It’s not very appealing to begin with such a negative and pessimistic introduction but there is no way he could change it. It has been this way since a long time ago. All the drifting among the years sticks onto him like his second skin.

I’m plain. I’m easily embarrassed. (I don’t hide my emotions.)  I’m short tempered. (I forgive easily too.)  I don’t speak in extraordinary vocabularies that your mind lingers after every word of mine. (Just seeing your face made me so flustered that hearing your voice became more important than anything else that mattered.)  

Jongin has talents, he thinks he does. However, it drifts. Sometimes his work turns out fine but other times would be a total waste of time and effort. He looks forward to praises with a heavy heart because the more he wishes for them, the less likely things turn out the way he wanted.

The boy had been disappointed too many to be holding any hope but there’s always a spark that keep him going.

A spark that had been embodied in his heart, like a secret that he couldn’t tell.

Sometimes it’s unbearable and his hand trembles at the thought of breaking free, because he knows that it will not be easy. The pain, the aches that will travel across the span of his torso, and the aftermath. Jongin thinks that maybe when he finally tastes his last breath, it will be worth it.

Away from his suicidal thoughts, Jongin cringes at how absurd he sounded. It has been like this since a long time ago, the on and off. Jongin and his thoughts, just like another reflection in a mirror. During the day, he is deem normal and he takes pride in it because being normal is what people accepts and thinks of him. When night falls and sunshine no longer sweeps the great earth, jongin is what he think he is. He can be a photographer, a scientist, a writer and an artist. It scares him so much that he sometimes hides his paper and pencil because he is afraid that by the next dawn he would expose himself. So he packs his dream away in a bag and sends it off on a one way trip, just to have his heart broken at the thought of it.

When jongin first heard of Luhan, it was during the last year of his middle school endeavor. He had tests and more tests, homework and notes piled up against his side. He had little time to breathe.

It wasn’t a great start because when Jongin had clicked ‘play’, Luhan wasn’t smiling. The words that came spilling out weren’t happy and Jongin was soon ripping his ear piece out at one go. He didn’t need sad things to remind him of how miserable he was.

Luhan was older. Jongin wanted to become older too. That was a childish dream which came crumbling down a few years ago. Now jongin wants nothing but to stay in his time. Growing up isn’t fun. He wonders how many others share the same thought. A child may want to grow up because he or she sees it as a form of freedom, just like how a butterfly was able to fly when it reached its adulthood. Jongin thought he would too, grow a pair of his own and take flight. But he didn’t.

During the fifth month after Luhan’s voice had found their way through his ears, jongin receives a frantic call from his classmate, a girl. Jongin was surprised because, girls. Yes, he does talk to them but among the years, he hasn’t really shared anything more than a simple greeting or compulsory group meeting.

He reaches to his camera and grabs his jacket after he hangs up. 

The message reads ‘Incheon airport, gate E’.

Jongin feels a strange queasiness in his stomach, he wonders why he is all excited. He only realizes after reaching his destination.

He was going to witness the arrival of the new star, Luhan. The crowd was unsettling like his racing pulse, jongin inhaled deeply as people gathered nearer, elbows pushing and face redden from exertion. A fragment of him regret taking up the favor but his hands reaches over and hurls the heavy black body of his camera to capture what he sees through his lens.

Snap! Snap! Snap!

A pale boy with blond hair curled up over his head. He was smiling as he managed to squeeze his way to his van.

Snap! Snap! Snap!

A girl with heavy glasses and dark hair stumbled and knocked into him. Jongin’s eyes widened along with gasp from teenage girls crowding by his side. He held his breath as he watched the boy fall, blond curls fluttering with his fall.

Snap! Snap! Snap!

Jongin craned his neck painfully, trying to find a pair of warm brown eyes among the chaos that has caught him in his position. Immobilized. He no longer looked into his camera for his shots, he simply let the machine on its own.

His fingers trembled but Jongin was reaching out, the boy was so near. A push to his back and he touched skin. Jongin hoped that he had caught the right person.

“T-thank you,” a girl whimpered. Jongin could barely make out what she had said.

Jongin doesn’t mutter a reply. He felt his heart fell. When he looked up, Luhan was gone, along with a little piece of him. 

~~~

A/n: a friend of mine offered me another title for this fic but I changed it …I’m so sorry babe, I will write you sekai fics real soon. Thanks for reading and I’ll be back with chapter 2. As always, comment if you’d like to! ( ∂ ∆ ∂ )