“I can’t believe we finally have our own place,” Youngjae sighed as he set down the last moving box in the living room.  His lover wrapped his arms tight around the slightly taller boy and admired their handiwork.

                “Moving’s a pain, but it’ll be all worth it.  We can start our lives together.” Daehyun placed a kiss on Youngjae’s neck before releasing him and restarting his work on unpacking boxes.

                “You wanna get in here and I’ll start in the bedroom?  Then we can go out and eat for dinner and work on unpacking the kitchen tomorrow?  I really don’t feel like cooking tonight,” Youngjae suggested.  He received a grunt of understanding and made his way up the oak stairs to the second floor. 

He still couldn’t really believe that he and Daehyun, his partner since college, were buying their first house together.  Sure, they had rented and lived in apartments together since their university days, they had started as roommates before becoming more, but after eight years they finally had a place they could call their own.  It was both of their names on the title and, for living in a country that wouldn’t allow them to marry, he couldn’t think of anything more bonding than this.  It was a nice house, roomy enough but still cozy.  The first floor contained the living room, kitchen and a half bath.  The second floor held their room and bathroom, a guest room and bath and a small study.  It had been a steal, which was the only way the two twenty-eight year olds could afford it on their salaries.  Youngjae worked at a publishing house and Daehyun was the manager of a coffee shop.  Neither brought in the big bucks, but they were jobs that the boys loved.  They were told that the house was so cheap because of some murder-suicide that had involved the previous owner, but Youngjae chose to push that thought from his mind.  He wasn’t superstitious and wasn’t going to let that get in the way of his dream home.

He walked into the bedroom and let out a sigh at the sight of so many boxes.  There was really nothing done except for moving in the furniture and boxes and he was so particular that he knew it would take him forever to get everything situated the way he wanted.  “Well, if that’s the case, I better get to it,” he said to himself as he rolled up his shirt sleeves and set to unpacking the box of bedding so that he and Daehyun would have a place to sleep tonight.

Youngjae was hanging their clothes in the closet when something caught his eye on the top shelf.  Part of the wall seemed to be jutting out, which seemed odd.  He grabbed the footstool and reached into the back corner, taking hold of the mysterious object.  He was surprised when it moved.  Because it was dusty and the same color as the cream walls, he had thought it was part of the infrastructure.  But no, it seemed to be a medium-sized box.  He brought it down with him and sat on the bed to investigate. 

“What do we have here?” he mumbled to himself as he opened the lid and set it aside.  Inside were stacks and stacks of photos.   He took some in his hands and began to thumb through them.

“Damn, he’s hot,” he muttered as he flicked through picture after picture of the same attractive male.  Though the hair colors and styles were different in almost every photo- shaggy blond, spiky back, clean cut red-brown, and every color and style in between- the man was easily recognizable from his porcelain skin and intense, almond shaped eyes.

“Who are you?” Youngjae pondered, disappointed to see that there were no dates or memos on the back of any of the photos.  As he reached the bottom of the stack he noticed a small leather book nestled in the bottom.  He curiously took it and turned it over in his hands.  He opened the cover and read the inside page.

Property of Kim Himchan

“I wonder if he’s the guy in the photos?”  He turned the page and read the first entry. 

                4/19

My mom gave me this for my birthday.  Let’s see if I actually keep up using it.  Anyway, today was my birthday.  It was…whatever.  We had a party at the barbeque restaurant and it was like no one cared that I was on a diet.  Everyone kept shoveling meat strips at me like some animal and Yongguk had the audacity to bring a cake.  I mean, really?  How much sugar and carbs were in that thing? Luckily I managed to keep from eating too much.  I’ll weigh myself tomorrow.

The presents were alright.  I got this book and some new clothes from my mom.  Junhong got me a coffee maker.  I knew there’s a reason I like my brother.  Yongguk got me a Bvlgari watch, so I guess he was finally good for something as a boyfriend.  Unlike last year when he dragged me to some underground show and tried to dedicate some rap song to me.  Really.  What good does that do me?  And I swear my hair reeked of cigarette smoke for days.  But at least he’s learning.

Well, it’s late now and I haven’t even started my skin care routine.  Gotta go and get my beauty sleep.

“Is this guy serious?” Youngjae grumbled in disbelief.  “What a princess.”  He was just ready to turn the page and continue the adventures of Kim Himchan when a voice caught his attention.

“What’ve you got there, babe?”  Daehyun strode into the bedroom and took a seat next to his boyfriend to peak over his shoulder.

“Just some old journal I found.  Whoever cleaned out the house must have missed it.”

“Ah well, put it in the garbage pile and I’ll take it to the dump.  Anyway, I’m beat.  Instead of going out, you wanna order in?  I got the TV all set up so we can cuddle on the couch and watch movies while we pig out.”  Daehyun nuzzled his nose into the crook of his boyfriend’s shoulder.  Youngjae nodded with excitement, he too was exhausted.

“You go order.  Chinese?  And I’ll finish up in here.  I’m determined to get at least this room done before the end of the night.”

“Roger,” Daehyun saluted and stood to traipse back down the stairs.  Youngjae took one last look at the journal before tossing it back in the box and returning to his unpacking.

“I could get use to this,” Daehyun sighed in contentment as he shoved his face full of sweet and sour pork and snuggled a little closer to his sandy-haired love.  Some cheesy rom-com was playing and he felt perfectly content.

“It’s not like we didn’t do this ALL the time in the apartment,” Youngjae laughed through his bite of noodles.

“I know.  But it’s different now that it’s our home, you know?  I feel like an old married couple.”

“I’m not even thirty yet.  Don’t you dare call me old,” Youngjae playfully spat, but Daehyun just laughed it off.  They both returned to watching the movie as they continued to shovel food into their mouths. 

They had just gotten to the part where the stiff and frustrated male protagonist was letting himself loose with the kooky female foil when the TV image started to cut in and out.

“What’s going on?” Youngjae asked.  “That’s a pretty new TV; it shouldn’t be acting like that.  Did you drop it in the move?”

Daehyun stood up and walked over to inspect the TV.  “I did not drop it, thank you very much.  Maybe it’s not plugged in right?” Daehyun leaned around the back to check the cord, and then smacked the side a couple of times.  The picture cleared up and Daehyun returned to the couch.  “FIXED IT!”

“Yeah, you should be an electrician with all that fancy work you did over there,” Youngjae snarked.  He was rewarded with a smack to the shoulder before Daehyun settled back down and the two boys returned to their movie.  It wasn’t long, however, before the lights .

“What the-?” Youngjae said in surprise.  The lights shut back off before quickly flickering back on.  “It’s like a damn rave in here.”

Daehyun stood back up with a groan and went to the wall switch, flipping it up and down a few times.  Finally the flickering stilled and the lights returned to their normal functioning.  “It is an old house, you know.  Might just be some problems with the wiring?  We’ll call an electrician if it acts up again, ok?”

Youngjae grabbed his cup of tea and climbed the stairs back up to his bedroom.  He didn’t care that it was ten in the morning and he was still in his pajamas with bed head.  It was his day off and he was home alone while Daehyun was at work, and by God, he was going to enjoy it.   He decided that today was going to be his lazy day to celebrate weeks of unpacking and organizing and now the house looked amazing and homey.  He crawled back under the covers, after setting his tea on the bedside table, and brought out his iPad.  It didn’t take him long to become bored, however, since it was a weekday and nothing seemed to be updating.  “And there’s not going to be anything on TV, either,” he grumbled.  Ok, so maybe taking a lazy day off wasn’t his best idea.  He sipped his tea, trying to think of something relaxing but amusing that he could do, when he remembered an old box abandoned under the bed.  He set his mug back down and crawled under the bed to retrieve the dusty box.  Though Daehyun had told him to throw it away, he just couldn’t.  He grabbed the leather bound journal and hopped back into bed.  He tucked himself in before opening to the third page. 

4/30

Met up with Jongup again last night.

 I probably shouldn’t be writing about this in here, but I doubt Yongguk will read it.  I really don’t understand why he’s always getting so upset about me talking to other guys.  It wasn’t my idea that he move in here and start acting like we’re married or whatever, but anyway.

I’ve been getting bored with Yongguk lately.  He keeps talking about wanting to “settle down” and go off to America to get married.  I don’t understand how I let it get this far when I just started dating him for one reason.  And that reason stopped being good a long time ago.  All he wants to do now is be all slow and sweet and cuddle and bull.

But not Jongup.   I’m pretty sure he was made on the sixth day because even God would want to take a day off and enjoy a body that fine.  Abs and arms of chiseled granite.  And that boy is packing and knows what to do with it.  He took me clubbing and did me in one of the bathroom stalls. I don’t think I’ve ever come harder.

I hope he calls again.  I need some excitement in my life.

Youngjae couldn’t put the journal down.  It was full of the most tawdry, atrocious writings, but they were so disgustingly addictive- like a greasy dime store romance novel. He turned page after page, not paying attention to the time.  There were countless stories of Himchan’s trysts with Jongup as well as countless other boys mentioned once or twice.  There were also plenty of complaints about Himchan’s apparent boyfriend, Yongguk, who, for all Youngjae could tell, had only committed the crime of being a really sweet, caring significant other.  After Youngjae finished reading about Himchan doing Jongup in the back of his car while on a date at a restaurant with Yongguk, he needed to set the journal down and give his heart a break.

“What an absolute douchebag,” he spat as he drank his now cold tea.

“What the hell are you doing in my house?  And reading my journal?”  Youngjae leapt a foot in the air and spat out his tea when he heard a deep rasp filling the room.  He looked to the end of the bed and saw a figure standing there, arms crossed and sharp eyes fixed in a deadly stare.  He would recognize that face anywhere.  The fewest pictures had been of this clean cut, red-hued brunette hairstyle, but he was still instantly recognizable.

“H-H-H-Himchan?  K-Kim Himchan?” 

The only problem was that he didn’t seem… all there…  While he could make out Himchan’s figure, it most certainly was not three dimensional.  He was also glaring non-solid with a hint of transparency.

“And who are you calling a douchebag?  Who asked you to read my journal and judge me?” The brunette glowered as he moved forward.  Youngjae’s body shook as he moved as far away as he could, back pressed tightly against the headboard.

“N-no.  I must be seeing things.  You can’t be the same K-Kim Himchan who died here…t-t-that’s no possible.”  Youngjae couldn’t control his mouth as he felt light headed and on the verge of fainting.

“I am.  This is my house.  Why shouldn’t I be here?” Himchan spat as he took a seat on the bed, arms never uncrossing and livid gaze never leaving the trembling blond before him.

“Because…you’re dead,” Youngjae whispered the last, barely audible words.

“Yeah well, I’m still here.  And as long as I’m here, this is my house.  You need to get out.”

“It’s not your house anymore.  I bought it with my boyfriend.  We live here now.  Our names are on the title.”

“Ah yeah, him.  God, you two make me sick.  Do guys ever do anything but cuddle and kiss and snuggle up all cutesy like on each other?  I mean, seriously.  Have a fight sometimes.  I feel like I’m gonna puke being forced to watch you every day.  He’s such an insufferable .”

Youngjae felt his fear morphing into anger at Himchan’s scoff and he momentarily forgot that he was talking to a ghost.

“Hey!  Don’t talk about him like that!  Just because he’s not some face, playboy heartbreaker like you.” 

Himchan’s eyes narrowed even further and his irises were barely visible anymore.  “Listen here.  This is my house and I want you OUT.  So pack up your things and skip along with your boy toy to Disneyland, or whatever.  But get out of here.”

“No.”  Youngjae matched Himchan’s posture and glare in defiance.  If there was one thing he wouldn’t tolerate, it was rude comments about his boyfriend.  “This is MY house now and we’re staying.”

“We’ll see about that.  I’ll have you out of here by the end of the week.” 

Youngjae opened his mouth to retort, but the figure was mysteriously gone.  “What the…?” he looked left and right, trying to make sense of the whole situation.  He did not just have a hissy fit with a ghost, did he?  No… that wasn’t possible.  He smacked himself on the cheeks and tried to regain his senses.  Now that the figure was gone, his certainty of what had happened was also disippaiting.  “I must just be tired.  I didn’t sleep enough and now I’m delirious.  I need a nap.  Yeah… that’ll fix everything.”

Youngjae lay back in his bed, pulling the covers around him, but he couldn’t relax.  He had the ever haunting feeling that he wasn’t alone, that something was lurking just beyond where he could see.  It took almost an hour before he finally managed to drift off.

When Youngjae awoke feeling refreshed he knew that he must have imagined the whole situation.  “That’s what a get for reading so much of that journal and staring at all those pictures.  My mind’s playing tricks on me.”  He managed to keep himself convinced of this for a little while, but soon strange instances started piling up around the house and he found himself unnerved.  It was little things that Daehyun would always wave off as the symptoms of an old house- the water spluttering on and off or between hot and cold while they were in the shower, doors opening and slamming shut, electricity flickering in and out, food going instantly bad in the fridge.  But even through Daehyun’s reassurances, Youngjae had a sinking feeling that there was something else at hand.

“So looks like I’m going to have to bring out the big guns to make you leave, huh?”  Youngjae shrieked and jumped, urine flying throughout the bathroom as Himchan appeared before Youngjae in the toilet.

“W-what are you doing here?!” Youngjae screamed and quickly pulled up his sweatpants, ignoring the mess he had made.

“I already told you.  I want you out, but you’re just not listening.”

“Just leave me alone, alright!”

“Babe, who are you talking to?” Daehyun called from bedroom.  “Is everything alright?”

“,” Youngjae quietly cursed.  Himchan smirked as Youngjae grabbed a handful of toilet paper to wipe up the floor.  “Get out of here!” he hissed under his breath.

“Youngjae?”

“I’m fine!  Just thinking out loud!” Youngjae called.  He tried to sound calm, but his voice cracked. 

“Are you sure?”  Before Youngjae had a chance to respond, the doorknob was turning and Daehyun opened the door.  Youngjae froze in place.  Himchan was still there and he didn’t know how he’d explain his presence to the older boy. 

Daehyun stepped in and eyed the still present mess on the floor.  “Youngjae, what the hell happened in here?”

“I-I-I-I-…” Youngjae’s eyes flicked from Daehyun to the ever smirking Himchan and back.  What was going on?  Daehyun hadn’t had any reaction except for his look of disgust at the floor.  Could he not see the third boy?  “There was a spider…” he finally found his voice.  “It surprised me.  I was trying to get it to leave…”

Daehyun chuckled.  “You scaredy cat.  Well, when you’re done in here come to bed.  I’ve got special plans for you tonight.”  Daehyun gave a suggestive smirk as he leaned forward to nip at Youngjae’s neck.   Youngjae would normally have purred at the treatment, but he was frozen stiff, unable to look away from the ghost whose eyebrows were raised in amusement.  Daehyun stepped back and gave a wink before leaving the bathroom and closing the door behind him.

“Well, looks like someone’s going to get lucky tonight,” Himchan chuckled but Youngjae could only glare.

“Get out of here, alright?  And stop disrupting my life.”  He turned to clean up the rest of the mess and when he turned back he was surprised to see that the ghost was actually gone.

“Uhn, right there, baby,” Youngjae gasped as Daehyun sank his teeth into the pale pillar before him.  Daehyun hummed against Youngjae’s delectable skin as his mouth continued its ministrations and his hands grazed the younger’s smooth torso.  Youngjae let out a loud moan and arched his back as Daehyun’s mouth attached to his . 

“You should really work on your moans.  You sound like a ty star.  Are you sure you’re not faking it?”  Youngjae opened his eyes and let out a loud scream at the sight of the third figure at the end of the bed.

“What is it?!” Daehyun’s head quickly shot up and he looked desperately around the room.

“Yes, whatever is the matter?” Himchan cooed with a -eating grin spread heavily on his features.  Youngjae narrowed his eyes at the apparition.

“I-It’s nothing, baby.  I uh… I just saw that spider again,” Youngjae tried to reassure his boyfriend.

“You’re really going to have to get over your fear of arachnids.  This is getting ridiculous,” Daehyun murmured against Youngjae’s skin as he attempted to return to his previous actions,  but Youngjae stopped him.

“Let’s stop here for tonight.  I’m tired.”  Youngjae let out a fake yawn in hopes of fooling his boyfriend.  Daehyun sighed in exasperation and rolled off and over to his side of the bed.

“Guess I’ll have to go take care of this myself,” he grumbled as he stood up and trudged off to the bathroom.  Youngjae felt guilt panging his chest for having to leave his boyfriend high and dry, but there was a more important matter at hand.

“What the hell are you doing in here?” He growled through gritted teeth at the still smirking Himchan.

“I told you that this is my house.  I don’t see anything wrong with watching the show being put on in MY bedroom.”

“You don’t have a bedroom.  You don’t NEED a bedroom.  You’re DEAD,” Youngjae spat.  “D.E.A.D.  This isn’t your home anymore.  You don’t belong here.  Now run along to the other side and leave me and Daehyun ALONE.”

                Himchan’s expression froze into an icy glare and Youngjae immediately felt regret for his harsh words.  He himself could barely come to terms with the idea of a ghost in his house.  He couldn’t actually imagine how it would feel to one minute be a breathing human being, living your own life in your own house, and the next be dead and having people take over your things while all you can do is watch.  And for whatever reason, Himchan seemed to be stuck and unable to move on.  For the first time, looking into Himchan’s hurt eyes, he started to understand how hard this must all be for the man.

                “I’m sorry,” Youngjae whispered, shooting a quick glance at the door to make sure Daehyun was still occupied.  “I didn’t mean to say it like that.  I understand that this was your house and you see us as intruding, but can’t you see it from my point of view?  You need to move on.”

                “You don’t think I want to?” Himchan replied. His expression lost its edge, though he was still blatantly bothered.  “God knows I’d give anything not to be stuck here, wandering around aimlessly.  The only thing I can do is watch you two and that’s more boring than the watching the 3AM paid infomercials.  But I don’t know how to move on or, trust me, I would.  But I’m sorry I’m such an inconvenience for you and that I’m disturbing your lives now.”

                “Look, can we at least try to get along?” Youngjae pleaded.  He was absolutely tired of all of Himchan’s pranks, never knowing where the ghost might show up next or what appliance might go haywire and attack him.  “At least until you figure it out?”

                Himchan gave a sigh of defeat.  “Yeah, whatever.  I guess that could work.  I’m getting tired of these stupid pranks anyway.  You’re too easy and you’re boyfriend’s too dumb to even get scared.”  Youngjae chuckled, although he knew it was an insult, and extended his hand.

                “Truce?”

                Himchan eyed his hand warily before extending his own to give a hand shake.  But as his “hand” made contact with Youngjae’s, Youngjae jumped back at the freezing cold mist that surrounded it.

                “That’s cold,” he shivered.  Himchan frowned. 

              “I’ve never tried touching a human before.  I guess that’s what happens.  Well, you get the sentiment.  It’s a truce.”

                After the late night truce between the man and the ghost, Himchan actually showed his face more, but in less obtrusive ways and never when Daehyun was around.  As a matter of fact, Daehyun had been picking up a significant amount of extra hours at work lately to help recoup some of the huge financial dent they had endured when they bought the house.  Youngjae was initially lonely, but now he had Himchan to keep him company and he felt slightly guilty that he was starting to miss his boyfriend less and less.  Talking to Himchan on a personal level was surprisingly interesting and although the boy nagged like an eighty year old grandma, a lot of his advice was actually pretty useful.  Youngjae wasn’t much of a cook himself, but Himchan walked him through making all of Daehyun’s favorite traditional dishes, much to the latter’s pleasure. 

                He had even found out the story about Himchan’s death.  Obviously no one had really known what had happened since all involved parties were deceased upon discovery, but Himchan remembered all too well.  Unfortunately Yongguk had found Himchan’s journal detailing all of his escapades with Jongup and the many other men, as well as his complaints about his boyfriend.  Yongguk had told him to choose who he wanted to be with, but he apparently hadn’t made the correct answer because next thing he knew Yongguk was holding a handgun to his head and there was a sharp pain before everything went back.  When he had come to, he was surprised to find himself hovering over the two lifeless bodies on the floor, and he had been stuck here ever since.

Youngjae started to worry, however, when he noticed himself looking forward to Daehyun’s absence.  “Oh, you’re not going to stay late at the café today?” he would ask, voice laced in disappointment.  Daehyun noticed, but tried to brush it off, telling himself that Youngjae was just looking forward to the extra money that he was raking in and that there couldn’t be anything going on behind his back.

                “What’s wrong?” Himchan asked as Youngjae stood over the large curry pot, eyebrows furrowed as he mindlessly stirred the thick, brown concoction.  Himchan reached his hand to smooth the crease in between the younger man’s brow, but retracted his hand when Youngjae yelped and jumped from the sudden icy mist.  “Sorry,” Himchan apologized sheepishly.

                “It’s alright,” Youngjae sighed.  “I’ve just been thinking about… this…” Youngjae used his free hand to gesture between himself and the ghost.  “It’s not exactly healthy, is it?”

                “What do you mean?”  It was Himchan’s turn to furrow his brows.

                “I mean… I’m alive and you’re…not.  And I’ve been talking and spending more time with you than my own boyfriend.  Honestly, I’m even becoming more comfortable around you than him…” Youngjae felt guilty pang in his chest and absent mindedly gnawed on his bottom lip.  He was emotionally cheating on his long time love with a ghost.  Nothing about that was ok.  Himchan didn’t seem to have the same opinion, however.

                “I really don’t see what the problem is.  So, you’re starting to like me?  Well, I like you.  Talking with you these past few months, I’ve realized you’re a lot more than the obnoxious smartass I originally thought you were.”  He moved closer to Youngjae, wanting desperately to hold onto the sandy-haired man, to give him comfort, to feel him, but the latter quickly jumped back.

                “But see?  That’s the problem.  You can’t even come near me without me risking a case of hyperthermia.”

                “Then die.”  Youngjae’s eyes widened in shock and he stared at the apparition, dumbfounded.

                “W-what?”

                Himchan crossed his arms and cocked his hip, spouting the next sentence like it was the most obvious thing in the world.  “Die.  Just kill yourself.  And then you can come over to my side and we can be together.”

                “W-w-what?  Are you crazy?!” Youngjae shrieked, vehemently shaking his head.  “I can’t do that!  I can’t just off myself and leave everyone I love behind before I’m supposed to!”

                Himchan sighed in exasperation.  “I like you, Youngjae.  I want to be with you.  I thought you wanted that too.  You’ve sure been acting like it- always trying to get Daehyun to leave so that we can be together.  Hell, you haven’t even touched him in ages.  It’s because you can’t stop thinking about me when you do, right?”

                Youngjae blushed a fierce red at Himchan’s accusation.  “I-I-I-… It’s not like that…I’ve just been tired…” he mumbled, trying to look away, but Himchan could tell he was lying.

                “You read my journals. You know what I used to be like…” he continued in his husky rasp.  “You want to know what it’d feel like to have me between your thighs, caressing your skin with my fingers, running my tongue up and down you.  Trust me, even though I bottomed for Yongguk and Jongup, I can top like any man as well.”  Youngjae tried to ignore the pounding in his heart that was working its way south, and instead turned his attention solely to the stirring of his curry, but Himchan wouldn’t have it.  He crept up next to the younger man as close as he could manage and whispered into his ear.  “All it would take would just be a few slits and then you could join me and we could have that.  Don’t you want that, Youngjae?”

                Youngjae whimpered as he dropped his chin and shook his head.  “I’m sorry, Himchan… I just can’t.  I can’t do that.”

                Himchan sighed in exasperation and moved back, crossing his arms once more.  “What if I could find a way to be with you then?  If we were both alive.  Would you leave Daehyun for me then?”

                “That’s impossible, Himchan.  You’re dead, you can’t come back.  Not like that.”

                “But if I could?”

                “I-“ Youngjae furrowed his eyebrows, unsure even in his own heart what he would do.  But he was saved from answering when the front door opened and a tired voice called “Jae! I’m home!”  Himchan scowled at the intruder, but vanished before he came into the kitchen.

                “You’re making curry?” Daehyun smiled as he walked into the kitchen and hugged his lover from behind, resting his chin on his shoulder.  “Great, I’m beat.”

                “Well, go change and wash up.  I’ll have it served before you get down.”  Youngjae did his best to put on a chipper act as his boyfriend kissed his cheek, but as soon as the brunette was gone, his facade fell.  What would he do if he had the chance to be with Himchan?

                “No, that’s impossible, you need to stop it,” Youngjae murmured to himself.  “Maybe you should tell him not to come around anymore… you’re going to end up losing Daehyun if you keep acting like this.  You have a perfectly wonderful, alive, breathing man who loves you and you want to ruin that all because you’re crazy and seeing things?  Just stop it, Youngjae.”

                Unfortunately, Youngjae was not as alone as he thought he was.  Himchan was still present, though invisible, and heard every word.  No.  He would not accept this.  He would find a way to make Youngjae his one way another.

                Youngjae crawled into bed next to Daehyun who was already situated underneath the blankets.  He had just settled down when he felt a suggestive nuzzling on his neck and a hand running underneath his shirt and caressing his side.  He initially stiffened- it had been so long since he had been intimate with Daehyun since, as much as he didn’t want to admit it, the black haired ghost always managed to come into his mind during those times.  But no, he needed to get over Himchan and give Daehyun the attention and love that he deserved.  Youngjae hadn’t actually seen or heard from the ghost in a few days.  Maybe he had gotten the message and decided to leave him alone as well.  Youngjae shook Himchan from his mind and instead turned his attention to his boyfriend.  He turned over so that he was now facing the older man and pulled him in for a kiss, arms wrapped tight around his neck.  Daehyun desperately deepened the kiss, tongue pushing into Youngjae’s mouth and forcefully exploring the warm cavern.  Youngjae was slightly surprised by Daehyun’s uncharacteristic, aggressive behavior, but brushed it off, assuming that’s what happens when a man is forced into abstinence for too long.  He allowed Daehyun to dominate the kiss, when his lower lip was taken and rolled between a sharp set of teeth and two hands travelled unabashedly over his torso, feeling, grazing, squeezing and massaging every inch.

                “God, you taste better than I imagined.”  Youngjae jerked back at the raspy voice and stared with wide eyes at the man on top of him.  The face was most certainly Daehyun’s but the voice had not been.

                “H-H-Himchan?” He breathed out, voice refusing to come out as more than a whisper.

                “It’s me.” Daehyun flashed a dazzlingly smile.  But no… it wasn’t Daehyun.  Even the smile seemed off and different from usual.

                “W-what are you doing?!” Youngjae jumped back, unable to truly grasp and believe what was happening, but he was roughly grabbed and pulled back.

                “I told you I’d find a way to be with you,” Himchan murmured against his lips.  “Come on, what’s so wrong with it? We can finally touch and feel each other.  We can be together.”

                “B-b-but it’s not you,” Youngjae clarified.  “And…where is Daehyun?”

                “He’s sleeping,” Himchan sighed, exasperated that this wasn’t going according to plan.  Youngjae was supposed to already be and screaming underneath him.  “He doesn’t realize what’s going on.  So you don’t have to worry.”

                The guilt stung Youngjae as he felt a slight relief.  Daehyun wouldn’t know if he used his body to be with Himchan…?  No, he shook his head.  He can’t do this.  “Himchan, I’m sorry but-“ But he was cut off by a pair of plump lips crashing into his.  He was pushed back into the mattress, hands grasping tight around his wrists and pinning his arms above his head.   Lips were pressed harshly on his and he could no longer resist.  He pressed back, molding his lips against the ones above him.  They were familiar- a pair that he had kissed thousands of times, but the feeling behind them was so new. 

                Himchan slipped his tongue in between Youngjae’s lips, running across his closed teeth until they opened for him.  His tongue entered the warm cavern once more and he roamed with abandon, a husky moan rumbling in his throat as he indulged in Youngjae’s unique flavor.  Although the body wasn’t his, he had control of all the senses- smell, sound, sight, touch and taste- and he was drowning in all of them as he was overcome by everything that was Youngjae.  The boy moved, affected and controlled him in ways that he didn’t even know possible, all without even trying.

                When he knew that Youngjae wouldn’t try to fight him anymore, he released his wrists and quickly brought his hands down to the hem of Youngjae’s shirt to pull it off.  His hands slid up the smooth torso, fingertips appreciating the milky smooth skin, and the shirt followed with him.  Youngjae obediently raised himself up and momentarily broke their lip lock, allowing the shirt to be removed.  As soon as it was gone, Youngjae surged forward, molding into the lips before him again, and wrapped his arms tight around the older boy’s neck, pulling him back down with him.

                “God, Himchan, you feel so amazing,” Youngjae purred as Himchan’s hands continued to caress his bare torso.  Himchan moved his mouth to Youngjae’s throat, nipping and at the thin skin there as his hands moved to his chest and fingertips pinched the small, brown s.

                “Himchan!” Youngjae gasped and arched into the body above him.  Himchan drank in the mewls and moans, the sounds and feel of Youngjae’s body writhing sensually beneath him all traveling straight down south.  He continued his ministrations, teeth sinking into the protruding collar bone and fingers tugging harder as Youngjae squeezed and clawed at his biceps.

                “I need you,” Youngjae whined, pushing Himchan away lightly so that he could look into his eyes.  Although they were technically Daehyun’s eyeballs, the look and light in them was purely Himchan.  “I need you, Himchan.  I… I love you.  I want to be with you.”

                “What do you mean, exactly?” Himchan asked.  He didn’t want to mistake the younger’s meaning.

                “I mean… I want you to take me, here, like this.  I want to feel you once while I’m alive.  And then, once we’re done…I’ll join you.” 

                 Himchan’s eyes widened in pure surprise.  Youngjae was really going to kill himself?  He initially felt elation leaping in his heart.  He was finally going to get what he wanted.  But when he looked into Youngjae’s eyes, the feeling stopped.  Although Youngjae was obviously trying his hardest to look determined and assured, there was an underlying uncertainty and hesitancy that Himchan couldn’t miss, no matter how much he wanted to.  Himchan’s eyes flicked to the bed side table and a picture caught his attention.  It was Youngjae with his family and Daehyun.  Daehyun had his arm around the shoulders of the younger man and Youngjae’s mother was on his other side, arms wrapped around her son’s waist, while Youngjae held tightly on to her, his older brother and father standing behind.  Youngjae’s face was bright, eyes almost closed in crescents from his large, toothy smile that made his plump cheeks even fluffier.  They were pink and glowing- so full of life, so full of happiness as he was surrounded by his loved ones. 

                    His eyes travelled back down the boy beneath him and he took a moment to truly study him.  His cheeks were tainted red from blood rush and his chest was heaving up and down from their earlier activities.  Small beads of sweat collected at his hairline.  Himchan could feel the breath escaping his mouth and the heat that his body emitted.

             “No.”  He finally found his voice.  His answer came out harder than intended, but he needed to be firm.  Youngjae startled.  That was the last thing he had expected.

              “What do you mean ‘no’?”

              “I’m not going to let you do that.  You’re not going to ruin yourself- ruin your life just to be with me.”

               “But, I want to be with you!  I’ve been thinking about it ever since you suggested it.  It’s what I want to do,” Youngjae screeched, sitting up to pull the older boy closer, but Himchan backed away and moved off his body.

              “No. Not like this.  You can’t be with me.  You need to be with your family, your friends, Daehyun- all the people who love you.  All the people who will be devastated once you’re gone.  That’s who you should be with, Youngjae.  You should appreciate that you can be with them.  Don’t throw that away.”

              “I thought you wanted to be with me,” Youngjae sobbed, uncontrollable tears coming to his eyes.  “I thought you loved me.”

              “I do,” Himchan’s rasp came out as only a whisper, but it still reverberated through the room.  He leaned forward to cup Youngjae’s cheek, wiping the tears that spilled out.  “That’s why I can’t let you do it.”

              “But I love you,” Youngjae whimpered, “You’re all I’ve been able to think about this past few months.”

              “If you love me, then stay here.  Be happy.  Then I can be happy.”

              As the words left Himchan’s mouth, he felt a burning in his chest and a glaring white light over took his vision.  There were no voices, no explanations, but somehow he knew exactly what was happening.  It was time for him to go.  He had somehow managed to overcome whatever block had been holding him back and he could finally move on.  A tugging was pulling at him, but he fought it off long enough to reach out to the boy in front of him.  

             “Goodbye, Youngjae.  Promise me you’ll live well from here on out,” he managed out, quickly leaning forward and pressing his lips to Youngjae’s once more before he felt his being slip away.

             “Himchan!  Himchan!” He could barely hear Youngjae’s voice calling out as he moved toward the light.

                Youngjae held Daehyun’s limp body in his arms, tears streaming down his cheeks as he shook it lightly, gaining no response other than the soft, shallow breathing.  “Himchan…” he cried out, but he knew it was futile.  The older boy was gone.

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Author’s note:

Oh my god, this was so horrible, I’m so sorry.  If you made it this far, I truly applaud your endurance, or question your apparent, insatiable masochism.

Either way, I appreciate you at least giving it a shot.

Love always,

Dani