Fear. A daring word, one that shows weakness and reveals many things about the person who fears. Sunggyu has to admit that he’s never feared or felt fear for anything in his life. He wouldn’t even know fear when he saw it, or recognize it when it came, because well, he never feared anything. He was strong, a well known leader of Infinite, and most importantly, fearless.

Kim Sunggyu was fearless. So yes, fear wasn't the emotion that he felt he felt right now, the one that was eating him up alive. A feeling that was clenching his throat and searing his stomach, as his mind traveled a thousand miles per hour and yet couldn’t arrive at a single destination. He had never felt it before, but Sunggyu convinced himself that this is not fear.

All he heard on the phone with the manager late that night were a few words. His mind was a blur and his body was tired from a full day of activities. Woohyun hadn’t come back from filming his drama that night. It was heavily raining outside, and it was getting late. The rest of Infinite have long fallen asleep from exhaustion, but Sunggyu knew how much Woohyun disliked coming home to a dark quiet dorm of sleeping members. So Sunggyu waited for him, as always. He knew that the younger would do the same; he always did.

It was on the phone that the manager had said the words Woohyun and accident and dying and emergency room that Sunggyu suddenly couldn’t think properly as he acted on his own volition.

His heart suddenly started beating frantically, and foreign nausea hit the man with a force so strong that left him dizzy and unable to function, as he sat at the round dining table in their dorm living room.

“Sunggyu?! Sunggyu, are you listening to me?”

“I’m coming,” Sunggyu’s voice was automatic, devoid of any emotion as he got up, draped on his coat, grabbed car keys that belonged to their other manager who was still sleeping, and pulled on his shoes in a frantic hurry. “I’m coming.”

“No, Sunggyu,” Jungryul said vehemently, almost scolding. “Are you crazy?! It is bloody raining out there, and you can’t drive!”

“I don’t care.” Sunggyu managed to choke out, a feeling suddenly gripping at his insides, and all that went through his mind was Woohyunwoohyunwoohyun.

“You mean--” the manager sputtered. “You’re going to drive Geonam’s car? You’re mad! You don’t even have a license!”

Sunggyu dryly chuckled, “I am, aren’t I?”, grasping the front of his shirt. His heart was beating too fast for some reason, it was out of his control and Sunggyu hated it.

“He’s just a member, Sunggyu,” Jungryul said exasperatedly, "stop wasting your efforts. It's not that important," and at that statement Sungggyu bristled with rage in addition to his anxiety. How dare he!

“Woohyun isn’t just a member,” Sunggyu snapped, a new burning fire in his voice as he emphasized every meaning. To prevent any favoritism (that was still there, nevertheless), Sunggyu re-emphasized his point, “The rest of Infinite aren’t just members!”

Infinite was so much more than that. Infinite was home, Infinite was family. Sunggyu mustered up the last bit of rationalism that he had, “A member of Infinite has been hospitalized. Therefore, it is in my right as leader to go to the hospital right away.”

“No,” Jungryul stated firmly. “There's nothing that you can do to help by coming here. Your responsibility is to keep all the members in one place and wait for further orders, do you hear me?”

“Bull,” Sunggyu growled under his breath. He was lacing his shoes, and his fingers were trembling so much that he was having trouble, much to his frustration.

“Woohyun’s life is at stake, Sunggyu! And hear me when I say, we don’t need--”

“…” Sunggyu took out the battery of his phone after the first sentence as a new emotion suffocated him, rendering him unable to breath, unable to think, quivering like a scared rabbit. Then it was followed by rage, of how the wellbeing of just one person had such an effect on him.  

All that went through his mind were terrifying images of the younger man, blood everywhere, lying on deathly black concrete, alone in the cold godforsaken rain. His heart beat painfully in his chest, and Sunggyu tried desperately to force all these new fears out of his mind. He had never feared anything in his entire life, but in just one phone call, something had crept up into Sunggyu’s chest and started choking him in a bind of grief, worry, and suspense.

Woohyun…Oh God, oh God…

Was this what fear was? Sunggyu thought at the speed of a thousand miles per hour in despair. Was fear this feeling, the unease that, Woohyun might die before Sunggyu allowed him to?

“That ing idiot,” Sunggyu cursed the man through his teeth, clenching his eyes and tensing his fists.

Woohyun was in critical condition right now, Jungryul had said, and Sunggyu had to, will go to the hospital right now. Woohyun can’t die; he just can’t. Sunggyu has been around him too much, that the man just can’t imagine nor believe that Woohyun could be dying, or even that he could leave this world in the first place.

There was no stopping him now, because he had to see the younger, his best friend. He had to, all in order to either ease his worries, or confirm them.

Sunggyu checked on the Infinite members one last time, looking back at the open doors of their dorms for a moment. He just does that out of habit, to sometimes check up on the members at night, and Sunggyu glanced briefly at the peacefully sleeping members.

Hoya, with his headphones on and the faint crackle of music seeping through, Sungyeol, with his loud blissful snores, Sungjong with his oversized teddy bear that Sunggyu never understood--sights like these always tugged the leader’s heartstrings, but he forced himself away from the peaceful sight. He will not wake the members; they have gone through enough, and when he opened the door to Woohyun’s empty room and bed that dread crept back into his mind.

The members did not know what had befallen their last member, and only when they wake up the next morning to find Woohyun’s room and bed left unoccupied that they wonder.

Sunggyu exited the dorm. Opening  the door outside to get to Geonam’s car, a sharp cold breeze followed by the heavy force of wind and rain hit him. Sunggyu grinded his teeth and clenched his fists.

You better live, idiot.

Shakily, Sunggyu slid out the door with a frantic shut.

He was too anxious to even notice a tear roll down his eye and fall into the wind.

Or else, I wouldn’t know what I’d do.