[All They Ever Wanted]

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

True love doesn’t need proof.

The eyes told what heart felt.

--Toba Beta

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Junmyeon heard a lot of bad things about arranged marriage.

He was thirteen years old when he first heard the term.

His family had held monthly gathering in his house and most of his older cousins came. The boys didn’t really pay attention to Junmyeon because of the , but the girls did. They would usually team up in a corner after snatching drinks and cookies to exchange gossips and stories of their lives. Even though they were family, they didn’t spend a lot of time together so the gathering was an opportunity for them to catch up.

Junmyeon gasped as Boa grabbed his hand and dragged him into the corner, away from their parents, muttering something along the lines of ‘too young to be with the old folks’.

Soon enough, she and Taeyeon were drowned in soft drinks and cakes. Taeyeon popped more cookies into as she grimly told the older girl that there was a possibility she would be ‘forced to be a man’s slave and carry his child’. Boa cringed in horror because Taeyeon was fifteen and she was eighteen—that meant if it ever happened, she was going to be first. Boa gulped the rest of her drink and sobbed in desperation—why couldn’t they just leave them alone?

But maybe it was the price for being freaking rich.

Junmyeon bemusedly stared at the two girls as they continued to exchange dramatic sighs and thoughtful comments. Boa added something about ‘what would she do if he was a cheater’ or ‘what would happen if there was no spark whatsoever’ and Taeyeon hung her head dejectedly, not knowing what to say. Junmyeon swallowed thickly and played with the hem of his shirt.

Taeyeon noticed his awkwardness and patted his head affectionately.

“Find your own happiness, Junmyeonie.”

He was a bit too young to understand. But whatever it was, arranged marriage was definitely something to be avoided in his life.

Junmyeon was so determined to not going to let his parents arranged such thing for him and as he grew older, he desperately tried to establish an intimate relationship. He tried and he tried and oh he tried, but it was when he graduated from high school that he realized he wasn’t interested in girls. Junmyeon couldn’t feel anything even when his friends told him that he was lucky to have her because she was cute and pretty and fashionable and perfect for him and all that jazz.

Maybe this is what Boa-noona meant by not having a spark whatsoever...?

It somehow scared him because as far as he knew, even heteroual relationships had a lot of problems. Did it mean same relationship was better? Or was it even worse...?

Junmyeon never really found out because he was too scared to try.

When he turned seventeen, Boa got married to a fine, young man. To think that she was just twenty two at that moment... Everyone was happy for her because she was young and pretty and lucky enough to marry someone from a good family—not forgetting to mention wealthy. They all complimented how Boa looked gorgeous in the wedding dress and drowned in happiness.

But Junmyeon didn’t think he would ever forget her expression.

Sure, her spouse was handsome and he was the perfect candidate to marry to, but it was clear that his cousin was unhappy. Boa had to force herself to smile throughout the long process of the wedding and choked when they had to exchanged vows. Junmyeon found himself clutching his chest the whole time, as if he could feel what she felt. Taeyeon patted his back to calm him down, but it was obvious that she wasn’t calm herself. Junmyeon overheard the words she uttered under her breath and they sounded like ‘You’re happy with Jes. This isn’t going to happen to you.’

Junmyeon’s lips trembled.

What was the use of marriage if it caused one to be unhappy?

Junmyeon didn’t want to be unhappy...

So he searched for a boyfriend who he could possibly loved. Someone who could give him all the comfort he needed. Someone who would protect him from harm. Someone, who could be his reason why he wanted no arranged marriage. Because he was in a relationship and he was happy.

But it was hard because Junmyeon got scared easily.

Everytime someone tried to get close to him, Junmyeon would always back away. Everytime someone tried to invade his personal space, Junmyeon would push him away. It happened endlessly like a cycle that one day, Kyungsoo just decided to snap at him. Junmyeon was aghast because Kyungsoo had been his close friend since high school and not even once the doe eyed male ever scolded him.

“Nothing’s going to happen if you’re not willing to try,” Kyungsoo growled in irritation. “You want to be happy, right?”

Junmyeon didn’t answer in a long time before nodding mutely.

Yeah, he wanted to be happy...

“Then you have to try, Hyung.”

Kyungsoo gave him a firm stare and squeezed Junmyeon’s shoulder lightly.

“You have to try."

 

 

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

 

 

Happiness was probably the keyword why Junmyeon accepted Cho Kyuhyun’s feelings.

He didn’t really know why he chose Kyuhyun of all people.

An hour after he accepted the confession, Junmyeon half regretted it. He wasn’t even sure of his own feelings. It seemed rushed and he was scared what Kyuhyun had for him was temporary, but as their relationship evolved from weeks to months, Junmyeon became relaxed and dismissed the irrational thought. Kyuhyun was sweet. The male was handsome, he had a kind heart and most of all, he had a wealthy family.

Maybe he was the one.

When Junmyeon told his mother that he was dating the heir of Cho family, she beamed happily at him. And for the first time in his life, he felt extremely relieved. Relieved for the fact that there was a chance he wasn’t going to have an arranged marriage. Relieved for the fact that he could marry Kyuhyun and live happily ever after.

Except for the fact that he had nothing for Kyuhyun.

Junmyeon tried to build his feelings for the older male. He tried a bit too hard and his acting whenever he bragged about his boyfriend. Junmyeon felt like he was wearing a mask, a terrible one at that. Kyungsoo would always smile at him whenever Junmyeon complimented small things about Kyuhyun, but his eyes told him that he didn’t want him to pretend.

“You’re not that happy,” Kyungsoo once said. “You don’t pretend to be happy, Hyung.”

And he knew Kyungsoo was right.

He was unhappy.

But his relationship with Kyuhyun was much better than to marry someone you knew nothing of.

When the male turned nineteen, Boa signed the divorce paper with her husband. It didn’t come as a shock for Junmyeon, but their parents were outraged. To think that their marriage only lasted for two years. They didn’t have children and both families were rich, so neither of them bothered about the money. Really, money was the last thing they should be worried about—the social status always came first.

A few months after that, Junmyeon found out that Taeyeon had also left to be with Jessica. She decided to leave the family to be with her girlfriend, so she wouldn’t have to go through what Boa went through. Clearly both Boa and Taeyeon weren’t happy with the way they lived. It was like everything had been decided for them and all they needed to do was just to follow. It was natural to want to break the tradition.

That was why Junmyeon tried to hold on. He still did his best to love Kyuhyun and enchanted the reason why he held on repeatedly to himself like a mantra. As long as he and Kyuhyun didn’t break up, things wouldn’t be disastrous. Kyuhyun was nice.

Kyuhyun was the one...right?

But maybe, it was too soon for Junmyeon to think that way.

“You’re marrying the heir of the Wu family next year, Junmyeon-ah.”

Junmyeon weakly dropped his spoon onto the napkin beside his plate.

The conversation happened casually at lunch. His mother’s tone was so flat like it was nothing big, like Junmyeon was just going to be away for picnic.

“B—but...” The fair skinned male managed to gather his voice after moments of suffocating silence. “But Umma, I’m dating—“

“Break it off with Kyuhyun,” she said nonchalantly like, again, it wasn’t a hard thing to do. “The Cho family is nice and it’s such a shame, to be honest...but Yifan needs you more. I met his mother at the restaurant last night. It’s been a while since I last saw her...her husband just passed away recently and everything has been tough. We talked about it and if you must know, I’m more than happy to let you go to the Wu family. She’s a really nice person.”

Yifan.

It’s such a strange name...

What if I don’t love him, Umma?

“I’m sure Kyuhyun will understand,” she said softly. “This kind of thing happens a lot in our environment. It’s unavoidable.”

Junmyeon opened his mouth to stutter more, but the way his mother resumed eating and avoided his gaze showed that she didn’t want the conversation to be continued. He choked back a sob and placed a hand on his mouth.

He couldn’t help but let the tears streamed down his cheeks.

Junmyeon felt helpless, but there was nothing he could do.

 

 

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

 

 

Junmyeon didn’t know since when he had a feeling it wasn’t going to last between him and Kyuhyun.

Sure, they didn’t have a lot of things in common and sometimes Junmyeon wondered why they could stand each other, but people always said that it was better to be in a relationship with someone that was the opposite of you. If the saying was true, then wasn’t it supposed to work out between them?

Junmyeon was quiet. Kyuhyun was lively. Junmyeon disliked suprises. Kyuhyun was the prankster. Junmyeon wasn’t into alcohol. Kyuhyun gulped down a pitcher of beer like it was plain water.

They had a lot of differences, in fact, there were too many. But Junmyeon was just too scared to admit it. He was afraid if he and Kyuhyun broke up, his mother would take it as an opportunity to pair him with someone—moreover, a stranger. That was why he held on to the fragile relationship for a whole year.

It wasn’t supposed to be hard.

All Junmyeon had to do was just to put on a smile and tell Kyuhyun that it was over. That he needed to marry someone else. That maybe, just maybe, Kyuhyun would be able to find someone else. Maybe he would cry. Maybe Kyuhyun would cry. Maybe they would stumble upon the mushy situation and they would feel awkward to suppress the urge to hide the tears in public. Maybe Kyuhyun would beg for him to decline.

A lot of ‘maybe’s swam through Junmyeon’s mind. Unfortunately, there were no ‘what if’s.

What if Kyuhyun doesn’t mind?

“Sure,” his boyfriend shrugged when Junmyeon informed him the (shocking) news. “It can’t be helped...if that’s what your mother wants.”

Unlike him, Kyuhyun had no trouble letting him go.

Junmyeon stared in disbelief. “S—sure...?”

Is that all you have to say...?

“Yeah.”

Junmyeon’s mind went blank and he had a hard time processing what his boyfriend—make that an ex boyfriend—just said.

Kyuhyun took a sip of his cold drink and looked away thoughtfully. The male didn’t even look troubled at all, like it was all right. Like what they had was not important. Like the 365 days meant nothing to him.

“There’s nothing we can do about it.”

Yes, we can. We can run or we can confront them about it.

“It’s your life.”

Someone else decides everything for me—how is that even called a life?

“Besides, you have to admit that our relationship is pretty dull...” Kyuhyun smiled apologetically and placed a hand on top of Junmyeon’s. “But...but I guess if you don’t want to give in to the plan, we could—“

It’s too late.

“I—I don’t want to disobey my parents,” Junmyeon intercepted with a cracked voice.

Why didn’t you fight for me?

“Oh,” Kyuhyun pulled his hand away offhandedly and Junmyeon wondered if his words earlier were just plain courtesy. “I hope you’re happy then, Junmyeon-ah.”

Junmyeon wanted to retort that he would, but he didn’t have the courage to. Instead he took a deep breath to calm down and nodded.

“Thank you, Hyung...”

 

 

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

 

 

Junmyeon didn’t have the slightest clue of Yifan’s appearance.

His mother refused to give him even a glimpse of the pictures because apparently ‘the wedding would still go on even if you think lowly of him’. Junmyeon tried to think positive—that Yifan was a great guy, because surely his mother wouldn’t want him to be with someone that wasn’t worth it. His mother gave him Yifan’s number but up until that day, Junmyeon didn’t have the courage to contact the other male first.

After several days of making excuses why he hadn’t called Yifan (But wasn’t he supposed to call me first? Junmyeon helplessly thought), his mother finally sent him over to the Wu family’s house. What made it worse was that he was alone. Junmyeon wanted to whine and protest and beg because why the house for the first meeting? It should be someplace else—someplace crowded like the restaurant, cafe or mall. What if things went awkward and he couldn’t escape? What if—

Junmyeon fell silent under his mother’s glare and reluctantly obeyed.

Wu family’s house it was, then.

The minute he arrived, he realized that ‘house’ was an understatement. It was practically a mansion. Junmyeon couldn’t even say anything as the butler escorted him to the living room, politely informing him that ‘they’ would be here soon. The male managed to snap out of his reverie when the butler closed the door and stared at the huge mirror at the end of the room.

What should he say...?

Junmyeon cleared his throat and dumbly willing to practice his speech.

“Um... H—hi,” Junmyeon said to himself and shook his head in exasperation. “No, it’s too informal. N—nice to meet you, Yifan-shii... Wait, but he’s Chinese...what honorific do I use?” He was about to grab his phone and call Jongdae for a desperate Mandarin 101 in last minute, but halted upon hearing two voices arguing in the hallway.

“...why are you like this...? You need to behave—“

It was a woman’s voice.

“Behave??? I’m the one who carry the company’s burden and you want me to behave??? I don’t need this marriage, Umma, I need some support and definitely not some burdening housewife!!”

“He’s not going to be a burden to you! You need this marriage, Yifan, because he will be the one to support you for the rest of your life. And mind your language, young man! Now brace yourself and go inside!”

“It’s not your marriage, Umma, it’s mine. How can you say that I need this marriage? Oh, I’m gonna go inside, of course, but not to accept him. I’m going in to scold him for agreeing to this stupid idea and that way, he’ll know that I’m not interested!”

Junmyeon felt his heart aching upon hearing the faint argument and he wondered if it was too late to climb out from one of the windows.

He knew he shouldn’t have come here. He knew it was a mistake. He should’ve declined.

Not only that Kyuhyun didn’t want to keep their relationship, this Yifan person didn’t seem to want to...to just even to know him.

Am I that ugly...?

The door swung open and Junmyeon looked up in fear. An extremely tall male with blond hair walked into the room with anger plastered all over his face. Behind him, a pretty, middle aged woman with long hair followed closely. Junmyeon gripped the armrest tightly for support and prepared himself to get the scold or anger directed to him.

It never came.

Instead, Yifan seemed to run out of things to say as he stared at Junmyeon. The latter hastily dropped his gaze to his lap, unable to look at Yifan. His heart beat so fast like it was about to explode and the minutes of silence were terrifying. It was when Yifan called out his name that he encouraged himself to lift up his face.

“...J—Junmyeon...?”

Junmyeon loosely curled his fist on his mouth. He couldn’t bring himself to reply.

“Y—you’re Kim Junmyeon?” Yifan stammered in disbelief and he received a simple yet confused nod in return. “.”

“Language, young man,” Yifan’s mother warned him but then she fell into a bliss upon seeing his son’s expression. “Well?”

Yifan turned to her with a deep frown.

“Do you still want to cancel?”

 

 

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

 

 

Yifan had never gotten to answer because his phone rang loudly the next second.

It was safe to say that his first meeting with Yifan didn’t go well.

Junmyeon hadn’t taken a good look at Yifan’s face. The Chinese male groaned as he picked up the call and spun around to leave the room. Junmyeon only got  his back as the last view and Yifan had a pair of nice, broad shoulders and a proportional figure. He’s even taller than Kyuhyun... Junmyeon had never felt short before because he actually wasn’t that short for a guy. But now, knowing that Yifan was at least ten inches taller than him—and there was a chance that they would get married, he felt utterly small in size.

Yifan didn’t go back to the living room and the day ended with his mother apologizing profusedly and explained that it happened a lot since his husband’s death.

Junmyeon could only smile.

Yifan had the right to reject him.

Junmyeon didn’t think it would work between them, but his parents thought otherwise. It had been a few days since their first encounter and Junmyeon didn’t even try to contact Yifan and vice versa. However, their mothers did. Junmyeon’s mother just happened to wake him up very early that day and send him to do an errand. An errand which all he had to do was just to go to the said place and meet someone.

His mother—and Yifan’s, apparently—was setting up their first date.

Yifan seemed as shock as him when he appeared and Junmyeon glanced over his shoulder, wondering if it was too late to climb back into the car, but his driver and the car were nowhere to be found. There was a tiny percent of sulking formed within him and Junmyeon mentally berated his driver for betraying him.

“Tea...?”

Junmyeon was pulled out of his thoughts and he blankly stared at Yifan. Did he just...? Junmyeon opened his mouth to retort, but at the same moment Yifan’s phone rang and he hesitated. Nonetheless, the Chinese male motioned him to join his table and Junmyeon did as told. The call ended quickly when Junmyeon settled down on the seat.

“Do you want to order? Let me just—“

It was funny and Junmyeon had to hold himself from laughing because Yifan seemed to lose all of his cool. He recalled Yifan’s words at the hallway the other day, just a moment before they met and his heart sank.

Yifan hasn’t answered, remember...?

A waiter came over with a notepad and jotted down Junmyeon’s order.

Junmyeon shifted uncomfortably in his seat and he blushed when his gaze collided with Yifan’s. His line of sight was hastily thrown back down to his ugly jeans (apparently it wasn’t his best pair). He diverted his eyes again to his fingers and he internally groaned, realizing that he needed to clip his nails.

“Junmyeon.”

Junmyeon’s shoulders flinched upon hearing the deep voice.

“Look at me.”

Junmyeon swallowed thickly. He hesitated momentarily before finally looking up.

God, his heart almost came to a stop when he saw Yifan smiling.

The male was extremely handsome. Handsome probably wasn’t the right word. Perfect? Flawless? Breathtaking? Gorgeous? Or all of the above?

“I haven’t properly introduced myself to you,” Yifan carefully placed his cup on the table after he took a sip. “I’ll start first and then it’s your turn, alright?”

Junmyeon blinked for a second before nodding shyly.

He loved the idea.

 

 

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

 

 

It was probably a miracle to have a nice breakfast together.

Because the following days, Yifan had become extremely busy.

Their next dates were never successful.

Due to Yifan’s packed schedules, it was always their mothers who set up their meetings. Junmyeon would obey and go to the places his mother mentioned, but there was no Yifan. He waited patiently for five, ten, fifteen minutes until an hour and a half and Yifan still never showed up. Junmyeon didn’t blame him, the other male looked very busy indeed.

I need some support and not some burderning housewife!

The male hung his head dejectedly and sighed. Yifan’s argument with his mother replayed in his brain. He wasn’t burdening, was he...? He had never asked for Yifan to meet him... It was their mother’s idea to have them met... But why did he always obey? If Junmyeon was busy, he could’ve declined the date...

(But he wasn’t busy, so...)

He was too occupied with his thoughts that another twenty minutes had passed.

Junmyeon visibly bit his bottom lip and decided to leave.

Yifan wasn’t going to come.

Junmyeon got stood up a lot by Yifan and he would be lying if he wasn’t disappointed, but he chose not to express it. If it were just breakfast and tea time before, their mothers had arranged them for a lunch that day. Junmyeon walked into the restaurant with no expectation. Based on his previous experiences, he ordered nothing when the waitress asked what would it be and waited patiently as usual. Junmyeon’s thumb glided across his phone. The male clicked on the contact and his eyes flickered with emotion at a certain name.

Wu Yifan.

Should he...?

But what if it wasn’t picked up?

Yifan’s phone was always, always ringing.

Junmyeon decided to just order the food for take away and this time, he planned to drop by Yifan’s house. He couldn’t stop fidgeting the whole way and his mind was filled with negative thoughts. What if Yifan wasn’t home and he was at a business meeting and that was why he couldn’t make it and— What if Yifan despised their arranged marriage so much and that was why he had been avoiding Junmyeon, to let him know that he—

Junmyeon inwardly groaned.

What is this feeling...?

Junmyeon wasn’t sure. All he knew that Yifan seemed to have a grumpy personality and the male got irritated easily. But perhaps one of the reasons why was because he was under a lot of stress. And Junmyeon, being the kind person he was, just wanted to help.

He wanted to support.

It took Junmyeon a few minutes to finally raise up a hand to ring the doorbell and another several moments until the door was opened. He was a bit taken aback when another extremely tall male showed up. They stared at each other wordlessly and Junmyeon helplessly thought to himself that he indeed was short and it was time to accept that fact.

“Yes?”

The male’s voice was deep. Just like Yifan’s. Junmyeon unsurely cleared his throat.

“Is—is Yifan home...?”

“Ah,” the male nodded knowingly. “You’re Kim Junmyeon?” Junmyeon nodded slightly at that and the taller male extended a hand to him. “Nice to finally meet you. I’m Chanyeol, Yifan’s brother.”

So he is home...

Junmyeon forced himself to smile upon the fact and for a second, he didn’t know what to do except to shake Chanyeol’s hand back. Should he just hand him the food...? Chanyeol noticed his uneasiness and the plastic bag in his hands.

“Come in, hyung.”

“I—“ Junmyeon paused hesitantly. “I’m just gonna be brief...”

“You’re here and Yifan needs a break from all that yelling,” Chanyeol rolled his eyes and tugged Junmyeon’s arm to come inside. “Besides, you brought him food, right?”

“But—“

Chanyeol closed the door behind him and jerked upward with his chin. “Second floor. Just find the room where the yelling was heard.” He patted Junmyeon’s back gently and half dragged the older male to the staircase. “Just in case it had stopped, it’s the second door on the right.”

Junmyeon looked up to the staircase and visibly sunk his teeth onto his lower lip.

“Don’t be scared, he won’t bite. Afterall,” Chanyeol grinned. “You’re gonna marry him.”

Junmyeon turned several shades deeper at his remark, but Chanyeol had already turned around so he didn’t see the marred cheeks. He gulped thickly before proceeding upstairs, slowly approaching the mentioned door. It was slightly ajar and Junmyeon heard yelling that seemed to be in Mandarin. He braved himself to peek inside carefully—

—only to find that Yifan had slammed his poor phone onto the table.

The loud crack was terrifying. Junmyeon audibly gasped and it got Yifan to are toward his direction.

Everything around him seemed to stop revolving when their eyes met.

“Junmyeon?”

Junmyeon felt like fleeing the crime scene (except that it wasn’t).

“H—hi...”

“...are we supposed to have lunch?” Yifan asked tiredly with a hand pressed on his forehead.

Junmyeon looked down at his shoes, trying to fight another blush that was coming and nodded mutely.

Yifan let out a loud sigh as he threw himself on his chair. “...I’ll make it up to you next time.”

Junmyeon awkwardly smiled and again, he nodded. Both of them didn’t move an inch from where they were. Something felt heavy in his hands and that was when he remembered he brought food for Yifan. “Yifan? Have you eaten...?”

“Hm?” Yifan lazily glanced at the old grandfather’s clock in the corner of the room. “I had coffee for breakfast.”

“Coff—“

Junmyeon’s eyes widened in horror. It was already past lunch time and Yifan had only consumed coffee for the day...? Junmyeon was about to step in, but he paused by the door in uncertainty, as if asking for a permission to enter.

“May I...?”

When Yifan gave him a nod, that was when Junmyeon had the courage to step inside. The former paid no attention to him for seconds because he was glancing at his laptop, but Yifan stopped whatever it was that he was doing when Junmyeon reached his desk. Junmyeon shyly placed a lunchbox—some kind of bentou—in front of him and Yifan stared in confusion.

“What is that?”

“I—I bought takeouts...”

“Oh,” Yifan dumbly replied. His line of sight dropped to the food Junmyeon brought him and for a brief second, he wondered if restaurants were serving takeouts in lunchboxes. “Food.”

Junmyeon gave him a small smile. “Yeah, for your lunch.”

“Well, have you eaten?”

Junmyeon shook his head. “I haven’t. I’m just gonna eat at home. You seem busy and I don’t want to interfere anything...” He played with the plastic bag for a while before smiling. “Be sure to eat it, okay? I’ll see you soon...”

Yifan literally paralyzed when Junmyeon turned around to leave. He went blank for few seconds and his mind screamed vehemently at him.

Stop him, idiot!!!!

“W—wait!”

Junmyeon did so and looked over his shoulder questioningly. Yifan had already stood up with his hands pressed on the flat surface of the desk. “Yes...?”

God, those eyes. Those beautiful eyes.

Yifan held up his lunchbox. “Don’t go home. We’ll eat together.”

Junmyeon’s expression changed. “B—but—“

“If you go home, I’m gonna forget that I have to eat and the food will go to waste.”

Yifan almost didn’t care how childish and stupid his reason was, but he would do anything to make Junmyeon stay. The taller of the two sat by his desk and gestured Junmyeon to sit across him with a wave of hand. When Yifan unpacked his lunch, Junmyeon slowly shuffled closer to the desk and sat quietly across Yifan. The male had already started eating and his brows were raised at the first chew.

“Wow.”

“What’s wrong...?”

“This is good.”

Junmyeon chuckled shyly. “That’s because you’re really hungry.”

“No. It’s really good. You have a wonderful taste.”

Junmyeon beamed at him proudly. “Thank you. I’m not really sure of what you want, but this is supposed to be everyone’s favorites...”

Yifan nodded as he ate more—dammit, he really was hungry. “Don’t worry, it’s good. Why don’t we eat there next time?”

“Eh?”

“I said I’ll make it up to you, right?” Yifan gave him a look. “Then I promise you we’ll eat there some time this week.”

Junmyeon blinked. “You...you will...?”

“Of course I will.”

“But you’re busy—“

“I will try to do something about that. You don’t need to worry about it.”

“W—well, in that case...why don’t we just find another place to eat? We can be the culinary couple,” Junmyeon joked to ease his nervousness because he and Yifan were going out for a date for real next time and he blushed when he realized what he had said. “I—I mean, that is if you want to...”

Yifan swallowed the last piece of his meat and nodded. “Sure. Let’s find a fine place to eat, then.”

It was just a simple promise, but for Junmyeon, it meant a lot.

Yifan almost dropped his chopsticks when Junmyeon bloomed into a happy smile. He had never known such simple words could make someone so happy.

“It’s a promise, then,” Junmyeon cheerfully replied.

Yifan would be out of his mind if he said no.

 

 

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

 

 

Yifan still stood him up twice after that, but not that Junmyeon mind.

Because he knew the male was really busy.

Whenever Yifan told him he could make it, Junmyeon didn’t really believe and the images of skinny Yifan walking around in his room with a phone pressed onto the shell of his ear and the stack of papers everywhere on the desk were on his mind. Junmyeon had come to a decision that if Yifan couldn’t make it, he would be the one to make it. At least when Junmyeon came by, Yifan seemed distracted and his phone would be out of his reach for at least half an hour (Junmyeon never stayed for long because Yifan was busy and he didn’t want to bother him).

One day when Junmyeon came by, Yifan was screaming.

By the time he arrived, few things from Yifan’s desk were scattered on the floor. Fortunately the whole room was covered with carpets, so nothing of the item was damaged. Junmyeon went weak upon the sight of Yifan groaning and clutching his head with both of his hands. He closed the door to let the other male knew someone was there and the Chinese male lifted up his face to see who it was. His eyes were red and there were obvious bags under his eyes.

Yifan sighed in exasperation. “...did I disappoint you again? Are we supposed to—“

“N—no. Well, yes, but... Yifan, are you...all right?”

Yifan banged his head weakly against the table. “My head hurts...”

“Have—“ Junmyeon hesitated at his own question. What was he about to ask? The Chinese male definitely hadn’t eaten and judging from the array of his facial expressions, Yifan hadn’t slept too. Junmyeon took a few steps closer and extended a hand. His fingers were just millimeters away from Yifan’s hair when he snapped out of his thoughts. Junmyeon managed to pull his hand away just before it reached Yifan.

Yifan was tired.

He needed to rest.

The male didn’t need any burden right now—him, in that case.

“I’m sorry, I’ll just go home—“

Junmyeon turned around and he felt like smacking himself. What the hell was he thinking? Did he plan to touch Yifan?

Did I...?

Junmyeon gasped in surprise when he felt a strong grip caught his wrist. He wasn’t able to move ahead and the male squeaked in fear when he felt himself stumbling backward. A pair of strong arms caught him right on time and prevented him from falling.

“Yi—Yifan?”

“Don’t go,” Yifan muttered under his breath. “Please...”

Yifan’s voice on his ear wasn’t helping.

Junmyeon didn’t have the courage to turn around so he kept his back on the taller male. It didn’t take him very long to be pulled closer and closer to Yifan and Junmyeon could feel the other male’s breath on his nape. He shut his eyes when he felt Yifan wrapped an arm across his collarbones, tugging him into the taller male’s chest.

Yifan was back hugging him.

His other hand let go of Junmyeon’s wrist and it moved to the latter’s flat stomach, as if to hold him tight and not letting him running away.

Junmyeon felt his heartbeat speeding up badly when Yifan moved his hands to circle his waist even tighter and the latter’s chin was placed on his shoulder. He welcomed the sudden warmth that was enveloping his body and his eyes fluttered.

“I’m sorry, Junmyeon-ah.”

“It’s—it’s nothing...”

“You calm me,” Yifan murmured quietly against the back of his neck. “Whenever you’re near, I feel extremely calm... Please, stay for a little longer... Please don’t go just yet...”

“You need to sleep,” Junmyeon whispered worriedly and he was glad Yifan wasn’t able to see his burning cheeks.

“But I can’t. The moment you go home, I won’t be able to do the things you tell me to.”

Just like a little boy, Junmyeon amusedly thought. Yifan hummed softly as he pressed his body closer into Junmyeon’s lithe figure. After a while, Junmyeon decided to face his fear even though his heart wouldn’t slow down and turned around before giving Yifan a proper hug. The taller male leaned into the touch and funny how Junmyeon felt so small when he was wrapped in those arms. A handsome little boy.

“You just need to relax...”

“But I can’t,” Yifan replied stubbornly. “I can’t even breathe. Everyone is asking for my decision. I mean, I know nothing about my father’s work...what if I make a mistake...?”

“You’re not gonna make a mistake...but you can’t think clearly if you don’t rest.”

“...I can’t sleep.”

Junmyeon made a sound as a timid protest and slowly dragged him out of the room. Yifan obeyed like a child that was going to be tucked away by his parents, his big fingers intertwined Junmyeon’s smaller digits. At first it was Junmyeon who led him but halfway, the role was reversed and Yifan was the one who walked first toward his bedroom. The male climbed onto the bed tiredly and when Junmyeon was about to cover him with the blanket, a hand grabbed his wrist.

“Just until I fall asleep,” Yifan pleaded. “Please...?”

Junmyeon blushed. “I—I’m not—“

“I’m not gonna do anything to you. Come on.”

It wasn’t that, of course, but the thought of everything with Yifan was new to him. For Junmyeon, the things they did were intimate. Even with Kyuhyun, he had never done such thing before. Junmyeon never even hugged him. They never even held hands.

Maybe Kyuhyun was right.

Maybe their relationship was dull...

Junmyeon awkwardly lied down beside the blond haired male and he visibly tensed when Yifan cuddled closer to him. He wasn’t sure if the position was comfortable, but Yifan seemed to enjoy it. The Chinese male curled his arms around his small waist and a leg was slid between Junmyeon’s thighs, tangling their feet together. The taller of the two buried his face on the crook of Junmyeon’s neck and the latter absently wondered if Yifan was able to hear his heartbeat.

Yifan was warm.

The way Yifan pressed tightly against him like he wanted to glue their bodies caused a foreign sensation formed within Junmyeon. He could feel his body responded at every movement Yifan made. The way Yifan breathed. The way he pressed his nose on Junmyeon’s neck and it explored down to his chest. The way he stirred slightly to find a more comfortable position.

Dear God.

“Sleep tight,” Junmyeon whispered softly as he hugged Yifan back.

Yifan hummed sleepily in reply. His breaths on Junmyeon were steady and within minutes, he was already in a deep slumber.

Junmyeon watched him unblinkingly and drew in his breath.

For the first time in his life, he felt complete.

 I want us to work.

Junmyeon closed his eyes and he had never felt so certain before.

I want to marry you, Yifan...

 

 

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

 

 

It had become a habit for Junmyeon to buy takeouts and ate together with Yifan.

He couldn’t describe what he felt whenever he saw Yifan’s expression everytime he showed up.

It was...priceless.

Junmyeon mostly only came by for lunch, but after they were done, Yifan would drag Junmyeon to the couch and held him closely. Junmyeon’s heart stuttered at the way Yifan hugged him. The Chinese male was being awfully gentle like he was fragile. Junmyeon didn’t mind, though. He did feel fragile whenever Yifan held him...

They never did more than that.

There were times when Yifan looked like he was about to steal a kiss, but Junmyeon would lower his head so that the taller male couldn’t catch his lips. It caused Yifan to press his lips on Junmyeon’s eye instead and he didn’t ask for more.

Maybe Junmyeon wasn’t ready.

Maybe Junmyeon didn’t love him.

Unlike any other day, Yifan seemed a bit relaxed when Junmyeon arrived. He cheerfully told Junmyeon his schedule wasn’t packed and flashed him a toothy grin that soon faltered at the sound of his ringtone. Yifan facepalmed before dragging Junmyeon out of the room, intentionally heading into the kitchen. They were going to have lunch properly by the dining table that day and that was final—no phone calls were going to change that.

Small conversations happened throughout their lunch and Junmyeon felt glad because it got him to know Yifan more. It was nothing big and the topic revolved around their families, but it meant something to him.

How come such small things made him so happy?

“Junmyeon-ah.”

“Yes?”

“I’m free for the rest of the day. Do you wanna go somewhere else?”

“Really?” Junmyeon’s expression brightened only to have it darkened again. “But I can’t today... I’lm meeting Kyungsoo...”

Yifan’s forehead wrinkled at the stranger’s name.

“Kyungsoo?”

“Yeah,” Junmyeon grimaced. “He’s my best friend—“ He didn’t get to finish his sentence because Yifan suddenly leapt forward to grab his arm. Junmyeon went pale at how rough Yifan had become. “Yifan—“

“Best friend? Is he really your best friend?”

“Y—yes.”

“How can you prove it?”

“He—he has a boyfriend. His name is Jongin.”

“How do I know that you’re not making things up?”

Yifan unconsciously tightened his grip as he grimaced and failed to see Junmyeon wincing in pain. All this time, Junmyeon was the one who always came to his house and he was also the one who initiated everything. But he never did the same. Who was this Kyungsoo? Junmyeon had never mentioned him before, so...

The blond male came to realize that he knew nothing about Junmyeon and he loathed himself for that.

“Yifan, it—it hurts...”

Yifan immediately let go of Junmyeon’s arm but instead of really letting go, he s an arm around the latter’s waist. Junmyeon gasped silently as Yifan tugged him closer and he swore he could smell the coffee from Yifan’s breath.

“I just—I’m your boyfriend, right?”

Junmyeon’s eyes widened at the question—no, it was more like a statement. He didn’t expect it at all. His heart thrummed loudly against his chest and he could feel heat crept into his cheeks. Yes? No? Not sure? Are they...?

“Wait, no,” Yifan shook his head and Junmyeon’s heart dropped. “I’m your fiance.”

Junmyeon’s heart started again at that and he awkwardly chuckled. “But...but we’re not even engaged yet...”

Yifan gave him a funny look. “...you’re okay with that?”

“What do you mean...?”

“I mean, you’re not against the idea of arranged marriage... You’re not against the idea of...marrying me...”

Not with you.

Junmyeon caressed Yifan’s forehead caringly with the back of his hand. “...are you...?”

Do you not want it...?

Yifan’s eyes softened. “No.” He leaned forward to rest his head on Junmyeon’s shoulder. “If it’s you, I’ll be alright...”

Junmyeon’s chest tightened and he let the other male leaned even closer to him if it was possible. Few strands of Yifan’s hair tickled his face but he did nothing to shy away. Yifan smelled good, he thought to himself. Junmyeon dragged his hand up to the other male’s hair and Yifan sighed in response.

“Yifan.”

“Hmm.”

“I—I gotta go,” Junmyeon whispered.

“Oh yeah, Kyungsoo,” Yifan’s expression obviously showed that he was reluctant to pull away and his hand lingered on Junmyeon’s arm. Junmyeon suppressed the urge to snort into a laughter when he saw Yifan pouting slightly. “Text me when you get home...?”

Junmyeon smiled reassuringly at him. “Of course.”

“Be careful, all right?”

Junmyeon took a few steps back with an amused smile plastered on his face.

Yifan didn’t even bother to see Junmyeon walking out of the room (he repeatedly told himself that no, he wasn’t jealous. He was just being rational). He went back to examine the papers on his desk that he didn’t notice the soft, hesitant voice calling out for him. The Chinese male only turned around when he felt something tugged his arm and glanced down at Junmyeon questioningly.

“Did you forget something?”

“Um...this,” Junmyeon uttered nervously before tiptoeing to kiss Yifan.

The way their lips were pressed against each other tasted heavenly (and a bit sloppy, because Junmyeon had kissed the corner of his lips but maybe it wasn’t on purpose) and Yifan wished Junmyeon wouldn’t have to go because damn, he could just stay still and do nothing but to kiss him. Just as Junmyeon was about to pull away, Yifan slowly kissed back, claiming the heavenly scent of Junmyeon and had a thought of marking him—but no, he needed to hold himself.

“Yifan, I,” Junmyeon breathed heavily between kisses. “I really need...to go.”

“Hm,” Yifan hummed against his lips. “Just another one.”

Another one turned to ten and twenty and before Junmyeon knew it, he was running late. Yifan had him pinned against the desk and lifted him up without any difficulty like Junmyeon weighed like a feather. Junmyeon cried softly as he gasped for air but did not able to do much because Yifan’s hands were trapping his wrists. Junmyeon helplessly let Yifan claimed his soft, thin lips again the minute he calmed down. His cheeks were red as he broke the kiss again for air, his chest rapidly moved up and down for mercy. Junmyeon instinctively threw his head back as if Yifan had the oxygen around them and the Chinese male took the chance to kiss his exposed neck.

“Kyungsoo’s going to kill me,” Junmyeon choked because Yifan’s lips on his neck tickled a lot and yet it tempted him to stay.

“Tell him you’re busy,” Yifan mumbled childishly.

“I can’t,” Junmyeon stifled a moan as Yifan bit a part of his neck. Kyungsoo wasn’t going to like the fact that he needed to wait more than fifteen minutes and even though it was hard to run away from Yifan’s lips, he needed to. With the last of his strength (because kissing Yifan had drained them all), Junmyeon managed to push Yifan away and grabbed a fistful of the end of the taller male’s shirt.

Yifan looked totally disappointed.

“Kyungsoo’s waiting, Yifan,” Junmyeon said apologetically. “You stood me up a lot, I’m not gonna do the same to my best friend.” He meant to say it as a joke, but Yifan’s blank face showed that the words hit deep and his eyes widened in fear. “I—I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to... I mean, it’s just... It’s just not nice to make someone wait...”

Yifan mentally facefaulted and his expression darkened at that.

“I—I mean—“ Junmyeon stammered and mentally smacked himself. “I’m not angry at you, all right? I’m never angry at you.” He took a deep breath when Yifan didn’t reply anything and he put his hand on top of Yifan’s. “I really have to go, Yifan.  I’ll see you soon, I promise.” Yifan was still quiet.

Junmyeon gave the taller male a longing smile before sliding off of the desk. He didn’t get very far when Yifan interrupted his steps.

Yifan stole one last chaste kiss before letting go of Junmyeon’s hand for real.

“Call me when you get home.”

Junmyeon beamed shyly. “I will...”

He would let go for today, but not next time.

 

 

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

 

 

Slowly, but surely, things were starting to improve between them.

Yifan was finally able to hand the important tasks to a few of his trusted men. His phone hadn’t stopped ringing completely, but it wasn’t as terrible as it was before.

Junmyeon wanted to help Yifan, but really, he had no clue of how to manage a company. So he did his best to stay near whenever Yifan needed him. They were starting to send meaningful texts to each other at night and Yifan was starting to call him whenever he was free.

One day, the fair skinned male almost ran into Chanyeol. The taller of the two stormed out of Yifan’s room and nearly knocking Junmyeon down in the process. Junmyeon planned to ask Yifan what happened, but when he was about to step into the room, Yifan slammed a thick book hard against the desk and his plan vanished instantly. He reluctantly turned around before following Chanyeol to his room.

“Chanyeol...?”

The said male threw an indignant look at whoever it was by the door but then it died a little upon seeing Junmyeon. Chanyeol tried to regain his composure back by taking a few deep breaths before turning around to face him.

“What do you need?”

Junmyeon blinked. Was it a bad time...? “I...I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to bother you. I’ll leave you alone, then...”

“Wait.”

Junmyeon paused.

Chanyeol groaned in a low tone. “...company is good. Come in, Hyung.”

Even though he was granted the permission to enter the room, Junmyeon stayed still by the door with his head tilted to a side. His eyes were filled with genuine concern as he stared at Chanyeol. “Is everything...all right?”

“No,” Chanyeol replied bitterly and his anger risen for the second time. “No, nothing’s all right. Yifan’s being such a and Umma isn’t doing anything supportive and I want to leave. So don’t bother asking me if everything’s all right. Nothing is ever all right with me being here.”

Junmyeon didn’t expect such a long, harsh reply and he looked down apologetically.

Chanyeol immediately felt guilty and let out an audible sigh. “I’m sorry, Hyung. I’m such a jerk. My family’s in trouble and I want nothing to do with it. And to take it all out on you... I’m such a awful brother in law.”

Junmyeon’s heart skipped a beat at the term Chanyeol used and cleared his throat to fight the blush that was coming. He saw Chanyeol snatching an old SLR camera and mumbling something like ‘stupid family traditions’.

Maybe they were going through the same thing.

Junmyeon invited himself to step into the room with his hands fished into his pockets. “Well... What do you wanna do...?”

Chanyeol’s head snapped up and he went blank. “You know...that’s the first time anyone ever asked me.”

Junmyeon smiled earnestly as he reached the bed. “I’m glad, then.”

Chanyeol was lost in his thoughts before fishing something out from under his bed. He motioned the older male to come closer. “Look.”

Junmyeon narrowed his eyes as he scooted closer.

It was a magazine.

A photography magazine, to be exact.

“What is it...?”

Chanyeol flipped the magazine open and after finding the page that he had been looking for, he handed it to Junmyeon. “What do you think of the picture?”

“This...?” Junmyeon raised his brows because it was a picture of a very beautiful scenery. The first feeling that came to him was peaceful and serene. “It’s...it’s beautiful...”

“Do you really think so, Hyung...? Look at the letters underneath it.”

Junmyeon squinted his eyes as he read the first paragraph. “It won the first place...?”

“Yeah.”

Junmyeon gasped softly as he shifted his glance back at Chanyeol. “Is it you...?”

Chanyeol looked sheepish and scratched his head. “Yeah.”

“Chanyeol, this—this is great. Did Yifan know about this...?”

“No. They will never know because they don’t give a damn about what I like,” Chanyeol snorted in annoyance. “I mean, I... I know it’s not fair because Yifan... Yifan bear the burden of this family and...” He paused unsurely. “I’ve been thinking that I should probably drop the hobby, but... You have no idea how much it means to me. Photography is challenging. It’s...somewhat satisfying, too. Taking random photos, trying to find the right angle, finding a good model or a good place...”

“It’s your passion,” Junmyeon nodded supportively. “You love taking pictures.”

Chanyeol wryly grinned. “Yeah... To be honest, when I sent the picture to the magazine, I didn’t think that I would win. I didn’t even try to win.” He dropped his gaze back to the magazine on Junmyeon’s lap. “But I guess fate said otherwise.”

“A promising talent,” Junmyeon continued reading and smiled when he saw PCY as the signature. It morphed into a confused frown. “PCY...?”

“Oh,” Chanyeol blinked. “It’s just a signature.”

“Why not WCY...?”

“It’s personal.”

Junmyeon noticed the hesitation laced underneath his tone and he decided to drop the subject. He flipped to the next page and pursed his lips as he observed the other pictures.

“Junmyeon-hyung?”

“Yes, Chanyeol?”

“...I’m really glad it’s you.”

Junmyeon turned to him questioningly. “What do you mean...?”

“I’m glad it’s you who’s gonna marry Yifan,” Chanyeol shrugged nonchalantly. “You’re perfect for him. He might have never said it out loud, but I know his expressions. He’s fond of you. And now that you’re here sitting with me, understanding me...I just...”

Junmyeon’s cheeks reddened at the mention of Yifan.

“I think you’re the best. Please don’t ever leave him, Hyung.”

I’m not planning to.

“Please, take care of Yifan...”

They talked some more after that (Chanyeol told him the reason why he wanted to leave because he wanted to find a beautiful model for his pictures, which was a first because he preferred non living object before) and after he had completely calmed down, Junmyeon left the room to look for Yifan. The Chinese male wasn’t in his usual room, so Junmyeon went to look in the bedroom.

Yifan was sprawled on the bed with his arms spreaded above his head. The male lied on his stomach with his long feet almost dangled out of the bed.

Junmyeon carefully stepped closer and did his best to not make a sound as he settled down on the empty spot beside him. Instinctively, he ran his fingers through his boyfriend’s—fiance, whatever, he wasn’t sure anymore—blond locks.

Yifan instinctively draped his arm around Junmyeon’s waist at the touch and it stayed there.

“You’re here...”

“Yes, I’m here. Just rest, Yifan...”

“I don’t think I can make it with all of this...depression,” Yifan’s voice was muffled against the sheet. “If this keeps on happening, I’ll probably be dead before thirty.”

Junmyeon pouted half heartedly. “And leave me all alone?”

“...maybe we shouldn’t get married, then.”

Junmyeon stiffened. Did he say something wrong...?

“If you marry me...you’ll probably spend most of the time by yourself. Look at me. I’m pathetic. I can’t even spare some time for you.”

But you did.

“You still have the chance to find someone else. Someone who would give you most of his time.”

But I don’t want someone else.

“I’m not saying it should be now. But with our marriage coming next year, you still have a lot of time to think about it. You can cancel all of this if you like.”

“I—I don’t, Yifan—“

“Please think about it,” Yifan wasn’t going to let Junmyeon finished his sentence. “It’s for your own good, too.”

Junmyeon could hear the sound of his heart breaking.

His lips trembled as Yifan slowly pulled his arm away. The blond haired male fluttered his eyes close and he seemed exhausted. Junmyeon’s eyes were burning with unshed tears because the words somehow hurt him and how he wished Yifan would take it back. He almost stormed out of the bedroom, feeling angry and woefully hurt at the rejection, but then he remembered why he came in the first place. He remembered why he kept on coming for more, why the feeling of wanting to see Yifan was huge and it never seemed to subside.

So Junmyeon deliberately lied down beside Yifan and selfishly brought one of the latter’s hand closer to his face. He pressed his lips against Yifan’s palm as he did his best not to choke and burst out crying.

“I’m not leaving,” Junmyeon mumbled quietly to himself and sniffed.

Yifan shot his eyes open to see his expression, but Junmyeon had his eyes closed and he looked like he was about to cry any minute. Yifan looked thoughtful before simply pulling Junmyeon closer to him. The latter’s breath became ragged for two seconds and he whimpered weakly when his forehead met Yifan’s chest.

Then don’t, he wanted to retort, but he said nothing in the end. Yifan’s vision was blurry because he stubbornly refused to close his eyes, wanting to savor the moment of a sleeping Junmyeon beside him. It struck him like a lightning. If the view of Junmyeon by his side was extra calming, then why did he stupidly give him a chance to think about their arranged marriage? What if Junmyeon really thought about it and realized that they weren’t meant to be? What if Junmyeon left him?

Idiot. I am an idiot.

Yifan gritted his teeth because he had no right to say those words to him. Despite the fact that he had hurt Junmyeon enough, the latter still stayed with him. He wanted to apologize, but he was afraid Junmyeon would wake up so he stayed silent. Yifan made a promise to himself instead.

If you did leave me, the blond sleepily thought as he linked their fingers together. I’ll chase you until the end of the world.

 

 

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

 

 

Kyuhyun had been a past and he would always be.

Junmyeon’s days were filled with Yifan so much that he completely forgot about the older male.

But the name of his ex boyfriend resurfaced when he saw a few missed calls from him on his phone.

It saddened him because he had a feeling Yifan had decided to stop contacting him for some time. The ‘silent treatment’ had been going for a few days and Junmyeon felt miserable. He had been ignoring his phone (because if he saw the device, he wouldn’t be able to help himself and call Yifan while all he wanted was the other male to call him first).

Junmyeon hesitated at the last name of his call logs.

Did something happen...?

Kyuhyun rarely called... (Well, not that Yifan called a lot too...)

And a few missed calls kind of showed that it was probably important...

Junmyeon wondered if he should ask Yifan’s opinion about it, but then he remembered how things went with Kyungsoo the first time he brought the name up. Yifan might get angry at another name... Only that this time, he wasn’t his best friend, he was someone from his past. Junmyeon must have taken a lot of time to think because Kyuhyun decided to just send a text to him, saying that he needed them to meet. The older male gave him a specific place, date and time for their meeting and Junmyeon pressed his lips into a thin line. Should he go...?

Maybe Kyuhyun needs your help.

Maybe he needs someone to talk to...

Based on those (not so) innocent thoughts, Junmyeon did go.

It had probably been just a few months since their separation, but Kyuhyun looked more mature since the last time they met. Kyuhyun waved a hand excitedly at him the moment he arrived at the said place. The male awkwardly waved back and he occupied the empty chair beside the latter.

Kyuhyun had gotten more handsome, indeed, but Junmyeon felt empty.

He felt nothing for the older male.

“Hi, Junmyeon-ah.”

“Hi...” Junmyon sheepishly smiled and suppressed the urge to scratch his head in frustration. “Is everything...all right?”

“Hm? Yeah. Sure, everything’s all right. What makes you think otherwise...?”

“I—I don’t know. Your text...”

“Oh.” Kyuhyun examined Junmyeon’s face before his line of sight went down to the intertwining fingers on the table. “You’re not wearing any ring.”

It was Junmyeon’s turn to look down.

“Does it mean you’re not engaged yet?”

Junmyeon held his breath. He didn’t think he would like what was coming.

“Then does it mean I still have a chance? I can still take you away from him?”

“What—“

“I want to fix things up, Junmyeon-ah.”

Junmyeon was stunned on his track. His eyes were transfixed at the older male, searching for a hint of a terrible joke, but Kyuhyun didn’t seem to be joking. A sharp intake of breath escaped Junmyeon’s thin lips as the older male leaned forward and grabbed one of his wrists. His wrist was trapped onto the table—just like what Yifan did the other day, but it wasn’t the same. It felt different.

The touch was foreign.

Fear bubbled in Junmyeon and he tried to yank himself away, but it was no use.

Yifan.

“I...,” Kyuhyun started. “I’ve had a few relationships after we broke up. Most of them were, well, not exactly for fun, but I couldn’t commit myself to them. It’s funny, right? Our relationship has been going for a year but then when you told me you were getting engaged, I did nothing to stop you.”

“Stop,” Junmyeon whispered. “Hyung, stop.”

Kyuhyun stubbornly shook his head. “Just please listen until I’m done.”

“It’s not gonna change anything...” Junmyeon uttered quietly and he dropped his gaze to the wooden table. “It’s not gonna change the fact that it’s done...and what’s done is done—”

“Please,” Kyuhyun pleaded. “Give me a second chance, Junmyeon-ah. Before it’s all too late.”

“But it is,” Junmyeon almost cried in frustration. “It’s too late, Hyung.”

“It’s not,” Kyuhyun sternly retorted. “Look again at your hand, Junmyeon-ah, there isn’t a ring there. Which means you’re not engaged and that means I still have a chance to win your heart back.” Kyuhyun didn’t waste any time and leaned closer to kiss him.

Fortunately, Junmyeon managed to snap back to reality and pulled away right before their lips met. “No!”

The older of the two was taken aback by the rejection and he sagged back to his seat. His hand was still holding Junmyeon’s wrist and the latter’s hand felt so small in his grip. Junmyeon desperately gasped for air like he had been running, his free hand clutching his own chest tightly. Kyuhyun sent him an unreadable stare.

“Why...?”

“B—because,” Junmyeon choked. “Because you’re not him...”

It almost took a minute for Kyuhyun to process and his frown dissolved into a disbelief chuckle as realization dawned upon him. “Oh God.”

“Wh—what?”

“You’re in love with him.” Kyuhyun detached his hand off of Junmyeon’s wrist and watched him unblinkingly. “Man, what a lucky bastard.” He leaned his back against his seat and chuckled again, but this time it sounded sincere. “How many people fall for their arranged marriage partner? Almost none.”

“I’m—I’m sorry,” Junmyeon said even though he didn’t know why he apologized.

He received a headshake as a reply. “There’s nothing to be sorry about. Just one question though. Does he...love you back?”

Junmyeon deadpanned. Does Yifan...?

Kyuhyun exhaled deeply through his nose and he swiftly swept a few strands of hair on his forehead. “I’m letting you go, Junmyeon-ah. But if he ever, ever hurt you... I have the right to claim you back.”

Junmyeon felt a hand caressing his hair and he almost freaked out in return, but this time it had a different feeling to it.

“I really hope you’re gonna be happy.”

A silent tear fell to Junmyeon’s cheek as he remembered the Chinese male and he desperately wanted to see him. The situation brought him flash of memories where they broke up and Kyuhyun said almost the same thing about wanting him to be happy.

This time, Junmyeon knew what to reply and he looked certain with his answer.

“I am happy...”

 

 

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

 

 

Junmyeon didn’t feel calm even after he got home.

Even though nothing happened between him and Kyuhyun, he felt like he had betrayed Yifan. But...betrayal...? What were they, exactly? Just like Kyuhyun had said, they weren’t engaged or anything... Their status was unclear. But the uneasiness didn’t go away. In fact, it kept on building thickly inside him and Junmyeon felt awful. He wanted to tell Yifan...but should he? Or shouldn’t he? Didn’t the male say that he was giving him some time to think? What if he told him and Yifan thought it was unrelated...? What if he called him and Yifan came to a decision that maybe they didn’t work out?

What if...Kyuhyun was the one for him and not Yifan...?

Junmyeon felt like crying at the scary thought because no, he liked Yifan too much. He wanted him and not the heir of the Cho family.

Besides, if Kyuhyun was the one for him, why did he feel this way?

It bugged Junmyeon too much that he accidentally called Yifan a few hours later.

It wasn’t that late and Yifan probably just had eaten dinner. It should be alright, but Junmyeon’s confidence was starting to sink when it still wasn’t picked up after the fourth dial tone. What am I going to say? What am I going to do...? Yifan’s probably still busy... He was just about to hang up when his fiance—wait, they weren’t engaged...yet—picked up and Junmyeon’s heart broke at his hoarsed tone.

“Junmyeon...?”

Yifan’s voice was cracked and Junmyeon could tell that he was sleeping before his call. His tone sounded exhausted and drained and Junmyeon felt like crying. He knew he should’ve just trusted his instinct and dropped the call instead.

“Junmyeon...? What’s wrong?”

Junmyeon shook his head even though Yifan couldn’t see it. Suddenly, he felt like what he did was just bothering Yifan because Yifan had a lot of things to think about and he was probably not included in the list. And if he ever told him about Kyuhyun, it would add more problem to Yifan’s life and it was the last thing Junmyeon ever wanted.

“Junmyeon...?”

“H—have you eaten...?”

Yifan was quiet.

“That’s not why you called.”

Junmyeon stifled a sob and dragged a hand down his face. “I’m sorry... I just—I— Good night, Yifan.”

“Jun—“

He hung up.

Junmyeon threw the phone to the end of the bed and he felt pathetic. Maybe he didn’t deserve to be with Yifan. If they ever got married, it was his role to support Yifan and not the other way around. It was clear from the start what he should do and yet he felt inadequate to do that. He felt selfish for needing Yifan’s attention, too.

If only he could express how much he needed Yifan just as much as he needed him...

But perhaps, it was too much to ask.

Junmyeon sighed in resignation and decided to take a shower to clear his mind. He then changed into a pair of comfortable pajamas after he was done before slipping under the cover. Junmyeon closed his eyes in attempt to sleep, but after five times tossing and turning helplessly, the male decided to have a cup of hot chocolate. The maids had just done cleaning the kitchen the minute he walked into the place and they bowed respectfully at him.

“Is there anything you need...?”

“It’s okay, I’ll be fine on my own,” Junmyeon smiled and waved a hand dismissively at them. It was quite late and they needed to rest for tomorrow. One of the maids was bowing to him again when all of a sudden, the doorbell rang. Junmyeon frowned as he stole a glance at the clock—he didn’t expect any guest and his parents were out for a function.

“I’ll get it,” Junmyeon informed the maid and he lazily went to the door. When his hand was already at the door knob, Junmyeon realized that he was clad in a pair of peach coloured pajamas. He cringed in horror because what if it was someone important and he was inappropriately dressed?

“Junmyeon.”

Junmyeon would have never expected that it was Yifan. His eyes widened at the familiar figure standing in front of the door. “Yi—Yifan?”

“Are you all right?” Yifan asked breathlessly as he pushed the door open, inviting himself to come in. “Did something happen? Are you hurt?”

“Nothing’s wrong—ow!” Junmyeon feebly cried as Yifan grabbed his arm and examined his body closely. “I’m not—I’m not hurt, Yifan!”

“Then don’t do it to me.”

“Do—do what?”

“Not telling me anything,” Yifan said in exasperation as he buried his face on the spot between Junmyeon’s neck and shoulder. “Don’t ever call me to say that it’s nothing. It’s definitely something, Junmyeon, and I want to know. I want to know...”

Junmyeon’s sadness rushed back and he choked. “It’s...” He trailed off in pain and he held Yifan’s arm tightly. “I—I thought you didn’t want us to—“

“I wasn’t thinking,” Yifan groaned disapprovingly. “I ramble a lot whenever I feel tired. I’m sorry for everything I said and I mean it. But trust me, Junmyeon-ah... I don’t want you to ever leave me...”

Junmyeon burst into tears when Yifan kissed him and the next second, he was rambling and spilling everything between his tears. He sobbed sadly about how Kyuhyun wanted them to get back together and how Junmyeon wanted nothing of that because—because he had Yifan, but then he didn’t want Yifan to be annoyed by him. All the words jumbled out of his mouth like a long train and Yifan listened intently. He had never interrupted him and the rubbing circles he made on Junmyeon’s back were soothing.

Junmyeon lost all of his strength after the cry and Yifan carried him back to his bedroom.

The touch of Yifan’s long, slender fingers on his skin felt wonderful and extremely calming that Junmyeon never wanted to let go. He gave himself up willingly as Yifan placed him carefully on the bed before lying beside him. Junmyeon searched for the taller male’s hand and intertwined theirs together as he cuddled closer. Yifan watched the ceiling like something interesting was there as he let Junmyeon draped an arm on his stomach.

“Junmyeon-ah.”

Junmyeon hummed softly. “Hm?”

“I want you to stop seeing Kyuhyun.”

“I never—I mean, it’s just one time, it’s...” Junmyeon incoherently stuttered and sighed. “I swear to you, it will never gonna happen again...”

“Good. ...wait, you’re okay with that...?”

Junmyeon blinked. “Why wouldn’t I be okay with that...?”

“Because... I don’t want you to think that I’m limiting you... I mean, we’re just—”

“We’re what?”

Yifan’s jaw was dropped but no words were out.

“Yifan,” Junmyeon whispered and squeezed Yifan’s hand lightly. “What are we...?”

Yifan didn’t answer for a long time and Junmyeon winced because it hurt to not hear anything in reply.

“Yifan...?”

“Hm?”

“It’s okay to limit me. I’m yours...”

Yifan stared at him dumbly. “Really...?”

Junmyeon nodded with a sincere smile and his cheeks were adorned with crimson. It really felt good to say that he was Yifan’s. “Really...”

“How to fall out of this insecurity...?” Yifan mumbled as he turned to face Junmyeon. He trailed a finger on Junmyeon’s cheek longingly. “How to make you mine for the rest of my life...? How to have you...?”

Junmyeon shut his eyes by instinct when Yifan leaned to close the gap between their lips.

“Then marry me, Yifan...”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

End.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Are you expecting for a snippet sobs

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

When Junmyeon and Yifan told their parents that they wanted the marriage to be held sooner, the whole family breathed in relief.

Suddenly everyone was busy preparing for everything. Junmyeon wanted to help, but his mother gave him a silencing look as if she was saying ‘just sit back and relax’. He couldn’t help but smiled at her gesture. It was funny at how much he feared arranged marriage at first and how desperate he tried to find someone in order to not have it.

Who would have guessed if he would fall for a stranger...?

Junmyeon wasn’t scared anymore.

Not if it was with Yifan.

His reception was just a few weeks ahead and Junmyeon’s smile widened as he saw his cousin’s name flashed on the screen. He picked up the call cheerfully. “Boa-noona! How are you?”

“Junmyeon-ah! It’s been a while. I’ve heard the good news, by the way! So you’re getting married, eh?”

Junmyeon chuckled bashly. “You’re coming right, Noona?”

“I’m planning to be there few days before the wedding day. Taeyeon was also excited! She said she’s gonna bring Jessica along, is that alright with you?”

“Don’t be silly, of course she can bring her girlfriend. You can bring your special someone too.”

“I will definitely bring him. ...if I have any,” both of them laughed heartily before Boa spoke again. “...ne, Junmyeon-ah?”

“Yes, Noona?”

“I just—I just want to make sure, forgive me if I sound so rude...” She paused. “Are you all right with all of this? You’re not being forced or anything? Because if you are, I can fly and snatch you away from the house—“

“Noona, I’m all right. No one is forcing me to do this, I want this to happen... I really want to be with him...”

Junmyeon could feel the older female broke into a smile.

“Is he the one?”

The thought of Yifan caused his heart to stutter badly and Junmyeon almost choked because of the undescribable emotion swirling within him.

His feeling for Yifan was too deep.

“Yes,” Junmyeon replied with a firm tone. “Yes, he is the one...”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I’m sorry for this T_T