month one- day one
it was beautiful.
everything. just everything.
from the frozen flowers to the clean, white snow falling from the sky to the bright festival lights that cannot be compared to the lovely smile on his lover's face.
the way his eyes sparkled in the light under the light post when chanyeol presented him with a yellow pikachu plushie with a red bow around the tail.
even more beautiful was the kiss under the lamp post.

(chanyeol decides then that every second with baekhyun was beautiful.)

month one- day two
baekhyun doesn't show up.
chanyeol waits and waits, with a bouquet of red tulips and chinese takeout (because heaven forbid chanyeol go near the kitchen; he might as well just burn the apartment down.)
he calls baekhyun.
when he hears the voicemail "this is byun baekhyun, sweetheart to the best guy ever, sorry i can't pick up right now, because i'm having the time of my life, so please leave a message right about now", chanyeol texts him frantically.
"where are you?"
"jagiya, i love you."
"are you mad at me?"
"what did i do? i'm sorry for whatever it is, and i'll do whatever it takes for you to forgive me."
"baekhyunnie, i'm sorry. please talk to me."
"i love you so much."
"please pick up."
after sending the last text, suho calls him two minutes later in a panic, saying that baekhyun and luhan got into a car accident and it was really bad, with blood and broken bones and an ambulance is coming and "and i'm going to pick you up right now, stay at the park" and by that point, chanyeol doesn't hear anything anymore because the phone slips from his grip and hits the ground.
the words "baekhyun...accident...blood...blood" rings in his head

(chanyeol drops everything and falls to his knees, wishing that he could sink into the cold earth.)

  later that day
chanyeol stares at the mug of hot chocolate that suho gave him, and watches the three strawberry marshmallows bob up and down. suho found him at the park, shivering and looking into nothingness, the takeout all soggy from the wet snow; the flowers scattered around him from the fierce wind.
suho sits beside chanyeol in the dining room and reaches to pat his hand on the table; chanyeol pulls away and wraps his hands around the still warm concoction.
"eat please, you need to eat," suho pleads in a quiet voice.
"i don't need to eat."
"then how are you going to live?"
"i already lost the will to live."
suho gets up, pats chanyeol on the shoulder and leaves him to question his existence in life, and leaves with a heavy heart.

(chanyeol realizes that he has no reason to exist if baekhyun isn't there with him.)

month one- day three
chanyeol still doesn't eat, except at midnight, when he gets a glass of water. suho comes to chanyeol's empty apartment with food and leaves with a terribly deep feeling of dread in his gut.

month one- day five
suho calls chanyeol two times before chanyeol answers in a cracked voice (he realizes that he hasn't talked to anyone in the past two days.)
"the surgery is over and it was successful."
"oh is it?"
"yeah...kai called me, and baekhyun's awake, but his head hurts a lot."
"that's good to hear."
"we're not allowed to visit him now, but kai said that he can pull some strings and have us visit tomorrow if you want."
"okay, whatever you want hyung."

(but honestly, chanyeol was just dying to see that smile that overshadows the stars in the galaxy.)

month one- day six
suho drives chanyeol over the the hospital and the entire time, the ride was filled to the brim with anxiety and anticipation.
suho looks over to chanyeol, who holds baekhyun's pikachu, playing with the ears, rubbing the red cheeks, and pulling on the ribbon on the tail. suho parks the car in the parking lot and turns to chanyeol.
"ready to see-"
before suho could finish, chanyeol was already out the car, slams the door, and fast-walks to the entrance.
suho flinches from the impact of the car door, but he still allows himself a small smile before the anxiety comes back to him.
he feels like he's not going to like what's going to come next.

chanyeol looks around in the main floor before he finds the information desk and immediately walks over.
"where is byun baekhyun's room?"
the receptionist types something into the computer and replies, "he's in room 314. just turn-"
chanyeol runs off to the elevators and cuts her off. suho enters the building and finds chanyeol running toward the elevators. he chases after him, shooting an apologetic look to the receptionist, and barely gets through the doors.

(chanyeol realizes he's been cutting off a lot of people lately). 

  there's always a later right?
chanyeol stands in front of baekhyun's door and knocks twice. a weak "come in" penetrates the air, and chanyeol opens the door and peeks his head through before having his entire presence in front of him.
"baekhyun i'm so glad to see you. are you feeling better? is the food here any good? i hope they gave you chicken, because i know how much you-"
"who are you?"
the rest of chanyeol's sentence dies in his throat when he hears those three words. he looks at baekhyun's clean face, which shows a lack of emotion with a hint of confusion. his deep brown eyes looks unfocused and conflicted.
chanyeol cannot explain what he feels at that moment.
"are...are you serious? you don't know who i am?" chanyeol stutters, tears threatening to spill from his eyelashes.
baekhyun furrows his eyebrows, "no...no i don't think so...no, i don't know you, but you look like a nice person. you have really big ears, but it's cute though," he smiles at chanyeol.

suho's heart cracks a little at the scene.

"i'm assuming kai allowed you in?" suho turns around and faces a young doctor who looks like he's better suited on calvin klein's runways than hospital corridors, with his blond hair and tall, thin stature. he reads the name tag on the white lab coat "크리스"
"yeah...i'm sorry if we're causing a disturbance" suho says hastily.
"no it's fine, he warned me that two people might come in today," kris says and smiles briefly.
"uh, so what is his condtion?" suho asks. he hates tall people, looking up at someone who's almost half a meter taller than him is neck-straining.
kris flips through his clipboard, finding baekhyun's report, "ah yes, he has a concussion, it's healing but he has a tremendous headache and..." he sifts through more papers, "...and he went through surgery if you didn't already know, to stop the internal bleeding. however, there was a lot of damage caused by three broken ribs and his leg was twisted, he might have to go through surgery again if he continously exerts himself like he is now-"
suho tunes him out and looks at chanyeol out of the corner of his eye, and sees chanyeol desperately trying to explain to baekhyun who he was, and who baekhyun was, and pretty much sum up his entire existence
"-and he has memory loss, and we're unsure when he'll get it back. i'm assuming it's from the impact of the accident; unfortunately, it's unlikely he'll retain his memory."
"wait what." suho says. it wasn't a question, but a statement at baekhyun's condition.
"yes, we don't know when he'll get it back, but it's best to drop little mementos, like a color or toy may spark some memory that has happened."
suho does not know how he got his voice back or how coherent he sounds, so he stutters out "thank you for your time" to kris and kris nods and leaves toward his office. suho goes to chanyeol, who now has trails of salty tears streaming down his face, the pikachu held tightly in his hands, as if it was his life line.
suho calls out to chanyeol and tugs on his sleeve, "let's go home now."

(chanyeol solemnly follows, and they go back to the car, silent tears coming from one heartbroken person, and sighs from a numb guardian.)

  evening/ le soir/ later in the same day
chanyeol lies on the bed, facing the blue wall. he doesn't eat dinner: his favorite kimbap and ramyun. suho sits on the bed next to chanyeol, and talks to him, even though he knows that chanyeol is pretending to sleep. suho instantly regrets what he says to chanyeol, not thinking about his reaction.
"he has memory loss and they don't know when he's going to get it back, and they might have to get him back to surgery again because of the internal bleeding. we'll get through this together, and you know, i'm here always for you, always watching over you." suho pauses for a second, "wait that sounds creepy, but you know what i mean, right? everything will be fine, it always works out at the end."
chanyeol smiles a little before actually going to sleep.

(chanyeol cuddles with the pikachu and curls into a ball. suho his fluffy, light brown hair, until the whimpers die down and tears stop staining the blue pillows.)

month one- day six:
suho stays at chanyeol's apartment to look out for him, even though chanyeol denies that he needs someone to watch after him; after all, he's "an independant, grown man who don't need no hyung to cook and clean for him." (suho knew chanyeol was lying and settled on the sofa after a light dinner.)

kris calls suho at four in the morning and suho replies with "whatthefreakingi'mtiredwhodarescallatthishour."
kris responds, "what did you just say?"
suho clears his throat. "couldn't you call me later? like" suho looks at the digital clock "in five hours later? i haven't gotten any sleep lately and i would really appreciate it if you hung up, or better yet, have me hang up and let me go back to my wonderful dream full of chocolate and unicorns."
"one, you have really girly dreams; two, the phone call actually regards baekhyun's condition, if you don't mind."
suho sits up, embarrassed at what he said before, "oh, i'm sorry, i'm just really irritated in the morning. please finish what you were saying."
"it's fine, but after surgery, baekhyun went into shock and is currently in a coma, and again, we don't know when he'll wake up."
"you really don't know anything about his conditions, you know?"
"is this part of the rude awakening?"
suho mentally slaps himself, "i'm really sorry; i don't have a filter in the morning. is it possible that we could come in today?"
"yes, you may, but i don't know what you're going to get out of an unconscious patient."
"thank you for everything, kris-ssi. we'll be there soon." kris hangs up and the room is silent, excluding with the birds chirping out the window.
suho ruffles his hair and sighs before his head hits the pillow again.

(little did he know chanyeol was awake the entire time and listened into the conversation. chanyeol realizes suho should stop yelling in the morning and actually have the speaker off when he talks.)

  in the morning when suho is actually coherent and professional
chanyeol visits baekhyun while suho talks to kris. (chanyeol infers a secret love-hate relationship between his hyung and his lover's doctor.)
chanyeol looks at baekhyun with a loving smile and his hand with his thumb.
"i miss you so much," chanyeol starts off. "i miss your presence in the room, how you'd light everything up in the darkest of times. you'd hit me right now because i'm being cheesy, but we all agree that you're the greasy bacon between us." chanyeol chuckles and looks at the heart monitor; it beeps steadily. "i know you don't remember me, honestly, it's disappointing and terrible because you don't remember the things we did when we were friends, like when we put gum on sehun and kai's hair while they were sleeping, and that one time when you tried to teach me how to make ramyun and kimbap, but you were the one who did all the work while i ate everything in the end. and that time when you made me listen to your favorite song by TVXQ all day long, and I didn't get to tell you, but now it's my favorite song, and i listen to it everyday, thinking about you."
chanyeol plays with their couple ring: three rings connected to each other. "i love you. please remember that."

(chanyeol leaves feeling the same as ever: empty as a water glass at midnight."

month one- day eight:
(kris updates suho every morning at breakfast to avoid another frustrated suho on baekhyun's current condition. he doesn't wake up. chanyeol only visits for a few hours before leaving for college.)

month one- day ten:
(he still doesn't respond, chanyeol stops visiting and focuses on biology and music theory instead. he realizes it's not the same without baekhyun singing she by tvxq or it's you by super junior.)

month one- day twelve:
kai runs over to chanyeol's apartment at 7 in the morning and knocks as if he was going to destroy the door. chanyeol answers the door, "who the fu- oh it's you, kai." he becomes awkward, seeing that kai was breathing heavily, his dark locks disheveled from the wind.
"baek...baekhyun woke up...and kris was going to call but suho...he's crazy in the morning. i should...should have warned...but baekhyun's awake, so let's go...hospital."
chanyeol hastily writes a note on a sticky and puts it on the fridge before putting on his converse and leaving with kai.