CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT

Sanghyuk grips the journal tighter, his lips a grim line and tears threatening to spill from his eyes. He couldn’t believe it; couldn’t believe the words he had just read. Was that really how he felt? How he perceived them? Was it him talking? Or was it someone else? There were so many questions running around Sanghyuk’s mind that he couldn’t keep himself from spilling a few silent tears. Sanghyuk didn’t want to believe it; didn’t want to believe and yet, he knew the truth lacing his words, knew it so well.

There were a lot of things Sanghyuk didn’t want to believe, a lot of things he wished were nothing but an awful dream. Often times, Sanghyuk found himself wondering; have I done something to deserve this or did I do something so terrible in my previous life to deserve this. Of course, these were nothing but empty questions he asked himself to at least give him a little bit of comfort. There were, after all, things Sanghyuk found himself unable to tell his hyungs. His ‘dreams’ were one thing he found hard to open up, more so when they started coming true. After all, how can you tell the people you grew to call family that you saw them die? Fortunately though, not all of his dreams come true, but still, Sanghyuk feels anxious.

He could still remember it; the first time he had been called to a killing assignment, how his hands trembled as he lightly touched the gun, how his stomach churned as he looked at his target but even more, he could still remember the look on the man as he spoke. “Boy, everything’s going to be alright. I hope you don’t blame yourself. I do find it sad, though, how a young boy like you is being used but I guess, we’re in the same boat, huh,” the man looked at him straight in the eyes as he said this, before lowering his head, preparing himself for that fatal shot.

At first, Sanghyuk only did it for the recognition. Even if it did come from the person speaking to them inside their heads. The feeling he felt whenever the voice had said ‘good job’ oddly made it alright. He was, no, he is a fool, he knew that, accepted it. He had allowed himself to be controlled, to be manipulated by a voice they didn’t even know if it truly existed. Sure, maybe they had no other choice. Maybe they weren’t conscious. But were they really? Some of the adults had, although whispered, said that the serum acted on subconscious thoughts. Did that mean he – they – subconsciously wanted to kill? If yes, then, weren’t they monsters – each one of them?

It was no longer a fault of coincidence, Sanghyuk knew that. Whenever he pulled the trigger, a small voice inside him would tell him that he was doing a good job, and maybe, a tiny bit of Sanghyuk believed that. He knew it was wrong, knew that he had no right to play with people and yet, he did. He still did. He was a Jekyll and yet, he found himself wondering if he was turning into a Hyde.

On times like these, Sanghyuk often asked himself what’s wrong with righting everything wrong in the world? He was doing something good, something right. There was nothing wrong with it, was there? Wrong. He isn’t God – none of them are. They have no right to play with life. No one likes what they’re doing, not even the Hydes, right…-

Sanghyuk wakes up with a jolt, sweat covering his forehead and his hands trembling. He looks to his side and sees the both Hakyeon and Jaehwan were sleeping. ‘It’s just a dream,’ he thinks to himself – persuades himself when in fact, he knew just how true his dream – premonition­ was. No. It was no dream, nor was it a premonition. It was a memory. A memory he can’t recall having but knew all too well that it was true. He glances at the sleeping figures of Hakyeon and Jaehwan as the scene replays in his mind.

“It’s never that simple, Taekwoon. We’re being manipulated. Used. Nobody enjoys this,” he pauses. “Except maybe you, little murderer,”

i updated! again! O____O well, i realized that Hyuk barely made an appearance in the previous chapter so here is a little inner-thought Hyokie for you all. with this chapter, all little titles have been revealed, well not really.

so basically LITTLE ANGEL - HAKYEON. LITTLE MURDERER - TAEKWOON. LITTLE PUPPET - WONSHIK. LITTLE DEVIL - HONGBIN AND LITTLE FOOL - HYUK WHICH MEANS LITTLE SAINT - JAEHWAN.

ALSO.......RAVI'S APPEARING IN SHOW ME THE MONEY 4!!! HE ALREADY PASSED THE FIRST ROUND! HOOOORAAAAAY. I'M KINDA SCARED AND EXCITED AT THE SAME TIME.

a HONGBIN centric chapter is next, though i haven't started on it so i don't know when will it be up. i just hope it'll be soon.

LIKE ALWAYS, COMMENTS ARE GREATLY APPRECIATED.