Baekhyun was lying on his back, staring up to the ceiling. The only sound in their small room was the air conditioner and the calm and steady breath of Chanyeol.

Baekhyun rolled to the side and watched the silhouette of Chanyeol moving gently as he breathed in and out.

Breathing the same air, sleeping in the same room, being best friends. How can it be that we are so close and yet not close enough?

Baekhyun bit his lip and got up. He tiptoed towards the door and hesitated, but pressed the doorhandle down.

“Where are you going to?”

Baekhyun turned around. Chanyeol was sitting upright in his bed and stared at him through the dark room. Baekhyun looked away and shrugged.

“I can’t sleep”, he murmured. Chanyeol sighed and lifted his blanket.

“You can come to me”, he said and smiled. Baekhyun shortly looked at him.

“No, it’s ok. I will… go to Suho”, Baekhyun murmured and opened the door and quickly walked towards Suho’s room, before he could change his mind.

It will hurt more, Baekhyun, it will hurt more if you would be closer to him.

Baekhyun knocked against Suho’s door and slipped into the dark room.

“Suho?”, he whispered. He heard a low sigh and he saw how something moved in the dark. Baekhyun quickly crawled onto Suho’s bed and snuggled against Suho’s warm body. Suho was still half asleep.

“Baek?”, he murmured. Baekhyun hummed in response and felt how Suho’s arms wrapped around his shoulders.

“Have you had another fight with Chanyeol?”, Suho murmured. Baekhyun didn’t answer. Suho sighed and fell asleep again, while Baekhyun silently cried in his arms.

“I want to love someone else”, Baekhyun whispered and his unheard words lingered heavily in the air.

-

Chanyeol let himself fall back into the pillows. What was just wrong with Baekhyun?

He was acting weird recently. It seemed as if he was angry with him, but whenever Chanyeol asked if something was wrong or if he had done something wrong Baekhyun denied and distanced himself more.

Since a couple of weeks Baekhyun wasn’t even sleeping in their room anymore, he would always go to Suho’s room. Was Baekhyun maybe in love with Suho?

This thought didn’t let go off him and it strangely hurt a lot that Baekhyun wouldn’t be his anymore… his.

Baekhyun had always been his, his friend, his best friend. They belonged together, they were getting along the best… well, they had been getting along the best. Now they mostly fought about the stupidest things, so stupid that Chanyeol couldn’t even remember the last reason for their last fight today afternoon. In the end they had both screamed at each other and Baekhyun ran away crying, like always.

Escaping into Suho’s room.

We need to talk, Chanyeol thought and crossed his arms on his chest. I will ask him tomorrow.

 

***

The next morning, Chanyeol waited for them to be alone for a minute during the breakfast. He felt like an idiot when he waited in front of the bathroom until Baekhyun came out.

“Chanyeol”, he said surprised. But he didn’t sound happy. Chanyeol bit his lip.

“Baekhyun, something is going on… I want to talk about it. See, you’re my best friend and I don’t want to lose you, but right now it feels like I’m losing you. We belong together, Baekhyun! Whatever it is, it won’t bring us apart, please tell me what is bothering you so much”, Chanyeol begged.

Baekhyun looked at him and he felt tears building up in his eyes.

“Promise me”, Baekhyun whispered. Chanyeol pulled him into a hug.

“Promise?”, he asked and rested his cheek on Baekhyun’s hair.

“Promise me that you don’t want to lose me, promise me that we’re best friends, promise me that we belong together”, Baekhyun whispered dully, his face buried in Chanyeol’s chest.

Chanyeol’s hand sneaked up to Baekhyun’s neck, Baekhyun shivered a little and pulled his shoulders up.

Chanyeol knew how ticklish he was at this spot. “Promise”, Chanyeol whispered.

Loud voices broke the silence and a laughing Tao appeared followed by Sehun, who wrapped his arm around Tao’s waist.

“My schedule ends today at 5 pm, let’s meet then, okay?”, Chanyeol asked. Baekhyun nodded.

“Where?”, he asked. “Somewhere, where we won’t be… disturbed”, Chanyeol said and furrowed his eyebrows.

“The others will be at the dorm, so maybe somewhere else”, Baekhyun murmured.

Chanyeol chewed on his bottom lip, he had no idea where they could be alone.

They agreed on a café that belonged to a friend of theirs, they would meet inside in the room at the back. Because of the beautiful weather, the room should be rather empty and maybe they could ask him to reserve it for them later…

Baekhyun even smiled a little when they had agreed on that date. Date.

Chanyeol Baekhyun’s cheek which caused Baekhyun to blush furiously. How can you not see how much I love you, Baekhyun wondered when Chanyeol finally turned away. They had to hurry up and get ready for their dance practice.

During the dance practice they didn’t talk, Chanyeol was sticking close to Kris and during every break he was only talking to him. Baekhyun wondered if he really was Chanyeol’s best friend and if he even stood a chance for being more than a friend, because Chanyeol’s only interest seemed to be Kris. At first Baekhyun had been angry when Chanyeol suddenly started to hang out with Kris so often, but whenever Chanyeol asked him what was wrong, he denied everything because he felt stupid and like a jealous child.

But whenever Chanyeol and Kris hugged, Baekhyun’s fear that Chanyeol could end up falling for Kris got bigger. I just want you to love me back, just a little bit. Just a little bit is enough… he thought and tried his best to ignore these two. He tried to focus on their date later.

He would confess to Chanyeol and explain that he was jealous. There was no other way anymore.

 

***

Baekhyun was nervous when he showered and tried to find the right words to confess to Chanyeol. He got dressed and made his way to the café, he had luck and managed to convince a couple of fans that he wasn’t Baekhyun, but simply looked very alike.

Baekhyun arrived too early, because he was too nervous and so he went into the room at the back and waited for Chanyeol. He didn’t order anything, he would wait until Chanyeol was there. And Baekhyun was kind of happy that he was alone in this room, because otherwise he would have felt like an idiot sitting there alone and not ordering anything.

So he pulled up his knees to his chest and stared at his watch.

 

It was 7 pm, when Baekhyun got up and left. He almost expected Chanyeol to have fallen asleep and lying in bed at their dorm, but Chanyeol wasn’t there.

Baekhyun crawled onto his own bed and bit his lip while he fought the tears back. He has forgotten it…

Baekhyun tried to fall asleep, but he was woken up at 10 pm when he heard someone returning. The others were still up of course and he heard how Suho greeted Chanyeol. He heard how Suho asked him where he had been all day long.

Baekhyun bit into the pillow and let his tears fall, when he heard Chanyeol’s answer.

“Oh, I went out with Kris. It was super fun, don’t tell me you stayed home all day?”, Chanyeol asked and laughed.

Baekhyun wrapped his arms around his shoulders, his fingers dug into his arms so hard that they would leave marks. A couple of minutes later the door opened and Chanyeol came in.

“Baekhyun? Are you already asleep?”, he asked surprised. “Baekhyun? Baek- oh, w-why are you crying?”, Chanyeol asked.

He sat down on Baekhyun’s bed and Baekhyun couldn’t trust his own ears. Baekhyun sat up, his sight was blurry because of the tears and the light was switched off, so he couldn’t see Chanyeol’s face properly. But he saw it clear enough to hit the pillow right into his face.

“Get out here! I don’t want to see you”, Baekhyun sobbed. Chanyeol stared at him shocked.

“B-Baekhyun, what’s wrong?”, he asked.

“How dare you even to ask me? How… dare… you”, Baekhyun shouted and with every word he hit him with the pillow.

Chanyeol stared at him. “Hey, okay. Stop! Seriously, you’re hurting me”, Chanyeol called when the pillow flew out of Baekhyun’s hands and Baekhyun hit him with his fists instead.

“I am hurting you? You don’t even have any idea of pain. You don’t know how it’s like to be hurt”, Baekhyun shouted angrily.

Chanyeol blinked. “Excuse me, but you’re going a little too far right now. What are you even talking about?”, Chanyeol asked.

“About you”, Baekhyun shouted and managed to get up without falling. He stumbled a little and leaned against the wall. “You, you are the one who’s hurting me”, Baekhyun whispered.

“I’m hurting you? I wasn’t the one who started punching you”, Chanyeol said. Baekhyun clenched his fists. “Are you really that stupid, Chanyeol?”, he said and wiped away his tears.

Chanyeol got up really quickly and grabbed Baekhyun’s collar. “Yah”, he hissed. Baekhyun struggled against the firm grip.

“I don’t know what the hell is going on recently, but you’ve changed so much…”, Chanyeol said sharply. Baekhyun slapped him across the chest.

“You don’t know? You seem to not know a lot recently. Like what you planned to do today! Seems like you’ve gotten really forgetful”, Baekhyun called.

Chanyeol stared at him and slowly he seemed to remember their date.

“I hate you, Chanyeol. I hate you so much… for making me feel like this”, Baekhyun whispered weakly. “Baekhyun… I’m sorry, Kris asked if I want to-“, Chanyeol started.

“Don’t waste your breath”, Baekhyun cut in. He shook Chanyeol’s hand off.

“Don’t apologize if you don’t mean it. I know that you like Kris, maybe he’s the better best friend, maybe even more, right? Just don’t mind me, Chanyeol. Just forget everything that once was, you seem to be good at forgetting”, Baekhyun said and left the room.

He slammed the door behind him and instead of running into Suho’s room, he left the apartment. He felt all the eyes of s on him, but he didn’t care. He had no idea where to go, but he just wanted to leave, to disappear.

 

Chanyeol stared at the closed door and the anger dissolved, instead a big wave of guilt and regrets washed over him. There was a little note lying on Baekhyun’s bed, he unfolded the crumbled up paper and read the words that were written onto it.

“Chanyeol, maybe I will be too afraid to say it out loud, in the end I won’t dare to tell you.
So I write it down… I felt like there would be no hope at all, but today you said we could talk about it and
I decided to be honest with you and tell you about everything.
I’m jealous, Chanyeol. I’m so incredibly jealous of Kris and what you feel for him.
He is so close to you. I want to be close to you, closer than Kris is to you.
I like you, Chanyeol. No, I love you.”

 

Chanyeol stared at the last words, then he jumped up and ran outside.

“Where is Baekhyun?”, he shouted. Suho looked at him, it was quiet in the living room.

“He has run away and switched off his mobile. We don’t know where he is”, Suho said.

“Don’t worry, he will come back soon. I’m sure”, Chen said and shrugged. “He didn’t take anything with him, where should he go to?”

Suho looked down and bit his lip. “But if something happens to him…”, he murmured.

Chanyeol clenched his hands to fists. Even if Baekhyun comes back in a couple of hours, what would happen? Will we continue to act like nothing happened? Will we continue to fight?

Maybe we should pretend nothing had happened, maybe Baekhyun will find a new love, maybe Chanyeol would be ok with it one day. Or maybe Chanyeol would find the courage to tell Baekhyun that he was truly sorry, because he had talked with Kris about Baekhyun and how much he loved Baekhyun. And if he had luck, Baekhyun would forgive him… maybe.

 Is it easier to try and risk falling or to let it be? In the end, it hurts anyway.

 

***

It started raining soon after they all had gathered in the living room and waited for Baekhyun to come home.

“I will go looking for him”, Suho finally said and got up. “But not alone!”, Lay said and got up. Suho rolled his eyes.

“I won’t get killed, don’t worry. But Baekhyun has no coat with him, nor does he have an umbrella or anything. I’m really worried”, Suho said.

“We’ve waited too long. He’s gone for a couple of hours now”, Suho continued.

Everyone discussed who would go out and look for Baekhyun, while Chanyeol stared at his feet and felt guilty. In the end Kris, Suho, Lay and Kai got up to look for Baekhyun.

Chanyeol hid in his room and stared at the wall. Coward, you’re such a stupid coward, he scolded himself.

-

Baekhyun trembled and wrapped his arms around himself. His t-shirt was soaked in rain, he didn’t dare to go to a café, at this time they were packed with couples… and some of them were surely fans.

Baekhyun stood in the park under a tree for a while, but when two girls who were running over the grass to find a shelter, saw him and started waving, he quickly walked away.  

He sat down on a swing at a deserted playground, no one was around anymore, since the rain had gotten really heavy.

He shivered by the coldness that crept over his skin and so he pulled up his knees to his chest and wrapped his arms around them, he almost lost the balance and fell down, but big hands caught him and held him. Baekhyun turned around. He wiped the rain out of his eyes, maybe it were tears, but Baekhyun would refuse to agree on that.

“Chanyeol”, he murmured surprised.

Chanyeol’s hair was hanging into his forehead, the clothes he was wearing were plastered to his body, he seemed to have been out in the rain for some time.

“I have been looking for you…”, Chanyeol started.

“Because… I’ve read the letter you left”, he confessed. Baekhyun stared at him for a few seconds then he jumped down from the swing.

“You… read the letter?”, he called. His face heated up.

“Look, Baekhyun… I’m sorry for forgetting the date, I know that there's nothing that could excuse that, but we could talk about it now. We… We could… I know you hate me now, b-but…”, Chanyeol stuttered.

Baekhyun slapped him hard across the chest.

He looked cute when he was angry, it was cute that he was too small to even reach up to Chanyeol’s face and Chanyeol wanted to tell him, but the words got stuck in the back of his throat.

“No, we can’t and I-I don’t even… I don’t want to talk”, Baekhyun called. His whole body was shaking and he stared at Chanyeol.

“But-“, Chanyeol started again.

“What do you even want to talk about?”, Baekhyun called.

“What I need to change so that you don’t hate me anymore”, Chanyeol said insecurely.

Baekhyun’s lips quivered. “I hate your short hair, I hate your crazy laugh, I hate it when you make this dumb face, I hate your friendship with Kris. I hate it when you two hang out, I hate it when you forget me, I hate it when you make fanservice. I hate… I hate that you make me feel this way! I hate that I always forgive you whatever you do to me, I hate that it hurts so much. I really hate you that much!”, Baekhyun shouted and bumped his fists against Chanyeol’s chest until his hands clung onto Chanyeol’s wet shirt and pulled him down.

Tears were running down Baekhyun’s face and his breath was unsteady. Chanyeol looked at him.

“Something else?”, he asked gently.

“Yes, of course! A lot more”, Baekhyun said and stared at him. Then he tiptoed and pulled him down more, so he could lock their lips.

Chanyeol carefully wrapped his arms around Baekhyun and tilted his head to deepen their kiss. He felt Baekhyun’s body so close to his own that the coldness of the rain disappeared.

You are mine, Byun Baekhyun.

 “I love you”, Chanyeol whispered when their lips parted.

“You’re such an idiot”, Baekhyun murmured.

Chanyeol leaned his forehead against Baekhyun’s while he caressed Baekhyun’s soft cheeks. “I know…”, he murmured.

Baekhyun buried his face in Chanyeol’s shoulder, in that spot where his head suited in perfectly as if their bodies had been made for each other. After a while of standing in the rain and just holding each other, Chanyeol spoke up again.

“Let’s go home, Baekhyun”, he said. Baekhyun slightly nodded and looked up.

“Carry me, Chanyeol”, he demanded. Chanyeol blinked surprised.

“Uhm, what?”, he asked. “Carry me home”, Baekhyun repeated.

Chanyeol looked at him for a moment then he sighed and leaned down. He shoved his arms behind Baekhyun’s legs and his back and lifted him up. Baekhyun leaned his head against Chanyeol’s chest as he carried him bridal-style away from the play ground.

“But that pose is kinda uncomfortable for you. It’s a long way…”, Baekhyun murmured. “You could just give me a piggyback ride”.

Chanyeol looked at him. “No, because that way I couldn’t look at you”, he said and leaned down to press a tender kiss onto Baekhyun’s lips.

“But-“, Baekhyun started.

“You’re mine now, Baekhyun. May everyone see it”, Chanyeol said quietly. Baekhyun puckered up his lips.

“You’re like a different person right now. Getting all cheesy”, Baekhyun muttered. Chanyeol laughed.

“But I’m really happy. I’m glad that I went after you, I’m glad that I found you, I’m glad that you kissed me. I’m glad that you give me a second chance”, Chanyeol said.

“Who said that I’m giving you a second chance?”, Baekhyun said and looked away. Chanyeol stopped.

“What?”, he asked shocked. Baekhyun turned around and looked up to him again.

“I’m not that easy, Park Chanyeol”, he said with a glare, but Chanyeol could see a slight smile on Baekhyun’s lips.

“How can I make it up?”, Chanyeol asked. “Carry me home first”, Baekhyun said.

Chanyeol shoved him a little higher and pressed him tighter to his chest.

“Okay, and then?”, he asked, while he continued to walk.

“Say it again”, Baekhyun said. “Hmm?”, Chanyeol made and looked at him.

“I want to hear it again, because I don’t believe you”, Baekhyun murmured.

Chanyeol leaned down and whispered in his ear, as if someone could have overheard them: “I love you, Baekhyun. I really do”.

Baekhyun’s cheeks reddened and he looked at his hands.

“So?”, Chanyeol asked.

“O-Ok, I-I think I can believe you”, Baekhyun murmured. Chanyeol smiled.

“And now?”, he asked as their apartment came in sight. Baekhyun freed himself out of Chanyeol’s arms.

“Catch me if you can”, he said and started running.

Chanyeol stared at him in confusion, but then quickly followed him. He reached him out of breath at the front door of their apartment and wrapped his arms around Baekhyun’s waist.

“Got you”, he said and lifted him up. He turned Baekhyun around and let him down again, Baekhyun looked at him and reached out his hands.

Chanyeol took them and intertwined their fingers. Chanyeol didn’t need to ask for the next thing, he knew what Baekhyun wanted.

So he leaned down and kissed him.

 

---

omg, I have no idea what I've written there. ugh.

anyways~ hope you enjoyed it! <3