The light is bright. Too bright.
Sounds invade his ears soon after he shuts his eyes tightly to keep the lights out.
The sounds are too loud, hurting him, giving him a headache. Everything feels surreal.
Pictures of familiar faces flash up in his mind behind his closed eyes, faces that he loves. But he isn’t able to connect those faces with names. Or memories. He just knows that those people are important to him.

Am I dying?

This thought is the first one he can grasp clearly out of the mess in his head. Endless words, not even forming full sentences, those pictures of his friends – can he be sure that those are his friends? He can’t recall any memories nor be sure that he is even awake – mix up with the headache and the fear. Fear of not knowing what happened. Fear of not knowing if he is stuck in a dream – rather a nightmare, he thinks – or if he is just too sleepy and his mind is playing tricks on him.

If I’m dead – am I in paradise? Paradise is cold then.

As soon as he can catch another thought building a full sentence, he realizes that his body in fact does not only feel cold. It feels numb. As if it is not his own body. His mind is working, messy but he is sure that his thoughts are still his own. But his body doesn’t feel like it belongs to him anymore.
He tries to move his fingers but can’t find them. Neither his legs. Even opening his eyes again isn’t under his control anymore.

What is happening to me?

He tries to concentrate on the sounds around him. With a lot of effort, he is able to identify the sounds in his surroundings.
A soft humming fills the air, accompanied by a quiet beep every once in a while. It sounds like a heartbeat, but slower. Everything seems to be slower to him. He is sure that there was never a beeping sound in his room before. But he isn’t even sure if the last place he remembers being at was his room. Where was he? Where is he now?
Unanswered questions fill his mind, building a mess, words tangled with each other like his legs are usually tangled in the blanket when he wakes up after a hot summer night. He can’t hold on to the words that go through his head, they come and immediately leave again, forming a pile of words he can’t put into whole sentences.

When did thinking become that difficult?

Everything always came naturally. Thinking, moving, listening, seeing. Now it only seems like a lot of difficult things to do at the same time. Impossible. But he can’t remember that doing all this at once ever was an effort to him. He usually had a very vivid imagination; his head was always filled with a lot of words and pictures. It was never boring. He could even sit there for hours, being lost in his mind and thoughts, making up little stories only for himself. And now he can’t even form a full sentence in his head.

Does dying make me stupid? Maybe my brain left me when I died.

He nearly laughs at this thought that suddenly forms in his head. But even as he feels himself amused, he doesn’t move, nor does any other thought come to his mind. Only the pile of unrecognizable words again. Words he can’t grasp. His mind is as numb as his body.

But why?

The comforting humming sound that fills his empty mind is broken by two voices, cold and harsh.
He is only able to catch a few words from their conversation.

“..difficult case..”
“.. win over.. don’t worry..”
“..it’s only a human… weak..”
“..Kai is strong enough..”

Kai.
He is pretty sure he heard this name in their conversation. But who is Kai? He isn’t able to connect the name with the faces he saw earlier or with any of his memories, that seem to be lost. Hopefully they will come back. Maybe the people aren’t talking about him. Maybe he isn’t this ‘difficult case’, whatever that means. For him difficult was a word that he hardly uses. Nothing is too difficult; he always finds a way to overcome obstacles. Sometimes really ridiculous ways but they always work. Yes, he is sure that he still knows who he is. That he didn’t forget about himself. Nothing is too difficult, he will overcome this situation too, he tried to assure himself. Maybe he will be fine when he wakes up. Maybe this is just a really strange dream.

He tries to relax, the voices and humming sound slowly fading away as he falls back to his sleep. A face flashes up in his mind again.
A boy, tall and slim, even skinny, but with muscular arms that are visible as he wears a white tank top in his imagination that makes his light blonde hair glow in the sun. A smile is on the boy’s face, a smile that is even brighter than the sun. A smile that makes his heart feel lighter despite the numbness in his body. He almost smiles too, at least his heart does as he still can’t control his face and pull his lips up in a smile. But this boy’s smile makes his heart smile.

The image is so familiar. He knows the boy. He tries to remember, to find a name to the face.
But the only name he finds in his head is Kai.

With this name being the last thought he drifts back to a dreamless sleep.