I watched her through the dusty little window on the door. I watched as she practiced the dance moves over and over again. I watched as she sighed to herself and repeated steps she didn’t feel satisfied with. I watched as she tired herself out, almost no energy or bounce left in her movements…in her.

As she walked over to the radio, bending down to pause it, her legs gave out. She crumpled to the ground, her long limbs twisting beneath her petite body. I wrenched the door open, running towards her.

Her eyes widened when she saw me and I saw her try to pry herself off the floor. When I had reached her at the other end of the practice room, she had already jumped to her feet, a bright smile on her face. A momentary sparkle lit her eyes, but I could see past that. The pain was too evident, too obvious, too strikingly hurtful.

“Opp-“

Before she could say anything, I had enveloped her lithe body into my arms. I felt her stiffen with surprise at my sudden move, but she soon relaxed into my embrace. Tentatively, she wrapped her arms around my torso. I inhaled her scent, a mix of sweat, hard work, and lavender. I wanted to stay that way forever, with her safely in my grasp where I could protect her. She didn’t say anything, her thin arms s around my waist. Already, I could feel her knees almost buckling.

I let go of her, stepping back a bit to look at her face. Her cheeks were sunken in, her lips cracked and chapped, dark circles evident without the layers of makeup covering it. But what scared me the most was the lifelessness in her eyes. What had happened to her beautiful chocolate orbs that would stare back lovingly at me?

She looked nervously at me. Without a word, I grabbed her hand and led her to a spot to sit. Once I had sat her down, I went back to the radio and grabbed the bottle of water near it.

“Here, drink this,” I handed it to her, watching as her hands hesitantly accepted it, her long fingers wrapping around the cold bottle.

She didn’t drink any, only staring at me. I sighed as I bent down so I was eye level with her. She held my gaze for a short while before dropping her eyes to the floor.

“Gayoon…” I hated seeing her like this. She was frail and fragile, not at all the confident and y Gayoon I’ve known for more than five years. Looking at her now, I saw just how small she looked. She was scared and lost.

“How did you know I was here?” She spoke for the first time, her usually melodious voice sounding tired, weary, and weak.

“Jiyoon told me you stayed after to practice,” I answered, taking a seat next to her.

Gayoon signed. “I thought I told her I would be fine…”

“It’s not a bad thing to have people around you that care about you, Gayoon,” I told her quietly, my voice filled with the emotions I couldn’t seem to put into words.

She looked at me. “I don’t want to bother them. I don’t want to bother you.”

My gaze softened. I looked at her; at her flowing hair, her tainted cheeks, her tired eyes. She had been hiding all of this from everyone. From not only the 4minute members, but also from me. Different emotions rolled through me, from hurt, to worry, to understanding, to love.

“Gayoon,” I said firmly. She wouldn’t look at me.

“Heo Gayoon,” I repeated, getting up from where I was sitting to crouch down in front of her. With her head down and me looking up, our eyes met. I stared into her brown orbs and took her hands.

“Gayoon, listen to me. You could never ever be a bother to me. I’m here for you. Any time, any place.”

She gazed at me, her features finally softening. “You have plenty to worry about already…”

I shook my head. “Don’t you get it? I want to help you. I want to take you into my arms and never let go. If I had the chance to do that, I would. I want to protect you from the harsh outside world. I would do anything to make you happy. Heo Gayoon, I enjoy being with you. I enjoy seeing you smile, hearing you laugh, watching you live.” I didn’t break off eye contact. My gaze didn’t waver, and neither did hers. Even in her exhausted state, she wouldn’t back down. I always loved that about her; how she was defiant and headstrong, how she was stubborn and confident, how she could match me completely. I thought I had lost that Gayoon.

Finally, she looked away. “I would just be another burden to you. You already have too much on your mind…don’t worry about me, I’ll be fine. I always am.”

I couldn’t take it anymore. “Not worry about you, Gayoon? You’ve stopped eating, stopped smiling, stopped laughing, stopped living. You haven’t contacted me in weeks. You lock yourself in the practice room for hours on end without taking breaks. You’ve lost so much weight that you can’t even stand upright for more than a few minutes. Your members are worried sick about you, but you keep all your emotions bottled up inside of you. Not worry about you? It’s too late for that. I’ve been worrying about you ever since you’ve been mine, Heo Gayoon.”

I couldn’t stop speaking. It was as if my feelings had decided to explode out in that moment. Everything I had been holding back for months had just spilled out. When I was done, I struggled to catch my breath, my eyes glued to the floor. I couldn’t look at her.

“Oppa…” Her soft voice rang in my ears. I closed my eyes, trying to calm down. Why was I getting so worked up? But I knew the answer—anything concerning Gayoon, especially her wellbeing, would have me pulling my hair out in frustration.

“Doojoon oppa…” she tried again. This time, I heard her get up shakily from the bench, her thin legs nearly knocking into each other. I wanted nothing more than to turn around and usher her to safety, but my pride made me stand my ground.

I felt her wrap her arms around me. She looped her arms around my waist and rested her head against my back. I closed my eyes, enjoying the feel of having her so close to me. Unconsciously, I turned around so that I was holding her.

“Oppa?”

“Hmm…” I responded, running my fingers through her silky hair.

“I’m sorry…” It was a whisper, but I heard it. I heard it clear as day.

I pulled away. “Don’t be. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said all of that. I know that you can take care of yourself.”

She sighed before learning her head against my shoulder. “No, you’re right. I’ve been distancing myself from everyone lately. It wasn’t on purpose but…I just want this to work out so badly.” She whispered the last part, shutting her eyes tightly closed.

I could read Gayoon like an open book. I always could. She was scared. Scared that she wouldn’t do well, scared that she would mess up, scared that she would bring shame to 4minute’s name.

I tightened my hold on her. She was so delicate and fragile in that moment. I inhaled her scent; the scent that over the years had gotten so familiar to me, the scent that I had even come to associate myself with.

“It will work out. You know why? Because I know how hard you and Jiyoon have worked for it. You’ve been dreaming of this opportunity for a long time. Don’t worry so much. Everyone will love it.”

She smiled at me, then looped her arms around my waist, her chin resting on my chest. “How do you always know the right things to say?”

I pinched her nose. “Because I have the most beautiful, caring, and loving girlfriend in the world who teaches me these things.”

She laughed, a tinkly and angelic sound that I hadn’t heard in a while. I had missed it. The color was returning to her cheeks, her eyes had the usual spark in them, and a full smile was on her lips.

“That’s my girl,” I whispered, leaning down slightly to kiss the top of her head.

“Thank you, oppa…” she muttered, her face finally aglow with happiness.

“Anytime, princess. Now, why don’t you take a break and come eat lunch with me?” I offered, carefully watching her reaction.

I saw her hesitate for a moment, her eyes sliding towards the paused radio, the unfinished rehearsal no doubt lingering on her mind.

Before I could say anything though, she turned her attention back on me, a radiant smile lighting her face. “Sure, I’d love to.”

I grinned at her response and as she turned around to go get her things, I spun her back towards me. she stumbled back into my arms, and before she could fully regain her balance, I held her firmly by the waist and leaned down to bring our faces closer together. My lips met hers in a sweet kiss. Her soft lips responded immediately and she wrapped her arms around my neck as I gripped onto her waist.

As we broke apart, I rested my forehead against hers so that I could see straight into her eyes.

“I missed you,” I whispered, reaching over to tuck a loose strand of her hair behind her ear.

“Me too,” she responded, smiling slightly as she leaned up to peck me on the mouth.

I straightened up and let my hand fall down, lacing my fingers through hers.

“Come on princess, we’re gonna go and fatten you up a bit,” I told her, half dragging her to the door.

Behind me, she was pouting. “And what if Papa Hong objects?”

Smirking, I suddenly stopped in my tracks, leading her to bump into me.

“Ow oppa, what the—“

I leaned down close to her face, making her blush and avert her eyes. “Well then, he’ll have to go through me first if he has a problem.”

“You’d go against your own president for me?” she teased, grabbing my hand again as she pulled me through the open doorway.

She’d been joking, but I answered in complete seriousness, “Of course.”

She looked sharply back at me, stopping in her tracks. When she saw I was serious, she smiled softly, her eyes brightening and her cheeks painted a light pink.

“Thank you,” were the simple words she muttered, but they warmed my heart nevertheless.

I bent down and placed a light kiss on her lips. “Anything for you, princess.”

She grinned as she tugged on my hand, pulling me to a walk. “Come on oppa, I have so much to tell you.”

A soft smile curved on my lips as I watched her. She became animated, talking and laughing as we walked along. This was the Gayoon I loved. I looped an arm around her waist protectively and she glanced up at me in surprise, but then relaxed and leaned her body into mine. I turned my full attention on her, my previous worries nearly all but vanished. I didn’t know what the next day would bring, but I knew that whatever did happen, I would be here every step of the way for her to help, support, and love her. Because Heo Gayoon, you deserve it.