Thankies for reading, it's longer then i expected, sorry ;w;. Go on your meery way.

"How do i know i'm still connected to the world?"

"How do i know that everything I have lived was the truth?"

"How do i know...that i am me; alive"

"To find what "purpose" is to me"

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"I think it's impossible"

It was a cold December in Korea, like always. The breeze nipped my neck and blew my hair in all directions as I stood there, in front of that grave, that grave where I believe "nothingness" was "born". Nothingness...just...nothing, that grave had no meaning to me whatsoever but I feel a some kind of connection towards it, like, whenever I step into it's frosty territory, it feels like a huge wave just crushes me and i'm forced into this black, cold, dark spot with nothing around me. The grave had nothing carved in it hmmm...more like it was washed out from the cold days and night we've had. I stood; looked, could go for hours just standing here not feeling coldness or anything until I come back to my senses of course. "Huuuaaaa...." I let out a sigh, hot air was let out and evaporated into the freezing breeze. I left it's territory and came back to my world...(or so i thought)...

The sound of creaking swings and faint footsteps of other people was the sounds i could mostly hear when walking back to my desired place for peace. The breeze also had a sound to it, a...mysterious one but we all were totally unaware of the frosty air since it has been a part of life for everyone. Every single day, no matter when or where, the snow kept coming, the rain, hail, anything that ISN'T sunshine or the sky, heh...'sunshine'...'sky'...might as well erase them from our brains since chances of seeing them are IMPOSSIBLE. I had reached my destination, ahhh my secondary house, so warm and comfortable it feels like heaven. The doors creaked open and i entered but stopped in horror. The inside was completely demolished, rooms were no longer there, debris scattered on what was left of the walls and floor, the only thing intact was the outside. My knees gave up to the horrific sight and I fell, eyes wide open it took me a few minutes to process what I'm exactly seeing, my once warm and cosy house had been broken and avalanched in the misty, white air, no longer a warm place.

Once it sunk in, rage and sadness filled me, I raced out to my parents home which was a few kilometers from my "house". Running and running, not catching my breath, eyes starting to tear and water up from the thought and the air going to my eyes, i finally have that last part to go "*pant* okay...next left...*pant*" I thought to myself, that corner I turn to see my parents house, just a little more. No... I turned but...nothing was there. "No...no...NO!" I screamed, my parents house wasn't there? Only a patch of aged grass, i walked closer, tears rolling down, confused. Closer, closer, closer..."What makes you THINK that huh?!" A voice...no...mum's voice, where was it though? That patch of grass..I ran towards it stopping at where I remembered where the entrance was. "DON'T...don't just...don't. I KNOW already okay? Happy now?!" Arguing and bickering continued, stepping into the that patch of grass i was teleported to the house, the arguing that was faint before, now was so loud it filled the entire house with an unpleasant feeling. I slowly creeped towards the living room where the bickering was "IT'S YOUR WHOLE FAULT, YOURS NO ONE ELSE!!" Clang, Bang, sounds of broken glass, walls being smashed on, I stopped scared of the sounds, what happened? Gathering all my strength I stomped in the fight where mum was holding a broken glass to dad. "STOP!" I shouted before a life dear to me was lost but...but I failed. With one swipe to the throat dad was dead, the glass was painted red with blood, his blood.

They...couldn't hear me? Was that it? I covered my mouth trying not to get sick, mother turned and saw me, she wasn't even surprised, eyes were dead like a fish and had a sour expression as she looked at me. I hovered my hand a few centimeters over my mouth just enough for me to speak and her to hear me. "W-why did..." I stuttered trying to get words out of my mouth "che...it's none of your business.." she threw the blood soaked bottle at the corpse, piercing the back, blood spew out and the foul stench filled the house. I quickly covered my mouth and nose.

Silent minutes passed as i stood there with mother staring at the ground, the smell of blood faded away when air freshener occupied the space, the blood it still there but little enough to stop me from getting sick, i asked a question trying to avoid the question obvious question "was it you? Was it you who destroyed my home?" She replied coldly "...And if I was?" My blood pressure rises, anger, hatred, sadness, grief, all those emotions just came at me like a tidal wave, all from that one question. "Why the heck would you do that?! Do you even know why i got that house?!" I shouted getting all my frustration out, I had so many questions, why, how, what but I knew that...she is not the same kind-hearted mother she use to be, she is not my mother so why would I expect for her to answer all these questions I have. "Do you know how worried I was?! Someone like you isn't supposed to be living like that; alone!" She shouted while tears formed "I'M OLD ENOUGH!" I responded "YOU'RE STILL A BABY!" Her voice cracked up as she said those words, my tone in voice went softer and I loosened up "...I may be a baby, but i'm your baby...heh...well not anymore" The atmosphere went tense. "I bought that house for you, so you could raise the youngsters, get some peace and quiet, not to kill each other." As i said that she scoffed, i was confused for a second then she said in a saddened tone "Do you hear that?" In surprise of that question, i looked around there were no noises whatsoever "I don't hear a thing..." i answered "...exactly" At first i was confused in what she meant then realized "where are-" She cut me off "your father always had a knack at taking and selling things, one day he took drugs and the next minute i found him with a metal rope, strangling the life out of the kids." I was shocked, theres nothing that could be said after that. She continued "After he effects wore off, he didn't even have a shred of regret, no worries just, nothing." I opened my mouth about to say something but she again cut me off "...leave. You said 'You're not your mother' That's true, i disowned  you a few months ago so...leave" I respected her choice, turned and left.

I was outside again in the cold snow and the frosty breeze, i looked back and not even surprised, i saw just that patch of green grass. Tears rolled down, i felt so AHHHH i didn't know what to do. I just walked, finding a place to rest before it went dark the creaking of the swings filled the air as i walked past them. Unconsciously i found my way into an alley which had heat of a fire lit beyond it, i guess my legs just took me where there was heat, i turned around and was about to walk back until something pinned me to a wall...more like someone, it was hunters! The icey bricks scratched my face as the figure held a knife to my back they were snickering and laughing as they traced my back with the handle of the knife, i twitched and tried to get away but the people were too strong. In the corner of my eye, i saw my friends they were watching from afar, i managed to twist my head around and lisp "help me!" to them but there just grinned, laughed and walked away, leaving me, i have never felt so betrayed from my friends before, i think i have lost my mind now, first the house, then my parents and now this?! Not knowing, i had out during the hunters catch, the next minute i felt my legs running, running, running, not stopping taking me somewhere, anywhere.

I then fell, it seems my legs gave up and i started regaining consciousness. "What happened?" I thought to myself, what happened during the hunters catch? I then faintly remembered, struggling, yells, it was blurry but...i had got away? As i was trying to get up, i felt a burning pain in my back, from my spine, i couldn't move. "What...the..?" I moved my hand and touched my spine, to my surprise there was a line of blood from the start to just over my hip, they cut me while i was unconscious. My clothes were ripped from the back leaving it exposed. The falling snow and the icey cold breeze found their way to my wound, it was hurting more than before and colder as well. From the feeling of the burning cut and the frosty air against my back, i immediately got goosebumps. When the blood froze up and the burning stopped, i began to move but the entire body was trembling, i clung onto what's left of my clothes to stay at least warm. I pushed myself up digging my nails into the snow so i wouldn’t fall over, i sat up and realized where i am...the grave. It seems the invisible bond i have to it made me come to it. I sat there; looked, sighed, didn’t know what to do anymore.

“Oh don’t know what to do?...Pity...” A voice echoed all around me “Wh-who’s there” My teeth chattered as i asked the question “Do not fear it is I..” The voice had an olden day accent and a very...interesting quality to the sound of his voice, suddenly “Ladies and gentlemen, my name is Jester and how do you do?” A man appeared in front of me, he didn’t just sound like he was a century old but he looked like it too, although, no qualities of a jester besides his speech since it changes both speed and volume. He tipped off his beret in politeness at me, “Who are you and what are you doing here?” I questioned “Well isn’t it fascinating, i have already introduced myself and you still question my existence?” He sounded sarcastic when saying that “Then...what are you doing here?” He had a walking stick for show, he walked around humming what sounded like an old tune, i felt like...i heard it before. “Hm? Why am i here? The same reason you’re here.” I tipped my head in confusion from what he said, the same reason i’m here? “To kill yourself; you” My eyes widened when he said that, to kill me? As i was going to say something, i suddenly started viciously coughing, it felt like a sharp metal rope was strangling me and i couldn’t die.

I started to take longer and deeper breaths as the invisible rope got tighter “Do you know if you had not snapped out of it, you would have jump off that cliff?” He stepped back gesturing where the cliff was but....it wasn’t there before, it was never there “Of course, that would have made my job so much easier, but of course it can never be that easy” I tried so hard to say something but the rope pierced my throat making it hard to swallow my saliva so i was drooling all over the place. The harsh wind blew towards and into my mouth making so cold that my drool could easily turn into an icicle. “So i heard from a little bird that you’re now an orphan, yes?” I looked up at Jester and made a cringing ‘ckkkk’ noise attempting to say ‘shut up’ but i failed. “Hmph...then betrayed by your so called friends, right?” I wasn’t bothered saying anything ‘cause i knew he would get me "Out of words, hm?" He teased, clicking his tongue. I then grew irritated and had a slight urge to punch him, but that’s out of the question since i couldn’t move, “Do you know why all of these happened?” I shook my head slowly, trying not to cause pain “Do you want to know why?” I went stiff, do i want to know why? I remained still and silent, looking down at the pure snow in agony as the rope would loosen and tighten; again and again.

“I will take that as a yes and so the explaining begins and so you know what? The answer is simple, now why would all this happen to-” He was hopping around the snow leaving shoe marks in it until he stopped and pointed his walking stick at me, his pace of speech went slower and more...irritating “-to a child..like....YOU?” He walked closer towards me and put his face down where i was sitting and holding my neck “Because you are nothing to this world, useless, garbage, good for absolutely NOTHING!” His words were horrible, i tried not to react to them but seeing him say that with a huge grin on face just made it worse for my heart. I gathered my emotions and put on a brave face “No...i can’t, i won’t believe him, i won’t listen to him!” I thought to myself “Hmm? Still don’t believe me? I’ll show you then.” I heard him walk over somewhere and stopped, my eyes were still at the ground so i slowly looked up and to my horrific surprise, he was standing beside the grave...with my name engraved on it.

I couldn’t think properly why was my name on there? I’m right here. The grave had dates and time on it as well but it kept changing. “Convinced yet? I suppose it is quite hard to process since you are right here alive, yes?” Shocked, so very shocked, i looked away, i couldn’t...”Why did you think you had a ‘special connection; towards this grave? Because it’s yours. You are pure nothing, the embodiment of everything useless, garbage. The whole world revolves around you.” His pace went from slow to fast in a matter of seconds, i didn’t get it, revolves around me? He leaned against the grave “I’m not saying it’s a good thing, you see, why do you think everyday, day in and day out, it has been snowing, raining, no spot of the sky or the sun within light years. The only purpose you have to live, is to bring misery and sadness, grief, suffering, all those emotions...just to die afterwards. Your life meant nothing...you are nothing..” The invisible rope began just tightening and tightening, my heart beats were slowing down, my breath was slower and i choked and coughed, my eyesight was getting watery and hazy. It was useless trying to keep up, my arms gave in holding me up and i tumbled down into the snow. “You don’t get it do you, ever since you were born, you were dead, and had already lost connection to the world” Breaths got slower, heart got weaker, this is it, when do i get to finally see the sun and sky? I’ll be dead when it comes out...”No matter where you are, no matter when you are, you’ll end up being killed.” Jester pulled out a gun and pointed at my head, he whispered in my ear as he aimed and loaded the bullet in place ‘Do you think i could waste an opportunity like this?’ The rope was about the take my life, but a gun as well. I closed my eyes waiting for the impact while my cheeks were wet with tears. “And now ladies and gentlemen, it is time to bid you adieu, thank you for coming to the show, and finally, my name is Sir Taemin Jester. Goodbye and farewell.” Bang.

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Beep.

“Honey, look the sun’s finally out!”

Beep.

“Oh really! It’s about time the rain and snow dies out heh!”

.. .. .. Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep...