Soojung is a hopeless case, with no sense of distinction, and everything drips black and white over and over.

“Maybe this is why everyone breaks up with you,” Baekhyun teases one day in their new art studio. “You’re so plain.”

No one takes a second guess to why Baekhyun shows up the next day with a black eye and three broken fingers. I fell, he swears, and everyone can’t help but laugh at him, Soojung the loudest of all. 

*

1980's

For a little kid, she is full of vigor and strong bones. Soojung learns that families aren’t picture perfect and what goes behind flowery curtains and white porches should remain a secret. Her sister enrolls into some prestigious academy that doesn’t seem state of the art because every time Sooyeon goes home and visits, she cries silently in the bathroom and turns the tap on until her tears run dry. Soojung, in turn, gets yelled at for wasting water when all she really did was perch her ear towards the door and mutter a couple of petty, encouraging words.

(“They bully me in school, too, unnie."

Sooyeon smiles.)

Sooyeon is Soojung’s backbone distant relatives recollect and cherish heart warming giggles and dolled words. Soojung lies at school saying she has the best parents ever, when really—she doesn’t. She lies about having the best daddy in the world, she lies about having the best mommy in the world, and the biggest lie she ever told was that they simply existed. Aunts and uncles and grandmas don’t pull off a foolproof parent cover, she decides as she gets older. Her older sister yells at her and tells her that there is no such thing as the best, because there plainly isn't. 

There are no words left to stay for Soojung who grows bitter and cold to the mocks and teases. There are many words left for Sooyeon who has simply become happy with her life because everything seems to easily bend to her liking. Maybe it was because of her history or her looks or her school. Soojung grows in the shadows of the famous icon, of riches and grace. She doesn’t mind, though, because shadows grow friendly and mold into a delusional reality of everything she can want or need. Sooyeon soon changes out of spite and fame, but there is a little glint of hope that she returns to the once-was Jung Sooyeon, the sister of Jung Soojung (because fourteen year old Soojung had no idea what the name Jessica meant).

Soojung slips out of the shadows in the form of a chirpy twenty-something year old, fresh and young. She outgrows her shell, but the dark dreams that once held the girl together still lurk in murky waters. Every day is a new start, cranking up a new Soojung, and she tries to be happy.

She tries to be happy.

She is happy.

(She is happy in a form of despair.)

*

1998

There is a whirlwind of things Soojung needs to do in a matter of weeks. There are books about lucid artworks by ancient civilizations and books about how sculptures are made that collect dust and how to take care of paint brushes that are so old, the bristles fall off. She is a hoarder of many things, great and small, old and new. She has a binder of memories, of torn promises, and childhood lovers and a binder of new friends, new places, and new dreams. There are no traces of heartbreak, no fingerprints of fractured minds and souls. Everything just is and Soojung can’t wish for a better roommate than her best friend.  

They share a quaint home together, Soojung and Jinri, in the outskirts of a bustling city. Korea is their mainland, but their hearts call for so much more.

“Soojung, you better get packing!” Jinri scolds and pushes a pair of socks into her already full luggage. “If you don’t, I will do it for you and I’ll pick out the most horrifying combinations ever.”

Soojung laughs and thinks of Jinri as cute because the older doesn’t really mean it. With a quiet yes m’am, she rolls off of her bed and pushes her suitcase out from down under. It’s a bright, bright red, like her lips and matches with Jinri’s bright, bright yellow. They’re not exactly complimentary colors, but anything to burn eyes and catches attention pleases their appetites.

“Do you think London’s going to be fun?” Jinri asks and a giggle bubbles out of her chest in a lovely manner. “Think of all the sights and shopping and… the boys!”

Soojung rolls her eyes at her best friend and puts her favorite pair of midnight black jeans in her suitcase along with some random shorts and pajama pants. She doesn’t mind about quantity, but when Jinri yells at her to pack extra, she does.

“Do you know where my sketchbook is?” Soojung asks and huffs and puffs, digging through her mattress and drawers.

“They’re on the shelf on top of your bed, dumbo.” Jinri doesn’t even look up from her packing and Soojung praises Jinri for her excellent non-detective work. When she gathers all of her needed supplies—a sketchbook and some pencils (she doesn’t really pay attention)—she happily throws them into her case’s extra pocket. A few shirts, jackets, scarves, a camera, and other necessities are added until she finally zips it up, leaving no extra room.

Meanwhile, Jinri has to sit on hers for it to even zip half way.

They hope for good memories, good laughter, and good food. 

*

i haven't written in forever and this hasn't been proofread so please excuse mistakes and awkward logic and syntax. it's been forever but it feels good to type something productive again. hope everyone had a good christmas. :)