“Ah, Hyesung-shi, welcome.” The café owner greeted me warmly the moment I opened the door. I smiled to him and slightly bowed before approached him on the counter. “You came a bit early today.” He added.

“Yeah, because today is a special day.” I nodded and smiled. Even though I wasn’t sure if I could hide my sadness with my fake smile.

“Your table is ready, Hyesung-shi.” Hana, the youngest waitress here, said cheerfully to me and I didn’t wait to say “Thank you,” to her.

“And your coffee will be ready very soon.” The café owner stated when I walked to my usual table at the corner. I took a seat at this familiar table and just by a mere habit, I looked out the window to check the crowd. Just in case you would come in any minute now. I stretched my neck a bit and scanned all the figures on the sidewalk. I knew we hadn’t met for almost six years now, but I was confident I could easily spot you amidst the crowd. Because for me you were the only color that popped out in my white-and-black world. But no, I could not see you in the crowd. You weren’t there. Maybe I should wait a little bit more.

I traced a line on the white tablecloth and touched lightly the fresh red Amaryllis at the vase. Even only by that small action, strangely I could remember you. Since you were gone, this table became my usual table. But some years ago, this table used to be our table. Seven years ago, we would sit at this same table and facing at each other as lover. We would sit here in this same table for hours and chatted happily and never retreat our gaze at each other, not even a second. Or when we wanted to spend the afternoon quietly, then we would read a book but with our fingers were intertwined. It was always a wonderful time I had with you. We were so in love.

“Here’s your coffee, Hyesung-shi.” Hana’s voice cut my train of thought. She then carefully placed one cup of hot black coffee onto the table. “And the owner told me that today is your birthday.” She said cheerfully while placing a slice of chocolate cake beside my coffee. “Happy birthday, Hyesung-shi.”

“Woah, you guys are daebak.” I muttered shyly. “How could you remember my birthday?”

“You’ve been a regular even before I started to work here, Hyesung-shi. Of course we would remember your birthday.” Hana smiled sweetly before excused herself.

She was right, I thought. I’ve been a regular here long before she began working in this cafe. I looked at the cake on my table and smiled slightly. How many birthday that I had without you? I wished you were here with me..

Did you know? It was a bit tiring for me – coming and entering the café alone, sitting here all afternoon and waiting for you. Everything was the same – from the owner’s warm smile to the menu – but the people have already slightly changed. You weren’t here anymore. But still, I came here every Saturday and waited for you. I would order a cup of hot black coffee, just because I knew it’s the fragrance you love the most. 

I thought, maybe – if one day you finally came here and saw me drink this coffee you love, you would come back to me. But even after six years of your departure, you never managed to see me even once. One by one, the day passed with me waiting for you. And yet, with another day had passed, it only made me more eager to meet you again. How I really missed you..

I still remembered the last time we met. It happened also inside this café – in this same table, to be more exact – on one sunny Saturday six years ago. You held my hand and asked me rather frequently to be braver. It would only take some mere months before you would come back again, you said. After your family knew about your relationship with a man, they opposed it immediately. They tried any way possible – set you up into blind dates, kicked you out from your family mansion and cut off your finance, threatened to erase you from family register – but you stood your ground and chose me.

It didn’t stop your family. In fact, they did even further by threatening to ruin my life and my so-called career. That was when you eventually relented. You agreed to follow their condition – moved to States and worked there taking care of your family business. Of course I opposed the idea, but you made sure it wouldn’t be very long. You said you would only be gone for a short period of time.

“Please, Hyesung-ah. Please, be braver for me and bear it for a little while. And please wait for me. I will work hard and come back here even before you realize it. I’m trying to be your better man. This is me trying to protect you.”

You said that. I remember every word of it. And I believe you. I swear, I believe you.

You said you would bring a bouquet of roses when you come back. And until now, I’m still waiting for you.

That day I said I wouldn’t come to the airport and see your departing. It would be too painful, I said. But now, I wished I came to the airport with you. Because right after you went, I lost you. I couldn’t contact you and even though I never changed my phone number or address, you didn’t contact me either. I tried to ask your family, but they wouldn’t tell me. They succeeded this time, to take you away from me.

“I’ll come back to you and I will find you no matter what. Wait for me, Hyesung-ah.”

And so I wait. Because I believe you.

This was the only option I had. Blindly holding onto your promise, I waited here every Saturday in hope you would eventually come. I knew I looked like a fool. But I couldn’t do anything about my foolishness. I missed you too much and I believed in us too damn much. I thought, if I kept my feeling unchanged, then you – wherever you were – would do the same.

But reality came crushed me two weeks ago. By the short letter was sent by your family – not really an invitation, but more like a notification – finally I got the first news about you. I didn’t know when we broke up, but you surely had move on. I didn’t know when exactly we broke up, but you already forgot me and found my replacement.

And I didn’t know why I was still waiting for you this afternoon, even when I knew you wouldn’t come. Perhaps, I was hoping for the last minute miracle. Or perhaps, it was just me who was being too dumb to accept the reality.

I promised myself, today was the last day I would wait for you. As I sat here and reminisced about the two of us, I was hoping to say my silent good bye for you. Even with the pain you gave me in the end, it could not undo the beautiful times I had shared with you. We were in love back then. Our feeling was true back then. Let us just say, that today I was here to sing out the most beautiful vindicate within my life. You had your new life, now let me began mine. Without you.

I wrote down the last sentence on the last page of my old notebook. What a coincidence, I thought. That I reached the last page precisely at the same time I finally said my farewell. For six years, when I spent my long hours sitting here waiting for you, I would write down my feeling in this notebook. The words that I intended to say to you, but yet I had to postpone since you weren’t come, I wrote it all down in this old notebook.

Now, even this old notebook had come to an end.

I stared at that one last sentence and smiled sadly. It was only one sentence, but if you ever read that – it if was still possible to hope so – you would understand my feeling.

I looked around the café and sighed. There’s nothing more I could do here. I put my pen back to my bag and got on my feet. I walked slowly to the counter and took out my wallet, but the owner hurriedly waved his hand.

“No, no, please don’t.”

“Really?”

“This is the least I could do for you, Hyesung-shi.” I nodded gratefully and smiled to him. “Are you sure you won’t come here again?” He asked.

“I’m afraid so. I move out from my old apartment in two days and my new apartment is pretty far from here, and beside.. “ I contemplated my next words, “I don’t know if I can bear the memories here.”

“We will miss you, Hyesung-shi.”

I smiled weakly but couldn’t bring myself to say that I will miss this place too.

“Is it true?” The owner then asked carefully.

I smiled and nodded. “It’s true. He’ll marry his fiancée next week. So I think it's time to give up my waiting.” I couldn’t believe I said those words rather easily from my mouth, even when my heart was shredded with the every syllable I spoke.

The owner made a weird expression as if he wasn’t sure how to respond me. So I smiled once and assured him that I’m okay nevertheless. I already accept my perdition anyway. The person I waited for these six years wouldn’t come back.

“Hyesung-shi, I think you left your notebook.” The owner gestured to my table where I left my notebook there. He was about to turn and made a movement to take it for me, but I shook my head and told him not to do so.

“It’s okay. I’m not taking it with me.” I said to stop him. At first, he only stared at me in confused, but then an understanding expression appeared on his face. He smiled weakly but said nothing. I continued with my voice was shaking, “I’m sorry, but.. “

I could never finish the sentence. I poured all my feelings towards you inside that notebook in all these six years. Every page of it was filled with you, and only you. Andnow, I wanted to forget you. But at the same time, I could not discard the notebook where I kept all the memories about you.

“I understand.” The owner said slowly and thus freed me from the obligation to explain any further. I nodded thankfully and soon I excused myself. I briefly glanced at my table before turned the doorknob and left. One table, with its white tablecloth and red amaryllis flower inside the vase, one empty cup of coffee and one old notebook. Today, I left it all. Good bye to you..

But still, even after it all, you still had my heart.

If you were a flower, then you wouldn’t wilt and would always bloom inside me.

If you were a word, then you were your name – one word than made me smile and cry.

If you were a song, then you were the most beautiful composition in my life Junghyuk-ah.

PS. I still love you.

A/N

A story I wrote after I listened to one song.. The song is called "The Hardest Note", original soundtrack of Mars.. Not really the same storyline with the lyrics, but pretty close.. ;p

I also borrowed one line from Hyesung's song "Hello and Goodbye" (can you guess which line is it? it's really easy, anyway.. ^^)

Do leave a comment please, I'd love to hear from you.. ^^