The sunlight enters through the windows and vents. The ticking sound of the clock that placed against the white wall can be heard around the house. A middle young man, with black haired hair, sits on the couch, cross legged, while hugging a pillow. His eyes scanning around the house, found the tickling clock wall. The black haired man sighs, he should have to wait for another two more hours.

Donghae wake up from his little nap, straightens his body, turns his head to both side, and he places his hand on his nape. His body isn’t feeling well – he fell asleep on the couch. That’s why he doesn’t feel uncomfortable at all. He closes his eyes, gained his entire soul and inhales deeply, feeling a sudden attack pops up on his mind that making him fully awake. He rushes his eyes to look at the clock wall, he is lucky. It’s still fifth in the evening. Thirty minutes await him, before the latter back home.

Donghae closes the bathroom door with a loud bang that startled him. He shushes himself then runs to the couch again; sit on the same spot as before. He waits for the latter to come back home.

Donghae sit down uncomfortably on the couch, he couldn’t stop shifting and he just couldn’t stop it. The remaining time isn’t that much, but he really hates waiting. Even, in addition, he doesn’t even sure if the latter will comeback today, or whatsoever, he thinks that just worth him to spent the whole evening sitting – or even sleeping – on the couch, alone.

He is tired enough to keep moving and ended put all his leg on the cough. He bends his head, resting on his knee, while his hands hugging his leg. He glances at the untouched phone above the table which already took all his attention in the last minute. He is waiting and wondering, will the latter come back home. He is originally doesn’t understand, why does he even has a thought about him comeback home. He has a slight feeling and that make him to reach the phone, but in another point, he was taken aback.

No, I'm not going to calling him.

The ticking sound of the clock can’t be heard anymore.

That’s all it goes,

It’s changing by the beep sound from his phone. He is dialing the same number for second time now and waiting the person in other line pick up his phone.

“Hyuk, are you going home?” that all he can ask, when the tone was off. He heard the man in another line sighed right before he answered the question.

 “Donghae,” Hyukjae said. “I will go I think, okay?”

“Y-yes.”

And there’s left him and his happy feelings.

 -

The both guys sat on the sandy beach, they both smiling so brightly as a continuous calm wind blow through them. The beach was pretty enough to make them stay all quite, feeling each other in their embrace. The younger moved, to get closer to the other man, and positioned his head to the older chest while he wrapped his hand on the younger’s back. The older was looking for the other’s hand among the sand, to hold it tightly with his hand. A smile appeared on the younger face as he stole glance to the older.

“Donghae, I love you,” the older said, brushes his face to Donghae’s hair, he can feel the younger head under his chin, making him smell his own shampoo favor.

Donghae smiled, more widely than before, his hand approached Hyukjae’s neck and jaws. He was mesmerizing the older, he can't stop think that all was enough if he have him beside him almost as the time he need, and, or, he still can't believe that he has the older in his embrace for now. He began to touch Hyukjae’s forehead, cheek, chin, and his plump lips. And right before Donghae parted his lips to talk, he reached his hand and kiss it on his palm.

“I love you, Hyukjae-ah,” Donghae finally answered, keep his hand on Hyukjae’s cheeks.

In other side, Hyukjae look at Donghae’s eyes when he was touching his entire face. Donghae didn’t notice it though, maybe he was too busy. Hyukjae couldn’t feel the younger’s hand on his face anymore, he was hypnotized by the younger’s face, his face is pretty handsome, he can't deny it. He wanted that face, but as much as he said he wants that face, Donghae always said that he is the most handsome guy he ever met. Just by hearing it, when Donghae said that, his face was red like tomato.

“You don’t need look handsome to other people,” he stared at his eye that make Hyukjae forget to breathe for a couple second. He never imagine that those eyes were look on him fully, “Because, you are more than handsome enough to make my heart beating fast than it could, Hyukjae,” Donghae uttered in one moment with a grin was captured in his face.

-

That day, Donghae was the one who can fully have Hyukjae, made him smiled, laughed, and blushed. There was none a day without cuddling in bed or couch, a morning kiss, or making out in the night. There was none in Donghae’s mind that he is waking up alone, having breakfast alone, and going to the workplace without a goodbye kiss. There was never crossed his mind that he will the only one who got excited when the latter come back from the work.

There was never in his mind that Hyukjae could reject him.

It’s all Donghae’s fault, he was the one who reject Hyukjae, but, no, never in his though that he could ever reject his boyfriend. He didn’t mean it that way, it just happened under his control.

Donghae always believe Hyukjae no matter what happen, when Hyukjae said he loves him, he didn’t lying, or he won’t ever leave him, Donghae believe all of that. Donghae thought even when he didn’t say I love yous for every I love yous the older was saying, the older would believe that he feels the same and it would never change.

He was wrong.

-

The sound of the unlocked door, twisted, can be heard echoed through the house wall, waking a middle young man from his thought. At the moment, the middle young man steal glances to the clock wall, he has been used to look, before he walked to the door.

No one knew how happy he was, that the person he was waiting for is finally back – maybe he is back. Actually, he was very happy and couldn’t wait to hug him, talk to him, or saying that he missed the older so ing much. That’s all action he wants really to do, can only be imagined in his mind. Because, the latter doesn’t feel the way he feels anymore.

There’s none actually can be compared to how hurt his heart when the latter saying the most hurtful word he ever heard. Never in his mind that the older could break his heart, to push him away, or had enough of him. None can understand how much knife has been stabbed his heart, how much pain he hold, and how much tears he tried to hide.

No one knew, in the middle of the night, under the dim light and on the bed, a young middle was sitting and pouring all his tears to his pillow. Honestly, the hard time is because this past few years he had someone he hold before he sleeps or cuddle. Until, one day he should sleep with all the quietness, he couldn’t sleep at all. He wants that someone to back to his life, to hold him the way he hold, to hug him when he was crying – we all know he will never cry if that someone still held him.

At the moment, the heartbreak keeps biting his precious heart, until he felt numb. He wants to stop the pain, the pain was so unbearable for him. His heart was begging, or screaming, for a blissful moment. Actually, his heart would never get used to this situation yet, no, he would never. He didn’t want to get used to this, or he would never let this happened again.

Sometimes, a pain can kill you in and out at the same time. That makes you to think that maybe the best way is to dig a hole and step inside there for the rest of your life. So, even if you didn’t want to approve this, but maybe let me think, maybe it’s because you would never think that the person who made your life so bright can turn the light off for your life, but it happened this way.  And there it goes, you felt the unbearable pain, the effect of those are not even better. It could ruined your day, your mood, and, or even, your future. In a one go, you felt like the world had really good enough to not hurt you once again.

Its past ninth in the night when the man walked to this house again, inhaling the same air like what he usually did. It has been awhile. He changes with the couple slipper which was still there until after he left, walks in, and finally meet the younger who still sit on the couch and eyeing the clock wall.

“Hey, I’m home,” a voice that made Donghae startled and lift his head to the source of the noise. Donghae couldn’t move, he was surprise enough to see the older in his home tonight. He needs to keep calm himself for the eager to hug the man. His heart racing in full speed, feeling so numb, fortunately his mind is good to help himself.  So, he didn’t run to hug the older.

Anyway, it’s so weird – that was what he feels. He still couldn’t get used to it – or didn’t want to get used to it, never. The habit of hugging him in the late evening is still there. No one knows how hard he is to maintain his eager to not hug him, or saying such a sweet words to the person you usually say.

He tried. He knows that it would be hurt.

“A-are, are you coming back?”

-

“Honey, I’m back!”

Donghae runs from the kitchen in a hurry to unlock the front door. He turns off the stove right away before he ran. He is preparing meal for dinner tonight while waiting his boyfriend get back home. It’s an usual day in the third day of the week. As always, Donghae got home faster than Hyukjae, so they decided the one who got home first will prepare dinner for both.

It doesn’t mean in this way, Hyukjae has the key for Donghae’s apartment. Yes, this apartment is Donghae’s, he invited him to moved here instead because Donghae is always feel so lonely. Donghae gave him the key that day but, honestly, he never used it, even once. He is lazy to unlock the door by himself, he was dead tired from the work today, or everyday, so he knocks the door instead. He hears a few steps, a rushed one, echoed towards the door that make he chuckled knowing how eager his boyfriend is. Soon, the door cracked open revealed the tall man, wearing a blue shirt and a pair of jean, with a magnificent grin plastered on his face.

Hyukjae suddenly crashes his body to the latter and brings theirself in together. He pinches the younger against the wall and started to kiss his boyfriend hungrily. He removes their gap as Donghae moaned when Hyukjae started to bite his lower lips, making he opened his mouth widely. Hyukjae took that moment as an opportunity for him to push his tongue to the younger’s mouth. He tastes his own saliva mixed with Donghae’s saliva on Donghae’s mouth. He explores the younger’s mouth before intertwined his tongue with him.

Donghae was so shocked with a sudden kiss Hyukjae gave him, but he kisses him back a little. He is lazy and let Hyukjae to do the work. He leaves his hand from Hyukjae’s waist to Hyukjae’s nape, so he could feel how deep the kiss was. His leg becomes weaker as soon as the kiss gotten deeper. Donghae moaned again that make Hyukjae break the kiss for a moment. Left the younger breathless.

“What’s wrong…, Hyuk?” Donghae asked after regain his breathe normally. After a moment, they both sit on one of the dining table, next after Donghae turns on his stove again to continue the dishes. The dishes still half cooked until Donghae heard someone knocks the door.

“I miss you,” Hyukjae confessed, his hand was about to reach the latter’s cheek but Donghae coincidentally reject it without him knowing. Hyukjae’s heart clenches a bit, speechless, he never thought that the younger would reject him.

“You know I do feel the same, right?” Donghae utters while he tried to put the dishes to the plate carefully. He didn’t pay much attention to his boyfriend because he is busy with dinner preparation.

Hyukjae moves his hand under the table and slowly pushes the chair backwards. He tried to control his emotion as he stood up then walks to their room. He thought Donghae would runs after him, but he was wrong. Donghae is so busy with the dishes until he didn’t realize that Hyukjae isn’t there anymore. He is totally frustrated, upset, and angry. Hyukjae couldn’t bear the emotion and a tears drop from his eyes quietly. He lays on top of the bed alone, looking at the ceiling above him with a teary eyes. He had never been in this situation, he could never imagine it to himself, and he had never pictured himself alone on the bed, not because he can't, because he doesn’t want to.

“Hyukjae, where are you?” Hyukjae heard Donghae calling him from the kitchen, but he keep in silence. “Hyukjae…,” Donghae called again, he searches the older to every room they had in his house, then he walk to the bedroom and found the older was on top of the bed alone. Donghae approaches the older and takes a seat on the free space beside Hyukjae.

Hyukjae keeps look at the other side as he feels a height on the bed increased. He had no interest to talk with Donghae yet, he was so superbly upset and it was enough to make him stay quite. Donghae travels his hand to Hyukjae’s hand feels the cold hand met his warm ones, Hyukjae didn’t move, stay in a jpg, until Donghae’s hand tried to his fringe that make Hyukjae stop him. He shocked, looks at Hyukjae unbelief.

“Why?” a voice came out from Donghae’s mouth.

“You asked why?” his voice raised, “Go ask yourself what you have done.” Hyukjae said with his annoyed face. Donghae just stay in a couple of seconds speechless, he bends his head down, that’s hard to keep it up. Soon, he feels his vision blurs because he had enough tears on his eyes. A small tears drop to Hyukjae’s hand that make the older take a peek to him. He eyed the younger for a moment, he saw those eyes were red and watery. He wants to kill himself for this, he wants to hug Donghae to tell him that he is forgiven, he wants to wipe the tears away, he wants to do all of that but his ego was taken him aback. He left to the kitchen to ignore the latter.

That was not the first time they had a fight. That was not the first of everything, but that was the first time of eating dinner alone, the first time of sleeping without cuddling each other or making out, the first time of wake up in the morning, and the first time of walking to the workplace without a goodbye kiss.

-

Its past seventh in the evening, Donghae got home so late for the first time without telling Hyukjae. Donghae thinks that he doesn’t need to inform the older anymore because he was afraid that he would make the situation worse than was before. A sound of the door closed echoed to the older’s ear which make him leave the couch to check the door.

He does know it was Donghae for God’s sake.

“H-Hyuk?” Donghae startled as soon he got home and found the older approaching him. Hyukjae walks to the kitchen to sip his coffee again before sit on the chair, both hands hugging the glass. Donghae closes his eyes, inhale a deep breath before followed the latter. He brings himself to the sink, washed his hands and dried his hand with the handkerchief that located beside the sink. Donghae found some plates on the sink, he frowns and turns his head to the latter. “You already had dinner?” he questioned the latter, looking at him with his eyes, pay attention to his entire move.

Hyukjae lifts his head so his eyes met with the younger for a couple minutes, he arches his back to straighten how he sits. “Yes, why?” he states, finally spoken for the first time.

Donghae look at him unbelief, jaws hanging open widely as he buried his face to his palm. He was hoping he didn’t hear what the latter was saying. His eyes started release a few drop tears hearing a simple yet answer. “Hyuk, what did I do wrong? Why are you like this to me? You suddenly stop everything and left me alone confused. Isn’t that enough for you to leave me eating breakfast alone, waking up alone, everything alone, wasn’t it enough?” Donghae didn’t mean to yell, but the emotion that he hold for past few day burst out from his mouth uncontrollably, with tears streaming down his face and a few sobs Donghae continued, “If you never tell me, I would never understand, Hyuk. Please tell me.”

Hyukjae tried his best to hold his tears, he really can't see the latter crying, and that’s all because of him. He wait until he heard the sobs smaller can be heard from the younger. “You. It was you, you were the one who reject me, even never saying anymore I love yous or I miss yous.”

“Hyukjae… would you please stop talk about that subject again? You know that I do, right? You always know, and always believe you even you’re not saying it out loud. Because, I know you do,” Donghae’s voice came out again between the sobs.

“No, I don’t know if you didn’t say it out loud,” Hyukjae mutters as he stood up from his chair and look at to Donghae once again.

Donghae cried more than he was before, his eyes hurting because he had so many tears flow. He couldn’t stop it anymore as soon as he heard the word which escapes from the older’s mouth.

“I moved out somewhere else from today.”

-

 “A-are, are you coming back?”

Donghae took a few second to answer the question, breaks the silence, his voice actually giving the latter a little hint of hoping. He doesn’t hope too much about this question, he does know the answer. He wants to the older answer to that question over and over again, until his heart, or his life, could accept it.

Donghae turn his gaze to the man who heading his way to the kitchen, he feels a sting in his eyes can't be handle anymore. His vision blurs but the tears aren’t flowing yet. His heart clench until it hurts. Everything is okay to the man, but noting is okay for him. Donghae knows why the man didn’t answer the question again. It’s not that he is lazy to answer. He knows that the man still hold the same answer like the last time he asked. He bends his head down to remove the tears as he heard the latter step getting closer to him.

“Donghae,” the man insists a conversation, he sips his drink carefully before continued. Donghae turns his gaze to the man’s eye, examine the man’s face. His gold hair fall perfectly in his head, his puppy eyes, his nose which he really like to touch, his plump lips that he usually to kiss senselessly, his cheek, his jaws, he couldn’t stop staring until the man waving his hand in front of his face to caught Donghae’s attention again. Donghae blanks for a few moments, until the man talk that make his heart stop beating for the second time. The stings in his eyes become stronger. He bits his bottom lips to control himself from yelling or cursing. His mouth wanted to ask so many questions, but he decided to not to. “I’m seeing someone else.” Hyukjae said after he gulps his own saliva.

3,495words

a/n: RE-editing ;w; sorry guys i have been so much busy with university's orientation and classes i will try to continue the 2nd chapter as fast as I could, Huhu. Thank you for waiting<3