I remember when I first met him. I was still four back then. Still that naive little girl who clinged to her Umma and Appa whenever there was a dental appointment. Still that little girl who believed that the Tooth Fairy and Santa Claus were real. The only thing she had to worry about was the boogeyman lurking under her bed.

He had moved in next door on a breezy Spring day. I was drawing something on a wad of paper when I saw the moving trucks pulling in. I was excited to finally have new neighbors since the Kim family moved away to the States.

I curiously went outside where Appa was busy making a call – probably another business one – on his smartphone while Umma was reading a novel while sipping her green tea. That's when I first saw him.

He was taller than me, but shorter than Minho. His tousled hair was a light shade of brown – like a golden shade of yellow – and his deer-like eyes were a beautiful shade of dark brown that looked almost black. He was wearing a white shirt with some dark blue basketball shorts and he had a pout evident in his face, probably because of the move.

I was already bugging my parents to take me over to the new neighbors' house because of my curiosity of him. Plus, he was around my age! But I couldn't – and didn't – tear my gaze away from the boy in white.

It was like that every time I saw him. The first time he came over when Minho was visiting. The two boys became fast friends and started talking about soccer or basketball, while I was distracted by him.

We grew up together. We always go to school and come back home together. He was there for me when a boy was making fun of my braided hair. I was there for him when a girl was mocking him for his baby-like face.

Eventually, he and I became close friends when Minho moved into my house after my parents decided to work abroad. He would always come over to play with Minho, as it gets lonely in his house.

We shared everything with each other the week Minho ws diagnosed with pneumonia – thank God, he survived – and he had to spend time with me. And me alone. I had to admit though, that week brought us closer.

I was there for him when his father died. He was there for me when I nearly lost Minho to a car accident. I was there for him when he told me about his first crush. He was there for me when I told him about the first boy to ever have a crush on me.

From his first kiss, to his first girlfriend, from his first love to his first heartbreak. I was there for him. I listened to him talk about the things that he couldn't tell Minho – or even Sehun, for the matter.

I don't know when I fell for him, but when my best friend Yuri pointed that out during freshman year in high school, I knew he was the one. The person I loved.

But every moment – every opportunity – I could grasp to tell him of my hidden affection for him, I chicken out. I was too shy to tell him how I feel. I wasn't like Yuri, who was always straightforward and speaking things on her mind. Whenever I try to confess him, I could never do it. My tongue gets tied, like there was some knot that was difficult to unravel. The words get trapped in my mouth, entangled by some invisible web. Every time I fail, I always convince myself that next time, I'll finally tell him how much I love him.

But there wasn't a next time.

It was during the end of sophomore year that my heart took its toll. Everyone was psyched about Sehun's end of the year celebration, so naturally, the whole Kyunghwa High School was invited. I took this as an opportunity to finally confess to him, knowing that he wouldn't miss a party being thrown by his best friend. Yuri and I went to the party together, and there he was, standing in front of the living room, conversing to his soccer teammates. He was hard to miss, his golden brown hair still as wild as ever and his dark eyes shining in enthusiasm and liveliness. 

Yuri wished me good luck as I marched over to him. But I was beaten by some girl, flawlessly sauntering over to him and giving him a small peck on the cheek. I could feel my heart stop and slowly break into little pieces as he smiled at the girl and wrapped his arm around her waist. Then, he saw me and walked towards me, grinning as if nothing happened earlier.

"Yoongie, there you are! I want you to meet Choi Sooyoung, my girlfriend. Sooyoung, this is Im Yoona, my best friend and neighbor since childhood."

So that was her name. Choi Sooyoung. I'll admit it, she's pretty. No wait, scratch that, she's gorgeous. With her slender and lithe figure, lush dark hair, and pretty face, she's like a supermodel. I think I saw her before. I think she was in the cheerleading team.

I just forced myself a smile – hoping it wasn't a fake one – and cheerfully told him congratulations. I politely excused myself from them as tears started to build in my eyes. I managed to find Yuri with Minho and tearfully told them about my encounter with him and his girl. Yuri sympathized with me while Minho was fuming, exclaiming in anger where was he. It took both of our efforts to restrain Minho from stalking off and beat him senseless – well, what can I say? My dear cousin is like the older brother I never had, considering the fact that we're in the same year together. 

After Minho calmed down, Yuri offered to take us to a nearby cafe. Sick of the party, Minho and I agreed – well, Minho was reluctant to go, actually. The rest of the night, the twosome made my tears into smiles with their witty comebacks and jokes. 

Yuri dropped me and Minho off to our house, and told me to forget about him and move on. I weakly nodded, but I know I couldn't forget him. He was the first person I ever loved. And the only person who held my affection for.

My chances are slim, but I'll try somehow to win him over. Even if I'm in a bit of a mess and on the verge of giving up on him, maybe there's still a ray of hope for me...

... wait, who am I kidding? You're just Im freaking Yoona! The chances of him liking you are never! He'll only see me as a friend and only friend. 

Sigh, he'll never like me more than a friend. That's all I ever be to him. A friend.

Xi Luhan, I wish you'll open up your eyes and realize what you're looking for has been here the whole time.