Chapter One
Guiding Others~HEY EVERYONE! TODAY A VERY SPECIAL GIRL HAS SENT US HER STORY.
EMILY,
Ermm, hi there. I just thought of sharing my whole story just for experience. Well, maybe someone could use this story for motivations because I always do that. Using other's experience to motivate myself. I never share this whole story to anyone and it is a long story... I'll try my best to make it shorter though.
Erm, for introduction part, hi, I'm Emily. I'm from Singapore and I'm 18 years old. I am a Singaporean but as my father is working with the embassy, we hardly stay in one country for a long time. The longest was in Malaysia, about 7 and half years. Well, making friends was a bit hard for me until I asked my parents to send me to stay in dormitory.
To start the story, I was born in the condition of not as healthy as normal baby 18 years ago. I am breathless, and was forced to be inside the incubator for almost a month. The doctor said everything was helpless, they had decided to give up on me but well, my parents wouldn't. They have lost their first baby girl and they won't tolerate any losses, not anymore. So, my father sends me and my mum to Australia, to seek for medical help. It goes well...for a few years. When I am four years old, I was still like a normal girl, running and playing and falling due to my clumsiness and injured myself and well, that was when the nightmares started. The doctor found out that my blood color is not normal and they decided to do a full check-up on me. I was positive for HIV... and my parents have to do check up. But they were both free from that disease. Well, it was actually when I was in Australia and was having my blood transfusion; the doctor mistakenly put someone's blood which is HIV positive.
It was hard for my parents as I was just a small little girl. They did everything, literally everything but HIV had no cure, no cure at all. From that day, I was being ignored by everybody...to be exact, by the teachers and my friends' parents. Well, it was still that time...when people didn't really understand what HIV really is...and they have negative respond for it.
My family is a well-off family, so my grandparent brings me back to Vietnam and well, kinda tried to heal me using traditional medicine. Well, there was a big problem in that as my other grandparent was not really agreed with that 'traditional healing method' thing-y. So, my parents have to bring me back to Singapore and they did try something as my uncles (my father's brothers - two of them) who were doing research about HIV tried their cure on me. I'm not really sure what it's called, but basically I need to clean my blood every weeks... but well they didn't realize that would result in something worse. I don't really understand the whole situation, the only thing I know is, it also killed the plasma cells, which is used for producing antibodies. It lowers the count of plasma cells, making the body become non-resistant of disease.
Well, my uncles were feeling guilty over everything and my grandparents were so furious that my father sent me and my mother away again, this time with the help of his friend who was working in the UK at that time to help us. And he succeeded.
Well, of course the whole family was so, so, so happy with me being healthy and I came back to Singapore. At that time, my father was working with Singapore Embassy and our family keeps moving here and there including Philippines, Myanmar, Malaysia and Brunei before going back to Singapore last year. Well, I went to one of the private international boarding school in Malaysia as I was there the longest.
I enjoyed my healthy life the best... I played, I studied, and I do everything that I haven't been able in doing for the past 10 years and enjoyed myself to the most. I got myself a bunch of very good friends, a caring, loving and romantic boyfriend and a happy family. I basically have everything, friends who trusted each other, a loving and over-protective (in a good way of course, they care because they love me) family and being the only daughter in my whole family, as in, I have no female siblings or cousins, it's just me and the aunties and my mom... so, I am basically being treated and spoiled like a princess. After I finish doing A-Level, I went to continue my study in the UK doing what I love the most, Journalism and Media.
And that unfortunate day arrived, few months ago, the world decided to collapse onto me... again. Well, it started again and it will never be the same again. I will never be the same again... It was two days after we finished our spring holiday. I came back from the whole day of classes, feeling tired, but it's normal for full day classes, so I just shrugged the feeling away. But when I took shower, my nose started to bleed. Well, it happens sometimes and it didn't really bother me. So I went down to help my friend prepare for dinner. One of my housemates asked me to just wait in the living room, saying that I don't look so good. As I was feeling so tired, I didn't argue and obeyed her. I lay down on the sofa, watching movies and my nose started bleeding again. But still, I shrugged it off and wipe it before I fell asleep.
And that was the start of the second nightmares. I thought everything was okay and as I know I have a low tolerance to disease, having a nosebleed and fainting is a normal thing in my daily life. Well, it's not normal. I was too happy enjoying my life that I thought 'as normal as others' so I shrugged everything and never even once I told anyone about my condition. And that is the biggest regret in my life. I was actually in the critical stage of blood cancer and oh well... my parents won't sit down quietly in Singapore after knowing everything. I was half-forced to drop my study instantly but I manage to persuade my father to finish my semester as it was already the end of my first year.
Soon, I was brought back to Singapore and have to start my treatment...again. I was already sick with the hospital, the smell, the sight and everything but I guess this is how I was supposed to live in the present and maybe in the future too.
Sometimes, I even felt that I am a burden to my family, a burden to everyone and sometimes I even asked why I was born.
I even thought that I should just die and gave up living. Everything was hurt, so hurt that I thought that maybe I should jut die so everyone would give up upon me. My mother never leaves my side since then and follows me to every treatment. I always thought that the treatment was useless. The chemotherapy was useless, everything was useless, and I am useless. I can't make my mother smile as other daughters would do to their mother; instead I made her cry to sleep every night. It really, really broke my heart.
Then, I was told to undergo the operation as my kidneys are not functioning anymore. At first I thought everything will be okay, nothing would happen and I will be able to enjoy my life again. But I was wrong. Although I promise everyone that I will fight, I will be strong, I would keep holding on and enjoy my life to the fullest but deep in my heart, I know everyone was still worried about me. And maybe because of that, after my second operation last two weeks, my body refuse to move on, I guess, it's me, it's me who refuse to hold on. I am getting tired with all those pitiful looks and over-caring behaviors from my family and friends. I know they care and heck, I was so happy, so lucky to have those wonderful people around me. But... that's it. I can't help but feel that I am a burden to everyone. Although I am getting better now, I won't be back as free and normal as other people. My life will be restricted as I know exactly my life have to depend on those colorful pills. Whether I want to accept it or not, this is what is determined by fate on me.
And now, I was still in the midst of begging my father to let me continue my second year in my university again. Well, I hope everything went well in the future. At least, I want to have my normal student life. Because, having my normal student life back make me feel independent and may be it would stop my thought about being a burden to anyone or being a useless daughter for my parent. I hope I can at least make my mother smile because of me...she suffered too much and I feel bad. I want to stop those hurtful tears and heal the wound in her heart. It will be my one and only wish and I hope the miracles which always keep me alive will help me achieve this long life dream.
I'm sorry I rant too much. And I'm really sorry if I hurt any of you in my story telling. Thanks for reading. :)
Erm, for introduction part, hi, I'm Emily. I'm from Singapore and I'm 18 years old. I am a Singaporean but as my father is working with the embassy, we hardly stay in one country for a long time. The longest was in Malaysia, about 7 and half years. Well, making friends was a bit hard for me until I asked my parents to send me to stay in dormitory.
To start the story, I was born in the condition of not as healthy as normal baby 18 years ago. I am breathless, and was forced to be inside the incubator for almost a month. The doctor said everything was helpless, they had decided to give up on me but well, my parents wouldn't. They have lost their first baby girl and they won't tolerate any losses, not anymore. So, my father sends me and my mum to Australia, to seek for medical help. It goes well...for a few years. When I am four years old, I was still like a normal girl, running and playing and falling due to my clumsiness and injured myself and well, that was when the nightmares started. The doctor found out that my blood color is not normal and they decided to do a full check-up on me. I was positive for HIV... and my parents have to do check up. But they were both free from that disease. Well, it was actually when I was in Australia and was having my blood transfusion; the doctor mistakenly put someone's blood which is HIV positive.
It was hard for my parents as I was just a small little girl. They did everything, literally everything but HIV had no cure, no cure at all. From that day, I was being ignored by everybody...to be exact, by the teachers and my friends' parents. Well, it was still that time...when people didn't really understand what HIV really is...and they have negative respond for it.
My family is a well-off family, so my grandparent brings me back to Vietnam and well, kinda tried to heal me using traditional medicine. Well, there was a big problem in that as my other grandparent was not really agreed with that 'traditional healing method' thing-y. So, my parents have to bring me back to Singapore and they did try something as my uncles (my father's brothers - two of them) who were doing research about HIV tried their cure on me. I'm not really sure what it's called, but basically I need to clean my blood every weeks... but well they didn't realize that would result in something worse. I don't really understand the whole situation, the only thing I know is, it also killed the plasma cells, which is used for producing antibodies. It lowers the count of plasma cells, making the body become non-resistant of disease.
Well, my uncles were feeling guilty over everything and my grandparents were so furious that my father sent me and my mother away again, this time with the help of his friend who was working in the UK at that time to help us. And he succeeded.
Well, of course the whole family was so, so, so happy with me being healthy and I came back to Singapore. At that time, my father was working with Singapore Embassy and our family keeps moving here and there including Philippines, Myanmar, Malaysia and Brunei before going back to Singapore last year. Well, I went to one of the private international boarding school in Malaysia as I was there the longest.
I enjoyed my healthy life the best... I played, I studied, and I do everything that I haven't been able in doing for the past 10 years and enjoyed myself to the most. I got myself a bunch of very good friends, a caring, loving and romantic boyfriend and a happy family. I basically have everything, friends who trusted each other, a loving and over-protective (in a good way of course, they care because they love me) family and being the only daughter in my whole family, as in, I have no female siblings or cousins, it's just me and the aunties and my mom... so, I am basically being treated and spoiled like a princess. After I finish doing A-Level, I went to continue my study in the UK doing what I love the most, Journalism and Media.
And that unfortunate day arrived, few months ago, the world decided to collapse onto me... again. Well, it started again and it will never be the same again. I will never be the same again... It was two days after we finished our spring holiday. I came back from the whole day of classes, feeling tired, but it's normal for full day classes, so I just shrugged the feeling away. But when I took shower, my nose started to bleed. Well, it happens sometimes and it didn't really bother me. So I went down to help my friend prepare for dinner. One of my housemates asked me to just wait in the living room, saying that I don't look so good. As I was feeling so tired, I didn't argue and obeyed her. I lay down on the sofa, watching movies and my nose started bleeding again. But still, I shrugged it off and wipe it before I fell asleep.
And that was the start of the second nightmares. I thought everything was okay and as I know I have a low tolerance to disease, having a nosebleed and fainting is a normal thing in my daily life. Well, it's not normal. I was too happy enjoying my life that I thought 'as normal as others' so I shrugged everything and never even once I told anyone about my condition. And that is the biggest regret in my life. I was actually in the critical stage of blood cancer and oh well... my parents won't sit down quietly in Singapore after knowing everything. I was half-forced to drop my study instantly but I manage to persuade my father to finish my semester as it was already the end of my first year.
Soon, I was brought back to Singapore and have to start my treatment...again. I was already sick with the hospital, the smell, the sight and everything but I guess this is how I was supposed to live in the present and maybe in the future too.
Sometimes, I even felt that I am a burden to my family, a burden to everyone and sometimes I even asked why I was born.
I even thought that I should just die and gave up living. Everything was hurt, so hurt that I thought that maybe I should jut die so everyone would give up upon me. My mother never leaves my side since then and follows me to every treatment. I always thought that the treatment was useless. The chemotherapy was useless, everything was useless, and I am useless. I can't make my mother smile as other daughters would do to their mother; instead I made her cry to sleep every night. It really, really broke my heart.
Then, I was told to undergo the operation as my kidneys are not functioning anymore. At first I thought everything will be okay, nothing would happen and I will be able to enjoy my life again. But I was wrong. Although I promise everyone that I will fight, I will be strong, I would keep holding on and enjoy my life to the fullest but deep in my heart, I know everyone was still worried about me. And maybe because of that, after my second operation last two weeks, my body refuse to move on, I guess, it's me, it's me who refuse to hold on. I am getting tired with all those pitiful looks and over-caring behaviors from my family and friends. I know they care and heck, I was so happy, so lucky to have those wonderful people around me. But... that's it. I can't help but feel that I am a burden to everyone. Although I am getting better now, I won't be back as free and normal as other people. My life will be restricted as I know exactly my life have to depend on those colorful pills. Whether I want to accept it or not, this is what is determined by fate on me.
And now, I was still in the midst of begging my father to let me continue my second year in my university again. Well, I hope everything went well in the future. At least, I want to have my normal student life. Because, having my normal student life back make me feel independent and may be it would stop my thought about being a burden to anyone or being a useless daughter for my parent. I hope I can at least make my mother smile because of me...she suffered too much and I feel bad. I want to stop those hurtful tears and heal the wound in her heart. It will be my one and only wish and I hope the miracles which always keep me alive will help me achieve this long life dream.
I'm sorry I rant too much. And I'm really sorry if I hurt any of you in my story telling. Thanks for reading. :)
HER INSPIRATIONAL MORAL!
Don't ever give up. Give up is the last thing you should do because sometimes, karma pays a lot earlier than we thought. As in life, no matter how hard we fall, no matter how pain, how sad and how hurt we are, believe me someone around us would face something worse. We just need to open our eyes and be grateful that we only have to face a few problems and at the end of the day, we will realize that those painful memories are the one that teach us to be strong and keep fighting for our lives. :)
I Believe that this is one of the most beautiful life lessons you can teach others! I am very glad you shared your story, it takes lots of courage!
Don't run away!!! Face your problems! You matter to everyone!
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GOD BLESS EVERYONE~~ ^.^ I hope everyone learned something valuable today! ^.^
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