I didn’t really have a terrible life… well I didn’t really have a life in general, and that was the problem.  I had school, work, and home.  I lived in an apartment in Seoul and attended a university there, while also working at a coffee shop.  My day was usually composed of getting up, going to work at 4:30 in the morning, getting back around 9:30, working out, going to classes, then coming home and doing homework.  I had one friend.  Or you could call her an acquaintance.  She was really sweet, I just didn’t like being around people too much.  I didn’t really talk to anyone or attempt to make friends.  It was sorta my way, being alone.  Most of my classes were really hard so I was kept busy and frankly didn’t have time for much socializing.  I was fine with being alone, I really was.  It was just the reasons I had that bothered me.  I was constantly haunted by thoughts of being bullied, anxiety attacks, depression, scars from my past.  I had lots of social problems as a kid so I wasn’t very trusting of anyone.  My trust went out the window after being countlessly hurt by my so-called friends and family.  I didn’t really trust anyone or talk to anyone for the most part, accept Nana my acquaintance/friend/person/thing.  I mean, yeah I talked back to people if they talked to me and I always tried to be nice and everything but it really was a strain for me and I really didn’t attempt anything myself.  I was literally all alone.  I didn’t really have a terrible life.  I just had nothing to live for.

It had been a long day that day, starting with many rude customers at work, bad day in classes, and stupid guys constantly bugging me.  Oh and my classes kept piling on the work.  I eventually fell asleep exhausted and frustrated from the day.  That night, I had one of the first dreams that I could remember.

My eyes are squinting to focus past the light, as it streams in thick golden rays through the classroom.  The dust swirling around is visible and it shines in the light, creating little sparkles that permeate the room with brilliance.  There is a silhouette of a person that I still cannot see because of the radiance.  The floors are light grainy wood and so are the tables.  Ebony chairs create a startling contrast to the brightness of it all, nearly the darkest objects in the room second only to the figure in the window.  There was a light airy school smell to the room.  Not clean, or gross, or musty, just comfortable and school like.  Like the after taste from hazelnuts.  That color too.  I walk towards the blinds and start closing them, watch as the rays of sun are slowly sliced away into shadow.  It takes my eyes a few seconds to adjust to the more mellow light of the room, even though light is still leaking through the edges of the blinds.  Finally I can see well and I find that the silhouette takes the form of a boy, turned now towards me and slightly smiling with hesitant sweet eyes.  His expression is soft and apologetic.  It isn’t just a boy, it is one of the ones that were bugging me today.  I’m confused about what to feel for a second then a welling of emotion overtakes me.  Tears pour out of my eyes and I start shaking with sobs and some other emotion.  He starts frowning slightly with a worried look in the mahogany colored eyes of his and my cries are becoming louder.  He tries to step towards me with a hand slightly raised, but I slap it away.

            “No.” I say to him through my sobs.  I grind my teeth together in rage as tears still spill from my eyes “You.  How dare you.  I hate you.  How can you be so cruel as to haunt me in my dreams as well?  I shouldn’t have expected any better from you”  More tears.

“Why-“ he starts

“WHY?  You are asking me why?!  I don’t do anything to you, ever! I don’t even talk to you or look at you.  Yet you still torment me! EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.  How the can you ask why I hate you? HUH?  You, who opens so many other wounds I have, you who is the cause of my anxiety attacks, you who looks at me in laughter while you jab at me in cruelty, you who cannot hurt me enough and have to come into my dreams to torment me still… how, after all this, do you have the nerve to even ask why I’m crying, or why I hate you?  You have no right to be here and you are not wanted. GET. OUT. NOW.”  Still more tears come.

“I’m sorry” He whispers, closing his eyes with a look of infinite grief on his face. 

“Not good enough” I glare at him in my rage.

He looks at me and takes a step closer.  My fist flies out and smashes into his jaw, causing his head to snap to the side as well.  I keep punching him any where I can, trying to hurt him as much as he hurt me.  I have to make him understand.  His lip starts bleeding and I slow down, starting to panic.  What have I done.  I look down at my hands, swollen, red, and hurting.  My breathing comes more quickly and I start gasping, eyes wide open.  My breaths become shallow and I am still shaking, legs becoming weak.  I feel myself sink to the ground and I clutch at my throat as black dots dance into my sight.  Things are becoming blurry and I just keep panicking.  I guess I’m laying on the ground now since his face is above mine, streaming wet sad tear and drops of blood onto my face.  He keeps saying something and I am just able to make it out before I let go of the light.

“I deserve it..”  he whispers as I fade away into unconsciousness.

I sat bolt upright in bed dragging deep breaths past my lips.  I had to calm down or I would pass out for real this time.  I just had to take slower breaths.  Slow deep breaths.  I used the breathing techniques I was taught a while ago for my anxiety.  Soon, or well soon enough, I was a little calmer.  I looked at the clock and it was 2:13 am.  Oh well, I might as well get up and get ready for work.  It’s not like I could get any more sleep.  It's not like I wanted any more sleep if I was going to be met with another horrible dream like that.  I some light music and walked into the bathroom to look at myself.  There were dark bags under my eyes, and a tired empty look in my eyes.  My skin had random red splotches on it and my hair was tangled and greasy. 

“You need to get a hold of yourself…” I said to my reflection, sighing and leaning on the counter with my palms facing away from me.  This was going to be another long day.  I started running the water for a shower-

His eyes were a deep mahongany-

I closed my eyes and massaged the shampoo into my hair, trying not to cringe from the scalding water-

“I’m sorry” he whispers, closing his eyes with a look of infinite grief on his face.

My eyes followed the trail of soap and conditioner as it disappeared down into the drain.  I turned off the water.-

I guess I’m laying on the ground now since his face is above mine, streaming wet sad tear and drops of blood onto my face.  He keeps saying something and I am just able to make it out before I let go of the light.

I looked at my now finished face and hair, sighing at my reflection.  It wasn’t quite time for work yet-

“I deserve it..”  he whispers

I shook my head trying to stop thinking about my strange dream.  I went over to my scale and stepped on the cold white plastic.  The red numbers went crazy until the settled around 112.  Damn.  I gained 2 pounds.  I guess I’ll just do an extra mile each day.  I checked my watch again seeing that the time was 4:00.  If I walked I would kill some time and still be prompt.  I decided to skip the bus today.  It was dark so I guess walking wasn’t the best idea but still, I could handle myself.  You sort of have to be when you live by yourself.  The city was so pretty at night, with the streets quiet and the moon in the sky.  Everything was sparkly with the lights on around the city.  The shadows were long and exaggerated, making the quiet streets seem like some other world.  A little world of nothing-ness just for me…

Hello :)) how's it going guys?  :P I'm so sorry I haven't updated anything in forever... I'm just busy with stuff haha :)  please forgive me guys!! Anyway I hope you like the story! ^^ comment and subscribe please!  I love your feed back! thank you my lovely readers Muah~