JESSICA POV

Fish.

Donghae.

He’s a five year old trapped in a man’s body. 

     But today I hope that the masculine soul will shine through today.  I hope I will find a clue, a sign, or even the slightest hint of his affection for me.  I hope I am not part of a one-sided love.

     That’s what I hope I will find in today’s broadcast.  Does Donghae like me even a tiny bit more than a friend? I wish I knew! 

      I sighed, knowing that I wouldn’t know.  If only Heechul hadn’t interrupted us yesterday, the coin throwing moment would’ve been perfect, and as weird as that sounds, it’s true.  At least, for me it is. 

      What has gotten into him, anyway?  He’s lazier (according to Donghae, but I trust him), he’s more interruptive, and a bit more creepy.  Whenever he’s near, I feel like a small girl next to a drunken man.  I feel uneasy, a bit scared and uncertain, and my defenses immediately go up. 

     Donghae is completely different.  I feel like we’re 10 year old best friends.  I feel comfortable, safe, lighthearted, playful, and so happy.  With a hint of butterflies from a crush that soars around my body when I'm near him. I sigh a bit and get dressed for the broadcast.

“Sica!”  I hear Sooyoung call. “Sulli is here to pick you up for the broadcast!  Are you ready?”

“Just a minute!” I reply.  I quickly rummage through my closet, pick up a peach jacket, straighten out my hair and climb down the steps of the dorm and walk to the front door.

“Hi Jessica!”  Sulli says.  “I like your blond and black hair.[A/N Jessica’s hair from Run Devil Run]  It really suits you!”  I smile.  I always like seeing Sulli.  She’s the youngest out of her group f(x) and she always seems to be smiling and seeing her was like seeing a cute little kid.

“Thanks.  Happy Birthday!” I hug her and she hugs me back. 

“Well bye!  Good luck in the broadcast and happy birthday Sulli!” Sooyoung waves as we leave the dorm.  We wave back and head towards the limousine and waiting chauffer.  We get into the car.

“Jessica?”

“Mm?”

     Sulli blushes a bit and shifts uncomfortably in the white leather seat then turns around and  rolls up the window between the driver and back seats so the chauffer wouldn’t hear us.  He looks a bit miffed.  I could understand that.  After all, a lot of people would want to hear idol conversations and pick up some juicy gossip.  Sulli turns back to me and then suddenly looks down at her lap and plays with her fingers.

“What is it, Sulli?”  I ask, now curious.

“Um…”

“Hey, don’t worry I won’t get mad.  I’m supposed to be a good example for you hoobaes.  And besides, it’s your birthday and I don’t want to ruin it.  You can ask me Sulli.”  I reassure her.

“Do you like Heechul?” she blurts.  I look at her, shocked. Where did she get the idea that I liked him?  I guess my reaction was pretty clear because she rushes and says,

“I’m sorry!  I just-”

“No, it’s okay,” I answer, cutting her off. “I was just a little taken aback by your question.  And my answer is no.”  Sulli looked a bit puzzled at me answer and cocked her head at me.

“What is it?”  I ask.

“Oh, um…well…um…well then that means…ohmigosh…well that’s a bit...,” she mutters to herself.  I scrunch my eyebrows in confusion.  What does that mean?

“Oh it’s nothing,” Sulli says.  I look at her as if saying, “Don’t worry, you can tell me.”

“Okay Heechul told everyone in Super Junior that you like him!  Leeteuk and I were talking for a bit and it leaked through the conversation about my birthday!”  she rushedly says.  What? 

“That’s not true!”  I quickly shout, furious.  “He’s lying!”  Oh no…did Donghae believe him?  Oh no, this is bad.

“Calm down,” I tell myself.  “Donghae knows better than to believe an obvious lie like that.” But I’m not sure.  I look down at my shoes, frustrated in the lie that Heechul spread.  A tense air fills the limousine.  An awkward minute passes in the car.

“Jessica? Are you mad at me?” Sulli squeaks like a 4 year old seeing her mother argue for the first time.  “Jessica?”

I take a deep breath and say, “No Sulli, I’m not mad.  Just a little upset, that’s all.  Don’t worry.”

     Sulli smiles at me looking relieved.  The rest of the drive we chatted about different things, carefully avoiding Suju and boys. I put on a smile on my face as we talk to hide my inner thoughts and feelings.  Soon, after getting out of traffic we walked to the broadcasting studio.  As I went in the studio, I thought nervously and wondering,

     Does Donghae know Heechul was lying?

     Or does he believe in the lie?

HEECHUL POV

“Jessica and Yuri are both MINE!!!”

     I smile evilly to myself in the car.  My plan is working perfectly!  As long as that rumor I said is still there, I can still let the rest of my plan work so that Jessica can be mine!  It would’ve been over right at that hangout if that immature Donghae hadn’t stole her away first. I guess it was partially my fault for talking to Tiffany and Yoona before that.  Oh well, it doesn’t matter now.

     Yuri is also going to be mine.  She may be weird but she’s a great dancer and I’m not complaining about her looks either.  I don’t know why she falls for that fool Yesung but, oh well.  She as well will fall into my trap.

     If you are a goody-two-shoes, and you’re thinking, “How can Heechul have Yuri and Jessica?”  Well what’s wrong with having two beautiful girls in both arms?  Nothing is wrong in my world, thank you very much. 

“Hyung, what’s up with the evil scientist look?”  I immediately frowned and looked at the other SuJu member in the car, the toddler Donghae.

“It’s nothing, fish,” I replied coolly.  Donghae looked a bit miffed at the nickname but then shrugged and looked out the window that he’s been staring at for the past 30 minutes.  Normally, he would’ve asked more questions but ever since the rumor caught up, he’s been a bit quieter. (thankfully!)

     After the driver got past the stupid traffic, we got to the studio.  I looked at Donghae who had a completely emotionless expression, not suspecting anything.  I smiled evilly to myself.

You had better take out your emotional umbrella Donghae because you’ll be bawling yourself a rainstorm of tears.

DONGHAE POV

Don’t worry Jessica, I’ll protect you.

     I suddenly remember my yesterday goal.  I sigh.  It’s pretty much useless now since Jessica already likes Heechul.  I look out the window of the limo again and sadly think about…

*FLASHBACK*

Eunhyuk walks into my room and looks at me sadly.

“Donghae, you might want to sit down,” Eunhyuk says.  Whenever somebody starts a sentence with that, the news is probably bad and you probably should sit down or you’ll collapse in shock.

“What is it?” I ask while sitting down on my bed.

“Since I know you, I know it’s not going to help if I fluff this up.  So I’ll be straight with you.”  Eunhyuk takes a deep breath and blurts,

“Jessica likes Heechul!” My heart stops beating, then angrily started pounding again.  What?  How could that have happened?  Tears start falling and my cheeks burn hotly.  This can’t be true, but why is Eunhyuk saying it?  Jessica…

     My tears continue to flow down my face.

“I’ll just leave now,” Eunhyuk says and walks out of my room, shutting the door softly.  I collapse onto my bed and take the photo on my bedstand and look at it

I gaze at it behind the framed glass.  It was a picture from the pre debut dating days.  I look at it once more, my chest feeling consumed by darkness and I can’t breathe and I see Heechul’s smirks and feel the cold, icy glare that Jessica gave me when I first .  I look at the picture once more, seeing Heechul in my place.  I can’t take it anymore.

I throw the picture against the wall and bitterly listen to the shattering glass.

*FLASHBACK ENDS*

      I think about the smile of the one I used to like, the one I laughed with, the one I held hands with.  The one who I was going to confess to, before I stopped to protect her.  A tear slides down my cheek and I quickly rub it away.  I stare out the window again.

     Finally, we get to the studio.  My legs stiffly walk towards the building and pain shoots through me like 100 knifes through my legs and heart.  I put on an emotionless face as I stride in the hallways and once we get to the door to the studio, I hesitate.

“Let’s get this over with,” I think to myself and walk in through the door.

So do you like it?  I had a lot of fun writing this one!

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