“But baby there you go again, there you go again, making me love you
Yeah I stopped using my head, using my head, let it all go
Got you stuck on my body, on my body like a tattoo

So I cross my heart, and I hope to die
That I'll only stay with you one more night
And I know I've said it a million times
But I'll only stay with you one more night

Try to tell you no
But my body keeps on telling you yes
Try to tell you stop
But your lips got me so out of breath
I’ll be waking up
In the morning probably hating myself
And I be waking up
Feeling satisfied but guilty as hell “

                                            (One More Night by Maroon 5)

“I know that saying sorry doesn’t change anything but we can’t be together. It would be the biggest scandal in the history of South Korea’s music industry if we were discovered. We can’t endanger Super Junior’s and all of our members’ futures. What gives us the right to gamble with everyone’s lives for the sake of what our hearts feel?” Eunhyuk said as he leaned against the wall, massaging his temples in a desperate attempt to stop himself for crying.

“I understand that you can’t do it. I do understand, Hyukjae. We can’t be together.” Donghae said while he rose from the bed and walked to stand in front of Eunhyuk.

“I mean, what if one of us after we’re revealed to the public realizes that he doesn’t love the other and wants to break up? Then it would all have been for nothing! Or what if we’re not discovered but one of us breaks up with the other, how do we stay in the same band and meet each other every day then?” Donghae said with a brittle voice and teary eyes.

“You know how I feel about you.” Eunhyuk said and placed his hand on Donghae’s cheek, wiping away the tears that had begun to fall with his thumb.

“I’m not going anywhere, you’re still my best friend and I love you. We’ll still see each other every day and when you get married I want to be your best man and when you get children I want to be their godfather…”

“Would you survive it?” Donghae asked him and put his hand over Eunhyuk’s hand that was resting on his cheek. Eunhyuk would have laughed at the sappy question if it wasn’t for how legitimate it was.

“You deserve to be happy, I would be glad for your sake.” Eunhyuk said truthfully as the tears finally began to escape his eyes.

“I wouldn’t survive it.” Donghae said and closed his eyes as he slowly shook his head, still pressing Eunhyuk’s hand against his wet cheek.

“I could stay away if you want me to, you would only have to see me at work, when we promote and when we’re on the stage…”

“I wouldn’t survive that either.” Donghae answered him, his voice cracking slightly.

“Donghae-ah…Yes, you would. You’ll forget me and move on and fall in love.” Eunhyuk said and fixed Donghae’s collar with his free hand.

“How could I do that when I don’t want to forget? I don’t even think I can forget you? You’ve been my friend for so many years and I know you so well, I know the good and the bad… If I want to be with you so badly when I know you so well then how am I supposed to convince myself that it’s just a silly, meaningless crush? How am I supposed to forget you?” Donghae asked him while he placed his free hand on Eunhyuk’s cheek to wipe away his tears.

“By accepting that we never can be together because of who we are. By accepting that life isn’t fair and that every love story doesn’t have a happy ending. By accepting the reality.“

“I understand it, I agree with it, but I cannot accept it.” Donghae said and caressed Eunhyuk’s cheek before he continued in a much softer voice.

“I don’t want to.”

“What we want doesn’t matter. No matter how much we want it.” Eunhyuk said and let his hand fall from Donghae’s cheek.

“Everyone deserves a happy ending, Hyukjae.”

“And you will have one; it just won’t be with me.”

Donghae gave him a look of pure, desperate hurt and let his hand fall from Eunhyuk’s cheek.

“But what if… What if we get our happily ever after, even if only for a night?”

“Do you mean that you want to have…”

“No!” Donghae interrupted him and grabbed Eunhyuk’s shoulders before he continued.

“Or well yes, if you want to but I meant a night with no secrets. A night where we’re the only people in the world, a night where yesterday and tomorrow don’t exist, a night where we act on our true feelings without any inhibitions!”

“It’s a bad idea Donghae.”

“I want you to hear something you probably already know. I’ve wanted to tell you this for so long but my mind has always stopped me. I’ve been so afraid of rejection and that you would hate me and what kind of consequences it could give Super Junior. I just want you to know I’m sincere, and that I don’t just mean it like you’re my friend, band mate or brother….  It’s such a simple sentence really, three small words… “ Donghae said before he put his hand on Eunhyuk’s chin and tilted his head so they looked each other in the eyes.

“Please don’t say it.” Eunhyuk begged him and tried to avert his eyes but Donghae forced him to keep their eye contact.

“Look at me when I say it, please, it’s all I’m asking for.”

Eunhyuk reluctantly nodded and kept his gaze still, looking straight into Donghae’s honest eyes.

“I love you. I really do love you Hyukjae.”

Eunhyuk let out a shaky breath in response and looked down on the floor for a short moment before he looked up at Donghae again.

“I love you too.”

Donghae put his hands against the wall on either side of Eunhyuk’s head in response, trapping Eunhyuk between himself and the wall.

“One night, one honest night, that’s all I’m asking you for.” Donghae said quietly.

“We can’t… I can’t.”

“Why?”

“If I do this letting you go will kill me.”

“Letting you go will kill me either way. I can’t be with you and I can’t be without you.

“You just feel like that right now…”

“So I can’t feel like I won’t survive without you but you can feel so?” Donghae said with a hint of anger in his voice.

“No, or I mean… Well…” Eunhyuk tried to form a complete sentence but he couldn’t because he couldn’t say that he wouldn’t feel like that and he couldn’t say that Donghae wouldn’t feel so anymore either. Donghae’s face grew softer as he watched him stutter.

“It won’t be easier for me Hyukjae. I believe you think so but I love you just as much as you love me, if not more.” Donghae said and slowly began to lean in, only to be stopped by Eunhyuk, who put his hands on Donghae’s shoulders and prevented him from coming any closer.

“One night Hyukjae, one night of happiness is all I’m asking you for. Then we move on, just being friends.”

“It’s such a bad idea…” Eunhyuk mumbled before he closed his eyes and rested his head against the wall.

“One night… One last night because I love you.” Eunhyuk continued and let his hold on Donghae’s shoulders relax.

“I love you too.” Donghae answered him and began to lean in again; Eunhyuk’s eyes were still closed and his hands remained on Donghae’s shoulders but this time he let him lean in.

Eunhyuk could hear how Donghae swallowed as he leant in and how his hot breath hit his face before he felt a soft peck on his lips. Eunhyuk felt how something inside him burst in that moment and he felt happier than he’d ever felt before.

“I love you.” Donghae said and pecked his lips again; Eunhyuk said it back to him and interlaced his fingers behind Donghae’s neck before he pulled him in for another quick peck. They continued to peck each other’s lips between their love declarations and Eunhyuk could feel fluttering in his stomach, he was deeply in love, perhaps too deep.

I’ll hate myself tomorrow but I love you too much to not do this…