You just knew. You saw it in his eyes before he was even in front of you. You quickened your pace down the hall way of school to be by Jongin's side in seconds. You took his wrist before pulling him off to the court yard of the school. The two of you sat at your usual bench and he broke down in front of you.

 

Between his sobs you picked up most of what he was saying. Your heart was crumbling into pieces right in front of him but you couldn't show it. You had to stay strong for him. He was your best friend since pre-school. He was your secret crush.

 

After the weight was off his shoulders he rested his forehead on your shoulder and finished crying into your school jacket. Your arms wrapped loose around his body and you the back of his hair and neck to calm him.

“Do you feel better?”

“A little.” He said wiping his eyes dry.

You added a gentle smile and took his hands. They were warm in your cold ones. They were always warm. “Why don't we go get a drink after school or something?”

He shook his head, “I can't. But how about later tonight after training?”

“Okay.” it was all you could say. Maybe this time it will happen.

 

The two of you walked back into school and to class before the end of lunch. After school you stayed after to study just to pass the time before heading home. You ate dinner and folded your laundry and put it away while listening to your favorite k-pop group, low just so you could hear your phone.

 

Time passed and you had nothing to do. You checked your phone every few minutes and gave up. You grabbed your nail polish and started painting your toes. As you let them dry your phone sounded. The personal song you assigned just for Jongin. His song.

“I'm finished. Meet at the usual place?”

Your heart races as you typed, “Yes. I'll be there in minutes.”

 

You stumbled through your house, racing to the front door before leaving slipping into your shoes before running down the block to the cafe that you and Jongin would always go to for a drink or snake after school. But now it was the place to go when he had time to when you didn't see him at school.

 

He smiled and waved at you once you walked through the door and pointed to the seat across from him with your drink already waiting for you. You took a breath before walking over to the corner table and chairs before sitting down.

“How was practice?”

“Better today.”

“I'm glad.” You drank.

“Listen....If, we can't do this anymore know that you are still my best friend.”

Best friend. His words echoed. “What do you mean?”

“I'll be gone a lot more for a while. It's about to happen.”

It. The big it. The it he's been training for, pushing himself for. Crying in frustration and pain for. Debut.

 

After the drinks were gone He walked you home and gave you a hug just outside your house before watching you go. Jongin left with a bit of a bounce in his step. He was happy. That had to make you happy. But you couldn't keep these tears back. Although you were happy that everything was about to pay off. Even though he was still going to be your best friend. Soon, he was going to be distant because of “it”.

 

The tears flowed and didn't stop. You held them in for so long that they were now all falling down. You fell asleep crying and in the morning your face was still puffy and your eyes red. Today you couldn't face him. Today you couldn't roll out of bed. Today was your day.

 

Around lunch your phone went off and you sat up on the couch to grab it from the coffee table.

“Where are you today?”

“I'm not feeling too good today. I'll be there tomorrow though.”

“You sure?”

“Don't worry. Just a headache.”

“Okay. I'll stop by after school.”

“You don't have too.”

“I have a bit of time before practice.”

“Alright.” You sighed before getting a bag of ice to get the puffiness down.

 

Like clockwork after school Jongin was at your front door ringing the bell until you answered the door. He smiled his cheesy grin that you loved so much. The way the sun was behind him shining down on his silky hair and flawless tan skin. He walked in and dropped his bag to the floor by the door with his shoes before walking to the kitchen to get a glass of water.

 

Even though it was your house. He had been over enough times to just act like he lived there too. He'd even fallen asleep on the couch so many times when he came over no one sat on it. They left it all alone just for him.

 

He told you about what happened at school and gave you notes that your friend in your class took for you before he had to leave.

 

Weeks passed without seeing him much. A few text messages. Seeing him pass by in the hall at school. Lunch was the only real time the two of you had but now he started taking the time to practice with his only other group member who also went to your school. You stood afar and watched him.

 

Graduation came and went and you now had to start watching him online with the rest of the fans that started building up. You felt as if he had forgotten about you. Your phone was silent. The door bell didn't ring over and over until you answered the door. He was too high up now for you to reach him.

 

Time came for you to move into the dorms of your new school. It was a new beginning. But the posters that hung on your new walls and the music that poured through your headphones held you back to your first love. Your best friend. You still had hope that he didn't forget. That he missed you just as much.

 

At Christmas time you went home and the house was empty. A note on the counter told you where to go and you walked slowly to Jongin's house. A party was on the other side of the door when you walked in and you felt the warm embrace of someone all to familiar before you even saw his face.

“Jongin!” You smiled holding him closer.

“Merry Christmas!” He said in your ear.

His voice ran a tingle up your spine. “Merry Christmas.” You said letting go.

“How is college?”

“Less hours than school but still just as much work.”

He smiled the smile you love so much, “Lucky you.”

“What about you?”

“Haven't you been keeping close tabs?”

“I see what SM wants me to see. I don't see you. I see Kai.”

He looked down at his feet.

“You aren't in pain anywhere are you?”

“Only here.” he said pointing to his heart before taking your wrist and pulling you away to his room.

 

The two of you sat on his bed in silence. You scanned the walls that had few posters left until you heard the familiar sound. The sound of him crying. You looked to Jongin and scooted closer to his side before letting him rest his forehead on your shoulder.

“Why does your heart hurt?”

“Because I miss my family. Because I miss my best friend.”

Best friend. Those words still stung when they rolled off his tongue into your ears. “But you have a new family. New friends.”

“But they aren't my parents. They aren't my first love. My only love.”

Your jaw dropped as you heard those new words. Words that he never said like that before. “Jongin.”

He looked up into your eyes, still glazed with tears. “I never had the courage to tell you how I felt about you because I thought I'd never be good enough. And I never truly knew how I felt until I went away.”

“You. Like. Me?”

He nodded before using his sleeve to wipe away tears. “You've always been the person I go to for everything. The only person I can cry in front of. After I didn't see you anymore I felt tired and lonely. With a dorm full of new brothers. I still felt like I was empty. When I realized that it was because I missed you because I like you.”

“Jongin.”

“Is that all you can say?” He joked pushing you slightly.

You found yourself again and smiled, “You only cry in front of me?”

“That's how comfortable I am with you. You're my shoulder to cry on. My other half.”

 

Jongin slowly leaned forward tilting his head slightly before pressing his plump lips to yours. The heat of his body warmed yours like every time you held his hands or hugged his frame. You no longer felt cold. Your heart beat in one piece. You felt dizzy and excited like you could run forever and never be tired.

 

As he pulled away his tan skin had a pink hue to it and that made you giggle. After all this time with his, and your, first kiss he finally blushed. He knew how to hide it well. And so did you. But now him crying on your shoulder was his way of showing how much you meant to him. How much he needed you. Best friend became first love in your mind now. Ever tear that fell from his chocolate eyes were words that he was dying to say to you.

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Thank you for reading! Let me know if you find any errors so I can fix them. Comments are always appreciated!