Key slashed the blade against his wrist, whimpering at the slight pain. He'd done this plenty of times, he hardly felt the pain he felt at the beginning. Just that small twinge of losing self-respect.

A knock came at the bathroom door, and Key's boyfriend, Jonghyun, spoke, his tone worried.

"Jagiya, are you okay?"

Key swallowed his tears. "I'm okay."

Jonghyun hummed. "Alright.. Well I'm making dinner. Hurry, okay?"

Key watched the blood ooze out of the slits, tears falling. He was tired of crying. Tired of doing this to himself.

He didn't like doing this to himself, but somehow, it was like a relief. It released all of the tension in his body.

Key exhaled shakily. "Y-yeah."

As soon as he heard footsteps stomp away, he wiped the blade on his jeans. He had to stop wearing skinny jeans because .. the cuts on his thighs and hipbones stung when the fabric pinched at his skin. His mouth turned into a frown - now he couldn't even look good because of how messed up he was.

He slipped on his oversized black jacket. Even though it was simple, it meant a lot to him. It had been the only thing that his father left in the house for him when he left his family. Key was so upset and disappointed when it happened, but slowly got over it.

He wondered how his father would react if he found out his only son was using his jacket to cover the old scars of pain and torture.

Key walked out of the bathroom, wiping his eyes, and musty, hot air washed over his body. He winced, feeling overwhelmed.

The sleeve of his jacket contacted with the open cut, and he hissed in pain. Jonghyun quickly glanced at him, stirring.

"Jagiya, it's like 80 degrees in here. Why are you all covered up?"

Key blinked, seeing white spots.

"It's-It's fine. I-I don't get hot," he lied, his lips. Jonghyun stirred one last time, set the ladle down, and walked towards the other. He laid a hand on Key's forehead, meeting moisture.

"You're sweating, Key!" he exclaimed, chuckling. "Come on, jagiya. Take off the jacket! You always wear that!"

His hands began to peel off the jacket, almost revealing the cut on his bicep, until Key stopped him.

"No!" Key yelled weakly, pushing his boyfriend's hands away gently. "I'd-I'd rather not."

He struggled, but managed to hold back the threatening tears.

Jonghyun's mouth was in a straight line.

"Baby, please tell me what's wrong," he begged, round eyes turning glassy. "I care about you so much. I'm here for you now,"

"Please don't push me away."

Key looked down at his jeans, pressing the sleeve to his mouth, trying to hide the blood dripping down into his hand. 

The pot boiled in the silence, so Jonghyun stood up and walked back to it, sniffling and wiping his eyes.

He poured some type of soup in two bowls and set it down on the table. He sat down stiffly.

"Kimchi stew," the elder announced, voice cracking. "Your favorite,"

Key smiled a small smile. "Thank you."

The couple ate in silence, the sound of slurping and blowing, echoing. When Key finished, he placed the bowl in the sink. He paced back to the room, until Jonghyun grabbed his wrist - the scarred one, thankfully, and turned him around, then kissed him. The elder cupped Key's face, sliding his tongue in gracefully. Key kissed back sloppily.

When Jonghyun pulled away, Key panted, looking innocent and a tad shocked.

"I love you, Key," Jonghyun said sweetly, grazing his thumb over Key's defined cheekbones. "You know you can trust me with anything, right?"

A single tear dripped down Key's cheek, but he nodded.

"You can tell me anything, and I'll still love you," the elder continued softly, wiping the tear away. His high, full cheekbones rose with his crooked smile while his eyes looked deeply into Key's.

Key always saw that look in Jonghyun's lovely eyes: He was completely in love. Always in love. Even when him and Key got into arguments, Key saw the sappy look easier. He knew Jonghyun loved him more than anything.

Why couldn't he get it through his thick head?

He couldn't tell Jonghyun about his difficult struggle with depression and his cutting. He'd think Key was a freak. And that's the last thing Key wants to be called.

He inhaled; maybe he should tell Jonghyun. Maybe he could help. He could help Key through this.

Key exhaled; he shouldn't. Jonghyun would ask more questions - detailed questions that would lead back to his horrid childhood. 

He felt his knees give out. He didn't know what to do! What could he-

"Jonghyun?" Key called, even though his boyfriend was standing right in front of him. The truth was too risky and devastating. 

Key looked into those deep, lovely, chocolate brown eyes.

"I-I love you too." Key said softly but stiffly. Jonghyun just smiled, kissed Key's forehead, and walked the their bedroom.

Key bit his lip, blinking through blurry eyes.

It's not that Key couldn't trust Jonghyun, it was because Key couldn't cause his perfect boyfriend, pain and stress in his already picture-perfect life.

Key wobbled to the couch, falling back with a heavy sigh. He hissed, pulling his sleeve  up. Blood was dripping out of the slit, and it looked so terrifying. But Key was so used to it. It was his brain took a mental picture of it and kept it stored forever.

Normally, it didn't hurt as much. Why did it hurt so much more now?

Key had multiple reasons why he was depressed. His parents passed away, his grandmother was almost on her deathbed, and he felt helpless everyday. 

Ever since depression hit him, he'd gotten weaker .. physically and emotionally. He had no more confidence, faith or hope in the world. In himself. He didn't bother being strict, like his mother, anymore. 

He just.. gave up. He turned .. kind of heartless. But every time Jongyun would kiss him, hug him, or talk to him, he gained every bit of it back.

Everyday, he was exhausted and lonely, sometimes he'd end up bending over the balcony, threatening himself to jump.

Key thought about the look on Jonghyun's face if he found out Key died - he shivered, closing his eyes in hurt.

Jonghyun was the only person, other than his grandmother, left, who genuinely loved him.

Tears blurred his vision again. God, it was painful just thinking about it. His heart wrenched, and his stomach twisted up into uncomfortable knots.

Jonghyun walked out in a suit and tie, looking classy and handsome as ever.

"I'm going to the office now, okay baby?" he assured, picking up an apple and bit into it. "I'll be back soon."

Key hummed, nodding. He wiped the sweat off his forehead and neck. Jonghyun walked towards him, and kissed him slowly and sweetly. Key breathed in, feeling all warm and giddy in his stomach. He claimed he hated the feeling, but secretly, he loved it.

The taste was a bit salty from his tears. Pulling away, Key panted softly, pressing his forehead to Jonghyun's, and sat up on his knees.

"I love you so much, Jonghyun," Key mumbled, circling his arms around his boyfriend's body, the latter returning the same embrace.

"I love you too, Kibum," Jonghyun said bravely. No one was allowed to call Key by his real name. Key hated his real name - he hated everything about himself. And it was such a strange change. Key used to love everything about himself. He loved himself for who he was - he was confident.

"More than anything in the world, jagiya," Jonghyun added.

Key bit his lip from breaking down.

This was it it. It was finally going to be over.

He was done.

"J-Jonghyun--" Key choked, clutching onto his suit jacket tightly until his fingers turned numb. "If-if I e-ever die-"

He felt Jonghyun tense at the word 'die'. Who wouldn't?

"Pro-Promise me that you'll move on and live a long, happy life. Find someone special, a-and love them and marry them,"

Key just let the tears fall. He was already giving up.

"But always remember that I'll always be in your heart,"

A noise emerged from his throat.

This was it.

This was goodbye.

"I love you so much, Jonghyun,"

Key's stomach churned, and he almost vomited.

"I'm sorry."

~

Jonghyun didn't quite understand what Key was trying to say, but it left him with blurred eyes.

Later, his friend/co-worker, Zico stopped by and sat on Jonghyun's desk for a chat.

"How's it going, Jonghyun?" he asked, grinning, his slanted eyes giving off a beautiful eye smile.

Jonghyun twirled his ballpoint pen in his fingers.

"Usual. How about you?" he replied.

Zico grinned wickedly. "Hyosung and I got to second base,"

Jonghyun laughed, shaking his head.

The younger smiled. "How are you and.. Key? Get to second yet?"

"No, not yet," Jonghyun sighed. Him and Key had been dating for almost a year, and Key still seemed to be uncomfortable with showing his skin. The farthest they'd gone was ping of jeans, and hands under shirts. But that was months ago. Key always stopped Jonghyun when he tried to take off Key's shirt. And he never said any word after - just got up and left.

"Damn, that's tough," Zico bit the inside of his cheek.

"If he still loves me, it's enough," Jonghyun smiled crookedly.

Zico chuckled. "You really do love him, don't you?"

"More than anything in this entire world. We're completely different, but we connect so perfectly,"

"I love him a lot."

Jonghyun smiled, feeling all content and warm for the first time in hours, just thinking about Key.

~

Sobbing pathetically and quietly, Key the camera. He knew he looked hideous, but at the moment, he didn't care. He gulped as he sat down in the camera's view.

"I thought this would be the easiest way of saying.." he choked on his words again, his throat closing up as if it was swelling up.

"I'm sorry.. Grandma, I love you so much. I admire you so much for sticking by me when I was such a horrible person to you. I have so much to say to you, but-but it's too difficult to explain. You and Jonghyun are the most important people in my life. I love you so much, Grandma,"

Tears rapidly shed, he could basically feel his eyes burning now.

Jonghyun.

"Jonghyun, y-you and I have been through so much these past few months. I cannot explain how grateful I am for you. You are the most amazing man I have ever met,"

Key started crying harder, but maintained his voice. "You're so handsome.. and kind.. and funny. I have never loved somebody so much like I love you."

His stomach formed the familiar twised knots, and hot, hot heat pooled into his stomach. He couldn't believe he was actually confessing.

"Jong-Jonghyun, there's.. something I've been hiding from you before we even started dating. From everybody,"

Key breathed in shakily, then breathed out.

"I went into deep depression two years ago, and six months ago, I.. started cutting myself.. Everywhere"

His eyes stung from crying. I'm sorry, jagiya.

"That's the reason why I-I haven't slept with you. I was afraid you would judge me and then .. leave. Like everybody else,"

"I know you're not like that. But so many people lied to me, and made promises they didn't even try doing. I couldn't. I-"

He clasped his hand to his mouth, covering his sobs. God, now it just hurt to speak. 

"I'm sorry, Jonghyun. I'm sorry I didn't tell you any time sooner,"

Key frowned, rubbing his temples. "This is the worst way of saying goodbye,"

"But it would just hurt more to see your reaction in person. I'm sorry, jagiya."

Picking up the razor blade, he sliced his skin, groaning quietly.

"I know you told me let go of the past," Key now started crying. "But it's so much more complicated than that!"

Key cried out in pain, Jonghyun's terrified face popping into his mind.

"I'll miss you so much, jagiya."

He stood up, picked up the remote to the camera, and stood up on the chair that reached the rope, which was tied to the ceiling fan.

"I'll see you soon, Jonghyun," Key whispered so softly, almost he didn't hear himself. Already, he could hear himself drifting off.

Key shook, knees giving out. "I love you..so much."

And with that, he turned off the camera.

~

Jonghyun walked up the stairs, carrying his heavy briefcase. He wondered what Key did all day, like always. His boyfriend never went out, never even left the apartment, which he found strange. He reached his apartment, typed in the passcode, and walked in.

"Jagiya, I'm home!" he called, setting his briefcase on the kitchen counter. Usually, Key would've sat on the couch, watching tv and wait for Jonghyun to come home. The apartment was strangely still and quiet. Just the sound of passing cars, and crickets.

He became slightly worried, so he looked around the apartment, calling Key's name. When he tried to open the bedroom door, it was locked. He furrowed his brows, trying to open it. Then it came to him knocking the door down with his shoulder. The door popped out of the frame, and Jonghyun ran in.

And there, Jonghyun saw it. Key was hanging from a rope tied to the ceiling fan. His body hung lifelessly, and blood dripped from his wrist.

Jonghyun's heart dropped to his bottom. He felt his heart stop beating for a couple minutes. He felt dizzy - nauseated.

"Key," Jonghyun croaked, walking slowly towards the younger. 

He stood up weakly on the bed, carefully pulling Key out. He settled Key in his arms, like a child, his head on Jonghyun's arms, and legs splayed out.

"Kibum," Jonghyun whimpered, a lump in his throat. He brushed Key's hair out of his eyes with a trembling hand. The natural shade of paleness faded from Key's angelic face. Now it was corpse pale.

"Oh my G-g-" Jonghyun choked on his tears as he pulled Key's sleeve up, revealing about ten slits, with blood still trickling everywhere. 

Why, Key? .. Why?

There was no use trying to wake up him. Jonghyun knew the love of his life was gone. Forever.

With a still trembling hand, he reached for his cell phone. He dialed.

"911, what's your emergency?"

Jonghyun tried his best to stay calm.

"Please come to Apartment 5B at HongDae's Apartments," he said shakily, tears shedding like a waterfall. 

"My boyfriend has commited suicide."

~

All Jonghyun remembered was ambulance and police sirens. Paramedics and police busting his door open. Police asking him all sorts of questions. Questions he couldn't even answer. Because Key never told him anything.

But it's not like he could focus on that either.

It was all just a big blur.

"Mr. Kim, we found a camera with a tape in it," One of the policeman said, "The remote to it was on the ground. We think it could have something,"

The cop handed it to him.

"Would you like to watch it first..?"

Jonghyun stared at it, vision not clear with his blood-shot eyes.

"Yeah.. th-thank you," he said softly, taking the camera. The policeman nodded.

"Just take it to the police station as soon as you finish," he said, taking off his cap, along with the other cops. "We're sorry for your loss, Mr. Kim."

Jonghyun sat down on the couch, staring absently at... nothing. Everything was just.. black and white now. There was no more color in his life left.

Key was gone. His sun, his moon, his life just gotten taken away. 

He was gone.

A low mutter fell over the crowd of policeman, then they left quietly. Jonghyun's breathing was uneven.

He gulped as he put the tape in the player. His breath hitched as he saw Key, sobbing and shaking.

" 'I thought this would be an easier way of saying-'" Key coughed in the video. Jonghyun's face was straight, but tears were just flowing. He kept watching, but he couldn't pay attention to Key's words. The expression on the other seemed and looked so painful, and after so long, he could tell Key was struggling with himself.

" 'I know you told me to let go of the past, but it's so much more complicated!' " Key cried. Jonghyun's Adam's apple bobbed, his body shaking violently after.

Soon enough, Key was on the chair, his face in the ropes. 

More words. More.. and more.

" 'I love you.. so much.' " Key had whispered, eyes completely blood-shot.

Then, the tape ended there. The screen went black, leaving Jonghyun speechless and half-dead.

He pressed his knees to his chest, whimpering soft cries. His body was still shaking. After about thirty minutes of letting it out, Jonghyun took a deep breath and looked around.

Even though Key was gone, Jonghyun felt like he was still here. Like his soul and presence still remained.

Jonghyun looked next to him, seeing nothing but the view from the window.

He laid his hand down on the cushion, pretending Key's hand was there too.

"I love you too, Key."

A/N- This is probably the saddest story I had ever written. I apoligize if I made you cry. Kinda made me tear up at the end.

Yes I'm impressed at my own work, LOL. But yes, like I said, I think this is one of my best. 

Well, I'm going to leave before I get hunted down and killed for such a tragic story.

Bye, love you & thank you for reading! Please comment!

VisionOfPerfection