“I’m leaving. Goodbye.”

 

Jongup’s mind went blank.

 

He can’t believe it.

 

No, it can’t be true.

 

He said this was his second home.

 

He said he found paradise here.

 

There’s no way he could have leaved.

 

Jongup sat on his chair as the words on the screen flashed through his mind again and again. He couldn’t believe it. Himchan always came back; no matter how long the hiatus is. Theirs is no way that he’s leaving.

 

Jongup was always there for Himchan. Every time Himchan ranted on the net, Jongup will always be there to listen. When Himchan posted posts about how he’s doing, Jongup would always be there to read it. Jongup never missed a single post he posted, not even a single “hello.”

 

Jongup has dedicated his every day into making him happy. He would send an email with a hug to him everyday. Even when he’s tired to the brim or he almost fell asleep after a busy day, he would still get up and send him an email with a message “have a hug from me!”.  He doesn’t really care whether he will see it or not; he might even shrug it off as another fake condolence letter. He just wants to send it to him. Why?

 

Because Himchan said that he would be happy if someone did that to him every day.

 

And so Jongup did.

 

Himchan always have moments where he feels so depressed and emotional until he wants someone to talk to on the net. He doesn’t like talking it to the people around him cause he kind of hated the people around him; stress is what they always shower him with. Be perfect at this, be perfect at that. Don’t do this, don’t do that. He can’t talk to anyone around him about it. So, he always posted it online. And Jongup always sees it. And then Jongup will send anonymous messages to him. Jongup always send long messages that he literally poured his heart into it to him, hoping that he could help out.

 

Because he didn’t want Himchan to be sad.

 

And so Jongup did it every time.

 

Jongup met Himchan on the net only a year ago, when he saw a post he posted. He didn’t know what was the post that made him wanted to know more about him, he just got more curious over this special person. Just like that, Jongup started to learn more about him, reading posts he posted, asking questions he merely wanted to know without a reason. He wanted to be friends with him.

 

But somehow, he couldn’t.

 

Because he knows very well that he couldn’t pass the wall between him and his other friends.

 

He knew him too late.

 

But Jongup still did what he could do, sending hugs. He still kept sending it. Even if his heart broke a little when he saw how Himchan talks with his other friends. Even when he prayed that maybe one day, he could be one of them. Even when sometimes he felt that Himchan was probably ignoring him when he needed him. Even when he was this awkward puppy that couldn’t continue conversations like how he usually can.

 

 He still sent those hugs.

 

Anything to make Himchan happy.

 

Jongup read through Himchan’s blog every day. Even if Himchan posted a hundred posts that day, Jongup will still read it all. He would scan through each one and talk to him about it.  He doesn’t care if he will end up losing an hour of sleep because of it, he doesn’t give a at all. Why?

 

Because Himchan hopes that someone will check his blog every day.

 

And so Jongup did.

 

 

 

And now, Himchan has left.

 

His only connection with Himchan is gone.

 

Jongup’s mind was running wild.

 

What will happen if Himchan has no one to talk to?

 

What if Himchan wanted hugs?

 

What if Himchan needed someone to ignite that desire in his heart?

 

What if Himchan… needed him?

 

Jongup’s mouse slowly trails towards the “new mail” button before clicking it.

 

“Have a hug Himchan!”

 

He clicked send.

 

 

 

He doesn’t care if Himchan doesn’t ever come back to his blog anymore.

 

He doesn’t care if Himchan doesn’t see this.

 

He will still continue sending it.

 

Because at least, one day, when Himchan comes back, he will know that Jongup is still here waiting for him.

 

 

 

A/N: eline, if you do see this, then this is what I want to tell you : I miss you.

 

mian pic:changxub