I saw you fall underneath but I couldn't do anything

Minseok stares blankly at Luhan as he slams down a bowl full of food on the table.

"What do you want me to do?" He asks, his eyes looking impossibly sunken in his pale, dry skin.

Luhan can see the hunger in Minseok's eyes.

"Eat." Luhan gestures at the steaming meal.

Minseok shakes his head as vigorously as he can.

"No, I'm not hungry. I'm on a diet, you know that."

"S'healthy. You can cheat."

Minseok looks doubtfully at the ramen in front of him.

"Give it to the maknae, he's looking thin."

Luhan laughs bitterly.

"He's always ing thin." 

Minseok mistakes the tone for jealously, comfortingly patting Luhan's back before getting up from the table.

He starts to walk to his bedroom, but stops midway, his legs shaking from effort.

He steadies himself and manages to make it to his door, closing it with a resolute slam.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry because I was too pathetic and weak to do anything

Luhan wants to curse out the entire management, the company, even Lee Soo-ing-Man himself.

Who decided that it would be okay for Minseok to play soccer?

Any fool with eyes could see that Minseok could barely walk in a straight line, much less play a game of ing soccer.

Minseok stretches, his thin legs tensing as he catches himself from falling over.

The whistle blows and the game starts.

Two seconds later, Minseok is already down.

(but that will be cut out later so no one will know better, only Luhan will have the fall burned into his memory, Minseok's pained face forever etched into his mind)

The game continues.

Minseok is down again.

Minseok gets the ball.

Minseok is hip checked away, his frail body crumpling against the force.

Minseok kicks the ball.

The ball rolls a few piddly feet away.

Minseok is down.

Minseok is down.

Minseok is down.

Minseok doesn't get back up.

I'm sorry because I was too cowardly, I wasn't enough.

When Minseok gets home from the hospital with his ankle bandaged, Tao shoves a small cupcake in his face.

"Here, ge. It's for you. Get well soon~"

Minseok smiles, a smile carving it's way through his brittle skin.

"It's okay. Thanks, though. I'm not hungry."

Tao pouts, but doesn't push it.

Jongdae gently nudges Minseok.

Minseok stumbles back.

"It's okay, Minseok doesn't need more food anyway." Jongdae jokes as he munches on the cupcake.

Minseok smiles brightly.

"See, Jongdae here gets it."

Minseok walks to the bathroom, getting ready to shower.

Tao tags along, saying,"Ge, can I shower with you?"

Luhan sends Jongdae a withering glare.

"... What?"

Tao runs out of the shower, giving Minseok some bs excuse.

Tao looks around wildly, trying not to cry.

"What did they do to Minseok ge? I can see all of his ribs, he's skeletal."

Jongdae freezes, looking at the cupcake. "Oh."

Kris has to pry Luhan away from Jongdae's throat.

Why was I so powerless? Why couldn't I have done anything?

Luhan tears away the blade from Minseok's hands.

"The do you think you're doing?" Luhan hisses.

Minseok smiles dully.

"Right, I can't die yet. You need me for the next comeback."

"No, stop doing this. The entire group needs you because we love you." 

Minseok shakes his head.

"Stop lying, Luhan."

Minseok reaches up and Luhan's face with a bloody hand, leaving trails of the crimson liquid on Luhan's prominent cheekbones.

More of his blood tumbles down his wrists.

Luhan yanks the hand off as delicately as possible and quickly cleans Minseok up with a practiced air.

He falls into the same patterns as he picks up the skin colored bandages and plasters them to the ruined skin, the skin making the bandages look dark by comparison.

Minseok's eyes don't sparkle anymore.

"Lying doesn't suit you."

How could I have let you go this easily? Why didn't I try any harder? I just let you slip through my fingers.

Luhan smirks at Tao, who was dressed up as spiderman.

"I hate spiders," he whines. "Why did I get stuck with this?"

Kris rolls his eyes.

"Tao. Please."

Everyone stares at wu-nder woman.

Yixing lets out a snort, ripping off his iron man mask as he tries to breathe.

"Boys, please act more professional. We're rolling in 3.. 2.. 1."

Luhan runs around, letting his red cape stream behind him.

Minseok pretends to shoot arrows as Jongdae drops his hammer and grabs at his chest.

"EXO-M is here to save the day~" The hosts of the show gets the show started, getting exo to perform their newest song, rescue.

Luhan steps into the middle singing,"I'm here to rescue you, let me be your superhero."

He fakes and feigns a trip over his own feet, making direct eye contact with Minseok instead of the camera as he mouths along.

He tries to let Minseok know that he's singing for him, that he's serious about the lyrics.

Minseok looks away.

Later, Minseok runs his fingers through his thin hair, flinching when he feels the hairs break in his fingertips.

"Goddamn hairspray." He says, when he catches Luhan staring.

Luhan smiles back sadly.

Once they arrive at the dorm, Tao whines for food.

They all clamber for seats at the small table as Yixing whips something up.

Minseok excuses himself to the bathroom.

They wait for Minseok to come back.

The food grows cold.

Minseok doesn't return to the table.

Minseok goes back to the hospital.

I felt so weak because I was unable to do anything. You slipped through my fingers even when I tried in vain to hold onto you.

Minseok returns.

He apologizes at the fanmeetings and stages for causing the fans worry, he was just feeling sick and dropped a plate at the dorm.

He promises that it wouldn't happen again, that there won't be another apology press conference or anything, because he won't be so clumsy.

He gives a baozi smile and all is good.

No one mentions the white gauze around his wrists, winding up to his forearms.

I keep seeing your old smile, the one that sparkled with energy and the want to live.

Luhan smiles in pride as he watches Minseok eat.

Yixing doesn't have the heart to tell him that he heard Minseok heaving in the bathroom.

Yixing doesn't say a word as Minseok leaves the bathroom, his stomach newly emptied.

Minseok grows skinnier.

You're just a shell of who you used to be. What happened to the person I loved?

Minseok goes to shower.

Luhan waits for his turn.

He hears the water start.

The water doesn't stop.

Time passes until it is time to practice yet again.

I would do anything to bring you back.

The water is still running.

Luhan gets up and forces his way into the bathroom.

Minseok is on the floor.

Minseok is cold.

Minseok isn't moving.

Minseok goes back to the hospital.

There isn't an apology press conference.

He doesn't return.

I would wear ridiculous underwear over tights and flashy capes if it meant that I could save you.