Soil. He's living now under that soil. He left me and what's double the pain is that he will never be back. Trying to control my tears from falling, I failed again. I cannot stand seeing everybody cries in front of his going down coffin. After I threw the flower at his coffin, I walked out. Without anyone knowing, I ran to the riverside. Here, I always express my emotions. 

With every tears, memories of Jonghyun are always flashing back in my mind. The memories where I always trying catch him whenever he pinch my nose and put ice cream on my cheeks. The memories where we used to play video games in his house and I always won. The memories where we always walked together home after school. The memories where he always treats me ice cream and sitting on a bench while playing jokes at each other. I miss everything. I miss him so much. 

I looked at the running water. I can't clearly see my reflection since my tears were blurring my sight. I hate crying but what am I suppose to do if this is the only thing that I got... tears. I turned around and tried to watch the people. Compared to their faces, I look so miserable. I'm dirty since I'm filled with so much tears. I don't care, though. No one will ever notice me again. 

I watched two young boys walking together. I suddenly remember how Jonghyun and I were used to be like this. We were so close to each other. Even though Jonghyun hurts me a lot emotionally,