Hyotae for KimmyYeon

Inspired by Be Warmed by Davichi (listen as you read)

It’s over

When I walked into our apartment, you were there sitting on the couch. Your face was blank, no emotion at all. I don’t recognise you anymore, I thought I knew you inside out or at least I thought I did. The face that I am used to seeing was no more, something has changed. I started noticing you acting differently around me few weeks ago, you were here with me but your heart seems so distant. Your kisses no longer had those fiery burning passions that were so much like your personality. Your hugs were still warm but it no longer radiates like the sun. You were just not you.  I didn’t want to presume anything bad, I trusted you. I asked you if you were okay, but you just brushed it off saying that you were tired. I no longer felt those affections from you, you didn’t ask for hugs or acted cute in front of me. I started changing and become more outgoing in these past weeks just for you. I didn’t want you to leave me, my love for you is endless and I’ve never loved someone as much as I have loved you.

My life was gloomy before I met you, this is cheesy but you are the ray of sunshine that warmed me up and lifted me out of my depression. I don’t know what I would do without you, I felt nothing but warmth in those 8 months that we’ve been together. Normally I would tell you everything but recently I couldn’t anymore because the subject was you and I can’t talk about you to you. I talked to Tiffany and Sunny and they just said I was paranoid and told me not to worry. But then Sunny told me something that I was dreading to hear. I lied to myself and reassured myself that this was not true.

Cheating

You were nervous to see me as I walked into our apartment, your whole body completely tensed up. It almost seemed like you didn’t want to see me at all. I tried to act normal as possible but I just couldn’t, I’m just as nervous as you at that moment.

“Tae”

Something is definitely wrong

Flashback

I remember I first met you at a night club, dancing wasn’t really my thing and a night club is even more not my thing. I prefer sitting in a café drinking a nice latte and reading a good book, it was my way of relieving stress. Tiffany and Sunny dragged me to the club because they said I need to find a girlfriend. Would I really find my ideal type in a night club? But somehow I found you. I got dragged to the dance floor and when I was just awkwardly bobbing my head to the music, you caught my eyes in the middle of that crowd. Your movements so fluid but it was fierce at the same time, I’ve seen no other people that could portray so much emotion in their dance. My eyes automatically scanned across your whole body, you were wearing a plaid shirt tied above your waist showing your prominent abdominal muscle and the belly piercing. Your shorts ended just after your cheeks, so when you moved your shorts would rise up. I sound like a ert now, but because of you I just can’t help it. Those guys and girls staring at you with lustful looks didn’t matter to you, your eyes were closed and you were lost in music.

We were absolute strangers then, but seeing those people staring at you made me jealous somehow. I want to be the only that can stare at you like this and I want to be the only one you grind up against. When you opened your eyes and laid your eyes on me, I was in complete shock and a sense of excitement rushed across my body. The club was dark with a few neon flashing lights, but I could see those brown orbs of yours so easily that portrayed so much wants and needs. I might be over analysing here but that is what I felt when I saw those eyes. There was something in your glittering eyes that gave me the courage to lift up my two left fees and walk towards you.

As I started walking, a smirk formed on your face telling me that you wanted me as much I wanted you. We never lost eye contact once. I grew even braver and had a sly smile on my face, you were shocked at my sudden change of emotion but you liked it. Those hands of yours started roaming around your body, giving me and everybody else a show.  As I approached you the crowd dispersed leaving just me and you. My confidence was suddenly gone as I was standing right in front of you, leaving me standing there like a helpless puppy. You did a small laugh and hooked your finger into the waist band of my shorts and pulled me into you. I was suddenly facing your back as you spun me around, you starts to grind slowly only the front of my body. I was a frozen statue then, never have had a stranger grind onto me this closely. As your hand hooked around my neck and leaned your head back with your eyes closed and biting your lip. My hand automatically went around your petite waist and making small circles on your skin with my figure tips. I heard a small moan released from your mouth and I continued what I was doing.

“Kim Taeyeon, and you are?”

“Venus”

With the introduction done, you dragged me out of the club leaving my friends. On the way to your apartment, your hand never left mine. As we stepped into your apartment complex, you suddenly kissed me and your fiery kisses provoked my inner passion for you. We stepped into the elevator with you wrapping your legs around my waist and our hands gripping and touching all the skin we had on offer making as much contact as possible. You fumbled with your keys while I was laying kisses all over your bare shoulders, you giggled and try to push me away but how can I stop when you taste this good. I have little memory of what happened as we were in your apartment or how we got together but the most important thing was that we were together at the end.

Flashback ends

 “Hyobaby, are you okay?”

“Tae sit down”

I put down my bag and sat next to you on the couch. You took a deep breath and looked at me with the most sincere eyes. I’ve never seen you this serious before, you took my hands into yours.

“You know I love you, right?” I nodded and smiled, trying to calm myself from the storm that is coming ahead of me.

“I’ve never loved someone as I much as I have loved you. How you always say I’m the sunshine that lightened up your dull world, I hated it because it’s not true. Before you I didn’t really have a life, I was a broken person with no family or good friends. But you came along and put my life together for me. I might not always show it but you have no idea how thankful I’m for you. “ By now tears fell onto both of our faces and you could no longer speak coherently. You hardly ever cried, so every time tears fell from your eyes, it breaks my heart into millions of pieces and urges me to just wrap my arms around you to protect you from whatever was hurting you.

“I know you too well, Tae. You want a perfect family with children running around the house. But that’s not what I want for now, I just want us. Even though you heeled me and put me back together, but I’m still sort of messed up inside and it can’t be fixed by you. You don’t deserve this crap to stick with me until I’m okay again, I don’t know when I’ll be okay again.”

“HYO! Shut up, I don’t care! I don’t care about the perfect family or children, I only want you and that’s enough for me!” I don’t know what to do anymore, I’m just mindlessly hitting her with my fist. Tears soaked my face and my eyes, I can no longer see properly. But all I could see was her face streamed with tears like me and she just sat there letting me take my anger out. She was shouting at my trying to make me listen but I just don’t want to near anymore nonsense. Does she not know she is enough for me? She suddenly held my fists which were red from all the hitting. My fists slowly soften up in her hand and more tears seem to be coming out.

“I can’t stop you from getting your happiness, so I can’t do this anymore. Tae, let’s break up.”

I don’t even know what to feel anymore, angry, sad and confused. My fist automatically swung up across her face and she just sat there having no sign of stopping me. The soaring pain starts to goes through the whole of my fist and I didn’t care at that point. Another punch went across her left cheek and I’m sure my fist is broken by now. I can see blood coming out of her nose and her cheek throbbing but I don’t feel anything for her anymore. She lifted up my fist and kisses my fingers, the pain seemed to have vanished for a second. Despite my heart saying to myself that she’s not worth it and telling myself to forget about her, she still had a definite effect on me.

She got up and wiped her face with her arm, then walked towards the door. I’m struggling to tell myself  to not stand up and hold her back but I just love her too much to sit here and watch her leave. She is the love of my life after all.

“Hyo, please don’t leave. I can change, I’ll be more outgoing, I’ll be happier, I try to be anything as long as it makes you happen!” My crying become hysterical as I held her tight from the back. Her hand hung low and I can’t feel tears dropping onto my hand which was around her waist.

“I don’t want you to change, you won’t be happy forever if you change for me. I’m not the only thing you need to make you happy, it might be for now but it won’t be forever. I need someone who is just as they, someone that can be happy with just me. Tae, move on and find someone who have the same dream as you and be happy forever. “With that said and a kiss on my forehead, she’s out of the door.

From that day onward, I just stayed at home and switched off my phone trying to resist the urge to call you. I just wanted to hear your voice, I just wanted to see you, and all I want is just everything to be back to before. It was foolish of me thinking that switching off my phone for a few days can make me forget about you. I didn’t even realise how much I loved you, it scared me how much of my heart belonged and still belong to you.

I know that I can’t be sitting at home and drinking all day thinking about you. You taught me to be stronger and to sail through anything in life. I finally got up and went out for the first time in two weeks. I will find true happiness one day and I hope you do too. Even though you left me broken hearted and fragile, my heart will always belong to you. My first and only love Kim Hyoyeon.

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“Hyo, are you okay? You seem spaced out?” I smiled at my companion in bed. I snuggled closer into her shoulder and nodding at the same time.

“It’s her, isn’t it?” She said it in a sour tone. Its mind boggling how well Soo knows me, she seems to know everything that I’m think about. But I can’t blame her, I’ve known her since high school.

I looked at Sooyoung and cupped her both her cheeks into my hand, her prominent cheek bones. “Yes I’m thinking about her but it’s the past now, it’s me and you now. I love you and you love me, that’s all it matters. We can be ourselves around each other which is all I want for us. Okay? So stop worrying about my past and lets all move on.”

“Thanks Hyo, I trust you.” She kissed me showing her promise to what I said.

We can now happily move on and forget our past.

Angst Hyotae

Always wanted to write angst HyoTae

I haven't forgotten about the YoonHyo, it will be happier then this!

Comment and request!