--Title 3/5

Ok, I thought the title was a little bit misleading... I thought it would be about vampires.

--Foreword and Description 1/10

Please post a foreword! 

You need to develope your description more. I mean it is the reason the story happened but please make it more interesting so readers would want to read it.

--Plot 25/30

I thought the plot was ok, considering that it was a drabble and a crack. I think you could have made it more interesting- add a plot twist of some romance.. SOMETHING.

--Character 12/20

I feel like you made Daehyun a little bit dumb. He put everything together at the end of the drabble. Sorry but I'm not a really big fan of how you portayed Daehyun.

And the girl, why can't she eat because her neighbors staying at her place? I'm just saying, just because he is a guy doesn't mean that the girl can't eat in front of him.

--Grammar and Spelling 10/20

You do have a few grammar mistakes, which made me really confused about the story. I had to reread some sentences over and over again to find out what you were talking about

Original: Ever since my neighbor, Daehyun, temporarily moved into my house because of his brother been arrestd, you knew I couldn't eat a crumb.

Fixed: Ever since my neighbor, Daehyun, temporarily moved into my house, I knew I couldn't eat a crumb. (you can take out the thing about the brother)

Original: He was coolly leaning against the doorway, but when he realized that it had been me.

Fixed: He was coolly leaning against the doorway until he realized that the girl in the fridge was me. ( I'm not really sure what you were trying to say in the sentence)

You also have a lot of unnecessary commas. Please look for them

--Flow 10/15

You have some unnecessary things in the story. I don't really think it's relevant. The commas also make the sentences choppy. Like I said, having Daehyun figure out everything at the end is really slow.

Overall Score: 61/100

Sorry, but most of the points are marked off because you don't have a foreword nor a description

If you do make one, I can redo this review, but for now, the score is what it is.

-chasingdust-