Eunhyuk was looking down onto his thighs, fiddling his fingers uncomfortably. He felt his eyes began to water as he fought as hard as he could for them not to fall down.

 

 

He hated this.

 

 

He really hated this.

 

 

He looked up when he heard someone called his name and gave out a smile. A fake one. He knew how fake he might have looked. He knew how unprofessional it was for him to act this way. He knew it very well but at this point of time he just couldn’t careless anymore.

 

 

Stop it.

 

Stop calling me that.

 

 

He looked around and saw everybody laughing at him. From the MCs, the other guests to s. They were all laughing at him. They were all amused at seeing his offended state. He felt a pang inside his heart as he hated every minute of every second of his sorry to be sitting around these thoughtless people.

 

 

These inconsiderate people.

 

 

 

Eunhyuk looked out onto the window of his bedroom totally lost in his own thoughts. His knees was curled up onto his chest and his back was leaning against the wall. He was tired. He was completely and utterly tired. He was tired of people calling him ‘anchovy’ for what seemed like twenty for seven. He was tired of people laughing with pure joy on their face as if it was not really a big deal to him. As if he was totally cool about it. Okay, maybe when it was the first few times he had no problems with it. But after every second, of every ing day? Who was he kidding?? He was no GOD to be able to not feel  anything when his personal state was turned into a joke. He was not a saint that would be able to keep his calm at all time. He was human. He was just a normal little human. Just like the rest of the people in this damn world.

Seriously, he was tired of how every time they went on a variety show they just couldn’t skip that part about him. They just couldn’t leave it be. It was as if it was a compulsory thing to do between them. It was as if not doing it is a complete no-no in the entertainment world. As if not doing it would make the show any less entertained.

 

 

this.

 

How can they not see how insulted he felt?

 

How can they not see how offended he was?

 

How can they not see?

 

He hated to be treated this way.

 

He hated every little bit of it.

 

This was no joke.

 

This was about him.

 

This was ABOUT HIM and it’s time people stop talking about it.

 

It’s time he put a stop to it.

 

 

 

Once and for all.

 

 

 

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

 

 

It had become a routine of his.

It had become like an addiction, more than a driving force like no other for him to go to the gym and sweat himself like there was no tomorrow. Every time, after he had finished his schedule, he would definitely stop by at the said place and work his out. Even when his schedule finishes so late in the night, he would still visit the place. It has become such a routine that he couldn’t stop himself.

 

He just couldn’t.

 

He had become so focused on making himself look better that nothing else seemed to have mattered anymore.

 

Nothing.

 

AND every time he work out he would always thought of the same thing.

 

How he wished everyone would just stop calling him that.

As if he really needed the extra reminder at how skinny and unattractive he was.

As if he wasn’t really well informed at how horrible he looks compared to the others.

As if he didn’t know that himself, when all he does every time he woke up is to ing check himself in front of the mirror.

 

 

He knew.

 

He very well knew.

 

They don’t need to remind him.

 

 

 

Donghae had noticed it for quite some time now, how self-conscious Eunhyuk had become. The man used to not care about his appearance much and seemed to be proud of what he is. He usually won’t give a damn if anyone were to insult his figure. He would always brushed it off with a smile, saying that it wasn’t really a big deal to him. However, lately, that wasn’t the case. He had noticed how often Eunhyuk would check himself on the mirror. Standing so close to it, he swore, if the mirror was some sort of a portal, the latter would have been into it in the matter of seconds. He was so obsess with his reflection in the mirror that he would spend hours in front of it. Even going as far as checking every little part of his body.

 

 

Nonstop.

 

 

Apart from those, Donghae had also noticed how Eunhyuk’s health had gone from amazingly good to amazingly bad. How could had it not be? This friend of his spent so much time in the gym and so little time on properly taking good care of himself, it was bound to happen. It was bound for him to looked tired. AND it was bound for him to looked pale and weak. AND before he had realized it, this in fact, had worried him like never before.

 

 

He knew he had to put a stop to Eunhyuk’s behaviour.

 

He knew he had to stop his friend before it's too late.

 

 

 

He has to.

 

 

 

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

 

 

Donghae pulled Eunhyuk's hand hard, causing the other to abruptly stopped his track. He turned his head around and looked at him, his face showing nothing but confused and annoyance.

 

 

 

'What is it Donghae?' He asked him monotonically.

'I have to go somewhere so what do you want?'

 

 

 

Donghae stared at his best friend. He eyed him from top to bottom. His heart fluttered. Even though Eunhyuk's body looked good and all muscular now, his face and state didn't. He frowned.

 

 

 

'AND just where do you think you're off to??' His voice was strict as he questioned the other. 

 

 

 

Eunhyuk was surprised to see Donghae's sudden behaviour. The latter looked so serious and his eyes were dark as he stared into his. It was only the second time he had ever seen his friend so serious. The first was when his father passed away and he started viewing his life more maturely. Immediately, he knew that something was wrong or rather, something was clearly bothering him.

 

 

 

'Um, is there something the matter??' 

 

 

 

Donghae said nothing in what seemed like the longest time. He just continued to looked at him. Like literally, looked at him. Suddenly, he felt his self-conscious alter ego taking over his mind. What if Donghae noticed how ugly he looked? What if the reason he was so serious was because he was annoyed at seeing how ugly he was? Instantly, he started to tremble.

 

 

 

'Hyukjae ah.' Donghae finally uttered to him.

 

'NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!' Eunhyuk all of a sudden, shouted at him. Donghae's eyes widen, shocked at the sudden turn of event.

'NO NO NO NO NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!' Eunhyuk continued to shout as removed his hand from Donghae's. He then ran off as quickly as possible leaving Donghae stunned and confused.

 

 

 

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

 

 

Eunhyuk was now sitting on the floor inside the gym that had become his second home for these past few months. He had his arms around his curled up knees as he began to sob like never before. His whole body was shaking. His tears running down at a high speed. It was always okay for him to hear it from other people. It was okay for him if it was others that were saying bad things about him. Even though it hurt him and sometimes the pain is unbearable, he was able to coped with it. However, he couldn't handle hearing the same thing coming from his best friend's mouth. He couldn't hear the exact same mock other people say to him coming from Donghae. He just couldn't. He didn't think he would be able to continue living if that ever happens.

 

 

 

'Hyukjae ah.' He bolted his head up as he recognised the voice from behind him. He immediately stood up to make a run for it when he felt strong pair of arms hugging him tightly. He frozed on the spot.

 

'You idiot.' He then heared the voice say.

'Why'd you run off?'

 

 

 

At the warmth of the arms that was holding him lovingly, Eunhyuk couldn't control the emotions that had built up inside him these past few months any longer. He placed his hands onto his face, covering them, as he sobbed again for the second time. The man behind him said nothing, as he continued to embraced him, giving him strength and support. When he finally calmed down, he found his body being turned around softly. Donghae was looking at him, pain and worries filled his eyes.

 

 

 

'Are you okay now?' He asked him. He merely nodded his head.

 

 

 

Donghae gave him a warm smile at his answer.

 

 

 

'Come on, I have something to show you.' He then said to him. He stood up and pulled Eunhyuk's hand.

 

'WAIT. WHAT?' Eunhyuk was totally confused at the whole situation. Donghae didn't even questioned his reason for crying out loud like a lost child. Instead, he suddenly want to take him somewhere ?

 

'I know you will tell me when you're ready.' Donghae uttered to the dancing machine, knowing fully well what Eunhyuk was thinking. 

'Come on, let's go.' He continued to pull the other as he finally gave up and stood on his own. 

 

 

 

'Ready?' Donghae asked Eunhyuk as they got into his car. Eunhyuk just nodded his head in response.

 

 

 

The ride to GOD knows where was quiet and Eunhyuk couldn't help but wonder where in the world his friend was taking him to. He wanted to ask the other to spill the beans so bad but decided it was best to just go along with it. From time to time thou, he would looked at the other and thought of what happened earlier at the gym. He was thankful that Donghae understood his needs to sort his mind first before he was ready to tell him the reason for his sudden break down. He smiled to himself. Even after being friends with Donghae for so long, it always surprised him at how they truly understand each other. They don't even need any words to express their feelings and thoughts.

Suddenly, Donghae pulled over and parked his car. Eunhyuk was so distracted by his own train of thoughts that he didn't even realized that they had actually arrived. Eunhyuk's eyes widen with confused as he noticed where their location was.

 

 

 

'Um, why did you bring me back to the dorms??' He questioned Donghae who was smiling to himself.

'Just so you know, I just barely left this place an hour ago.'

'Donghae ah!'

 

'OUH SHUT UP WILL YOU!' Donghae smacked Eunhyuk's shoulder and began pulling him to the left side of the building. Ironically, even though he had lived here for so many years, he had never been to this side of the building. He gave Donghae a questioning look.

 

'What are we doing here?'

 

'Go to that wall over there.' Donghae merely said to him as he pointed his fingers towards it.

'NOW.'

 

'Donghae, what's this all about?' Eunhyuk's brows furrowed. He was getting rather annoyed at the whole situation.

 

'OUH quit being such a whiny goose and get your over there already!' Donghae snorted at him in reply. His fingers still pointing at the wall.

 

 

 

Eunhyuk sighed in defeat and began walking towards the wall, too tired to argue with his currently, weird little friend. When he had reached the said wall, he wandered his eyes on it, searching for whatever Donghae wanted him to see. Suddenly, his eyes went round as he noticed something. 

 

 

 

'WHA...WHAT'S THIS....?' He found himself stuttering.

 

'THAT, my friend, is ELFs' writings.' Donghae answered him from behind.

'Isn't it wonderful??'

 

 

 

Eunhyuk started to tremble. He could feel tears forming in his eyes.

 

 

 

'Bu-but...it's...it's not true...' He tried to say. This couldn't possibly true. Could it ?

 

 

 

Was he dreaming ?

 

 

 

Donghae walked over to his friend and hugged him gently.

 

 

 

'Hyukjae ah...it's true....'

'Every word of it.'

 

'But I..I...they said.....'

'...everyone said....'

 

'But you're nothing like that anymore are you??' Donghae said to him.

'You've changed, you've grown, you've become more handsome than how you used to be.'

'You don't need anymore pressure. You don't need to be more perfect.'

 

'That was only because...gym...that.....'

'...that....'

 

'NO. Hyukjae look at me.' Donghae stared into the others eyes.

'Sure it was because of the gym that you look more amazing than before, but it was also because you are already amazing just the way you are from the very beginning.' He smiled at the now crying man.

'You don't need others to tell you what you are and how you should be and look Hyukjae ah.'

'You just need to have confidence in yourself.'

'You are beautiful, just the way you are.'

'Do you even realized that?'

 

'BUT,,, they said I'm..I'm anchovy....' Eunhyuk tears became louder as emotions took over his mind.

 

'SO WHAT?? THEY CALL ME FISH!' Donghae reasoned.

'Do you think I'm flattered with that all time??'

'It's gets really annoying that I'm beginning to wonder if I really do look EXACLTY like one.'

'HUH!'

 

'It's not the same Donghae ah...' Eunhyuk said to him softly. His hands wiping off the wet liquids on his face.

 

'WHAT'S NOT??' Donghae argued back.

'As far as I'm concerned, nobody was born with muscular, abs and perfection.'

'Nobody was born 'beautiful'.'

'Instead, they blossom as they grow and mature.'

'You know, just like that ugly-duckling story.'

'So, I don't understand why you need to fess yourself over this.'

'I know that it hurts you when people make fun of you and I'm sorry that I did nothing as your best friend to stop them.'

'I'm sorry that I let it get this far.'

'But Hyukjae ah, you need to see that sometimes people are too focused at trying to achieve perfection that they forgot what's more important.'

'They forgot to take care of themselves.'

'They forgot to love themselves, just the way they are.'

'You need to see that whatever you're currently doing to yourself is hurting you.'

'You need to let loose a little and love yourself.'

'You need to stop trying to prove to everyone that you are you beautiful.'

'Instead, you have to prove to yourself, that you are beautiful and perfect just the way you are.'

 

 

 

Eunhyuk knew how true Donghae's words was but he coudn't help but say his next words even though he knew how stupid it was. He couldn't help it. He needed an excuse to defend himself.

 

 

 

'Even the members said that I look like a freaking anchovy and ugly and they even laughed at me.'

 

 

 

Donghae gave Eunhyuk a look that clearly stated, 'Are you ing kidding me??!' and grabbed a hold of his shoulder.

 

 

 

'TELL ME.' Donghae blurted out to his friend.

'How long have we've known the members?' Eunhyuk didn't reply him. He already knew the answer inside his heart. He was just afraid of saying it.

'How long have we've come to understand them??

'How close have we been with one another to know better than anyone else that we never mean what we say??'

'Especially on some stupid variety shows.'

 

'I know...it's just that...it hurts...you know......' Eunhyuk finally uttered after a long moment of silence.

'..I know deep down that they don't mean it but I...I...I just couldn't help but feel that way...'

'Sometimes when they went overboard...it just...it just pains me....'

'..they're my members...they shouldn't be saying that to me a lot of time...they should know better than anyone elses' how I truly feel inside.'

 

'Which is exactly why they asked me to talk to you.' Eunhyuk looked at him, surprised at his remarks.

 

'Wha-what do you mean?'

 

'To be honest, I haven't had the courage to talk to you even though I knew how you were suffering and if it wasn't for them urging me, I would have probably never even come today.'

'I would have probably taken a lot more time to gather my courage.'

'But that does not mean I wouldn't come so don't think of me as a bad friend.' He added quickly.

'You know that I care about you a lot.'

'Anyway, did you know how worried they were??'

'They have been worried sick because you kept on falling sick every now and then and they knew it was partly their fault for saying that about you on those shows which triggers your overly done work out sessions.'

'They wanted to talk to you and apologised but since you're always AWOL they haven't had the chance to.'

'AND knowing some of them, you know how hard it is for them to break away from their ego and beg for forgiveness.'

'But that doesn't mean that they don't care.'

'..it doesn't mean that they're not sorry...'

'They care Hyukjae ah, we care...I...I care......'

'PLUS, did you know that Wookie cried himself to sleep the other night because he was feeling extremely guilty for calling you ugly?' Eunhyuk looked down onto his feet.

 

'That idiot. Why would he cry?'

 

'It's because he cares about you and it must have hurt him knowing what you're doing to yourself is partly his fault.'

 

 

 

Abruptly, Donghae's voice started to shake and slowed down. Eunhyuk looked up at him.

 

 

 

'...I...I...I'm sorry Hyukjae....' Donghae tried to say as his tears betrayed him and falled down.

'...I'm sorry I wasn't there for you....'

'...I should have...been...there.....'

'...I should have....'

'...please stop doing this to yourself....'

'...please stop hurting yourself....'

'..I can't bare...I can't bare to watch anymore....'

'...please stop....'

 

 

 

Eunhyuk could feel his heart softened and he felt bad for making his best friend cry. In fact, he felt really guilty.

 

 

 

'Donghae ah...don't cry...'

'...I'm sorry....'

'..I'll stop, I'll stop....'

'...So don't cry.....'

 

 

 

Eunhyuk then found himself crying once again at his best friend's words. He went to the other and hugged him tightly. Somehow, realization finally hit him. He had suddenly become aware of how stupid his actions was. At how ridiculous he was at trying to achieve perfection. They stood there embracing each other in what seemed like forever, neither of them said anything as they continued to cry. For an outsider, it will looked as if they've just lost something or someone precious. However, for them, they knew that they had gained something. They knew that they fact that they cried other than feeling guilty was because they knew that they had each other once again. They knew they could rely on each other more from now.

 

 

 

More importantly, Eunhyuk knew, he was not alone.

 

 

Not anymore.

 

 

 

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

 

 

Eunhyuk was now laying on his bed staring at the ceiling and smiling to himself. For the past few weeks, things had gotten better for him. He was no longer feeling stressed about how he looked or what other people say about him. He knew that he had to believe in himself more and be confidence with his looks. He smiled to himself for the second time.

The other members had finally broke out of their shells and apologised to him, not that he hold any grudge against them. But still, he was glad that they did so because it made him feel better about himself. It made him feel good and all bubbly inside. It made him feel important. He had even stopped going to the gym for like twenty for seven and working out like a maniac. Instead, he chosed to go to the gym with s and work out with them, according to the right schedule and according to his needs. It was not long before he was back on track again. He was healthier and he looked good. More than before.

 

Well, you could say that he was more of a y anchovy now. The name didn't even bother him anymore. In fact, he quite like it. It made him different. It made him special.

 

He rolled on his bed as he remembered the time he had that conversation with Donghae. The time where Donghae had first shown him the wall. The wall both he, Donghae had recently named, 'Memories of ELFS'.

 

He smiled to himself for the third time as he began dozing off to sleep.

 

 

 

------------------

------------

--------

----

 

 

 

Eunhyuk oppa is so handsome, he's perfect!

 

He's the most beautiful man in the world to me!

 

I hope he doesn't work himself too much, I don't want him to get sick!

 

Oppa I love you!!

 

No matter what other people say, Eunhyuk oppa is perfect to us. He's beautiful!

 

 

 

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I think I totally failed at this story *sigh*

Anyway, thanks for reading! 

OUH, leave a comment ;)