Perplexed. I have no idea how to depend on my future anymore, or even the present. This sentence was always in a mind of a person who was in depression, who was planning for a suicide. I wouldn't do such a thing related to that. I have learned how life is precious to humans, I would never give away my opportunity for reaching the point to find someone more important and special to me. But what's concerning me that made me all blank is because of him. Yes, I am blaming him. It was all his fault. All of our memories together was wasted.

I remember the moment when I was shocked, I cannot even let myself speak at that time. He was finally awake, all after those three years of him lying on the bed, motionless. Basically, he was in a coma. I even forgot how to breathe when I saw him sat up on his bed, staring at me. But I realized something was odd after he flinched about my presence. I tried to ignore the action from him as I finally spoke up,

"Kyuhyun, you are finally awake." I was smiling while placing my hand on top of his shoulder, waiting for his response.

"W-who are you? Sorry for being rude but I have no idea who you are. Perhaps my brother? Wait, where's my other family? What is happening?" His breathing was erratic at that time when I was actually trying to calm him down. He was out of control. Too confused, too messed up.

"Henry. My name is Henry. Do you remember?" He stopped for a moment to think. I was really nervous at the moment that I did not realize that I was rushing him to regain his memories as I heard him winced from the headache. He was thinking too hard.

"Sorry, I am really sorry." I was clutching onto the bedsheets. Anger boiled inside me as I took a deep breath to hold on my tears. I was asking him more questions, but he did not respond to any of them.

Three years. I waited three years for him. We made a promise back then to not forget each other, to remember every single thing that we had been through together. He broke it, that's all I know. Amnesia, such a cruel disease. Why does it have to exist?

A year passed, but I still cannot get him out of my mind. I cannot accept the fact that he moved on with someone else after he discharged out of the hospital. At that moment, I saw his confused expression, while still staring at me with his eyes full of pity. I told him that it is okay, that it is not a big deal. I also told him that I moved on, so he does not have to worry. Every word that I told him was an utter lie. I am not okay. I did not move on. It is complicated. Right now I need someone that can wash my memories with Kyuhyun away, but that is just impossible. 

There are two people. They have been together. They cherished each other. They loved each other, but one got into a coma. Another one waited for years, supporting him, hoping that his lover is okay. One woke up again after 3 years, got amnesia, a pathetic disease that is definately difficult to be cured. Either it gets worse, or it will be treaten better. No one knows what will happen. Another one just have to endure the agonizing pain for the whole time. One of them forgot everything. Another one still remember every single bit of their memory. They were in the same world before. Something just teared them apart, separated them into two different ones. I thought happy endings were real, but they never existed. 

These 3 questions are always stuck in my head. Why does my life have to be that distressing? Why am I the only one that has to endure it prejudicially? Most importantly why does it have to be me? I have always been thinking. I just lost the person I love, but why do I felt like I lost everything?

Sleeping. Eating. That’s all I could think about my future. An endless tedium. From now on, all I need to do is try to focus on the present. Nothing more. Move on...Force yourself to.