Why does it hurt so much? Why am I acting like this? What should I do?

All those thoughts spinned around in Taekwoon’s head as he sobbed and hugged Hakyeon’s pillow even closer to his chest. The smell of his boyfriend made all the memories return, and they broke his heart, crushed it into small pieces.

Taekwoon took another sip from the almost empty vodka bottle, and the strong liquid burned down his throat.

He ran his free hand trough his black long hair and sighed.

“Why aren’t you here baby? I miss you so much!” Taekwoon emptied the bottle and threw it amongst the others on the floor.

He didn’t have the strenght to go and get more alcohol. Instead, he buried his head in the pillow and cried even more.

Taekwoon cried for what seemed to be an eternity. Hakyeon left four days ago, and Taekwoon hadn’t stopped crying ever since. Even in his sleep, he cried. And the nightmares didn’t make in easier for him.

With Hakyeon’s pillow in his arms, he fell asleep on the couch.

“Come on, I’ll show you what’s inside that room! I’m sure you’ll like it!”

“I’m not sure...”

“I don’t bite!”

“Okay”

Taekwoon took the other man’s hand and followed him too the dark room. When they arrived, the door closed and all light dissapeared.

As Taekwoon’s eyes adjusted to the dark, he could see a man’s silhouette. The thing that disturbed Taekwoon the most, was that he couldn’t see the other’s face.

“Are you scared?” Taekwoon could feel the man’s breath in his neck. It sent shivers down his spine, and he didn’t like it.

“N-no”

“Oh I think you are! But it’s ok, I wont do anything bad that you don’t deserve” The man placed one of his hands at Taekwoon’s shoulder, and squeezed it tightly.

A sudden pain flashed through his back and forced Taekwoon to fall down to his knees.  He gasped for air and shut his eyes tight. The pain increased and spread to his neck and legs.

“W-what did y-you do?”

“You deserve this” The man spat at him, and after that, Taekwoon could not feel his presence anymore. The man was gone, but not the unbearable pain that now filled his whole body. Taekwoon screamed and twitched on the floor.

He woke up all sweaty and nauseous. His heart felt like it would burst out of his chest any moment.

The same dream had haunted him everytime he fell asleep since Hakyeon left. Taekwoon coverd his mouth, and ran to the bathroom. While leaning over the toilet, he emptied his stomach.

When he was sure that he wasn’t going to vomit again, he dragged himself back to the couch. He picked up Hakyeon’s pillow and buried his face in it.

“Why are you yelling at me?” Hakyeon raised his voice at Taekwoon and leaned his hand against the kitchen counter.

“Because, your clothes are all over the floor! Please pick them UP!” Taekwoon argued back, the anger quickly rising in him.

Hakyeon gave him a challenging glare.

“No! I won’t because I can leave them there if I want to!”

Taekwoon knew Haekyeon wouldn’t back down, but he was too damn pissed off to try to stop the fight. “Now you’re acting like a total ! Please, Hakyeon, pick them up!”

“Oh, so now I am a too! Thank you very much Taekwoon!”

“Jesus ing christ, I didn’t mean it in that way!”

“You did! And you never do anything for me! You could at least kiss me once in a while, or hold my hand!” Hakyeon yelled at the other boy.

“I do that all the time!”

“Not enough! And do you buy me gifts? NO YOU DON’T!”. Tears started to well up in Hakyeon’s eyes.

“I can’t believe this!” Taekwoon said and rubbed his temples “Why are you such a diva today?”

“Oh so now I’m a diva too!”

“Yes you are!”

“If you hate me so much why are we still together?” Hakyeon yelled, even louder this time.

“I don’t know! Don’t you never think about how I feel? It’s always about you!”

“I can’t take this anymore Taekwoon! We’ve been fighting for three weeks now. I am leaving!”

“FINE!”

“FINE!” Hakyeon stormed out from the apartment and slammed the door shut.

The sound of Hakyeon screaming at Taekwoon hurt him to the bottom of his soul. The one he loved with everything he was left him. And when he left, Taekwoon couldn’t live with himself. It was all his fault.

“Just kill me already!” He whispered in the pillow. He was still crying, and the pillow started to get wet. But at that moment, Taekwoon could not care less.

He jumped in his seat when the dorbell rang, but he didn’t move. He wouldn’t open the door. He did not care if his friends were worried, or anything. He wanted to be alone.

But the bell didn’t stop ringing.

“I’m not home!” Leo screamed. Still, the bell wouldn’t stop ringing.

“Please! Leave me alone!” The sound stopped. Instead, the person started knocking. Almost banging on the door.

“Alright alright, I’m coming!” Taekwoon stood up angrily and stomped over to the door. When he opened he got surprised, the person outside the door was the last person he’d expected. The forming tears in Taekwoon’s eyes welled over and streamed down his cheeks.

He opened his mouth to say something, but not a single word came out. The sight infront of him made him nervous.

He stared at the crying Hakyeon with swollen cheeks and red eyes.

“I am so sorry babe” Hakyeon said and threw himself intoTaekwoon’s arms.