The pounding of the heart; the endless beating. It quickens and slows with changing emotion, much like the a flower; thriving in sunlight, starving in the

dark. It's a uniquely human trait, one that most choose to admire. But not Luhan. He hates it, loathes it, loathes life but is too much of a coward to take his

own. Those aren't his words though. Someone once said that to him. Back in the days when he believed in people, believed in friendship; he had opened

up, asked desperately for help... and was called a coward. Some people are just useless.

So he drank.

He went to the bar every night and had the same seven shots and a greyhound. Monday was the same as Tuesday and Wednesday, and he couldn't be

bothered to keep track of them anymore. His feet carried him the same way each evening, down two blocks, left at the homeless man, and straight

down. It was muscle memory, he didn't think, his brain hadn't been utilized for months.

Through the doors.

The music which once shocked his system no longer did, the scrawny teenagers sitting in their corners didn't get a second glance; they never did.

Everything is the same, always. Luhan's always liked that word 'same'. The lack of change, the preservation of what is; not what will be or what was. It

was truly the only beautiful thing to him.

He sat at the bar.

“First shot.” He ordered.

“Shot of what, sir?” came a new voice. Luhan looked up instantly. New? New was not good, new was disgusting, appalling, different. New was most

definitely not the same. But this new belonged to brown eyes, and lush hair, and a nice chin. This new was younger than the old same.

He was intrigued, but only slightly. Luhan went home that night after 7 shots. The greyhound left forgotten. That was another new.

__

The next night was different in the same way which, as expected, was only half okay with him. The new bartender decided to try and make conversation,

which, in Luhan’s book, was far too new and most definitely not okay.

His name was Kai.

‘Everybody lies’ Luhan thought. It was just a nametag and ‘Kai’ was a tad bit perfect for the atmosphere in which he worked. Dark, mysterious, and

curious; oh so curious.

The 7^th shot was never ordered.

__

The following evening Luhan walks into the bar and sits in his stool, a shot of pure, translucent Vodka already waiting for him on the counter. This was

not a bad new. This was a good new.

Nametag Kai smiled at him once, or twice. Luhan might have smiled back, he wasn’t so opposed to that, but as he tried to, he found his lips unable to

move.

He doesn’t remember the last time he smiled.  Maybe it was never.

He only drinks half of the 6^th shot before retiring to his apartment.

__

There are fewer people there tonight, and his heart may have pounded once. But he didn’t count.

Like yesterday, the short glass containing the elixir of his life was waiting before him, as was Kai, still smiling. They never exchanged words, Luhan

would drink and Kai would watch, the edges of his lips constantly at a slight upturn. 

Luhan might have been getting used to the new. 

Though his glasses for the evening totaled only 5.

__

He never envisioned his life like this; he never envisioned his life at all. Each second seemed like an eternity, the days felt like years, and the night like eons.

But for some reason, he didn't mind. Not in recent eons, at least.

He sat at a different stool, and earned a slight chuckle from the man who served his drinks; though it could have been something else. The music was

loud and he hadn't really been listening, anyway. 

His eyes lock on Kai's over the course of his 4 shots. 

__

He returns the next night with the intent to speak. All this staring isn't goot for him, and he can't possibly continue. It's a 'same' but an uncomfortable

same, nonetheless. As he walks he tries to think of what speaking will accomplish, and he decides nothing. It will accomplish absolutely nothing. He still

a little proud of himself for having a thought for the first time in a long time. 

He goes over and parts his lips, nearly choking with the thought of conversation that he takes another man's drink and downs it. 

He goes home after a punch to the gut.

__

Luhan wonders if he's going to have to get used to this. The constsnt smiling the constant... niceness? No, he didn't like that word. Luhan was a very

closed person and he would not allow a simple bartender to reach inside him and ebb out his secrets. But those smiles were going to get to him

eventually, and he knew it. 

He thought about that smile all day.

__

He's frustrated now. He has far too much money in his pocket, and he has a headache. The strides to his haven are long and determined, emotion

propelling him forward. 

"Shot." He says.

"Just one?" The now 'same' voice asks.

"Yes, just one." Luhan replies. Kai smiles.

They stare at each other for a while. Luhan notices that kai's left eye is slightly wider than his right, his haircut somehow corrects that though. Luhan also

notices how comfortable he suddenly feels. Suddenly has never been a good word for Luhan, but for some reason it was a good word right now. Being

smiled at was nice, too. 

He liked that smile.

He liked it a lot. 

And as Luhan kept staring into the 'suddenly' and the 'new' and the 'same', he added another word to his life; friend.

The corners of Luhan's lips turned up.

He stayed a bit longer that night.

OH MY GOD.