I’m not a bad guy.

I promise.

From the first day that school year started, I knew it was going to be different from the previous ones. And it wasn’t because the school finally fixed that damn, god forsaken flickering light in the back of my classroom (which by the way, they finally did).

No, it wasn’t because I reached a salary increase nor was I finally blessed with a classroom full of angels for students.  My students are still devil s; rude, lazy, and full of smart remarks. It’s high school though. What can I say? However, despite all of the bull students, there is one who made my days worthwhile.

Worthwhile.

No.

It’s not even that.

This student turned my dull and mundane school days into something much more enjoyable.

Pleasurable more so than anything.

I found myself smiling more and more each day. The mere thought of this student aroused my senses, leaving me feeling eager to do anything that concerned her. My depression as a lonely high school teacher just seemed to melt away under the comforting thoughts of this student. Something as small as a simple grading of her paper easily triggered these desiring thoughts, sending my emotions into an overwhelming frenzy of intimately inappropriate wanting for this child.  

I had some type of delirious attachment toward this female student. And I was well aware of it.

My days were spent at the mental institute that gets passed off as a school, lecturing on about god knows what, just ever so often stealing shy glances at my student. However, my nights were never as un-troublesome as my days. I would often lay around on my bed very drunk, shouting profanities and inflicting pain upon myself in an attempt to rid of the yearning feelings for this girl.

Why had she had such an impact on me?

A drug is what she became, my own personal pain killer. No prescription drug ever did as much as this student did in combating this growing depression. My maniacal suicidal thoughts along with the aching pain in my chest seemed all too irrelevant to me as I received my dosage of this girl. Like I stepped into some trippy hallucination of bright sunshine and long fields of green grass and nothing hurt. But like all good drugs, the numbness must come to an end. And with her, it didn’t last too long. My sunny paradise became instantly shattered and my living hell returned to me.

This couldn’t go on for any longer. I needed more of this relief. I need more of her.

It was a Thursday.

I’d been grading a stack of papers, greedily giving out the “F”s my students so rightfully deserved, when somebody knocked on my classroom door.

“Come in,” I called from my desk.

Park Minri walked into my classroom, hair falling messily out of her bun and the cuffs of her navy uniform pushed back to her elbows.

She gave me a small bow before stumbling her way through the long aisles of student desks and into her own placed in the back of the room next to a window. The classroom lights were still dim, so most of the light came streaming in through that window casting down on Minri.

Minri started fumbling with her backpack, ripping the zipper back and pulling out various pencils and textbooks. I recognized the familiar peeling green textbook that she was currently flipping through as the algebra textbook my class was required to use. Algebra. I can tell you first hand from months and months of grading Minri’s papers, that algebra is not her strong point. To be blunt, she really at math.

I watched as Minri scanned the open textbook while chewing on the back of her pencil (a habit of hers. I actually have 3 of her teeth-marked yellow pencils for… completely scholastic and educational reasons). After a minute or so of pondering, Minri started scribbling franticly into a notebook, immediately attacking an eraser to the paper when she made an error.

I watched her not so subtly; overtly wincing at the amount of effort she was really putting into this. There’s no denying that Minri is one of my hardest working students. Most just blow off their assignments without so much as making an attempt. Minri came in everyday; morning, lunch time, and after school to study. She was passing all of her other subjects with flying colors, but math just wasn’t it for her.

A small, frustrated growl type of a noise came from the back of the room. I looked up and saw Minri tearing a piece of notebook paper from its binding and hastily crumpling it.

“Uh! Why is this so hard!?” she groaned before pulling out a second sheet of paper. She started to chew obsessively on her bottom lip, running a hand through her already messily tousled hair.

Having felt guilty for watching Minri struggle with algebra for months, I just decided to give her some help for once. Yes I’m a teacher and yes, I know that it’s my job to help my students. I always felt like I’d get nervous around Minri and choke on my words. Truth be told, I’ve never talked to her before. Like ever. So don’t be surprised to know that the second I stepped out of my seat, I started sweating bullets and tripping over my own feet.

It was hard enough having to speak to Minri for the first time, but in a darkened room completely alone with her.

“Having some trouble, Minri?” I tried to sound as level as possible and not like a grown man madly nervous about talking to a 16 year old girl for the first time.

Minri looked down at her mess of an assignment and then fixed her gazed upwards at me. “You noticed, didn’t you?”

I chuckled aloud. Partly because of my young student’s ingenuous comment, but mostly because I was tensing up and was making a poor attempt at relaxing the atmosphere.

I kneeled down to become level with Minri. I took one glance at her pencil stained paper and at the problem that she had attempted 3 times already.

“Matrices,” I said more to myself than to her.

I looked upward to find a pair of round, childlike eyes staring back at me. I tried to maintain my sanity, but it’s hard when my student is gazing at me totally innocently with delicate little brown eyes.

I swallowed to relieve my drying throat before thoroughly explaining the rules of matrices and exactly how they can be multiplied together.

“Can you try this one for me?” I pointed to a different, easier problem than the one she’d been working on before.

“Of course,” Minri replied, in her soft feminine voice, making her appear years younger than she actually was.

Everything was going well and my stomach was kept in one piece before my student reached her arm back and yanked a hair tie from the back of her head releasing long strands of soft-looking shiny brown hair.

I stared at her in disbelief, wondering how it was even possible for a second year high school student to look so beautiful and pure without trying at all. She noticed me staring, my mouth slightly ajar, and started to blush at her messy state. She quickly swept her locks to one side of her neck, revealing the exposed flesh of the delicate other.

I gulped hard, realizing just how close I was to Minri’s bare skin. I fought the urge to reach out and gently run my fingers along the smoothness of her milky white skin, enjoying the little ticklish sound she would make as a reaction. But then I realized that would be totally weird and inappropriate.

“Is this right?” Minri spoke, bringing me from my unjust thoughts.

I leaned over her shoulder, purposely avoiding her exposed skin.

“Yes. You did it perfectly.”

“Really?” she beamed, her small lips curving upwards to reveal even smaller little teeth. At that same moment another piece of my heart was involuntary handed over to her.

My stomach started doing backflips. I could feel my heart thumping against my chest, threatening to burst at any given moment. Minri was so happy for herself. Her smile showed it all. She has one of those infectious smiles where once she shows it, you just can’t help but smile back.

“Look at that. You knew how to do it all along.”

My lips, I’m not exactly sure how they got there. They seemed to have a mind of their own as they left a chaste kiss against Minri’s cheek.

Minri yelped in surprise which automatically caused me to pull back, immediately ashamed of what I just did.

Minri’s eyes widened as a blush started climbing up her cheeks for the second time in 5 minutes. She softly touched the spot my lips made contact with her cheek. She gazed mutely at me.

I didn’t know what to do besides stare right back at her, questioning myself. Why did I do that?

Finally, my student broke the silence. “Seonsangnim---“she was interrupted by the loud clang of the bell ringing. Students quickly filled the classroom and her words were drowned out by my student’s clamor.

Minri and I spent the rest of the afternoon giving each other shy glances from across the room. I smiled a little as I caught her staring at me then quickly looking away, blush giving away her embarrassment.