Donghae likes to think of himself as one of the more attractive members of his band. Sure, he wears makeup just like the rest of them, but he, unlike half of his band, actually looks good without it. He doesn't need makeup to make himself look good - he knows that. He can get any woman or man that he desires. One wink and a slight touch to their shoulder from Donghae would have them weak in their knees.

 

Not that any other member couldn't do the same it's just...Donghae takes a lot of pride in his looks. He's not being cocky about it - he actually rarely uses it to his advantage.

 

Donghae is well aware of all of this, but what he doesn't understand is why he can't get the one person he's attracted to most. The one person he trusts with his life. The one person who means more to him than anything.

 

He pictures all the teasing he does with Hyukjae - the not-so-sneaky glances, the hand-holding, the flying kisses that he sends him. It's flat out flirting - and if he didn't know any better, he'd think Hyukjae was flirting back.

 

Except for the fact that Hyukjae is straight. He and Donghae talk about it all the time. All the girls they'd date if they were given the chance; all the fans they'd seen come to their concerts that were -worthy. Hyukjae always has such a long list, while Donghae merely nodded in agreement, although he never agreed one bit.

 

Then again, Hyukjae never questions him about it, either. It's those times where Donghae wonders if Hyukjae has noticed Donghae's attraction to him. If he has, he's ignoring it. But on the other hand, Hyukjae is probably just dense.

 

In Donghae's eyes, Hyukjae is the definition of perfection. A humorous personality that keeps you entertained all the time and cheers you up when you're sad. An amazing body - from his biceps to his abs all the way down to his calves. He has absolutely amazing eyes that draw you in until you get dizzy and a smile to die for. On top of all of this, he's taller than Donghae - which is a plus for Donghae (even though Donghae's not very tall to begin with).

 

Donghae sighs in thought. He and Hyukjae are best friends and they tell each other everything. This, though, is one thing he can never tell Hyukjae. He'll scare him away; he'll drive him more towards those ty girls than he was before.

 

Donghae thinks of all the girls Hyukjae has dated in the past and smiles to himself. He's glad they never lasted - Hyukjae is way too good for any of those girls. That could just be Donghae being biased but he doesn't care. You'd think that Hyukjae would stop going for the same type of girl after all that's happened with his exes, Donghae thinks.

 

He wants to confess to Hyukjae so badly. He wants to tell him that he's the most beautiful person he's ever met, maybe even in all of Korea. He wants to be the one making Hyukjae feel good with a simple touch, not those girls on Hyukjae's laptop screen at one o'clock in the morning. He wants to give him kisses from his toes to his thighs to his belly to his collarbone to his neck, all the way to his lips. He wants to feel Hyukjae inside of him, making him scream and moan until his throat hurts and he can't walk the next day. He wants Hyukjae all to himself. Donghae wants Hyukjae to know how much he loves him.

 

But he can't. It doesn't matter how much fanservice they do together on stage because that's all it is: fanservice. It's to get fans all riled up and a way to earn a higher income. It's one of the things that has gotten Donghae where he's at now. He'd be downright lying if he said he didn't like the money he got from it, even though it tugs at  his heartstrings every time they do something on stage together.

 

Donghae can never let Hyukjae know how much he means to him because that means taking a risk. He doesn't want to risk losing their friendship - if he can't have Hyukjae as a lover then he's content with just having him as a best friend. As long as they're friends, that's all that matters.

 

Donghae is confident in all of this, and he tells himself this every day. But then something happens and he isn't so sure anymore.

 

----------

 

It's not a huge concert that Super Junior are doing tonight - just a small one to promote their newest album. It's no different than any other concert, really. They introduce themselves, interact with each other and talk to fans a little, sing and dance, then they say their goodbyes and walk off the stage just like they normally do.

 

During one of the talks, they allow a few fans to ask questions and the group members have to answer truthfully.

 

"Oppa, if you were to date any of the members, who would you choose?" A short girl, about 15 with straight black hair and still in her school uniform asks - specifically looking at Eunhyuk.

 

Eunhyuk has been asked this question a lot, actually all of Super Junior have been asked this multiple times. It's one of the most common questions they're asked. Because of this, they have a system - each member has a person they always choose. They do this so things don't get confusing to fans like it has in the past. Eunhyuk is supposed to answer "Sungmin" without hesitation, but he doesn't.

 

"Donghae," he says with a huge, gummy smile. Fans scream: EunHae is one of the biggest couples in kpop at the moment and this is just fueling their love for it.

 

Donghae flinches - not out of fear, but surprise - and sends a questioning look to his friend. Before fans start to realize something is off, Donghae smiles shyly and pretends to not care. Inside though, he's screaming with excitement. His smile falters when he reminds himself of a terrible thing called fanservice.

 

"Donghae is the only member who is perfect husband material besides Siwon," Eunhyuk continues, not showing any signs of nervousness and nodding to the girl, showing that he was finished answering her question.

 

"Ah, you guys really are close," Leeteuk says. "I'm sure fans wouldn't be surprised if you guys were dating."

 

Of course Super Junior knew Leeteuk was only joking so it was only natural for them to laugh it off. Donghae laughs too, but he does it for a completely different reason.

 

----------

 

After the concert, Super Junior is sent to their dorms. The next day is schedule-free, so the members decide to go out for a couple of drinks.

 

Donghae is staying behind, using the excuse of being exhausted when in reality he's still shaken up about the concert. He knows he shouldn't be, but everyone fangirls over their crushes anyway, whether they want to admit to it or not.

 

"Hyukjae, are you going with?" Ryeowook asks as he walks towards the door and slides on his jacket.

 

"No, I think I'm just going to stay here for tonight," Hyukjae answers and flops down on the couch.

 

"Okay, don't fight with Donghae," Ryeowook smiles and follows everyone else as they go out the door.

 

It's just Donghae and Hyukjae left alone in the dorm, and Donghae doesn't know whether to be ecstatic or completely terrified.

 

----------

 

Donghae decides that he's just going to act completely normal; he's going to be the bubbly, still-acts-like-he's-5, fish-loving, 26-year-old that he always is.

 

After all, what happened at the concert isn't a big deal so he shouldn't treat it like it is. He really shouldn't over-think it, it's bad for his mental state of mind.

 

"Hyukjae, do you want to just order something to eat? Neither of us can cook," Donghae chuckles from the doorway in the living room, looking at Hyukjae who was still sprawled out on the couch. He hasn't moved an inch within the past hour.

 

Hyukjae glances over at him and smiles, "Yeah, sure."

 

"What do you want to order?"

 

Hyukjae thinks a moment. His faces lights up and Donghae can't help but think that that's one of the most adorable things he's ever seen. "Can we have pizza? I feel like I haven't had it in forever!"

 

Donghae just nods, leaving the room to go call in the order.

 

----------

 

When the pizza arrives, Hyukjae is quick to answer the door, not minding that he has to pay because he knows he'd end up paying even if he wasn't the one eating it. He'd do anything for Donghae - even if it meant sneaking into Heechul's room to get something of Donghae's that he'd accidentally left in there (true story - it didn't end well).

 

Hyukjae pulls out a few bills and hands them to the delivery guy in exchange for the plain cheese pizza that Donghae ordered.

 

"Thank you," Hyukjae shuts the door behind him and turns around to see Donghae walking into the room.

 

Once they're settled at the kitchen table - plates, soda, napkins - the two eat in silence.

 

It's an awkward silence, which is unusual for them. Donghae understands why, but Hyukjae doesn't. He knows something is off but doesn't know what.

 

"So," Donghae isn't able to handle the silence and speaks up first, "How'd you like the concert?"

 

Hyukjae looks up from his pizza, swallowing the bite he has in his mouth. You know things are awkward when you start talking about your job... "It was good. The crowd was amazing, considering it was just for an album promotion and the fan chants were also amazing. It makes me love my job."

 

Donghae nods in agreement. Great, now it's even more awkward. It was just a little fanservice - it's not like it was a kiss or anything, so why is Donghae still freaking out over it? He's the one making it awkward and he knows it.

 

"Donghae," Hyukjae speaks up after a few minutes of silence.

 

"Yeah?" Donghae hardly looks up, knowing that if he looked into Hyukjae's eyes, he wouldn't be able to control himself anymore.

 

"I...I've been wanting to tell you something, but I don't know how you'll take it," he breathes, avoiding the eye contact that Donghae is now trying to make.

 

"You can tell me anything. I promise not to get mad," Donghae thinks he should take his own advice every once in a while. Hyukjae always promises that he won't get mad at Donghae for saying something, so he should never have been so scared to share his feelings.

 

Tonight, Donghae decides, he's going to tell Hyukjae how he really feels.

 

"You know how today I said if I could date someone in our band, it'd be you?" Hyukjae says quietly.

 

Donghae hears him, despite the fact that it was barely above a whisper, and nods. Donghae's heart is beating so fast, he's sure Hyukjae can hear it.

 

"I wasn't kidding. I like you...a lot."

 

 

 

 

 

 

----------

 

Yeah, crappy ending. I was thinking of writing a sequel but we'll see how that goes.

 

Anyway, comments and critiques are always accepted! I apologize for any mistakes I may have made.

 

Thanks for reading <3

 

-Kaitlyn