Characters    : Byun Baekhyun, you

Point of View : Baekhyun’s POV, Author’s in the end

Genre             : Slight Angst

Words Count : 1,878 words

Description    : “A heart attack in an instant, unable to even move. Destroying my world, becoming intoxicated by the heart attack you’ve given me. I’m almost losing my breath when you come so close. Let the heart rate that is about to explode, a heart attack that is calm within a second. I’d rather not have any breath than part with you, I cannot be by myself.” –Heart Attack - EXO

Early Note      : The story is based on the Chinese version’s translation. If any lyric translations pop up, that’s the translation of the Chinese song. Translation credits to exom-trans@tumblr.

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“I’m alone in a maze, searching for the face that I’m unable to forget”

 

I walk down the streets just to find myself lost in the thick darkness that night serves. I don’t even know where I am going. I merely follow where the wind brings me to; I can’t stop wishing that the wind would bring me to you, the you who have just left me earlier this morning. Leaving me without any words, without any smile, without any kiss; you left when I was still busy with my dream, how dare you.

All that I remember is only you who slept beside me. I remember you said that you will always stay beside me, no matter what it takes. I am sure that I saw you smiling genuinely, but why do you do this? Why do you leave me like this?

The extreme pain starts attacking my body again. I’ve been walking to find you since you left. I’ve been falling and getting up again just to have you in my arms again. I’ve been bearing the pain and hunger because of you. I’ve been spending my tears just for you. Don’t you know that?

“Baekhyun, where are you?? Don’t you know that everyone is worrying you? Byun Baekhyun?!”

I merely smiled and said that I’m okay to my friend, lying and lying again, I don’t want them to find me and stop me from finding you. I should find you, I shouldn’t give up… We used to watch Finding Nemo together, do you remember that? Yeah, I won’t give up and give my all just to find you, like how Nemo’s father did.

 

“All light loses its color because you’re so special, like a flashlight that sparks at any time.”

 

In the middle of my journey, in the middle of the thick darkness, a blinding light suddenly come trying to steal the vision of mine. I close my eyes tight and open it again, I open it just to find a familiar figure standing in front of me, and it is you. I know that even though it’s only the silhouette that shows, I know you really well.

Strange thing happens, I am sure that I wanted to find you in the first place, but why do I feel so much pain when you’re already right here in front of me? I try to bear the pain and walks closer to you. I used to believe my eyes so much but I am not right now. I can only believe my heart that keeps saying “It is you.”

“Baby? Is it you?” My voice cracks, I haven’t drunk since this morning because I didn’t even stop to have it while trying to find you. I clear my throat that I finally realized is already so dry, and try to speak again.

“Baby? I’ve been searching for you. Why did you leave?”

You merely smile, meanwhile my tears are trying to release themselves from my eyes.

“Baby, why don’t you answer me? I nearly died just to see you again, you should get a punishment…”

You laugh, that laugh that I always love… My head suddenly plays a short film inside, a short love story between you and me, which is actually not short at all. We’ve been together for 6 years, walking and running through so many conditions. And right now, the scenes that are playing are the happy one.

 

“The more you cut down our distance, the more my heart rate becomes anxious”

 

I stop. I stop approaching you. I don’t know why but the more we get closer, the more I feel pain. I clutch my left chest with my shivering hand, my heart is beating crazily. I’m afraid that it would explode and shatters my body into pieces.

You start walking towards me after standing there without making any motions. I should have been happy but again, the pain attacks me even more.

“I… why is it so painful…?” I say while holding my tears to runs down even more. I just want you to see the good image of me so that I hold them, even though it adds the pain.

“Baby…” I finally hear your voice, it gives me strength even though it’s not enough to make me move. I feel like I’ve been spelled so that I’m unable to make any motions.

“Petrificus Totalus.” You say again, I remember that it’s your favorite spell in the Harry Potter movies.

“My favorite spell is Petrificus Totalus! Remember this, it’s for petrifying someone, making someone scared stiff. I can make you petrified, Baekhyunie~ Petrificus Totalus!” You said, I merely laugh and acted stiff, “Oh-ow, I’m enchanted!”

“Yah, you should be petrified! Not enchanted, aish…”

I laughed and ruffled your soft hair, “Why should I be petrified? You are not scary, I won’t be scared stiff because of you, baby. I’d rather be enchanted because you are so hypnotizing.” Then you merely pouted, cheeks turned pink.

You have petrified me, but I’m not scared of you. I’m scared of the image that I don’t even know whether it is a reality or a dream.

But whatever it is, I make myself move and reach for you. I hug your small figure tightly but then loosen it to avoid making you hurt.

 

“Not even a string of clues is left, just like this you disappeared in front of my eyes, leaving me alone to pace back and forth here.”

 

“Don’t leave me again…” I whisper because that’s all I can do, and what I get is only a sob from you. I was going to ruffle your hair when suddenly I feel like hugging an empty air.

I panicked, you suddenly gone. Gone to nowhere, I didn’t even seen or feel you moving. I run back and forth in the thick darkness that comes back, calling your name again and again to no avail. The pain increases as I move, I can’t bear it anymore that my tears finally roll down. I fall on my knees and screamed out your name.

“God, don’t do this… Please. I just want to hold her. I just want to feel her in my arms…”

As I pray, the blinding light comes again, and then there’s you hugging me from the back.

“Don’t cry… I’m here with you…” You say.

I turn around to hug you back and sob hard; afraid that you’ll leave again for the third time.

 

“An illusion that is too real, still unsure. If it’s a dream, why does it hurt? The one I’m hugging beneath this light, is it you? Can time be stopped for me?”

 

“Don’t leave… Don’t leave… I can’t stay without you…”

I keep on saying those words until you release the hug and place your index finger on my lips.

“Why can’t you stay without me? You still have your family, your friends…”

“My family…?” I snort at the word ‘family’, “my family has gone to who-knows-where, leaving me behind with nothing but the house that has no warmth. It gets its warmth when you and my best friends start coming around, I have told you, haven’t I?”

You smile again, how I really want to keep that with me, that precious smile.

“Then, you want to leave your friends and making them sad?”

A freezing silence attacks. I actually don’t want to, but…

“I want to be with you… they will understand. We can visit them sometimes.”

You shake your head, “We can visit them, but they will have no idea about it.”

“I don’t get it…”

“They won’t be aware of our visit…”

My lips shivers after you let those words out. Now I know what is happening.

“Are you sure you want to follow me?”

I should have nodded to that question, but now I really have no idea how should I respond.

“Baekhyunie…”

You call out my name, for the first time since that blinding light strike me. I decide not to answer but hugging you instead.

Another freezing silence comes between us, but the warmth of you that seems so real makes me want to stand still, no matter how cold it is. No matter how painful it is.

“Baekhyunie, I have no much time…”

“No, can’t you stay?”

“No, Baekhyunie. It has been planned… and I’m sure the plan for you is to stay longer.”

“Why… Why should I? Why it isn’t you? You should have stayed longer. I… I should be the one who leave…”

“No, Baekhyunie. Now stop your tears from rolling down and smile. They have been waiting for you.” You say your last words and disappear again. This time it isn’t painful, but the wound must be long lasted.

No… can’t it be any longer?

∞

The white suited man finally comes out from the intimidating room, making the bunch of boys that have been waiting desperately, rushes to him.

“Doctor, doctor… How? How is my friend? How is our friend? He’s safe, right? He’s still here, right??” The incredibly tall and big-eyed guy says in a cracked voice, worrying his best friend too much, meanwhile the others are standing behind him waiting for the doctor to answer.

“Calm, boys… Byun Baekhyun is in a normal state now. He’s already conscious. Honestly speaking, it is magical because the wound he got was really severe. But thank God, that He still gives him a chance so we succeeded the operation.”

The words that come out from the gentle doctor blows cool breeze to the boys, some of them are hugging and exhaling in relieve, and some of them cries more instead, but in a different meaning now –in joy.

“Can we see him now?” Say another tall guy who seems calm but the swollen eyes can tell what has really happened to his feelings.

“Sure, but not all in one. Two by two, okay?”

The tall guy nods, then taps the previous guy’s shoulder, “Chanyeol, we first?”

“Yes, Yifan ge… Please, I really want to see him now.”

Yifan turns around to look at the others, asking for permission to come in first, and then enters the room with Chanyeol after getting nods.

 

“Baekhyun…? Can you see me?”

Baekhyun giggles softly, “Of course, you idiot. I’m not blind…”

Chanyeol and Kris smiles, more relieved.

“I didn’t expect such an answer from a newly-conscious patient.” Kris say, “welcome back to life, dude.”

“Thanks, ge…” Baekhyun smiles, “where are the others?”

“Outside, they only let 2 people in for each visit.”

“Oh…” Baekhyun pauses for a while, “how about my girlfriend? Where is she?”

Chanyeol and Kris suddenly widen their eyes, but then Chanyeol try to explain.

“Baekhyun, she is… gone. I mean, she’s watching you from the sky now. Uh… I mean…”

“She’s dead, right?” Baekhyun cuts Chanyeol’s awkward explanation, making Chanyeol and Kris nod in despair.

But Baekhyun smiles instead, “I hope she’s smiling happily right now. Where is she? I mean… where is the cemetery?”

“We will bring you there after you got totally recovered, I bet she wants to meet you in a good condition so do well in your recovery, okay?” Kris say, Baekhyun merely gives him a smile, since he can’t lift his thumb.

∞