I never thought I would be sitting here in your favorite church, among these people that claimed they know you and love you. It makes me kind of jealous to know so many people love you, because no one should love you more than I do. 

You always loved to be the centre of attention, so here you are. Dressed so beautiful just like I remember, always outshining the rest, sun, moon, and stars.

You’re still beautiful dressed in white like that. You’ve always loved white, not as much as you loved pink, but still. You even said that you wanted to live in a place filled with white things. I guess you would get what you've always wanted now.
Remember the first time we met? You were walking down the street by yourself. Dressed in all white, your eyes were fixed to the little device you had on your hand. If I didn’t know any better, I would’ve thought you were an angel. Well, me being me, fell down and you helped me and I think you liked me then, because you said yes when I asked you to lunch. It was the start of our journey, wasn’t it?

Your face looked so content, as I walked to find a chair just a few feet away but miles apart.

Did you see them Kibum?
When you made your way down the aisle, I take a good look around. Almost everyone had tears in their eyes, and I notice their hands are trembling. I know they were thinking about how beautiful you look despite the circumstances. I can’t help but feel this slight happiness in my heart. I consider myself lucky. Because I had been able to call you mine. I had been able to have that beauty whispered sweet words of love to me at night and have him holding on to me for so long. Thank you for giving me that chance.

I look up to where you are. I can see how your eyes were closed and your pretty little lips stretched out into a faint smile. I know you’re happy but I look away. I just can’t keep staring at you knowing that I had no power to bring you back to me. Still, I didn’t stop wishing for a miracle. 
I closed my eyes too, joining you. My mind starts taking me back to our last month together. 

You were tired, you’ve claimed so many times. You wanted to give up but I wouldn’t have any of those. I told you that I would do anything to keep us together, to keep you here with me. But you shrugged your shoulders, with tears streaming down your porcelain face. You kept saying nothing would ever work, it was useless, and that we have come to the end of our journey together. I told myself then, you were just saying that.
Little did I know, you really did give up. 
We could’ve been forever. Although I’m really not that naive, I knew someday you’d leave. I didn’t expect it to be so soon. At least not when we were so happy together.

I regret the moment to this day. But I realized now, you’re in a better place.

With my head hung low, I see the priest talking from the corner of my eyes, but none of his words reach my ears. The words from my heart are far too loud to be ignored. Looking at you upon the altar made me realize just how happy you are going to be. How you will move to a place much better than here, with someone that can take care of you, look out for you, better than I ever could.

I want to be selfish. To get up from my seat, grab you, and scream out my frustration to the whole church, blaming whoever’s responsible for taking you away from me, even if it were fate. But I can’t and I won’t. I’ve promised to you to be strong. Just like you said that night we found out our forever was near.

After you left the room, that’s when it suddenly dawned on me again. You were gone. I would never see your beautiful eyes lit up with emotions again. I would never feel the warmth of your embrace after a long day at work again. I would never hear the soft whispers of I love yous again. Those thoughts make me feel sick as the same salty tears find slid their way across my cheeks.
I hold on to the hope that one day our paths would cross again. We might not be Lee Jinki and Kim Kibum then, but it’s going to be alright. Because we’ll fall in love all over again and maybe, just maybe that time you wouldn’t have to leave so fast.

-end-