A shadow of a hunched figure fell flat on the floor, as the first ray of daylight swept a breath of longevity with thin ribbons of freshly brewed coffee in the air. Flirtacious enough to stir any sleepy buds. That morning, it was special, just like every other morning. He would sit on the bed with his chin stuck in between both knee caps, doubled over close to his chest, an awkwardly comfortable posture for Kim Jongin. While Do Kyungsoo hordes hibernation worth z's away, a book in Jongin’s hand would grip his attention in steady frolics.

He looks so perfect right now, just like every other right now.  –Kyungsoo-

Kyungsoo wasn’t sure himself, maybe it has something to do with of the Physic but when the light resonated at the right angle, filtered through slits of strands of Jongin’s locks or how the sun made Jongin’s skin glowed in a bronze tint, it made Kyungsoo invent a game. One that he briskly anticipated every morning, a numbering game. It’s called, 'Lets count how many times Jongin blinks until the next page.'

This never gets dull, in fact its Kyungsoo's highlight of the morning. To wake up and to have another breathing being right beside him. Kyungsoo wished there was no such thing as 'game over'. But knowing too well, that will soon wag its tail after Jongin, for now dilligently counting each remnant particles of sands in the hourglass.

"How long should I stay like this just so you can stare at me ?"

Kyungsoo clamped his rounded eyes shut, frozen lips stiffening as they pressed together in a thin line. And as usual, after three minutes well spent, Jongin's senses would soon catch up to Kyungsoo's keen eyes, as his words drizzled rains in Kyungsoo’s sight seeing moments. Sheepishly, Kyungsoo would pull the duvet over his face and proceed on resounding fake snores, faint but Jongin can still hear them. And this never fail in earning Jongin’s chuckles, because this, this is Jongin's highlight of the morning.

They say love is blind, obviously they never met Kyungsoo.   –Jongin-

"Your eyes are the size of the moon."

"Well then, stop staring at the moon."

"I'm the wolf that will never stop craving for the moon."

"Stop reading those poetic crap. They are getting in your brain."

At night Kyungsoo immerse himself in a quicksand of familiar warmth that is Jongin, letting himself sink per beating second, hard to tell when you feel the whole world stop rumbling beneath your soles, when time literally pauses for Kyungsoo. While Jongin keep fence of his moon, winding his tawny brown arms around Kyungsoo that offered more security than thorns to roses. It was a good bargain, Kyungsoo gave Jongin more than cosy slippers and hot cocoa, more than just clusters of boisterous ramblings, and more than just stardust twinkles contained in his pupils.

“Kyungsoo, still into you.”

That morning, only creased bedsheets pooled with an overnight sleeping posture greeted Kyungsoo's hazy view. The book settled atop the dresser, a triangle poking out from the many pages, fixed, like the last time Kyungsoo saw them. One thing that did budge was the bathroom's door, wide open. And that was enough to pluck Kyungsoo's instinct, enough to pluck him from the comfort nest rather than drowning in his slumber.

Leafing the wooden barrier, there was a crooked displaced rag doll, Jongin, two legs sprawled on the cold tiled floor, glassy irises filled with uncertainty to the brim. Common days, Kyungsoo would have interpret Jongin's expression as nonchalant or Jongin’s typical ‘play it cool’. But this time it wasn't, because its wide-eyed Jongin. And if and only if Kyungsoo did not have keen eyes, he would probably missed Jongin's hands, trembling.

Don’t look at me like that.  –Jongin-

The next time they were on a bed together, a book claimed its place by force into Jongin's hand. Demanded Jongin's attention for the night altogether. Kyungsoo's mouth stayed locked and to have a go at decoding the thoughts swimming in Jongin’s head is just as mind bending. But that didn't stop Kyungsoo’s fingers from tip toeing to Jongin's before interlocking them together.

Jongin wasn’t sure himself, maybe it was the biological heat difference as both skin tone made contact, or how Kyungsoo’s hand fitted perfectly in Jongin’s loose nooks. But one thing for sure, the spell casted by the book immediately lifted as Jongin turned to the said owner of fingers. Deeming a simple but sincere curve of pink velvet smile from Jongin, that never fails to brighten the anxiousness cluttered in a pair of hazel eyes, and Kyungsoo's world started to rotate in its glorious axis again.

Everything is and will be fine.  –Kyungsoo-

It's been six short months since Kim Jongin begged for Do Kyungsoo's love. Kyungsoo is still into Jongin, even on worst mornings and nights. And Jongin is still into Kyungsoo, yes, even on worst mornings and nights. Every now and so, Kyungsoo pondered how they shed away from plain strangers in a bus, Ddukkboki tasting buddies,  to this. But then, after that every now and so, Kyungsoo would mentally smash a red brick on his freaking head for questioning that in the first place.

"I should be over all the butterflies."

" butterflies, I feel the whole zoo when I'm with you."

Recounting on more intimate nights, when the moonlight casts shadow at the right level, the hound flaunts its claws by claiming its territory, displaying its alpha traits. On how Jongin's plump lips would embrace every inch square as they lay on Kyungsoo's skin, how Jongin's callous hands would brush against Kyungsoo's torso as Jongin numbered the ribcage bones, dragging his blunt cuticles into the firm stretch of flesh by redrawing a thin cross line.

And with each friction evoked hypnotising sensation of statics, the rythm of interlacing breath racing, synchronous with thudding hearts served as their soothing lullabies. Another alternative for Jongin to transmit his body heat to Kyungsoo.

Wonder how we get this far.  –Kyungsoo-

Kyungsoo gave him options, one that Jongin himself could not refuse. Jongin could easily just escape the trap emblazoned haven and goes on pursuing that list of his. Jongin was always the lone wolf, hardly stayed in a place for long after learning the state of his withering heart. There are too many things in this existence that Jongin's senses needed to perceive and grasp first.

A wild hound that longed to roam free in the open instead of getting entangled in vines of wires and needles. And mostly because time only fuels the pains of parting away from something you grew attached to, even roses wilt if it were to detach from the roots. That strings of thought agonized Jongin.

"Stay, just stay. Leave if you ever get tired of me, I won't hold you back the second time."

Those recited lines travelled into Jongin’s ears and worked like a curse. A bless disguised curse that stays embedded in Jongin's system as days evolved to weeks, and weeks merged into months. A curse in the form of fabricated shackles restrained Jongin from breaking away from Kyungsoo. A curse that triggered addiction and showed no sign of weariness any time soon.

Though Jongin thinks it's from the home-cooked meals Kyungsoo been feeding him /damn those kimchi spaghetti/. The worst part is, Jongin can never say 'no' to good food, and Kyungsoo to be honest. And those two make a deadly combination in rupturing Jongin's weak points.

"I’m still into you."

Returning the gesture, Jongin would serve those words, repetitively without bore, every waking day but never will it lose luster to Kyungsoo.  It will stick, multiply and continue to breed generation of colonies inside Kyungsoo's brain cells. And like a worn out mixtape, dusty but a treasured scrap of sentiment, replaying them on an endless loop so Kyungsoo will have a root adequate enough or even a decent shred of Jongin to grapple on one of those worst mornings and nights.

Because dreams only last for the night, only God knows what will it becomes in the next seconds, minutes, hours, days and months, but Jongin doesn’t.

Feels like weight of the world falls off my shoulder.  –Jongin-

On worst nights, pillows that meant to grace one's bed are littered on the carpeted floor, spewing the feathery gut out, flimsy table lamp toppled from its crowned place sprinkled with light bulb originated crystal shards. Jongin's book finds its away from his hand, flunged into the dressing mirror, but not enough of an impact to earn a crack or two, numb like the mask Jongin learn to grew.

Jongin's unruly raven hair is what Kyungsoo could only see as Jongin gazed down on the empty sheets. But Kyungsoo’s keen eyes never fail to notice the trickling wet blotch that soon blands onto the bed bleak canvas. And that alone is enough to paint a picture than million hues of colours put together.

“I can't okay, being stuck in there the living out of me. And why should I go along with it when I can spend them right now ? You don't get it do you ? I accepted what will become of it, it's a part of me !“

Only Kyungsoo knew how vulnerable and fragile Jongin is, or how Jongin zipped his lips after that morning Kyungsoo walked on him in another episode of Jongin’s chest pain in the bathroom, or how Jongin’s breathing gets erratic on extra chilly nights as Jongin’s sternum rises and falls following irregular pulsating pattern.

Because only the moon bare witness of the wolf howling its underlying suffering in its darkest night. But just the knowledge wasn’t enough for Kyungsoo, he wanted more than that. Kyungsoo would be lying if that venomous knowledge didn’t consume his own brittle heart, bits by aching bits.

Don’t hide the tiny crescent shaped scar on your left chest.  –Kyungsoo-

"Have you always been such an avid reader?"

"Not really, but a close friend of enjoy reading books."

"Oh so you have a friend!"

"Believe it or not, but I have two actually!"

“Spill that and I’ll crack your skull open, god dammit that’s silk! Jongin don’t you dare!”

 “Do Kyungsoo ! Where in the pea is my sneakers ?!”

“Who me? I just wander from room to room.”

If and only if Jongin is lucky enough, tackling down a scampering Kyungsoo woudn't even take five minutes, and both are too stubborn for their own good, besides Kyungsoo always sneezed out a tornado whenever he tries to hide in some random corner.

Jongin loves every one of Kyunsoo’s  too many to count sassy moments, a rattling quality of Kyungsoo. Never ever it gets under his skin, but it does keep the intriguing flame of Kyungsoo flickering in Jongin’s eyes. To ripple  the still water that is Jongin’s interest, that doesn’t happen to people like him often.

And Kyungsoo loves how Jongin’s pupils dilated, softened everytime they stared right into his, even if Jongin cussing at the top of his lungs at that very moment. Jongin’s stoned face everytime Kyungsoo makes a snarky comments, because in Kyungsoo’s case, even sturdy rubble can crumble into miniscular flowery grain of dust.

Some things just make sense, one of those is you and I.  –Jongin-

But that following days haven’t been so kind to Jongin, his palpitation emerged more often, fatigue followed Jongin around, annoyingly clinged on his feet. Anyone who knew the honey tan boy well enough would have known his stubborn ways as well. Kyungsoo would slam some blocks of sense in Jongin, but then Jongin would shove it away. Yes Jongin may have lost the battle, but he won the war. Jongin never got to cross out everything in the list, but he had Kyungsoo. And that moon topped everything in his list.

“I’m sick and tired being here !  I hate it when you brokedown I would be the one who wipe the saline tears away, I hate it when you screamed I was the one who fought the bloody childish fears away. I hate how I would be the one that hold your hand throughout. And now I’m cursed, god damn you cursed me. I’m shackled, bounded by the life you left behind. If you wish to leave then just leave me alone!”

“I’m still into you Kyungsoo.”

“Stop chasing away my pleasant my dreams with your face,

stop shredding every sense of sanity I have with your voice !“

Sit back, relax and relapse, sit back, relax and relapse. Repeat.  –Kyungsoo-

The dam of salty stream crashed down, misty eyes with just as blurred nebulous mind as they bombarded Kyungsoo’s skin. Everything went by so fast, no second to spare, no root to grapple, only scraps of dilapidated sentiments. 

“I hate it how I tried so hard telling myself that you’re gone. I hate it how can’t let you go. I hate how I can still feel your presence lingering around when reality slaps you in the face and I’m actually alone. I hate it just the thought of you turned me into a puddle of mess. ”

Present afternoon, while Kyungsoo was on one of his spring cleaning mission, a nostalgic book now closely clutched to his chest, clinged his interest, stirring old memories. The cover now muted and dull, just as Jongin’s chuckles that resounded every past mornings of Kyungsoo’s.

“I’m still into you.”

The End.