Changsub's balance was off. He couldn't even do the simplest of flip tricks or lip tricks without falling on his . Odd, because by now such things usually came easily to him. Other members would head to the gym to cool off some steam, but Changsub usually took a spin on his skateboard instead. Unfortunately, it wasn't working today. He was much more upset than usual. It'd been building, and building, and building, but something about the way Minhyuk had been resting his head on Eunkwang's shoulder, with his arms wrapped around Eunkwang's back as the leader cooked breakfast this morning just set him off. Knowing if he stayed around he wouldn't be able to control himself, he mumbled something as he walked by, grabbed his skateboard from his closet, and practically ran out the door. The other four members were still milling about, going through their morning routines, and waiting for breakfast, but Changsub's emotions were too out of control. He couldn't think about eating.

To save himself from further embarassment, Changsub picked up his skateboard and headed off to find a more secluded area of the park. Worried some of the others would join him once they felt more awake and ready to welcome the day, he hadn't told them where exactly he'd be going, knowing full well that they'd assume he would head to the only skate park in walking distance of their apartment in Cheongdam-dong. Instead, he headed to the nearby subway and took the short ride to Banpo-dong. It was the same ride he used to take when he found some free time during his trainee days under CUBE. He used to wander through Seorae Village, the neighborhood's French district and, if he had some extra pocket money, get something from one of the many European-style cafes before heading to the park. It was always something he did alone to clear his thoughts and remind himself who he was apart from the other influences in his life. It'd been a long time, however, since he'd gone. He'd been so busy performing with the members and practicing that he'd only gone once since they debuted, and that had been months ago, just after they finished "Insane" promotions.

Further into the park, he sat on a concrete ledge, legs hanging over the side where it dropped into a deep ravine with a stream running through. The density of trees and other vegetation made it feel more private. Leaving the apartment, he'd been feeling anger, but the scenery, familiarity, and solitude here left him with just a calm and deep sorrow. The slight breeze sending him back to think of that past time.

He and Eunkwang had once been something. Meeting at the Modern Music Academy, they had developed a close friendship. They had shared so much of themselves, and neither of them had meant it to happen, but it became a different sort of relationship. Their once friendship had become something so strongly felt by both that, though they never quite realized it, they either had to let it become something else or part ways. It'd all been confusing and difficult at the time, even for Changsub who had had his suspicions of how his mind worked in that sense for a while. Eunkwang though, having a stronger Christian background, had struggled even more so with it, but Changsub had been there for him through it all. Staring at the other side of the ravine across from him, practically an impenetrable wall of vegetation, he remembered all this.

Entering CUBE Entertainment as trainees around the same time, they were quiet about their relationship, keeping it known only by each other, but it was still strong. There wasn't a issue they couldn't solve together. It was only when Eunkwang was told that he would be in the seven member group that was being formed that the older boy began talking about ending their relationship as it was.

It wasn't because Changsub hadn't been put in the group, they both knew there was still a chance for Changsub to be selected to join, but because, as he said at the time, secrets are hard to keep, and it would be better if they focused on their talents as musicians and performers. It wasn't something Changsub wanted, but he wasn't going to pressure Eunkwang to stay. Ultimately, it did happen, and as Changsub watched Eunkwang walk away alone, leaving him sitting at a table outside the cafe which had been their most frequented meeting place, he remembered once hearing that in a relationship, there is always one person who loves the other more, and he wondered if that had been him, if he didn't or had never meant as much to Eunkwang. He knew it was a rude thought, unfair to the other boy, but that's what it was. A thought. Involuntary. Uneccesary. Without solid proof or reason. All he knew for sure was that he'd never be able to return to this cafe or any of "their" places without feeling the pain of his memories with Eunkwang.

They'd talked about the possibility of Changsub being placed as a member in the same group, so it came as no surprise to either that when he did join, they were only old friends, maybe just long-term aquaintances. Two people who had met long ago, when Eunkwang was just begining his training to join an entertainment company and make his debut. Two who had often worked together as trainees under CUBE. Even Hyunsik, who had known Changsub almost as long and who had been added to the group before him, had never known of the relationship, had never met Eunkwang before joining CUBE, and had only rarely heard his name before in conversations with his friend. It stayed a secret. Less than that. Since they didn't speak of it, it disappeared, vanished, as if it had never been.

Now, more than a year later, Changsub sat in a park alone, everyday having to see he two friends become closer as he was left behind. There wasn't a defined relationship between Eunkwang and Minhyuk, but all the members could plainly see the growing feelings between their two hyungs. Changsub would never try to interfere on something like that between two people so dear to him, but it still hurt. It hurt because he still liked Eunkwang, still thought of him as someone he didn't want to live without. It hurt because he was jealous of how comfortable his hyungs were in acting that way around others. After his relationship with Eunkwang had ended, he had tried to focus solely on music and ignore those sort of feelings. To be as open as the two were in front of others had been what Changsub had dreamed he and Eunkwang would be like one day, but instead Changsub had been left behind with his insecurities.

Like this, the young man sat for a few hours, doing his best to clear his head of pointless emotions and wishes. So, when his phone rang, he was caught in a state of unfocused peace, and he answered the device without looking at it.

"Changsub,"

He heard the voice and he was caught off guard.

"Changsub-ah?"

For that moment, he forgot the resentment and jealousy he had been feeling only some hours ago.

"Yeah?"

It came out as some sort of a hoarse whisper, but the other line still caught it.

"Are you still out? We're heading for a late lunch."

"Oh, uh, I am, Eunkwang hyung. I'm with Seungheon right now. I'll meet you guys back at the dorm later."

Quickly getting his wits about him, Changsub said this knowing Seungheon was someone who would cover for him without pushing for an explanation.

"Okay. Have fun; be careful. I'll hang up now."

"Bye, Hyung."

After the call ended, he stayed sitting for a few moments to contemplate. Now he felt silly for his jealousy and spending so much time thinking about the past. It was something he should have accepted as over long ago, but instead he had passed the time by distracting himself from his memories and emotions. Sometimes he did feel a bit wronged, and other times uncomfortable around the two, but that's how it was. He knew he'd be better off accepting it and being a good friend than getting hung up on the past. There still was little possibility of him getting over Eunkwang anytime soon, seeing as over a year since they had split, the feeling persisted, he still felt drawn to the older boy. However, after making a quick call to Seungheon, he stood up with the resolve to accept his position as just a friend and at least take advantage of that as a way to stay by his hyung's side.