For the story title, it didn't have a strong connection to the story as the meaning or purpose of the title only showed at the second half of the story. A good title in my opinion, should have a connection to the story from the start to the end. So, you should try harder in terms of a better title in the future. About the length of the title, it is only a word so it isn't long. Personally, it was fairly good but wasn't the best or suitable one for the story. It mislead me as I had a totally different impression on the story after I read the title and the summary at the story's main-page. Maybe you should have focused the title more on Luhan and Ginni as the word 'Fatal' was too vague for me. Try harder next time! 

I have to say that I enjoyed the characterization for Ginni. She sounded like a frail girl with a weak heart, I mean, every girl on earth is borned like Ginni. So, I can see the flaws you have given to the original character. This made me pleased with her characterization as she sounded realistic. I was shocked when Ginni fell in love with Luhan at first sight. Firstly, if you don't know, many new transfer students will listen to the larger crowd's instructions or words so that they can fit into the new environment.

Instead, Ginni was interested in this little, lost puppy which she had discovered on her first day. I have to admit that the 'fall in love in first sight' plot is a little cliche as I have seen them in many dramas and fanfics. So, it will be better if you would not have included that into the plot development. For readers like me, I prefer incidents where the girl slowly falls in love with the main guy when he treats her very well. This can be included as a good plot development in my opinion. So, simply saying, I have to tell you that your plot is rather direct without any plot twists, so I can pretty much predict what is going to happen in the next scene. I do have to admit that the loner and popular girl scene is very commonly-used in plots so you should have a change in your story so that we can see a more unpredictable side.

Personally, I have to say that Luhan's death was rather familiar in the sense where many characters will die due to sickness or illness. I did question the reasonablility when everyone hated Luhan, there was a reason as to why he was bullied but it wasn't strong enough to persuade the readers as the realistic level wasn't really there. I was thinking in terms of real life activities, there are many students that are in the same plight as Luhan in my school. However, about the friends of Ginni telling her not to go near the boy was a little weird. In my school, no-one will tell you who to friend and who to not friend. Well, simply because everyone doesn't really care about people's friends.

To be honest, if you would like to find this circumstances in the story, I will only think of my grade school/primary school. There are similar cases in which people will gossip about loners but after I proceeded to middle school and high school, there were none of those cases. There were still loners and nerds but advice about befriending them is another different case. So simply saying, that part is a little lacking in realistic level. I will recommend patching up these plot holes or should I say questions so that the story will sound more realistic. 

For me, I can really feel Ginni's character and I found her character development better than Luhan. She sounded a little unique and weird in her thinking as to how she managed to have a different thinking from others about Luhan. One thing I liked about her, I know I have mentioned this above, but her impression on Luhan were purely based on what she had experienced first-hand. This made me very impressed and pleased about her behaviour. It seems like she is a person that believes in no words and no one but herself. She judges only with the acts and things she have seen herself, not by gossip. I found her character very likeable and admirable, having such a heart and personality. She is like a perfect human being in my thinking. I really love her characterization and character development as you used the 'show-not-tell' method to depict Ginni to the characters. Great job!

About Luhan, he sounded actually a little insane and weird to me when you described him in the first part of the story. It was weird when he kept smiling to himself like an idiot, I was astonished by his behaviour as wallflowers normally keep their head low and they never ever smiled in front of people. In fact, they had a great fear for humans as they are afraid that any schoolmate will hurt them. His change of behaviour and actions actually made me surprised of that. Usually, wallflowers have really low-esteem and they can''t seem to be confident in their actions. The way he smiled even though he was always alone and being mocked by his friends still made him smile so happily was again admirable.

This showed me a strong character trait of Luhan, he was optimistic. Again, I can say that you are very good in the showing method by using such a great descriptive writing style to intrigued readers into your piece of writing. I have to say that your writing style is amazing as I was memerize in the small world that you have created for this one-shot. I could perfectly visualize what is happening in the story. So, I have to tell you that you have a wonderful gift of writing, treasure it, my dear. I was as heart-broken as Ginni when I found out that Luhan was going to leave this world. The couple's interaction were a bit lacking when Luhan seemed to only follow her as a normal friend to me. It did look like a one-sided relationship like before as at the interval of the second half, you seemed to be rushing to finish the story. Many parts were somehow uncovered in it and I was lost. So this question was etched in my mind, did Luhan even love her?

I was only convinced when she read the letter and there was this phrase of 'I love you'. I don't know if you planned this purposely as to not show Luhan's feelings or was it just lacking in that part? I do wish that Luhan was a little more obvious in his feelings for Ginni as they were invisible in the story. Again, maybe this is one of the qualities of a wallflower? They tend not to show their initial feelings but in the end, they give the wrong intention to the people they love. I wanted Luhan to be more showy in his feelings as he should assure Ginni about his feelings. But this feeling vanished when I thought that Luhan actually wanted Ginni to move on without him, that showed me another strong personality trait from Luhan, he is selfless from the people he loved! Admirable again!

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Reviewer's notes : I have to apologize if this was a long wait. Thank you for requesting and your writing style is amazing. You are doing great in terms of writing and describing the characters emotions! I haven't read the extra chapter for the story as you specifically written that you don't wish for it to be reviewed. Again, thank you for requesting and I do wish that you can share with me your personal opinions and thoughts. 

-Scarlett

25 January 2014