The first thing I saw when I woke up was you. That smile, the gleam in your eyes. I can stare at those the whole day but you said it would be awkward. You were sick that day and I had to take care of you. The sleeping you is even more beautiful –I ended up watching you sleep until the end of the day. You said you’re not as perfect as the characters in your writing. But I found out you’re the only perfection I have ever had.

I could smell your scent when I open the wardrobe of yours. It’s from the fabric softener you often used to laundry, the orange and lily one. I did smell it too on one of my shirts –you borrowed it since yours was damped with sweats after our crazy dance cover. You said you didn’t smelled like flowers or mints or fruits as the characters in your writing, but I found out your scent was near heaven-like.

It’s funny when you asked how you taste like. The truth is I never been so far with you. One thing I only remember, when we’re out for Christmas and the kids pulled us under the mistletoe. It wasn’t a passionate kiss where I your lips for permission and we fight for dominance. We were shy and full of doubts, afraid this will make us more awkward than we were already. You said, after the short innocent kiss, you’re sorry that you didn’t taste like cherries or cotton candy as the characters in your writing. But I found out you’re as sweet as sugar-free sweetener (or maybe opium, I never taste one).

I once heard you sing a song about a dream. Ah, it reminds of your own dream, the one you haven’t really made. You always talked about those singers and that they made a really good song and their voice is tunable. I didn’t know about you, but I did feel guilt and wondered when the companies will hear you sing. As beautiful as your voice sung me a lullaby every night, you said you still far away behind those singers, that you’re out of key and still need to work it out. But I found out your voice was fine or even better than them, as the angel sing? It could be.

I will feel...really sleepy in your soft touches as if I want to let everything go and lean on your shoulder. It was like I’m in peace, under a tree with the bright blue sky and the breeze. All I need is your hands around me, embrace my tired soul and my hair softly. You’re a hard worker and often in the kitchen to prevent boredom, so you said your palms aren’t as soft as the characters in your writing because of the cuts. But I found out you were softer than silk –I would like you to touch every single part of me and hold me tight as we walk through St. Life to our death.

And even if you’ve met your death sooner than me, I can’t be more than happy for everything yours still linger here, acompany me as my hair grows white and my days become dark. And I hope you remember that I said I will feel really thankful if you love me too even if we’re worlds apart, Kim Joonmyun.

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Thanks for reading ^^