I looked at the window and drowned myself along with the sounds of the raindrops. The temperature is getting cold but I don't mind it at all. I sighed everytime I looked at the wall clock which is now pointed precisely on the digit 3 in the morning.

 

I looked down to my fingers and I smiled whenever I saw a shiny circular thing wrapped around my sweet finger. The ring never fail to make me smile and it will dashed me back to the moment he was proposing me into our abnormal relationship. He was so determined back then. He really showed me how he wants to make me as his spouse badly. It amazed me that he was willingly wanted to take responsible for the risks that we might encounter if we continue our desire. I sighed again but this time, it's heavier than the last one. My mind flashback to the moment of our first met. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I was arranging the books inside the bookshop I accustomed to work at and I heard the bell of the entrance door chimed, signed that another customer were stepping in. I wasn't all alone with my co-worker, Baekhyun that night. There were few other customers in there though. Perhaps five to seven more people. It was an hour left before I close the bookshop for today's shift. I glanced at the sleepy Baekhyun who was in charge for the counter today. Poor him. He had to go attend his school again tomorrow. Such a hardworking boy. I smiled.

 

I went immersed with my doing, arranging the new stocks of book we received today. I love books so much. It feels like if I don't read in a day, thorns will grow in my eyes. Like a hilarious comparison I heard once, I'll get crazy if I don't burped after I drank Cola. 

 

I continued my work and I suddenly realized that I misplaced a book that weren't suppose to be in this section. I reached for it while I took a glance at the description list and I felt something else. I looked up and to my surprise I wasn't actually holding the said book, but someone else's hand. I turned in reflex and widened my eyes at a taller blonde guy who was at the same time, bulged his eyes on me too. 

 

It takes few moments for me to examine this towering guy's face. A sharp, dazing eyes. His steady pointed and highbridged nose. His reddish and moist lips. His perfectly curved jawline and his body posture reminded me to the Greek Gods in the TV that I watched long time ago. This beautiful stranger made me drooled and jealous at the same time for his perfection.

 

I was wide awake again when I heard him cleared his throat. I looked at him, then I looked up again and gasped when I notice that I was still holding his hand on the book.

 

"Sorry." I said as I pulled my hand rightaway. I grabbed the description of the books list and I steal a glance at him pulling the book out of its shelf. I continued my work again and I swear that I can sense some sharp thing was stabbing me mentally as I realized that I might have a hole burnt on my tanned face. I glanced to the blonde guy and as expected, he was staring at me. I smiled in awkward state and he smiled back, or was it a smirk?

 

"What's your name?" 

 

I return my gaze on him as I looked him reading the description at the back of the book. "Eh?" I asked back. He chin up and smiled on my face. "Were you talking to me?" I pointed my index finger on my nose. He nodded in indeed confident. He leaned on another strong wooden shelf and folded his arms crossed. And gosh, he looks outstandingly charming in such breath taking position. I scratched the back of my neck and smiled awkwardly. "It's Kim Jongin." 

 

"Kim Jongin?" He rephrased. He stood back on his feets and stepped closer to me. He lifted his right hand and gave it to me. I looked at his hand before I reached for it. Our hands clasped together and shook. I looked up to the taller guy again.

 

 

"I'm Wu Yifan. But, call me Kris. Nice to meet you."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The sound of the door being slammed hard made me startled and wide awake from my dream. I realized that I was fall asleep on the couch while I was waiting for Kris to return home. I glanced at the clock. It's 3:46 in the morning. I massaged my head firmly and noticed that he already went home in his usual way. I heard him whining and cursing incoherently, since I don't know Chinese. "Jagiya?" I called and he instantly stopped from his current doings. It was dark because I already switched off the light of our living room. I stepped toward him and he looked at me in frown. He walked to me in his unstabilised movements and I could just helplessly watched. I don't want to step forward and help him up because he might ended up yelling at me like before and I'm tired of that. The smells of strong alcohol smeared the air around me. I wondered how much did he drink last night.

 

"Jagiya?" I called back and he ended up beaming himself on the floor. As I couldn't take it anymore, I sprinted to him and help him up. This time, he didn't yell or shout back at me. I wrapped his arm around my shoulder and I brought him into our room.

 

 

 

 

 

 

I cleaned him up already and I placed his head on the pillow softly as the older guy already snoring in his sleep. I grabbed the bundle of his worksuit and threw them into the cloth basket. I laid myself next to him and stared at his calm face. My hand reached for his now short and black hair. He looked more mature like this.

 

"What happened to you?" I whispered to him even though I know he won't reply me back. But same thing goes to him even he's wide awake. He refused to answer to me. 

 

 

 

It was all silent. Except the sounds of his soft snoring and the raindrops outside. 

 

 

 

My mind flashbacked again to our first meeting, our first mutual confessions, our first date, our first kiss, and all in all. I missed the moment we were having before and all I wish is for us to keep being like that again. Like before. I glanced on his fingers and I expect something that might hurt me again. And I was right. He's not wearing the ring that was one alike with mine. I sighed for the nth times. I've been spying him down and even hired some professional guys to know what he was doing and out of my surprise, he was having another man beside me. He's been keeping a younger boy named Chanyeol as his new lover and all I acknowledge they're dating for almost a year now. I cried all over the time and it hurt me more when I asked him the reason why he behaves like this is not a thing that I should know. He keep himself mute and will talk about unrelevant thing that he thinks it could distract me.

 

 

 

 

Who am I actually to you, Kris? I asked him, mentally. I glared on his beautiful face again and I felt warm tears abducted from the brim of my eyes. I cried for many reasons. Our broken 5 years relationship, our uncelebrated anniversary last night, the fact you're cheating on my back, you make me feel useless by your side, about you taking off our wedding ring with no reason, someone else brings you into his arms and he's into yours, you give your affections toward other person who's not your rightful spouse, that lips of yours that were no longer planted on mine but on someone else, that you're no longer saying the words 'I Love You' to me anymore at every morning like before, and more that will hurt me mercilessly if I continue to jot the list down.

 

 

Perhaps I sniffed too loud that made him awake from his sleep. He turned his head to me and I abruptly wiped my tears away. "Jongin-ah?" His whisper hurt me a lot and I looked away. I turned around and gave my back to his sight. I can feel that he lifted his body up and leaned closer to me. I closed my eyes and pretend to sleep. I feel his warm breath on my exposed neck and I felt an electricity stream jolted down to my spine when he kissed me there. "What's wrong, jagiya?" He asked but I shook my head. I don't know why am I keep returning to him after a few times we fought about this. Yes, he knows that I know everything about him. But still, I can't believe how obviously stupid I am to keep loving him endlessly. 

 

 

 

"I'm sorry." He leaned his head on my neck and I respond nothing. He knew why was I crying and why on hell he didn't change at all? Or is he already stop loving me?

 

 

 

 

"I can't leave him. I love him."

 

 

 

 

Those words killed me mentally and I was all in dead state. I can feel my heart was stop beating and once again tears went down to its way. Away from my eyes. "I know." I replied back in a shaky, trembled voice and I facepalmed myself. I cried inside my palms. Those words he said just now was the ones that I scared the most. And it all went out earlier than I expect. But I don't want to end it here, at this fast and this cruelly. I helplessly don't want to end this up without me fighting for it. But what can I do? What are you capable of, Jongin? Absolutely nothing.

 

 

Kris scooped his arm to my lower side and wrapped my waist. He pulled me closer and beamed his face in my back. I cried really like a heartbroken hopeless person and I can't help myself. It was all obvious now. He used to be my life, my sweetest life ever. And when he said the words, my life ends there. He's the best thing that ever exist in my life. How can I live without him after this?

 

 

I felt warm tears at my back and I realized he was crying too. "I'm sorry. I'm really sorry, Jongin." He sobbed and tighten his hold around me."I'm sorry." He whispered again.

 

I turned around and tried to be as brave as I can. He looked at my reddened face and so am I. "It's okay." My lips said but my heart says the otherwise. Kris shook his head. "No, you're not. I hurt you so much and I'm a bastard that are useless to you. I hurt you, Jongin. I know I did. I'm sorry. But I can't lie to both of us. That I... That I.. " He stammered. I know he was afraid to continue his words. I know he don't want to hurt me again but the problem was, he already did. He already did hurt me even though he don't want to.

 

 

 

 

 "... That you don't love me anymore.." I helped him finish his sentence. He stared at my face in a long time and he was completely dazed. He surprised that I know what he was trying to say. I looked away. He sniffled and nodded his head. 

 

 

"But I can't help myself from stop loving you, Kris." I let out a pathetic chuckle. Tears streamed down again, realizing how silly I am for loving a guy who don't have his love on me anymore. I beamed my face into my already wet palms again. I sobbed harder.

 

Kris turned to me again and pulled me into his embrace, which I craved a lot for, and perhaps this could be the last one. His tears fell onto my face and rolled down along with my tears. He pressed his temple with mine and I couldn't bear to look into his eyes. Those eyes that brighten my loveliest days before. Those eyes that made me become madly in love with him. God... I love him so much. I love him with my entire heart but why did he have the will to do this for me? I questioned my fate and I can't deal with the life being unfair to me. My love toward this guy is as pure as the heaven's will, as strong as everything might come across, as big as the endless celestial and why? Why it has to be like this?

 

"I'm sorry. I'm truly sorry. Punish me as much you want. Hate me as much as you want, Jongin." He sobbed in a total mess and that include me. I shook my head. "I can't... I can't, Kris.. I can't." He cupped my face. "Please, Jongin. I'll receive anything from you. This might haunt me for the rest of my life. Please..."

 

And again, I shook my head. "If you want me to do those things for the sake I'm leaving you, I can't."

 

"But you have to. I can't keep you forever here, Jongin. It'll hurt you much worser. You don't deserve me. You deserve someone better than me. Someone who never hurt you. Someone who never leave your side. Someone who never abandon and cheat on you, Jongin. Someone who will faithfully love you until the last breath." He said again. I looked down and the rainy weathers outside our apartment became heavier. The sky is crying with us. My tears keep streaming down on my cheeks as heavy as the flow of raindrops out there.

 

 

I slowly nodded my head. If this could make him feel better and happy, I complied to it then. I'll do anything for him. Because the reason I'm still loving him hurt me a lot that I'm willingly have to let him go. His happiness is mine too but what's the use if his happiness is for another guy instead of me? I sacrificed my everything, in order to make him happy. It hurt me, I admit it. But can I live normally after this? I know that I need to move on but it might takes years for me to heal entirely. Or perhaps, forever. God, if anything happened to me, there's just one thing that I want you to help me with. Take good care of him. Never let him feel what I feel. Make them the happiest couple ever. Don't let him cry and don't let him get hurt. He is as precious as the rarest gem in the world for me. And all I want are all the best for him. I love him. I love him so damn much. Maybe I should let him go for his own happiness, and that's what I've been thinking. There's no hope for us again. No more.

 

"Just one more day." I murmured and stared him in the eyes. "One more day. Just let me be with you one more day and I'll go by the next dawn. You will live happily with him on the day after but please, Kris, I beg you. Just.. Just let me love you in one more day and I swear nothing happened between us soon after that." I pleaded to him shamelessly as I cling on his body. I threw my pride away because of me deadly still in love with him. He hugged me tightly but not as he always do. His hug contained no love. Not at all. It's really true that he already have nothing left for me but heaving guiltness. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

- Love is a game. And your heart is the dice. Once you participate the game and throw the dice, you're putting your heart in risks. You don't know what will happened next. You're lucky when the dice gave you big numbers and you're not if it were otherwise. You might broke your heart numerously but for sure, your real love will come. If your true love won't appear in your lifetime, don't worry. God is being fair and He give you the most suitable one up there. The forever love you craved for. It's just you have to wait and struggle for it. Many people will come in and dash out from your life. Fight for your life and love. The pain is just temporary and imagine it as a momentary fever. -

 

 

 

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a/n

 

okay.. to be honest.. *sobs* when I write this, I placed myself into Jongin's position and damn, I can't take it.. It's ruining my sight.. lol.. I cried a lot and I put all my best for this oneshot and thanks for subscribing/commenting.. I love you all~ <3 chu~ *3*

 

Forgive me for putting such a terrible, heartbroken, sad ending for our KaiRis.. T..T

 

I'm a huge KaiRis shipper and I must admit that I love rare OTPs... Because I love something that possible.. at first, I thought I was the only one who deeply in love with KaiRis, but I was wrong.. there's a lot of people who thought the same as mine, and I'm thankful for all of you that giving these two hotties lots of love.. many people might find me weird and uneasy when I ship them (KaiRis), but I don't mind it at all.. I can do what I want and you can do yours, so get the shut, okay? hoho 

 

I'm not a gay shipper, actually, but I like to see,wait, scratch that, like to imagine them together, because honestly, it feels bored to see them with the same person almost everytime, am I right? This pairing deserve a lot of love and I'm giving them mine.. So, for KaiRis shippers out there, saranghaja! Let's love them together! <3

 

 

p/s It doesn't mean that I hate other OTPs though, don't get me wrong.. I love them too kekekeke

 

Okaiii... Sorry that I'm chitchatting here... Mianeeyyooo... >///< End of words, I hope you guys enjoy your readings and let's pray that there will be no such thing for typos in here!! XD

 

tata ^^