What was it about goodbye? Perhaps, she has said too much goodbye that it hurts. The feeling it brought was horrifying. She could feel herself slowly crumbling, goodbye after goodbye. Goodbye, and the thing that came after was… the thought of if the day after tomorrow would exist. A sorrowful tomorrow perhaps would be left behind.

She has said too much goodbye recently. Goodbye and farewells she didn’t expect to bid. Goodbye to some strangers she met by the streets, to people she loved, to people that meant a lot… she kept biding goodbye to everyone. It came in a blink of an eye, when she thought her life was going to be okay. It brought hazardous feelings, pain that she never expect to feel. She thought she would be okay, those goodbye would hurt for a bit, but for it to be this much… was unexpected.

Goodbye by goodbye. It hasn’t been that long since she last bid another goodbye. She was scared, hurt, and pained. What if she had to keep on biding her goodbye? People was leaving her, it became lonely. She became scared. Goodbye by goodbye, her world shrunk and darkens. Goodbye.

She has stopped crying for some time, but there were nights when she couldn’t help it. The fear of losing another person, the fear of her world shrinking even more…. Perhaps, she even fears having to say goodbye to the world herself. Does she really have to stand on her own in this big-big world? She’s scared and hurt.

Goodbye by goodbye, she valued life even more. She learns more of life, reflected more, and fear even more. She carried on living, goodbye by goodbye, wondering if tomorrow exists. Goodbye, the thought of never seeing someone anymore was scary. Was it scary? No, it was horrendous, dreadful, tormenting.

If she had to bid another goodbye, perhaps it’d be the death of her. Yet goodbye and farewells – she realized – are part of life, of the living and the death. And now, how do you bid goodbye to someone? How do they bid their goodbye so easily to her? She’s lonely and sad. Her healing heart was all over the place, completely broken.

How do you bid goodbye to someone?

It has always been people leaving her and it hurts so much that she felt like dying. She’d always be the one left behind. She never knows biding her goodbye would hurt so much.

Her hazel brown orbs against his fierce darker one. Her tiny hands inside his big grasp. Her petite body against his manly and bigger one. His eyes have always been so mysterious. She could never figure what he was thinking, what he was going through behind his hard-on expression. His mystery was tempting, drawing her in. Something about those eyes, those hidden feelings, it tempted her to dig deeper. Something she realized she shouldn’t have.

There were times when she felt completely useless, not being able to understand him, not being able to comfort him, not being able to do anything for him. But without a word, he could drive her to the edge. Each time those feelings dropped by, he’d hold her close, sincerely holding her, sincerely gazing at her eyes. He’d show her his sincerity and it was more than enough. He never told her he loved her, but she knows dear she was to him.

Hands in hands, chest to chest, they had never been so close yet so far. His eyes were still the same mysterious pair of orbs, but the clear sadness could be seen. His gaze were gentle, warm, yet something about it was sad and bitter, despite the gorgeous smile he showed her. While her, who had to bid her farewell, was holding back her tears. Her teary eyes and beautiful smile against his. She’d like to stay forever.

He caressed her hair, patting it softly before tracing her face. He caressed her cheek softly with mysterious smile. It radiated sadness of a bittersweet feeling. She snuggled closer, his warmth fading to clear coldness. She was cold, she was afraid of leaving. She was afraid of another person being taken away from her. Yet it was not about him being taken away from her.

One last time… one last time…

Who would take care of him when she’s not around? Who would comfort him? He had gone through so much more, so much that one has reached its limit of imagining things. Yet he was smiling so temptingly, so mysteriously.

So this is it.

How do we say goodbye to someone?

She did not know and she did not resist. Perhaps, there had never been a way of saying goodbye. Perhaps, goodbye greets in a blink of an eye, taking you by surprise. In the end, she was the one to say goodbye.

“Goodbye, Yi Fan.” 

2014 | 05 | 31

Author Note

Greetings! It's been a while since I wrote. I don't really know how this chapter will turn out to be. I've been busy recently and writer block was killing me. I hope you can enjoy this chapter. And there's something I'd like to clarify. We all know Kris has all the rumors, gossip, and case around him. I wrote this long before the articles came out, so it has nothing to do with it. Hope you enjoy! Happy reading.