You set your heavy head into your folded arms on your desk. You got a lot job to do and it was due to next week. It was not that your Boss gave you a punishment of your slackness, but it was a ‘punishment’ from yourself so that you would focus only to one thing. You rubed your nape because it felt so tense for carrying your heavy head while throwing a glance toward your digital clock which stood above your drawer. You let out a sigh, i have worked for more than eight hours, even on weekend.

Your eyes catched your abandoned phone among your clients’ files on the desk. You grabbed it, played the locker right in the face of your idol as you wallpaper for a while, then opened it. No missed calls, also no text. Then you went to social media to refresh your mind. Oh! You found that your fave boyband had released their new album, within seconds you went to official site to download their full album. I should donwload it now! Your brain shouted cheerfully. You turned your head to your right side as you took a sight from the outside. You saw nothing, only unlimited twilight sky and top of skycrapers. You catched no movements except flock of birds that fled to the south.  You felt empty.

The download file has completed. You leaned your back into your comfy chair, but you felt the coldness wrapped your back against the leather of your chair. You forget that you turned the air conditioner for hours, cursed yourself for your short memory on these past months. Your right hands plugged pairs of headphones into your ears while your left hand held AC remote to turned it off. Aah i always recognize their color of music  easily, typical, your head swayed as the melody climbed into your ear created eargasm, also curve in your lips.

Rainy, cloudy, no light, darkness, day and night

Ever since you left, maybe my existence itself disappeared

Back in the day, there were sunny days, there were flashing lights

I always by your side i was there

Cause i’m shadow shadow shadow

You sat on the bench right under a huge yet shady tree enjoying spring breeze. The wind blew softly, blew the flower petals fly away like they were dancing in the air. Some of flower petals fell on to the top of your head, stucked in your hair, also fell on your tight. You tuck your hair behind your ear occasionally when the wind blew it covered your eyes. Minutes later you felt pair of arms wrapped around your waist followed by familiar manly scent that always be your fave. Then someone leaned his chin on your right shoulder.

‘what are you doing babe?’ your fave voice climbed into your ear, his breath swept your neck created shiver to your system.

‘uh~ chatting with Hyemi about the tux i ordered for Oppa. Couple days ago i told Oppa about it, remember?’ he nodded, ‘she said that Oppa should go to her studio so that she could measure your size.’

‘we should go together then’ he gave you his killer smile, you could see his dimple when he smile and his eyes were gone behind those eyelids, it was irresistable and you nodded happily.

‘look, Hyemi drew the skecth beyond my instruction, do you like it?’ he laughed then nodded.

‘whatever your choice babe, i would love it. I guarantee, i will look gorgeous wearing that tux!’

‘you will look more gorgeous when you wear it and link our arm like this,’ you linked your right arm into his left arm. He gazed toward your eyes then sent his killer smile that you longed for weeks so it automatically pulled your corner lips up into a curve. You both laughed as he pinch your nose slighty. In a snap, his brows frowned, ‘look, i want to tell you something...’ he tightened his lips while tightening his arms around your waist.

‘what is it?’ curiousity grew inside you.

‘i got promoted by my boss and i will be transfered to another city because their district needs me and ... ,’ he played with your side of T-shirt, ‘and you need to take long trip to get there.’

‘did you give your answer about it?’ he shook his head. You hugged him and sent a gaze but he looked away. ‘Oppa, i think it’s a good chance for you since you wanted that position for so long. You should be happy because it’s right in fornt of you. I suggest you to take that, because all you can do is get it.’

‘if i took that chance, it means ...,’ he looked at you, he looked empty.

‘it means your dream comes true,’ you managed to smile, to hide the sting in your heart. We would be seperated each other, but its because of Oppa’s dream, i have to support him. We can meet up in the weekend like this anyway.

 ‘but, what about you?’

‘me? I’m gonna stay here. We can still meet up in the weekend, can’t we? Like this?’ he nodded, ‘then you should worry about nothing, Oppa.’  He pulled you into hug.

Couple weeks later, you heard a news from your cousin that he had transfered into that district but he had to attend the training session within three months about his new job, with his new position. You felt happy yet sad. Happy for his dream finally came true, but sad because you had to seperated each other without contact for your first time in past three years.

Early in the morning, again today, the sun is hiding

The light has disappeared, it took you and went far away

Cause i’m shadow shadow shadow

You dashed into the main door when you heard the bell rang. Checked the monitor, you saw your cousin’s tired face came out then you opened the door. ‘are you just coming back from work?’ he nodded as he walked in,’i worked for Jihoon this afternoon.’ You gestured your hand toward the sofa and he followed you. He slammed his body into the sofa, threw back his head facing the ceilling. Your mother came out from kitchen with a glass of water in her hand, handed to your cousin then they chatted. You reached his SLR in coffee table and checked it out, ‘Oppa, is there any batery?’

‘yes, last stripe. Ae ri-ah, would you like to transfer the pictures into Jihoon’s flashdisk? I will edit them as soon as i get home.’

He handed you the flashdisk but you tilted your head and shouted, ‘why don’t you transfer it by yourself?!’

‘geez, this kid! I was soo tired and how dare you to talk back. Just do it!’ you moved to kitchen toward your stool, you sat there facing your laptop and glass of chocolate milk. You plugged the cable that connected the SLR into your laptop then flahsdisk. You started scanning.

‘i warn you not to erase even single picture there or i will call Jihoon, ask for help to kill you for erasing them’ he shouted from living room.

‘chill out, Oppa, i won’t do it for sure. I will just edit them so that Jihoon Oppa will beat you for taking terrible pictures.’

‘i will kill you! Eventough you run into your apartemen, i will burn it up. Jihoon knows i always do my job well, not like you.’ I giggled for making him mad. ‘oh aunty, that kid must makes you suffer  a lot every weekend, doesn’t she?’

‘you are right. I almost go deaf every weekend because of her new habits, she loves to scream out of her lungs also jumping around in her own appartement,’ you heard your mother answered him.

Your cousin and Jihoon were friend since they were a highschool student so they knew each other very well. You never revealed our relationship to other because of his job. Once you asked why, he only managed to say just do it that way, and you just obeyed him.

You opened a picture of Jihoon caused you to stayed still like a statue. You stopped your fingers for a while to learned the picture that already came out in full screen size on your laptop screen. Jihoon looked so fine with his black tux, you quickly recognized that it was the tux you picked for him. His hair was nicely done into neat classic hair style. He smiled, your fave smile with dimple on his right cheek, his eyes glued to an object in front of him, a girl. A beautiful girl in creme tube long dress that cover her whole legs and feet. Her eyes glued to him while her arm wrapped into his left arm affectionately, seemed like she did not want to let it go even for a second.

‘Oppa...’ without you realized your voice came out so weak, ‘OPPAAA~ by the way, what occasion is this? Seems like someone hosted a party’

‘whay are you oh so noisy? Have you done?’

‘In progress! OPPA, ANSWER MEEEE!’ you managed to control your voice into normal pitch.

‘Jihoon’s engagement,’ you got freeze, your mouth was hanging open not knowing what to say, your tears tried to escape from your corner of eyes as you felt an heavy smack in your chest.

‘what did you say?’ your eyes went back to that picture, found shining objects around their left ring finger.

‘are you deaf?’ he was walking to the kitchen, took over your laptop and working on it, ‘Jihoon was engaged to her, she is a beautiful lady, isn’t she? I heard that his wedding will be hold in the end of this year, before Christmas.’ You forced yourself to set your feet into the floor, swayed your legs toward frige, opened it then grapped a bottle of mineral water. Your eyes shut tight as you swallowed the water, like you swallowed a  huge coral. ‘you should see Jihoon after this to congratulate, he said he forgot to invite you to his engagement party, he felt sorry though.’ He unplugged the camera also the flashdisk, took glance toward you then walk away, ‘aunty, i should go home now and get my job done.’ You heard your mother walked him to the main door, left you frozen right in fornt of wide opened frige door. Cold. You felt sting yet cold crept your system, created a light vibration in your shoulder as your tears finaly escaped.

Oh, forgetting you is like erasing my self

You rose your palms to touch your soaked cheeks. How could they read my mind damn well? How could i collapse like this after i struggled for months to not give about him? I don’t want to make it to 30% when i already passed 75% of the progress.  You felt lose for listening your fave idol’s song, your mind went to him when you listened to it. You fought with your self a lot just to forget him, to finished your feeling toward him, to healed your wound. But then you remembered it all clearly. You walked out to the balcony, leaned on the railing, you closed your eyes when the autumn wind blew your face. You opened your eyes, looked at the twilight sky, blinked for coupled second. Then you pressed your phone, dialed a number in your contact list.

‘Hyemi-ah, where are you?’

‘in my flat. What’s up?’

‘would you like to go out?’

‘oh i think this younglady is forget to set her feet to the ground. This morning, you agreed when i asked you to attend Soohyun’s birthday party in CUBEClub. Were you dreaming when you picked up my call?’

‘sorry,i forgot,’ you mumbled.

‘go to the bathroom now, go clean up and get dress. I’ll pick you up two hours later and i don’t wanna wait for decades in front of your flat.’

‘i won’t took that long!’

‘yeah you better prove it.’ Klik. She hung up.

Yeah, i need to clean up this mess, you rubbed your cheeks and nose then you turned into your appertement took steps toward the door, i don’t wanna hear any stupid questions about it  and i have to tell them again and again. Enough. Once i close it, i don’t wanna open it up again. Because i am afraid if i opened it, my wound won’t heal as well. You closed your door, locked it, then you cover it with the courtain.