin talking. “Look, Rinah,” he began, his voice already beginning to tremble, “I know my mistakes. I know that the decisions I made before were wrong. I was selfish, I was foolish, and I took our relationship for granted. I thought that even with all my mistakes, you would continue to stay by my side and stay with me forever. I never thought about how you felt; it just slipped from my mind.” His tears streamed down his face at the moment, and he looked away in order to keep her from seeing his face. “Those words I told you, they were nonsense. I wasn’t thinking clearly. After you walked out the door, I knew that I just made the biggest mistake of my life, letting you go like that. I should’ve chased after you, and I did, but you were already gone. My life was just completely dull without you. I couldn’t bring myself to smile without thinking of yours. I couldn’t bring myself to laugh because it would remind me of you. I couldn’t sleep because it would remind me to our nights together.”
“That’s enough,” she finally whispered, stopping him from speaking anymore. She hesitated before speaking again, “Do you know how much it hurts, having the person you love the most just tell you that a five-year relationship was a waste of time?”
“I know, I’m sorry,” he cried as she shook her head, “No, you don’t know. You don’t know the pain of having to fix your broken heart by yourself. You still had your friends. My parents were dead, and I knew absolutely no one where I was at. You don’t know how it feels like to stay on guard all the time just because of the break-up you just had.”
“I’m sorry,” he whispered, hesitantly wrapping his arms around her waist. By the way her body shook in his arms, he knew that she was crying. The feeling that he was feeling at the moment could not be described, just like how the feeling she felt back then couldn’t be described either.
He removed his arms and turned her around, gently pulling her into a hug with a hand on her back and a hand on the back of her head. “I’m sorry,” he whispered into her ears again and again, his voice trembling as he cried as well.
“Just give me another chance,” he whispered, holding her tightly, “I promise that I’ll treat you right this time.”
“No,” she said quietly, pulling away, “You were the one who wanted to end the relationship. You can’t expect me to return to you just like that.”
“I promise, Rinah,” he begged, his eyes looking at her pleadingly, “I promise that I’ll treat you right. I promise that I’ll be the best boyfriend.” She looked at him hesitantly, unsure of her decision. “Please,” he whispered, pulling her in close so he could lean his forehead onto hers, “Please, Rinah, please.”
She hated the way he looked at her that moment. She hated the way that he knew what he did wrong and exactly what to say to fix everything. Most of all, she hated that her feelings for him were still lingering despite that fact that she was supposed to hate him.
“I hate you,” she whispered, her tears streaming down her cheeks again as she pounded onto his chest with her fists, “I hate you so much.”
“I’m sorry,” he apologized once again as he wiped her tears away. His hand cupped her cheek as he leaned in closer. Once their lips met, the same sentence ran through her head over and over again — the same sentence that she had repeated to herself a few moments ago — as she kissed him back with her hands clenching his shirt.
I hate that I still love you.
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