“No, no, no. That’s not it Jongin-ah.” I hear the same words the third time since we started refining the steps. It took us almost four hours to decide the flow of the dance and get the basic steps down, something hyung was happy to get finished earlier. But things went from going smoothly to snail speed after that.

Since we were making the steps up randomly as we went along the music, we had together with us two more pairs of dancers to fill up the stage during the performance. We started practicing with the basic steps individually, each one of us picking our areas in the practice room in front of the mirror. Standing on the far left side of the room, where I could easily see hyung and also stay away from her since I knew that I couldn’t focus seeing her dancing. Thankfully, a dancer-noona pulled her far away from my position. The easier part of the practice was done without glitch.

But since this was our dance, the two of us had to practice together to synchronize our moves. With hyung telling the other dancers to practice in the other practice room for him to work with us one on one, we were left all alone. That’s when it all went downhill.

“Okay, that was easy right? Now let’s try to synchronize.” Jaewon-hyung starts to say as he sat down in front of us, his back to the mirror. “I’ll count the steps, you guys start when I do.”

“Okay hyung/oppa.” The two of us say in unison.

“Let’s talk about your placements first. This is how I see it. This will be part one. When the piano starts, you two will be across each other, looking at each other at first, longingly. I want emotions then, but we’ll practice that later. This will be the story, unrequited love; the other person doesn’t know how the other really feels and vice versa. It won’t be just one unrequited love, but two. It’ll be more interesting, I hope.”

“You’re a romantic oppa.” Victoria commented engrossed with the plot.

“I try to be most times.” Hyung snickered.

“Anyway. As I was saying, you guys will reflect each other’s emotions through dance. Your movements will be synchronized from the start. Then when we hit “One step closer” line you both take a step towards each other, reaching for each other. Then as we reach the second chorus, this is when you will both come together. This here is part two. Like the confession stage of the dance. From then on out, you will dance together; I already have the idea for that part. We’ll do that tomorrow. Or if we finish fast we could start today, okay?”

“We will build it up to the peak. Then we come to the last part, part three, where we hear the last “One step closer” line. This here will be the highlight. Where both emotions come to play. We will have an acrobat move here with you two or I was thinking more of something the fans will rave about. A heart wrenching scene, a kiss if you both will agree or something more PG type.”

“A…” I could see her white ashen face. She was surely surprised with the direction of the scenes as I was.

“It that even necessary hyung? I mean…” I say, chocking on each word as I couldn’t even continue.

“I see this has shocked both of you. But we are still in the planning stage. Everything could change. I still haven’t thought through that scene carefully but I want something like what I just mentioned. It would be the perfect scene.” He finished saying as he looked carefully at each of our expressions.

“Let’s decide on that when we get there.” He said. “How about we start with the first part first, for now.”

“Okay.”

“So, on my count. 5,6,7,8.”

At the first key of the piano playing, it was decided that Jongin start standing up by mimicking playing the piano with him looking intently at his hand, and then in the 11 second mark he slowly turns away with his hand still outstretched. Then cue Victoria starting off sitting down with her head resting on her knees also doing looking down at her hand playing a piano as she also suddenly turns away from him.

Heart beats fast

In sync, both reach for their outstretched hand bringing it closer to their heart. Then as if the heart is about to explode, they mimic the action.

Colors and promises

How to be brave?

How can I love when I’m afraid to fall?

Watching you stand alone

All of my doubts

Suddenly goes away somehow

One step closer

They both take one step towards the center. Outstretches hand gracefully. Reaching for the other person.  Takes it back down slowly. As they both suddenly look at each other.

I have died every day waiting for you

Darling don’t be afraid, I have loved you

For a thousand years

I’ll love you for a thousand more

“Great job!” I say as I give them a thumbs up for their hard work.

“There is just one thing though. Both your movements are a bit controlled. Let loose a bit. You guys are too stiff. And when you both look at each other, I couldn’t feel anything. How about we try that once more.”

“One step closer, we’ll start from there. 5,6,7,8.” I say as they resume their places.

One step forward, leaving the other hanging in the back. In sync they raise their hand gently then takes it back down like tracing a raindrop on a window. As they come face to face. But not a second has passed Jongin turns breaking contact.

“Why did you turn so quickly? You would know when to turn away.” I snap.

“I’m sorry hyung. I’m having a hard time focusing.” He says with a bit of resentment with himself.

“Let’s try it again. Feel it Jongin-ah. Like you ache to be near her.” I say with a hint of challenge for his part as he stared hard back at me.

The confident Jongin I have come to know these past years was not what who I saw this morning when he first got a glimpse of Victoria when she arrived. It was like he was a whole new person. That was when I caught on what was happening. Ah.

The unknowing Victoria and the tongue-tied Kai. If I could just laugh out loud now.

“Again. 5,6,7,8.”

They start off doing the same routine with the same finesse as the first time and as we got to the point where they look at each other I was not disappointed. Knowing Jongin never backs down to a challenge, I was glad he came through for me.

As they were looking back at each other for those few precious seconds I could feel how Jongin immediately changed. There was a twinkle in his eyes. There was emotion. He was really aching to be near her. While Victoria on the other hand, had the same expression but knowing her well, she could pull off any emotion in a second without hesitation. That was why watching her dance is a worth watching.

“That’s what I’m talking about! Emotion!” I say clapping my hands. “How about we take an hour lunch break since its past 12 already.”

“How about we just order in oppa?”

“You want to just order?”

“It would probably be faster.”

“You’re right. I’ll make the call. What will we have?” I say walking over to my bag to take out my phone.

After deciding on our lunch I ask Victoria to go to the practice room next door to ask the dancers what they’ll have. Leaving me with Kai for a few minutes.

“Well I’d say. You’re pretty messed up today.” I start cautiously.

“Sorry hyung. I’ll work harder.” He says avoiding my eyes.

“Hmmmm.” I let it hang for a few seconds. “You like her don’t you?”

“Could we just leave it to that?” He says as I catch him bite his thumb. I laugh.

“Funny. I never saw this coming. If I would have to guess who you were having a little crush on in f(x) or even in the whole company, I would have thought it to be Soojung-ah.”

“Really? That’s funny.”

“Why is that?”

“Well… I thought people would have guessed now. I mean, every time they ask us on interviews who are our ideal types, I would set mine to be noona's.” He says openly.

“Confident aren’t you?” I say.

“People tend to not assume what is obvious.” He shrugs. Cheeky kid.

“Oppa!” We both turn towards the door as soon as we hear her.

“You done?”

“Yeah, let’s order now. This will take some time.” She says waving a piece of paper which appears to be filled with written orders.

35 minutes later, the food delivery arrived with a few minutes left to spare.

“I’ll bring this to the other guys next door.”

“I’ll help you hyung.” Kai says as he stands up about to reach for the plastic bags.

“I can do it. You just keep Victoria-sshi here company while I step out.” I reply, emphasizing each word.

“Oh. Okay.” Finally the kid gets it.

“They’re not in the other room.” I mutter as I walk back to our practice room as I hear him say something under his breath. “What was that?” I ask slipping beside him on the floor.

“Oh, nothing. How about we just start eating. I’m kind of hungry.”

“Oh. Okay.” I say grabbing the plastic with our lunch and passing him his.

An eerie silence fills the practice room. Even when normally utensils clattering should be heard, it wasn’t the same this time. Polite glances were thrown to the other party but conversation was strained.

“Ummmm, what did you get?” I hear myself say unable to bear the silence any longer. When usually I wouldn’t start the conversation especially with someone I hardly know but being the sunbae I felt it was just proper to say something, anything. Even if it was asking what he was eating? I mentally scolded myself.

“What was that?” He says, meeting my eyes with his spoon hanging in the air.

“What are you eating?” I repeat.

“Uhhh, steamed pork?” He says.

Something that I have noticed about this guy is that he seems to be a bit on the arrogant side. He seems to be respectful but he also seems to not care at times. Almost like a snob. He seems to take things easily. He also seems to avoid looking at me in the eye most times which is weird. What a kid.

“Is it delicious?” I ask, not thinking ahead of anything else to say.

“Yes it is.” He says as I take a quick look at his meal. It does look good, hmmm.

“Ummmm, would you like some?” He asks as he obviously caught me looking.

“Uhhh, do you mind?” I say, forgetting manners. This kid knows how to please me, I mentally note as I smile outwardly.

“Help yourself.” He says pushing his box to me.

“I’m sorry. I’m not like this most days.” I start explaining myself suddenly feeling embarrassed.

“Diet?”

“Yeah.”

“. But help yourself with mine if you want.” He offers again more sincerely now.

“Thank you…” I say then stopping mid-air as I was suddenly struck by the thought that I don’t even know what to call him. Jongin sounds so intimate, while his stage name sounds too formal. “I’m sorry again, but I don’t even know what to call you.” I say, now more embarrassed, the food forgotten as I cover my flushed face with my hair.

“Cute.” I hear him say clearly amused as his laughter rings to my ears.

“We never really got to talk much noona.” He says emphasizing ‘much’ which I guess addresses what I told Jaewon-oppa earlier. “How about we start fresh?” He offers.

“Hello, I’m EXO’s Kai…But I’d like it if you call me Jongin.” He says, bowing in effect.

“I’m Victoria. It’s nice meeting you.” I introduce myself which was embarrassing but glad that I did it.

“How do I address you?” He asks, a boyish smile on his face.

“Hmmm...noona? It makes me really feel old. But…” I say, suddenly really feeling old.

“Victoria-noona?” He says, I cringe.

“I don’t really like being called a noona.” I say honestly even though I know he’s supposed to with our .

“Then what would you like me to call you?” He asks politely.

“Victoria-sshi?” I mutter.

“Hmmm, Victoria-sshi.” He says, letting the words roll in his mouth.

“I like you.” I say directly deciding then that I like this guy. He reminds me so much of Soojungie when I first met her. She acts cold but there is some warmness there. And when you get to know her, you’d forget your first impression of her.

I felt my heart skip a beat.

“I like you.” The words keep on repeating on my head, her voice engulfing my hearing.

I tried to act cool in front of her as I could. I was taken aback when she asked me about what I was eating, but I tried to play along. I could never have started a single conversation with her being so tongue-tied. I was relieved she said something first.

“Jonginie.” I hear say, grabbing my heart’s attention once again as it skipped another beat.

“Oh…I didn’t mean to sound so…Well, I heard Ssul call you that.” She says, well...I think she did. I was still in cloud nine. Jonginie, she just called me Jonginie!

“It would be nice if we could be friends.” She says her cheeks flushed.

“I would like that too.” I say finally finding my voice as it came out almost like a croak.

“Great!” She says excitedly, the smile I always see on her when she’s truly happy is now shining down on me. Am I smiling back at her? I mentally ask myself. What do I say now?

“I like your latest album.” She beats me to it. “Your title track, Wolf, is not really my favorite but the album was worth listening to.” She continues.

“Thank you. I hope you enjoyed listening to the songs.” I mutter.

“Your new track sounds really good too. Growl right?” She continues her questions.

“Thank you.” What else was I to say?

“R&B. I like it better than Wolf. The choreography looks so good too.” She beamed, I died again.

“I am a fan of your latest album, Pink Tape.” I gushed. “Rum Pum Pum Pum sounds really catchy.” I continue.

“I like almost all the tracks on the album too. When I first heard your Art Tape teaser, the song Shadow, I liked it right away. It was better hearing it full and live during your Naver Showcase.”

“It’s I guess my favorite track on the whole album. You sounded great in it too.”

“Actually, I went down to the studio and asked the hyung there if I could listen to Shadow the day I first heard it. So, I heard the whole song even before it was released. I was really excited to hear it I guess.”

“Toy sounds awesome too, and…” I realized I was babbling. She was just staring back at me with this amused expression which I found really cute.

“You’re cute.” She says as she suddenly leans forward and pats me on my head. Almost motherly like. That was when I felt a tad bit disappointed.

“This hair color looks good on you.” She says ruffling my hair a bit. She’s touching my hair! I wanted to shout for joy.

“I didn’t realize we had a fan in you.” She says at last pulling back. She was so close a second ago that I felt every muscle in my body stiffen.

“Do you have our album already?” She asks suddenly standing up surprising me then moving towards her bag.

“I do.” I say. I bought 10 copies, kept one and gave the others to my family and friends which surprised them.

“Oh.” She says as I finally notice what she was holding in her hand. A Pink Tape album that she was now placing back inside her bag.

“You could never have two albums of the same kind.” This made her smile as she pulls it out completely.

“True.” She beams.

“Is that for me?” Isn’t that clear enough idiot? I mentally kick myself.

“I’d like to give it to you. A gift.” She says pulling a pen from her bag.

“Uhhh, I don’t have one of our albums now. I’ll give one to you later.” I say flustered.

“Okay.” She whispers as she’s writing something on the album. I stare at her.

Her hair is pulled back, her fringe kept neatly on the side. She had this serious expression as if she was thinking what to write in when her big, rounded eyes twinkled finally knowing what to put in. As a smile formed in .

“Here you go.” She says after she finally finished writing as she handed it to me.

“Can I look at it now?”

“Go ahead.” She beckoned at me with a smile.

I started to pull out the photo book from the packaging where I saw her write something down. I started to flip the pages where I know by memory her pictures are. As I finally found it.

to f(x)’s secret fan,

Thank you!~

I hope you enjoy listening to our songs with your new album ^^♥

from your new friend and partner 

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sorry for the late update. i never thought a fic about dance would be hard. i didn't really think this through. i found it harder since i don't dance. did some research about the contemporary dance, looked up some videos and kept the song on replay. but writing this has been a challenge. i'm sorry if it didn't turn out as good as I envisioned it to be. but i hope you still enjoy this chapter.

comments && suggestions. the next chapter might be the last or i might extend one more. who knows?

jerb×