Jessica's POV

Awkward

That's the best word to describe what was happening to me at that time.

I didn't know what to do. Everything was too fast.

I wasn't expecting this or to be precised, NEVER EXPECTING this to happen.

Well, it's already been 11 freaking years! why would someone coming back now? why now? why not 5 years ago? why now??

What does she want from him?

This is what I see from my point of view. 

She was standing there while giving him a warm smile.

While Jae was at the same position. Not moving at all as if he was glued to the floor. Mouth and eyes wide open.

I had to say something.

This is beyond awkward.

"aaa.... I have to go now because I have errands to run." I quickly took my bag on the sofa and rushed towards the door. But she blocked it. 

She smiled. "aren't you going to catch cold by wearing that? you should change your clothes because the temperature started to drop all of the sudden outside." she looked at me from top to toe.

I looked down. Taken aback by what she said. She was right though. It's just that, my clothes were in his room. It would be awkward to go into his room while she's there.

I decided not to go back into his room and just leave the house. With that oversize t-shirt without pants. I walked as fast as I could. 

"Jess! wait! where are you going?" I heard Jae's voice.

But I was fast enough to get into the elevator and disappear from the scene.

Without me realizing it, tears started to roll down on my cheek.

"I hate my life."

Jaejoong's POV

I was about to take my clothes off when Jessica called me.

"oppa, you have guest!" she called me.

So, I went out to see who it was.

I couldn't believe my eyes. Is my mind playing tricks on me?

It's her.

The woman that changed my life.

she's there standing with the same smile that she gave me 11 years ago when she departed at the airport.

"ggggyyuuriii???" I was shaking at that time. I couldn't get that name out of my mouth. Ironically, I have been thinking that name every single day.

That's it. I couldn't move or even say anything. I was spellbound. 

What is going on? This is definitely a dream. It's not real! 

What the ! 

"aaa....I have to go now because I have errands to run." Jessica said before she took her bag and headed for the door.

"aren't you going to catch cold by wearing that? you should change your clothes because the temperature started to drop all of the sudden outside." Gyuri adviced her.

Jessica looked uncertain because she was basically wearing my shirt with no pants. I was about to head back to my room and grabbed her clothes when she was already halfway at the corridor.

"Jess! wait! where are you going?" I ran after her but she was already inside the elevator and the door closed by the time I reached it. I was so disappointed and I hit the elevator's door so hard that even the whole building could hear it. "Damn!! argghhh!!!" It took me a while to digest everything that was happening to me at that short period of time. Everything happened too fast and I was so disappointed with myself because I couldnt do anything about it. 

"Jae, what is happening? I am sorry to intrude your morning like this." 

That voice. 

I turned my body around to face that person. I looked at her. She still looked the same. Never aged at all. 

Beautiful as always.

But I dont know, part of me is telling me to shove her away from my life but part of me is telling me the opposite. But two emotions were dominating my mind at that moment. Disappointment and anger.

My eyes started to tear up. I couldnt control my body from shaking up. "Gyuri..."

She smiled and started to approach me. "yes?"

I snorted. "yes? that's all you can say to me? after 11 ING YEARS? ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND???!!" I shrieked at her.

She sighed. "okay, I know that you are mad at me right now but can we please settle this inside your house? I dont want to make a scene in front of your neighbours." she said before heading back inside my house.

I walked back to my house and slammed the door shut once we were inside. "okay now, we are ING INSIDE THE HOUSE! SPEAK!" I said as I could no longer contain my anger.

She gave out a deep sigh. "Alright. Let's calm down and talk this through." she said before taking a seat on my sofa. 

I sat opposite of her but I avoided her gaze.

"Jae, can you at least look at me while I am talking?" she pleaded.

I snorted. "why should I? I am too mad right now."

She lowered her head. "You have all the rights to be mad at me. I know. Leaving you behind for too long without anything is.....unforgivable." Her eyes tear up. "But I do have my own reasons. So, please do hear me out."

I sighed and turned my head towards her direction. "I am listening."

She cleared . "So, basically, we still contacted each other the first year. I was so happy everytime I got your letters. I kept all those letters in a box and I still have it." she smiled. "But you know what? there's something that I didnt tell you when we were dating." She cleared . "My parents didnt know that we were dating at that time."

I was shocked by what she told me. "what? so, all those years, they didnt know about us? But we promised to get married and you said that even your dad approves it!"

I...........lied.." she lowered her head again. Trying to avoid my sharp gaze. 

I scoffed. "This is unbelievable! and you didnt even dare to tell them the truth? ABOUT US?" 

She started to cry. "I know. I was such a coward but you have to understand my situation! my dad is a businessman who is very influential in business world! He's the one who decides my future husband! Remember those days when you wanted to come to my house because you wanted to meet my parents but I rejected the idea? This is the reason why."

"This is just great! why are you telling me all of this now? why cant you tell me all of this years ago??!" Tears started to well up in my eyes. "So that I wouldnt put my hopes too high for you. Hoping that you will come back..........to me.." I couldnt stop the tears from streaming down my face.

"Jae, I am so sorry." she said while sobbing her hearts out. "But I was suffering too. Do you know why I stopped replying your letters or emails? I told my mum about us and she was furious about it. She said that she had already picked my future husband." She tried to control her tears but failed. "He was the son of my father's friend. They want us to get married as soon as possible. So, they sent him to Ireland for the wedding." She stopped.

"and?" I asked.

"I didn't want to get married and so,my parents threatened me. If I rejected him, they will make your life miserable back in Korea." She stopped to wipe the tears that kept on streaming down her face. "You know what I did? I quit college and I ran away from that place. No one knew where I was."

Again, another shocking news. "what?? you quit college? why?? isn't that your dream? to become a doctor? what happened to that?"

She sighed. "can't you see? rejecting him and accepting you will make the matter worse. So, I rejected both of you in a way. I really want to be with you, I really do but.... I was embarrassed to see you. You were the one who pushed me towards my dream to become a doctor and I..... disappointed you." 

"Gyuri... that was your dream.. why waste it just like that?" I said before letting out a big sigh. "so, that's why you never contacted me at all? because you were scared that I would be mad at you? is that it?" I asked for clarification.

She nodded.

I straightened up my posture. "Gyuri, listen. I supported your dream because that's what you wanted to do all along. I have seen your effort. And now, because of me, you leave all that behind? I love you so much Gyuri but your reason for not seeing me is unacceptable." I said. "I waited for you for 11 freaking years! can you imagine anyone doing that? No! I did that because I trust in you and I believe that you will come back. Everyone around me is calling me stupid for doing this."

"Jae.."

I continued. "you could at least ended it nicely years ago. You turned me into a man with no feelings. I wasted my 11 years just like that. Longing for you."

She looked at me with her sad eyes. "Jae.. I am soo sorry. I don't know how to make it up to you. Please forgive me." she sat beside me and held both of my hands. "Now that I am back, do you still love me?"

That question struck me like a thunder. "well, that's the problem. I am in the process of.. forgetting you.. I want to move on and I have... someone else now.."

"oh.. so, that girl just now.. is my replacement?" she asked.

"well, she's nice and I am happy when ever she's around. She's my lifesaver. Saving me from drowning in past love." I said.

A tear escaped her eyes. "is she any better than me?"

I sighed. "Gyuri.. I cant compared her to you because we started to date a few weeks ago. We are still in the process of knowing each other."

"so, I am still better than her? Am I right?" she was so determined to get the right answer to her question.

I stood up. I couldn't stand this any longer. "Gyuri, stop it! I told you! I cant compare!"

She stood up as well. "Jae, these past few years, I never forget about you! the pain of not being able to see your face had caused me to succumb into depression. Look at this!" she showed me scars on her wrist. 

I approached her and held her hand. "Gyuri, what have you done? why did you do this to yourself?" 

"I was in dilemma. I didnt know whether I should see you or not. I dont want to see your hurt expression when you hear me quitting college. It hurts to think what happened to me after I quit college. I started to work in multiple jobs. Trying to earn a living. It was difficult time for me."

It was sad to see her cried and I didnt know what happened but my body started to embrace her in a hug. Trying to calm her down. I guess, the dominant emotions at that time were pity and love. There is part of me that still loving her. 

which I hate myself for having it. 

Do I still love her?

Jessica's POV

I went straight to the bathroom and the shower as soon as I reached home. I sat under it with that oversize t-shirt still on. The water made me calm in way.

I didnt know what to think anymore.

I knew it.

Everything was too good to be true.

I will never be happy in my life. That's the fact.

God hates me so much for killing my own father.

I wanted to protect my mother. Is that wrong?

Why do I have to live in this nightmare?

*ring ring ring*

the phone rang but I knew who called. I was not in the mood to talk to anyone. Especially him.

*beep*

there's one voicemail.

I turned off the shower and I listened to it.

" Jess, I am really sorry for what happened. I wasn't expecting this to happen. Everything was happening too fast and I am still in the state of shock. We need to talk and we can do that once both of us are calmed. And... all I can say is that, this matter is complicated and... I hope that you can give me more time to think this out. I am sorry..really really sorry for causing you much pain. I hope you understands..."

*beep* 

P.s I am soo sorry for not updating for soooong long.. I am busy with classes and finals.. So, thanks to my subbies and non subbies (please do subscribe) for reading this fic. I promise you guys that I will finish it! Read it and don't forget to comment! Thanks!