[ 1.3 ] True
Touching Heaven
Misery.
It is something you can't kill,
escape from,
or hide.
It follows you forever, endlessly, like a lost puppy,
and some take it in.
They are overcome by it,
obsessed with it.
They let it control them, to the point where they turn into misery themselves.
To others,
they try to force it out.
But they can't shut it, because it's like their shadow.
It'll leave, but come back.
They'll be taunted,
maybe depressed,
so yes,
misery always wins.
If you are happy,
there is always misery,
somewhere.
Always.
There is no life without misery,
but there is no misery without life.
Sometimes, the happiest people on Earth are the saddest ones.
They hide it all,
and hold it in.
Until one day they'll explode,
and those happy people won't be there anymore.
The world will be dull,
dull,
and dull.
Maru hated everything.
He couldn't stop crying.
He couldn't stop screaming.
He cut himself and cried more,
but afterwards he'd always feel better.
The feeling someone gets after they cut, it feels wonderful.
As if you released out all your pain.
But, it suddenly begins to sting and so, Maru screamed and cried more.
They misjudge him,
saying he's the most innocent and angelic person ever, that he'd go straight to heaven.
But what did they know?
How do you go to heaven when you practically kill yourself every night?
He hated it,
the impossible questions people ask.
Why did they have to ask anyway?
Why did they have to pressure him?
Maybe it was all Maru's fault,
for taking everything too seriously.
Maybe it was true,
maybe Maru was sensitive.
Maybe he has a mental illness,
maybe he's just going crazy.
It only made him think less of himself, knowing there's something wrong with him.
The war inside him kills him,
but avoidance and silence was the key.
He'd stay up for nights, thinking of what to do next time. But as always, he could never do it.
He was weak,
a coward,
an idiot,
a jerk,
stupid,
everything.
His mother said so.
Maru was miserable,
depressed,
tired,
confused,
alone.
After long years of holding it all in,
of all these miserable events that came out,
he exploded.
Maru exploded with anger, agony, pain. One cut exploded into a hundred. The addiction grew,
and he cut everyday,
seven days a week,
30 days a month.
He couldn't stop himself, until one day,
he died from blood loss.
But it made him happy, knowing he had finally ended his misery.
Wrong.
He never completed his life's purpose.
And so,
Maru re-lived as a ghost.
The boy opened his eyes. Slowly, he shifted himself up and looked around.
He wasn't on the cold floor of his room, and there weren't loud screams of ambulances anywhere. He gasped and looked at his wrists, which were completely clean. "Was this all a dream?!" He thought to himself as he stood up. Although he stumbled a bit, Maru managed to run. The street was unfamiliar, as if he was somewhere else. Finally, there wad a girl speeding down the street. "E-Excuse me!" He tried to yell. A cold breeze came by, and he clutched his arms to keep warm.
"Cold.
It's cold.
This is.. so cold...
World is... so cold..." Maru kept mumbling to himself.
He walked to the girl and repeated himself.
She didn't answer him.
"Excuse me!" He called out again desperately, even trying to grab her shoulder.
His hand went straight through her.
Maru backed up and nearly tripped. He clutched his one hand, staring fearfully. What was this?
"HELLO?!" He yelled, but he didn't know if anyone could even hear him.
Maru was now completely desperate for someone to hear him.
"Don't act surprised."
Maru fell backwards onto the concrete, but he didn't feel the pain he was supposed to feel.
"You'll get used to it."
"Who a-are you?!"
"My name is Wonwoo."
"U-Um..."
"Oh."
Suddenly, a boy jumped down onto the ground.
Maru looked up in surprise.
He didn't really expect someone to be watching him from the top
of a building.
His skin was filled with scratches, almost like Maru's cuts.
His face was heavily bruised, and his dyed blonde hair was blood-streaked.
His fists were blood crusted, and by the look of his eyes,
Maru could tell he'd been through a lot.
"Don't worry. It's slowly going away." Wonwoo said.
Maru looked up at him fearfully. He couldn't stop the shaking in his hands.
Wonwoo extended a hand slowly, and Maru gradually took it. His hyung pulled him up and smiled,
but it looked too fake.
"W-Why am I here...?" Maru asked.
"The soul often wanders after its body dies, and it'll keep wandering until it gets weary. Sometimes they even wander to China." Wonwoo tried to say humorously, but his dongsaeng didn't seen to be laughing. How could he laugh, anyway?
What was scarier than a zombie-looking boy telling him he's dead?
Wonwoo sighed, and took a seat on the bench. Straightforward was best, wasn't it?
"You're dead." He said.
"Then why am I here!" Maru asked.
"Because you're a ghost..?" He replied.
"Why am I a ghost?!" Maru retorted.
"I don't know, why are you?" Wonwoo asked.
Maru still wasn't finding any humor in this.
"Okay I'm sorry. I guess you didn't do anything you were supposed to, and so now you're a ghost. So go complete your thing and..."
Wonwoo stopped, remembering Chinhwa.
As much as Wonwoo wanted to bring this lost-puppy-like soul to heaven, he didn't want her killing his killer. No matter what, he'd still be against it.
No matter how many times Chinhwa would be close to killing him, Wonwoo knew it, he can't die.
No matter how many weeks he lied on that concrete waiting to disappear, it never happened.
And it never will.
He needed to forget that, because he wouldn't want to be miserable for the rest of his life.
Surely, his sister would never recognize him if he were.
So Chinhwa could kill him all she wants,
but he'd never leave.
He'd stay there for his sister.
And to watch his sister, even without her acceptance.
"And what?!" A voice cried out.
"Uh... well... someone would kill your killer an-"
"Someone is going to kill me?!" Maru asked, his voice trembling completely. Wonwoo jerked his head up.
"What?"
Maru didn't answer, for he started to pant heavily and panic.
This wasn't his plan at all.
Maru had never been so scared.
Perhaps all this misery had caused him to be frightened of everything.
Wonwoo placed a hand on his dongsaeng's shoulder, steadying him.
"Who killed you?"
"Me!"
Wonwoo's eyes widened in horror. This boy killed himself.
He thought of all those ghosts, who'd die again to live again, and yet here he is trying to die.
"YOU PUNK!" Wonwoo yelled, slapping the younger boy across the face to make him fall over.
The boy yelled in pain, clutching his cheek as his skin glowed a bit.
Wonwoo stepped over and grabbed the boy by his hoodie collar. "HOW COULD YOU!? DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY GH-" Wonwoo stopped.
The boy was crying.
Instantly, he let go, and the boy fell onto the floor. His skin lit up a little.
"You don't get it..." The boy mumbled through tears.
"Get what." Wonwoo said, sounding more of a demand.
"You people will never understand..." Maru said quietly, letting his head droop as he held himself up. Maru was on all-fours, and his arms felt like they were going to snap.
Wonwoo squatted down, he wanted to hear this boy's excuse.
"Tell me. We're all dead here." Wonwoo said.
"My life is a lie.
It's all a lie.
If you walked in my shoes, you'd want to kill yourself.
Everyone wants to end their misery.
You know you would if you could." The younger boy told his hyung.
Wonwoo looked down, remembering the incident weeks ago, when he had asked Chinhwa to end his misery.
"I guess you're right. But killing was too far."
"What could I do?! I didn't know what to do...
I still don't know what to do...
And this life isn't different. You're the same. You're just like them, scolding me for what I do wrong! For once, can someone just help me?!" Maru asked loudly, breaking into tears again. He lifted his hand in front of his face, seeing it lightly glow.
"Am I like you? Am I going to stay here forev-"
Wonwoo kicked Maru's face directly, knocking the boy onto the concrete once more.
"You know nothing about me. Nothing!" He screamed angrily.
Maru stood up, covering the blood dripping from his lips.
It was like a death-stare arena.
They both stared at each other for 4 minutes.
It seemed so direct, as if they were telling messages to each other.
Their eyes didn't look away,
and they were both panting.
The eyes glowed so brightly, like stars inplanted into each.
One because of abusing, and the other because it was being abused.
A pair of eyes filled with disbelief, the other filled with pain and sadness.
Sadness, that was what this world was.
It was full of wrong conclusions, misery, envy, and all those things that came out of "Pandora's Box," if that was even true.
For a few minutes, Maru gathered his thoughts, thinking before speaking, for who knows what his hyung might do next.
"I know that you're no different, and that's all I need to know." Maru said in a gentle tone.
Such simple and graceful words
made no impact on Wonwoo's thoughts.
He left Wonwoo standing there.
He didn't fight back.
Maybe, this boy was gentle, and such a gentle soul couldn't bare so much depression?
But still, Wonwoo disliked that boy's decisions.
He wiped the sweat off his palms and walked the opposite direction, feeling little guilt for hurting that poor boy.
But what's done is done, and Wonwoo hoped that boy wouldn't be stupid enough to try and kill himself again.
He really needed to tone himself, though.
Surely, he wasn't the same Wonwoo as he was before,
but he needed to grow up.
The morning began abruptly.
"Sir, we are positive, she has gone mad."
"Sohee is not mad, she just has a wild imagination!"
"But all results are positive, she seems to be talking to herself and roaming the streets at night."
"That means nothing!"
"She claims she sees ghosts."
" . . . she's just active . . . "
The man leaned over, putting a hand on the other man's shoulder.
"It is for her own good."
"No... please no!"
"She will go through some evaluation first, do not worry."
"What if those are positive?!"
"Do not worry. We will take care of her. Just do not worry."
Sohee woke up that morning, tears in her eyes again. This dream wasn't as bad as the others, but it was still sad.
"Su...min...." She repeated in her head. With the memory of the figure, Sohee made sure to remember the girl, so that it'd be easy to spot her. Sohee tried to remember the killer, but in every dream the killer always looked the same.
Always.
She wasn't sure if it was because she wasn't "fully developed" or because she probably just couldn't remember dreams well.
Sohee expected to see Xiumin beside her, or somewhere in her room being a pest,
but he was gone.
"Xiumin-ah?" She called out, drying her face. Her partner seemed to be no where in sight. "He's probably busy." She thought to herself.
But hours later, when she trudged down the stairs, her father was missing, too.
"Appa!" She called out, but her voice echoed back.
"Ahn Sohee." A stern voice said from behind her. She turned around and faced the buff man. "Ah... Annyeonghaseyo." She said a little nervously. She bowed at a 90° angle.
"Your father is waiting."
"Ah... where?"
"Come with me."
"But uh..."
"Please."
Sohee gave in, and followed the suspicious man into his car. She clutched her phone tightly, just in case. For a while, she was nervous this might be a kidnapping attempt, but the car seemed too formal, and the man looked too much like a chauffeur or a butler at the most. Thoughts went through her mind, as to why Xiumin was not here this morning. She hadn't seen any ghosts, either. But there was an unusual tingling in her wrist, and she couldn't stop it.
The car ride went for 23 minutes of silence, until the man finally spoke up.
"Who is this... Xiumin?"
Sohee froze for a bit. Nobody told her that this had to be a secret.
"He's a boy I talk to."
"There is only one Xiumin in this city, and he is long dead."
"I-I know.."
" . . . Is it true?"
"Mwo?"
"That you see ghosts?"
Sohee nodded slowly.
A chill went down her spine as she noticed he tightened his grip on the steering wheel.
"Name a few ghosts you know....."
"Wonwoo, Xiumin, Maru, S-"
"Maru?"
"Neh, sir!"
"Is he... young...."
"Neh, sir."
"Brownish-black hair...?"
"Neh, sir."
"You said he's a ghost...?"
"Yes sir!"
"How does he act..."
"At first, he was all depressed and upset and he went on and on about the troubles in his life. But he's a very cheerful and funny person!"
"Are you lying...?"
"Would you want me to prove that he's a ghost?"
The man stepped on the breaks, stopping the car at an instant jerk.
"Yes."
It was then, that she realized that her wrist was part of the development. With fully trusted senses, she slowly moved her wrist, until she felt a stronger pulse.
Sohee tugged on the man's sleeve and opened the car door. As the man opened the door and stood, the girl sprinted away cheerfully, and he followed her.
His bones ached much, but the old man was able to keep up. It was until they reached a frail and thin tree, that she stopped. Behind it, there was a small playground. A shiver ran down the man's spine as he noticed one of the swings were swaying wildly, while the other one was still.
Completely still.
"Maru-ah!" She called out.
The man stepped backwards in fear, and sweat began to drip from his wrinkly forehead.
The swings suddenly stopped.
Maru walked toward Sohee, his eyes blinking curiously.
"Oh! Who is that?" He asked.
"I don't know... He seemed concerned when I mentioned your name."
"Jinja?"
"Neh!"
Sohee turned around, facing the man.
"Is there something you would like him to do?"
The man blinked in shock, and his brain could not take in what was happening.
This girl really saw ghosts.
"Write on my hand!" He exclaimed before clumsily taking out a pen from his pocket. He fumbled for a bit, but managed to pull it out and shakily hold it out.
Sohee turned to her comrade.
"Ah! You heard him, right?"
"Neh neh." Maru said before lifting the pen and scribbling a random sentence on the man's arm.
They read,
"I like your tuxedo."
Sohee broke into a laughter, but the man stood there in shock.
"W-Write the name of your d-dog...." He requested again.
Maru sighed with a smile and eagerly wrote it out. His memories came back to him as he remembered those moments when he was alive, when he'd play with his shiba inu. ( a Japanese breed of a dog )
Words were scribbled onto the man's wrinkly arm, and it read, "Okami" (literally translated to wolf.)
The man gently pulled the pen out of the air and dropped it in his pocket.
"S-Sohee.... kaja."
Sohee nodded and turned to Maru. "Ah gomawow! See you tomorrow!" She said happily. Maru smiled and waved good-bye as the two walked off to the direction in which they came from. Something lurked in Maru's mind. Xiumin was always with Sohee, but he seemed missing today. He shrugged it off, and turned to the swings. With a grin on his face, he sat down and began to swing happy. A tune popped into his mind, and he couldn't resist but to sing it.
"Come with me...
in this perfect world...
Fly with me....
Just like a bird...."
Sohee climbed into the car, and as soon as the man shut the door to his side, he took off his glasses. When Sohee glanced over, the old man's old skin was dripping wet with tears.
"Mister! Are you okay?!" She gasped.
The man sobbed heavily, banging his fists on the steering wheel.
He kept mumbling something, and after a few minutes Sohee finally figured it out.
"I'm sorry, Maru.
I'm sorry.
I'm a horrible appa."
And it was repeated.
"Sir! Please! Stop crying!" Sohee said, not sure what to do. She found herself patting the old man's shoulders. Was this old man his father? He seemed very old in age.
He kept sobbing and banging the steering wheel.
The door suddenly bursted open.
"M-Maru..." Sohee stuttered, seeing the teen stand there.
The old man searched his pocket for his sunglasses, but his hand suddenly stopped, as if held back.
Maru gripped tightly onto the wrinkly hand, but he knew the man wouldn't be able to hear him, so he pulled out the pen that hung out of the front pocket.
The words were scribbled on quickly, and he wasn't sure if it was legible.
"Don't cry, Appa. I am happy."
The man looked out, supposedly at the "ghost Maru." He took off his hat, revealing his whole head of white and gray hair. Nervously, he ran a finger through his hair and shook his head.
"I am sorry. I should've spent more time with you."
More words were scribbled on.
"I'm just a selfish son."
"You were so happy, I never knew you were so troubled! Wae!? Wae didn't you tell me?!"
"You won't understand."
"Please!"
"It's past. Just be happy for me, because I am happy now."
The old man stopped sobbing and nodded.
"At least... just tell me your last words and I will leave you in peace..."
Maru froze for a minute, realizing he had killed himself without even a suicide note.
"I love you, Appa. Thank you for giving me this chance to live in a quiet world. Saranghaeyo. -Maru "
Maru stood for a minute, then added,
"♡"
The old man reached out, hoping it was his son's head, and he ruffled the hair.
Surprisingly, he was right on target.
"Appaaaaa! Don't mess it up!"
The man laughed at the words on his arm, and waved good-bye.
Sohee smiled and also waved good-bye. The door was gently shut and he started the engine.
"Sohee-ah... I'm taking you home."
"What about my appa?"
"Just tell him.... the results came out negative.."
"Mwo...?"
"Tell him?"
"Oh... arasso...."
"Thank you, for everything, Sohee. I won't tell anyone."
And that, was the last word she ever heard from that man.
______________________________________
Chinhwa stood there, staring at the old man's departing car from Sohee's house.
The luxury car sped off, and she eyed the driver.
"Maru's Appa." She recited in her head.
"Excuse me miss, why are you on my lawn?" A voice called out from behind her. This instantly jerked her out of her thought. Chinhwa turned around to see Mr. Ahn.
"Oh... Mianhae..." She said quietly before running off.
Sohee ran out of her house and greeted her father. "Appa! This man said the results were negative?" She said a little confused. "Ahh!! Sohee!!" He exclaimed happily before hugging her tightly.
Sohee smiled, although she was still confused about what happened.
What results?
At the sound of this, Chinhwa shook her head in disgust.
"Pathetic."
Chinhwa ran toward the departing car, her eyes set on her target.
"Here I come."
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