.::LUHAN'S POV::.

I've wrote over thousands of letters for ten years now but... I never got your reply.

I always stare at your picture on my bedside table, asking you how are you now. Are you happy? I tried to hold back my tears but as a weak person as I am, I couldn't stop it. 

I've been sending them for months now but still... Where's your reply? 

Every second... Every minute... Every hour... Everyday... I'm waiting for your response. 

Every night... My bed always feel so cold because you aren't there. You aren't by my side. 
 

On the first year, I've wrote less than a hundred letters but still, I never got your reply. I was doing well at our home but I couldn't hide the fact I'm lonely. Our house felt so silent, I want to hear your voice.
 

At the second year, I collected two boxes filled of letters for you but still, I never got your reply. Sehun helped me re-arrange furnitures at our home so when you come back, you will like it. 

I've been sending letters for ten years now but still no reply...

Now, the fifth year came. I became sick and bed-ridden. My fever was so high that I couldn't open my eyes but don't worry, I was taken care of Yixing and Suho. But I will recover faster if it was you who took care of me. 

The sixth year passed by like a bullet. I was now on full-health. I felt so strong once again but it was for my body not my emotions.

Tonight will be our Xiumin's birthday. I was assigned to buy the cake for him and I gladly accepted it. Xiumin doesn't have a specific favorite flavor so I bought your favorite chocolate cake. On my way to the dorm, Kris called me over the phone. Telling me that Xiumin will come to the dorm at 4:00PM. So I walked fast and...



 

I was hit by a car...





My head bled so badly and I brought myself to amnesia. I was so bothered, my mind won't rest because of a person I don't know. I knew his name yet I didn't know how he look like, how I met him and what was my connection to him but... I was in love with him. I thought it was just another effect of having an amnesia; hallucinations. I didn't asked any of my friends because they might bring me back again to the hospital. What was worse; the asylum. I was driven home by Kris, and Sehun stayed with me at my house though he left eventually. I switched the light on at my bedroom and saw...




A picture of me with a guy I didn't know. I was the person who liked writing something at the back of the photos and that was it... I got to know him. 




He was the person I fell in love with. His name was Kim Jongin or widely known as 'Kai.' As I took the picture frame, I studied him. I was sure I didn't fell in love with him just because of his looks. Those passionate eyes that will never tell lies and his genuine smile that was so sincere. I asked myself where was he now? 

I wanted to learn about him once more.  The wedding ring I am wearing, it got to be from him. So he was my husband... How dare I to forget the person I loved the most. 


In a room, I saw two boxes on top of one another. I'll do anything to recover my lost memories just for Jongin, no matter how unnecessary it'll be. 


But no... The boxes weren't useless. In fact... It was one of the lost memory fragments. It was all letters that was piled up. 


I was the one who was sending these to Jongin? But why I don't give it to the mail? 

I read every letter and I found myself really, deeply in love with him. 

I hadn't retrieved my memories yet these two years but I still continued to write more letters. I had the feeling that something was stopping me from sending these; it was futile sending them. 

It didn't returned to at the ninth year. I was so confused why he won't return home. I wanted to hear his voice, touch him, feel his warmth. Everyday I was always thinking about him. 



And finally my memories returned fully and I REMEMBERED EVERYTHING AND I STARTED TO CRY...




THE REASON WHY YOU DON'T GIVE ME A REPLY WAS BECAUSE...





IT WAS TEN YEARS AGO YOU DIED. 



Writing this letters for you was completely useless because it would never reach you. No matter how I push myself further... No matter how many blood I lost writing letters... You won't be able to read them because you were no longer here...



Even just a blink of an eye... Please let me see you smile once more...



I love you so much that it hurts to know you don't exist anymore...



Please just wait for me and we'll be together again... I promise. 


I brought a knife to my chest, the tip was piercing its way to my flesh as droplets of blood dyed my shirt. Right now, I wasn't feeling any pain I felt so numb. I looked up and saw...




"Jongin...?" I saw his image in front of me with a very lonesome face. Please... Don't be sad. His hand held mine which was holding the knife as he shook his said as if he was about to cry. He didn't want me to do this. I started to cry once again. He opened his mouth, speaking with his soundless voice but I knew he didn't want me to do this. 

I saw him leaning closer every second and his lips met mine. I felt it, I really am. Tears escaped my eyes once again and when I opened my eyes again...

He was gone...

I dropped the knife and fell on my knees, I was crying again... 



This was going to be hard a life for me. Without him... I'm just a lifeless being.