Baekhyun dangles his feet off the window ledge and looks down the 18 storey fall. He has never been afraid of heights since he can remember. Even his seven year old mind can recognise that one slip and he falls to his death, but even though he doesn’t want to die, he can’t bring himself to be frightened either.

On the other side of the apartments, seven year old Chanyeol looks up into the sky to see two tiny light skinned sticks stuck to the side of an apartment. His mind registers the strangeness of the sight, but doesn’t link it to anything, and he continues on with his hand in his mother’s.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Eight year old Chanyeol wakes up to a light tapping on the window. The pixie-faced boy, Baekhyun, is here today as well. He met him last Friday, while in a park. Hurry Baekhyun says We don’t have much time. Chanyeol lets him take his hand as they run towards a forbidden land – the carnival.

The rides sway up and down and make Chanyeol feel half dizzy, until he leans for support against Baekhyun, who drags him to a stall to buy candyfloss. Chanyeol doesn’t like the sickly-sweet taste, but he loves the magic of the floss, the brightness of the colour, and most of all he likes the way Baekhyun giggles when it melts on his tongue.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Nine year old Chanyeol doesn’t see Baekhyun at all. He doesn’t realise what the pang in his chest is for in the summer, until he turns ten.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ten year old Chanyeol grins maniacally when his friend Kyungsoo comes round. Kyungsoo is nice, and cute and he already knows how to make ice-lollies out of Ribena and water. The sweet coldness makes Chanyeol think of Baekhyun for some reason. His lolly melts.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Eleven year old Chanyeol is walking when he sees a bloodied, dirty eleven year old Baekhyun sitting in the street. Chanyeol doesn’t quite remember him, but he instinctively takes his hand in Baekhyun’s and, feeling a sense of familiarity, takes him home. He gets shouted at that night.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Twelve year old Chanyeol doesn’t speak to Baekhyun very much. His parents are out of the house almost every day, trying to get legal documents for Baekhyun, and Chanyeol can hear muffled shouts when they return home late at night. Baekhyun sometimes wordlessly stands by the doorway, staring at Chanyeol sadly before turning and walking to his own mattress. Chanyeol watches his silhouette and goes to sleep.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Thirteen year old Chanyeol sleeps in a tiny room with Baekhyun, only covered by a thin blanket as their mum struggles for them both. The hurt of Chanyeol’s dad leaving has passed, and some nights they curl up against each other for warmth. Baekhyun knows he is the reason, is wise beyond his years, but doesn’t say anything as he sees Chanyeol close his eyes, his head tucked beneath Baekhyun’s.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Fourteen year old Chanyeol gets his first growth spurt, along with his first fight. Baekhyun stands in the corner wordlessly as Chanyeol punches the boy’s face and in turn gets a bruise all over his stomach for a week. Baekhyun rarely says anything while Chanyeol struggles to get into a position at night which doesn’t hurt.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Fifteen year old Chanyeol skips school to work, while Baekhyun stays in school to study. At the beginning, Baekhyun shows Chanyeol his homework, and Chanyeol stares, trying to absorb all the information. He works longer hours after that, as their mum begins to get more and more sick.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sixteen year old Chanyeol gets more in his Christmas stocking than Baekhyun. His mum still stares at Baekhyun like he is to blame, and Baekhyun still looks down at the floor guiltily, or wordlessly stalks off, vanishing for hours. Chanyeol kisses Baekhyun that year, a Wednesday when Baekhyun disappeared for more than five hours. Baekhyun looks up sadly, then disappears for good.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Seventeen year old Chanyeol gets kicked out of his job at a shop, and then gets refused work as he can’t read properly. His mum is better, but her job isn’t going anywhere and the house prices are rising. His bed in cold at night from the absence of Baekhyun.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Eighteen year old Chanyeol persuades a friend to give him the books for a crash course in A-level and repeats two years. He gets good results, but he lives in a smaller room each month and his diet becomes scarce.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Nineteen year old Chanyeol looks like a stick, and his teachers resort to giving him food. One kind teacher goes with him to hospital when he faints, and takes him home when better. He is saddened to see his ‘address’ is false. But he is only a teacher, and he convinces himself he cannot do any more.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Twenty year old Chanyeol gets a reasonable job in business and starts working his way up. His house grows and even though his mum passed away, he is the happiest since Baekhyun left. He takes a precious three weeks holiday to look for someone who has been missing for four years.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Twenty one year old Chanyeol goes to a carnival one day to find Baekhyun walking across a tight rope. When Baekhyun sees him, he falls, but the safety net catches him, and Chanyeol grabs onto his waist as soon as he is on the ground. Sixteen year old and ten year old Chanyeol may have let Baekhyun go, but twenty one year old Chanyeol has learnt enough. He kisses Baekhyun, remembers the face looking kindly at him, remembers the note which he left, remembers the whispered confession in the night which Chanyeol ignored. Baekhyun looks up at him and Chanyeol feels the gap in his heart closing up. They are home.