Song: Heartstrings by Clara Chung

Gonna do this right

With you by my side

And if I fall I'm safe, I know

Safe in your arms

In your arms

Hey baby, it's easy

To believe in you and me

Safe In Your Arms

I came here with a clear plan that was perfectly mapped out inside of my head. But now that I stand in front of their doorsteps I stare at the doorbell for what seemed like a hundred years in an attempt to clear my head and to remind myself of the reason why I decided to come here in the first place. When I first thought of it back at my own dorm a few hours ago it had seemed so vital; something that is of a life or death situation. As I think about it now, it only seems so absurd.

I breathe in and out for a few moments; gathering my wits and composing myself. I press the doorbell button with a curled finger, feeling the unusual increasing rate of my heartbeat as I wait for someone to answer the door.

It creaks open and reveals Jongdae's smiling face.

"Gongjunim! What brings you to our humble abode?" From where I stood I could faintly hear the habitual ruckus as expected from a dormitory of twelve young men.

I readjust the straps of my bag self-consciously. "I was just on my way home from practice and passed by your building, so why not?" Liar.

"What's keeping you there, Jongdae?" A very familiar voice echoed through the open door, his voice probably coming from the noisy living room. I felt my stomach turn into knots.

"Guess who dropped by?" He shouted back in a singsong voice.

"Who?"

"It's Soojung gongjunim!" I try to smile at the nickname the boys had decided to address me by.

Junmyeon suddenly appeared beside the bright-eyed Kim Jongdae. There was a look of surprise on his face but he was smiling softly. Jongdae very subtly trots back inside, leaving us alone.

Junmyeon scratches the back of his neck, a gentle smile playing on his lips.

"Hey."

"Hi." I replied lamely.

"It's a bit of a mess inside right now but do you want to come in?"

I gave him a small smile and nodded. "If it's okay with the boys."

"Of course." He takes my bag from my shoulder and escorts me inside.

I am suddenly bombarded with a chorus of earsplitting greetings, one-armed bone-crushing hugs and high-fives. Junmyeon might have noticed my overwhelmed expression and took me out to the balcony. Inside, the boys were loudly playing video games in the living room while some were taking their much needed power naps in their rooms.

Finally separated by the thin glass of the sliding door, their raucous laughter was muffled. I lean on the cold metal railings with both hands and gaze at the surrounding tall buildings of the busy city, taking a deep breath to sort out my jumbled thoughts. Junmyeon on the other hand had his back against the railings, leisurely watching his oblivious brothers' playful antics.

He clears his throat and gently nudges my side to break me from my reverie.

I bite my lip, hesitant.

"I know you Soojung. I can tell you have something to say. What is it?"

"We haven't spoken since that incident."

"I know."

I take a deep breath. "Why did you do it?" My fingers unconsciously grazed my lips, feeling them tingle at the memory of his warm lips on mine.

"Haven't you figured it out yet?" He holds my gaze with his dark orbs.

I couldn't contain it any longer, all the confusion and hurt spill out of my lips.

"I did. No, I do. I just don't understand why you have to avoid me after that night. Like you've fallen off the face of the earth. Did you think kissing me was a mistake?"

There was a moment of complete silence and we both turned to look through the glass doors dividing the living room and the balcony. The television was turned off and the room empty. The boys have left the room to give us further privacy to talk. 

Junmyeon looked genuinely grateful at his brothers' consideration. He started to speak.

"It was my failed attempt at giving you time to think." He reaches out a hand to put a stray lock of hair behind my ear but I unconsciously flinch. His hand freezes midair and then falls limply by his side, an unmistakable look of hurt flashes in his eyes.

"Time to think about what? You already know how I feel about you." I avoid looking at him and kept my eyes trained on the open view instead, feeling embarrassed.

I am not the kind of person to speak freely of my thoughts and feelings. It takes me everything to open up to someone who isn't my older sister or my group members. And to pour out my heart, let alone confess how I truly feel about him, I thought I was going to combust right then and there. When he had kissed me I took it as a sign that he reciprocated my feelings. But then he had avoided me with much effort the following days and the blooming hope in my mind that we, Junmyeon and I, could actually work out dissipated into thin air. I felt my heart restrict at my bitter thoughts.

"I wanted you to be sure that this is the kind of relationship that you wanted. I am not just Junmyeon and you're not just Soojung. You're f(x)'s Krystal and I'm EXO's Suho. We aren't going to be a normal couple, we can never be. People can't see us together; we can't even be caught locking gazes in public.” He heaves a heavy sigh and continued; “You’ve seen those kinds of relationship fall apart haven’t you? I just can’t afford to hurt you like that. I love you too much.”

I swallow my pride and slowly approach him, wrapping my arms around his waist. I look up to his face.

“I love you too, but you have to trust me. Trust us. You shouldn’t think like that, okay?” At my words he encloses me into a tight hug. I breathe in his scent; he smelled of soap and aftershave and something that is distinctively him.

“I’m sorry if avoided you.” I smile at his belated apology and nod.

“You don’t smile enough, Soojung. I intend to make you smile as much as possible, from now on.” He announced, tightening his arms around me.

“I will only smile if you kiss me again.”

He leans over and captures my lips with his own. I couldn’t help but to smile against his soft lips, ignoring the incessant butterflies inside my tummy and the sudden enthusiastic appearance of cheering and hooting boys inside the living room.

-End-

Author’s notes:

*Gongjunim is the Korean word for princess.

So examination week is finally over for me! I have two chaptered SuStal / KaiStal stories under development and I hope y’all look forward to it. It’s so nice to be back! Haha!