11O52013

Pairing: Chenris | Krischen with a bonus of Taohun

Rating | Genre: Slight angst

WC: 2655

Just a short drabble bc mikazuki_angel made realize that i haven't written chenris in awhile & i do kinda miss them, and i feel bad that i've been leaving you guys hanging with my other chenris (& if you dont know what im talking about just move on right ahead! there's nothing here^^) so yeah

It's all fun and games until someone falls in love.

They're supposed to be friends with benefits. You know, heavy make out sessions and with no strings attached, and no feelings involved. That's a rule. Everyone knows that; or so Jongdae assumes. He should have known something was up when Yifan's eyes always linger whenever their lips detached, or how he looked like he wants to say something after he had ed Jongdae senseless, but Jongdae didn't know or maybe he didn't want to know and that's why they're in the mess they are right now.

"So," Yifan breaths out, he looks sad and torn and Jongdae hates it, "You're saying that you're okay if i ask him out tomorrow?"

Jongdae doesn't move from his couch, his eyes staring at the boring, old carpet on the floor. He's not brave enough to look at Yifan's eyes because he might break.

"You're saying you're okay if we get together" Yifan murmurs out. Jongdae doesn't need to look to know how disappointed Yifan is, it shows in his voice.

No! He wants to scream at Yifan because no, he will not be okay if Yifan does that, but there's something holding the words back and he doesn't know how to stop it. So he stays quiet, which is the worst thing he could ever do because Yifan is shifting his feet and he's moving toward Jongdae but stops a few feet away.

"Jongdae" Yifan's voice cracks a little and Jongdae wants to scream at him stop because he cannot deal with this. Not now.

The silence is thickening and Jongdae feels sick. He wishes for everything to stop and go back to the way it was.

Go back to where they were friends; where Jongdae was a smart and Yifan was a pain in the . Go back to where this all started; back to the first time Jongdae asked Yifan to stay and cuddle after their usual activities so he could stop it all. Jongdae hates himself for opening the portal to a place he never wants to go. Maybe if he didn't ask Yifan to stay that one night, it wouldn't have became a thing, and maybe Yifan wouldn't have fallen in love with him. Maybe they wouldn't be in this mess right now. Maybe it would have saved them the heartbreaks. Maybe.

The frustrated sigh coming from Yifan's lips leaves goosebumps on Jongdae's arms. It makes his stomach churns uncomfortably because he knows nothing good will come out of it.

"Okay, if that's what you want"

Jongdae feels like someone just ripped his heart out and poured acids to the inside of his body because he feels so uncomfortable, and frustrated and he doesn't know what it is. Yifan is walking away and all Jongdae wants to do is to pull him back and keeps him here but he cannot move. The back of his throat feels dry and the words are stuck there. He blinks once and Yifan is already gone. Jongdae feels like screaming his lungs out and maybe slap himself with a hammer because he feels so stupid. But maybe it's all happen for the best.

The first thing Jongdae sees when he arrives at school on Monday is Zitao leaning against the lockers with Yifan looming over him. They're laughing over something so loud that Jongdae can hear from miles away. His stomach does this unpleasant twist but he ignores it, blaming it on the lack of breakfast.

When Yifan's eyes meet his, Jongdae feels like throwing up because the uncomfortable feelings are back. Yifan doesn't break eye contacts, he stares at Jongdae like he's challenging him and it makes Jongdae very confused and frustrated. "Do it" That's what Yifan's gaze seems to tell him but Jongdae doesn't know what. He thinks he's going crazy.

It must have been forever because the bell finally rings and Jongdae hurries to get to class, he can no longer deal with Yifan's intense gaze and his stomach is killing him, if only it would stop churning whenever Yifan's around.

Jongdae knows he's selfish because he's the one who pushed Yifan away, yet he's here wishing Yifan would come back even though he knows there's a chance he would push Yifan away again. He knows he's horrible but if he can't have Yifan then he doesn't want anyone else to, including Zitao.

His eyes feel heavy, maybe from the lack of sleep, or maybe from the many nights he spent crying. He feels exhausted and the only thing he wants to do is curl himself into a ball and hides under sheets of blankets at home, far away from Yifan and Zitao. He's not sure how long he can take this, everything is too much for him to handle.

The walk to class feels so long today, and why are there so many twinsies walking around. Jongdae's brain is pounding against his skull and his legs are going to give out, he sees Yifan talking to Zitao in front of their classroom but why are there two Yifans? 

Jongdae pauses on his feet because everything is spinning and spinning and he just wants it all to stop. Oh, he thinks he's going to hurl, and why is everyone staring at him. Their laughter echos off the walls and it's getting harder to breath. His arms reaching out for something to hold on but everything turns pitch black.

Jongdae wakes up with a heavy head, his throat feels dry and he still feels like throwing up. He groans and looks around only to realize he's back at home, tucked under the comfort of his blankets. The headache is still there, it's a little better but it's bearable. His stomach makes a gurgling sound asking for food, Jongdae only realizes he has not been eating proper meals in days. Sighing, he moves his feet to the ground with a plan to make some food because his parents are most likely still working and he will need to make his own dinner. Everything's still a little dizzy, but he'll manage, he hopes.

Jongdae jumps when he hears a loud gasp and almost falls to the floor when he finds Yifan standing at the doorway.

"Y-yifan -"

"What are you doing? Get back on the bed" Yifan's voice is panicky and Jongdae can hear the worries in his words. 

Yifan is next to him within seconds and he's being hauled back to the bed and tucked under the blankets like a child. Jongdae doesn't know why, he thinks it's the dizziness but he pouts and crosses his arms at his chest. "But i'm hungry"

Yifan rolls his eyes and pulls the blankets up to Jongdae's chest, "That's why i brought you food"

Jongdae stares as Yifan walks back to the other side of the bed, where he has left a tray of food on Jongdae's nightstand. Yifan is back by his side moments later and Jongdae can see a bowl of porridge still hot in Yifan's hands, his mouth waters just by looking at it.

"I can eat by myself you know" Jongdae frowns when Yifan refuses to hand the bowl over but doesn't make any sign of protest. In a way, he likes it. He likes it when Yifan takes care of him but he would never admit that.

"I didn't know you could cook" Jongdae says when the silence between them becomes almost unbearable and it's true that Yifan can't cook. And Jongdae is pretty sure Yifan doesn't have any interests in taking cooking classes either and this tastes too good to be instant porridge.

"Actually, Zitao made this"

Oh.

Suddenly he's not so hungry anymore. Jongdae turns away when Yifan brings the next spoon of porridge to his mouth and gently pushes Yifan's hand away. He doesn't want Yifan to think he's upset even though he is because it's ridiculous and who knows what will happen.

"So ... where is he?"

Yifan sighs and places the bowl down to the ground before picking up a piece of napkin and hands it over to Jongdae, "He should be back at school by now"

After a moment, Yifan picks up the tray on the ground and Jongdae is almost scared that he's going to leave, but Yifan looks at him with those eyes and flashes him a small smile, it's a bit forced, but it's something. "I'll be back with your medicines"

Jongdae figures this would happen soon but it still doesn't stop his heart from flipping when Yifan finally gets up from Jongdae's bed - he's been watching Jongdae for the past hour just to make sure Jongdae is completely okay before he has to leave.

"I think i'll be going now"

Jongdae doesn't know why he's doing it, but his arm automatically reaches to grab Yifan's. 

"Stay" His voice is all groggy when he pleads.

Yifan's head turns a little, enough to see Jongdae's hand but not enough to see Jongdae's desperate face.

There's a silence before Yifan opens his mouth, "Sorry, i think Zitao's waiting for me"

Jongdae's heart stops at the mention of that name, his hand falling to his side, and he feels like he's been slap to the face, and he figures he deserves that.

...

"Are you really choosing him over me?" That never should have come out, Jongdae never meant to say but it slipped and now Yifan's staring at him with angry eyes and Jongdae can see the pains mixing in there.

"I didn't choose him over you Jongdae" Yifan's voice is low as he stares Jongdae down, and Jongdae has never felt so small. "You pushed me away"

Jongdae looks down at the ugly pattern on his blanket because he cannot handle the look Yifan is giving him. He cannot deal with the sadness in Yifan's eyes when he knows he's the cause. Most importantly, he doesn't want to cry because he knows he will if Yifan stares at him long enough.

"You wanted me to go, remember?" The crack in Yifan's voice makes his head snap up and he sees how hurt and heart broken Yifan is, all because of him and his cowardliness. Jongdae would do anything to wipe that look away from Yifan because it does not go with his handsome features at all. 

"I was not good enough for you" Yifan is once again by his side. Jongdae can see how his cheeks are slightly dampened and he doesn't even know that his own are just the same.

Jongdae never realized how much it hurts until he sees that he's the reason for Yifan's tears and broken heart. Swallowing down the slump in his throat, Jongdae decides since he's already been selfish once, he's got nothing to lose and so gets up from where he's lying down and grabs Yifan's face and brings it to his.

Kissing Yifan has never felt so right. Why hasn't Jongdae notice how nicely their lips fit together? Yifan tastes like heaven, and the way Yifan's hugging him makes him feel so safe. Jongdae tightens his arms around Yifan's neck and forces their heads together. He needs to feel Yifan, he needs to makeup for his stupidity but  when Yifan pulls away, Jongdae feels like his heart just shatters apart.

"I- i c-can't- "

Jongdae shakes his head frantically, his hold around Yifan's doesn't falter and he says anything just so Yifan wouldn't say what he has to say. "Stay"

Yifan looks at him through his bangs, his arms still wrapped around Jongdae's petite waist, "Why?" 

Jongdae swallows because he knows what Yifan is asking but he's so scared to say it, he's so scared to admit it because what if he gets hurt? He panics when Yifan loosen his arms around his body, and Jongdae can't deal with Yifan walking away, not again.

"Because i need you"

Yifan's slowly pushing him away but Jondae won't have it, he can't. So he's saying what he's been holding in for so long and what he's been denying to himself and to Yifan. "Because i love you"

It's like the weight just been lifted off his chest but now heart is pounding so hard against his rib cage, he sees a flash of happiness crosses Yifan's eyes and the next thing he knows, he's knocked down onto the mattress with Yifan hovering on top of him. He doesn't feel the pain because they're kissing, and kissing, and kissing like they haven't kissed in years. And everything feels so right.

Lying on his bed, everything starts to come back. Jongdae looks at the doorway where Yifan is on the phone with Zitao and he feels the biggest guilt settles in his stomach. Jongdae is the horrible one yet now Zitao has to suffer because of his own mistake. It isn't fair and Jongdae knows he's going to hell for this but he just want to be selfish once more. He just wants to hold onto their love, even with all the uncertainties.

When Yifan comes back and kisses him, the guilt dissipates and Jongdae doesn't remember who Zitao is. It's all just him and Yifan. Just the two of them. He'll deal with the consequences later but for now, he'll savor the moment because he deserves to be happy too.

"I love you" Yifan tells him when he kisses his nose and holds him tight. Jongdae knows he won't regret going to hell for this, because it's worth it. Because Yifan is worth it.

- BONUS -

They're kissing on one of the lunch table in the school backyard, Yifan's hands holding Jongdae just the way he likes being held, when they hear a loud clap. Turning around, Jongdae nearly fumbles to the ground because there stand Zitao with a look Jongdae cannot decipher.

"Z-zitao" He stutters. Even if Zitao is younger than him and even if he never liked Zitao in the first place, Jongdae still feels inferior because he knows he's in the wrong except he doesn't expect the thing that comes out of Zitao's mouth.

"It's about damn time"

Jongdae's brows furrow in confusion because Zitao seems too happy for someone who has been basically cheated on. He's even more confused when the freshman, who he recognizes as Oh Sehun, comes up to them and back hugs Zitao.

"Sehunnie over here keeps going on about how i'm basically cheating on him-"

"- Stop using my boyfriend" The freshman, Sehun, says as he glares at Yifan with a pout.

"W-wait what?"

Zitao's raises a brow as he looks at Jongdae with an amused smirk, "What? You didn't think i'd actually fall for him did you?"

"I, Huang Zitao, have too much respect for myself to go after a man who is in love with someone else" Zitao says rather proudly and Jongdae is slowly putting the pieces together and he knows he's not going to like it.

"Plus, i have a wonderful boyfriend over here, why would i go after that" He crunches his nose at Yifan and normally Jongdae would laugh, but right now nothing seems funny.

Jongdae clenches his fists as he feels his insides boil, "This is a setup?" He murmurs, turning to look at a fearful Yifan, "You set me up?"

Yifan bites his lips for a moment like he's think of what to say before he opens his mouth for a comeback, "It was the only way for you to realize your feelings - wait, babe! Don't walk away!"

"Jongdae wait!"   "Baby, listen to me!"   "I love you!"

"Fools" Zitao laughs, "Yifan is so whipped"

He shakes his head and turns around to give his boyfriend a kiss but what he gets is fingers clamping his lips shut, "Zitao, go get me some snacks. I'm hungry"

"Wait, what?"

"Hurry and bring them to class okay? I'm starving" Sehun gives him a quick peck and skips to the direction of their class.

Huang Zitao is just as whipped.