himchan liked photography. he enjoyed to watch the nature change frame by frame in front of his camera lens. he would always take days off his job just to go out, go to the park and take pictures of flowers, people passing by, squirrels on the trees, leaves that were being dragged away by the faint wind.

yet of all things himchan found himself photographing there was still one thing -  better said person - he liked photographing more than anything. a young boy that would sit in the park, on himchan's bench just below the cherry tree and next to the statue of some poet himchan missed to remember the name of.

the boy never talked. he never did anything in the park, he just sat on the bench, sometimes kept his eyes closed and enjoyed the smell of freshness after the rain.

himchan caught himself staring at the younger more than once. he even caught himself snapping pictures of the younger smiling at the sound of branches above him colliding. later he cough himself snapping more and more pictures until there were already dozens of them and himchan was burning to know the boy's name. "it was just to classify the pictures properly," he told himself times over times but never really believed it.

he tried to approach the boy a couple of times. he was always to nervous to walk to the bench and introduce himself. what if he mentions about the pictures he took of him? would the boy be disgusted by it?

though he had to do it. it was the only right thing. he could ask about taking a picture of him and then ask for his name to know what to write at the back of that picture (and the 658 pictures he took before) next to the date.

when himchan walked into the park that afternoon he was slightly disappointed to see the boy was accompanied by some other male. he looked older and he held his head in his palms, it almost looked like he was crying.

himchan felt hurt, he felt betrayed. he knew he didn't have any reason to be yet he still felt it. it was almost like his heart was slowly being ripped apart.

the next day he tried again. this time the man from yesterday wasn't with the younger and himchan mentally high-fived himself before he made his way over the small patch of grass and sat next to the boy onto the bench.

the wooden bench was wet and himchan felt his pants get wet but he didn't stood up. he liked to sit here, hear the boy breathe.

"are you that guy that's been taking pictures of me the past month and a half?" the boy asked gaze still fixed in front of himself.

himchan panicked a bit. should he run?

he merely nodded his head and whispered ashamed, "yes, i am."

the boy laughs. his laugh echoes in the empty park alongside the birds chipping and the treetops humming.

"yongguk said you are attractive."

himchan looks up from his fingers to stare at the younger's eyes. they didn't seem to be able to focus on him. he waved his hand in front of the teen's face but his eyes still didn't focus.

"are you-" himchan hesitated.

"blind?" junhong finished his question and slowly nodded at the end of it. "i am."

himchan looks at him again. he studies every part of the younger's face before he opens his mouth to ask the question that has been bothering him for a while. "what's your name?"

to himchan this seems like a nice beginning of a friendship he'll cherish forever. he would finally have a muse he wouldn't get tired of; a muse that would make him inspired instantly.

but to junhong it seemed like a nice ending.

"junhong. my name is choi junhong," he said, voice cracking at the last syllable.

junhong coughed badly. he seemed to have some kind of seizure in front of himchan's eyes. the elder didn't know what to do. he was being useless. himchan had never dealt with anyone sick (besides himself).

"are you ok?" he asked panicking. he had his hands hovering over the younger afraid to touch him, afraid he might break him.

"do you need me to get someone?" by now himchan was panicking really badly. he was slowly starting to feel tears slide down his cheeks and he was getting scared he caused this.

what if he dies? it's all going to be because of me.

the cough stopped quickly, just as it came. junhong straightened himself and sat back up onto the bench apologizing to himchan. "you shouldn't have seen this."

himchan was happy. he was happy the younger was still breathing and out of an instinct he wrapped his arms around junhong.

junhong never got hugged like this. people were always careful around him. they always tried to be as gentle with him as they could; they thought he would break apart if they only touched him. but he wouldn't break apart. no, he wouldn't.

"thank you," junhong whispered against himchan's neck and wrapped his hands around the elder's waist holding him in place.

what to them seemed like seconds were in fact minutes and the night was beginning to fall. the cold wind started blowing into their faces, messing their hair.

himchan was a bit reluctant to let junhong walk home on his own but he promised there was someone waiting for him on the entrance of the park. himchan tried to make him promise he'll meet him again tomorrow, in the same place, at the same time, but junhong didn't want to. he said, "i can't make a promise i know i can't keep, himchan," and kissed himchan's cheek before he turned around and pulled out his white cane and slowly started to walk away.

when himchan reached home he started to scribble the younger's name onto the back of every picture he had of junhong. he wrote it neatly by the date and added a small heart at the ones that showed junhong smiling.

(himchan didn't want to admit it to himself but he did sing something along the lines of:

"i'm in love, so in love.

and my heart doesn't know;

how, or what to do.

but i'm in love.

 in love.")

~

next day himchan hurriedly made his way to the park. he held his camera close to his body.

today was colder than yesterday was. and it smelled of snow.

when he reached the bench he saw junhong wasn't yet there. he smiled at himself and whispered "he'll come, don't worry," to himself as he sat onto the cold bench.

hours passed but junhong failed to show up. the snow was not slowly starting to fall. white snowflakes fell from the sky and trough the treetops onto the already freezing cold ground.

"junhong-ah, where are you?" himchan asked yet no answer came.

by the time his watch showed 10 p.m. himchan decided it wasn't worth waiting anymore. he stood up to leave. his eyes then fell onto the small piece of paper that was glued to the bottom of the bench.

an envelope. with his name written on the front.

carefully opening it himchan pulled out a piece of paper and started reading out the small words scribbled on the pale paper.

dear himchan.

i remember when first saw you my heart skipped a beat. i felt like i've seen an angel.

you don't remember but i was walking by this bench some six months ago and complimented on your shirt (the blue one with clouds on it), you only said a small 'thank you' and bowed your head but my breath still hitched in my throat, my heart still stopped for a moment.

then, a month or two later you started to bring your camera with you. you looked so beautiful when you searched for the best place to take a picture. (i remember laughing at you once when you took a picture of a cherry flower from each possible angle.) you looked incredibly gorgeous when you concentrated onto something only you could see.

but then, two months ago, i got diagnosed with cancer. i was starting to grow blind. and i was starting to die. but me dying didn't hit me so much as growing blind did. i cried for days. i dried because i couldn't see you anymore.

from then on i sat here. i came before you did just so i could sit down and not disturb you. (i thought you'd sit next to me.) i wanted you to notice me so i took your place.

i saw you stare at me that day. you looked like someone stole your candies, or a teddy bear. (it was cute, really cute.) and i also saw you pull out your camera the next day to snap a picture of me. (i felt flattered to be honest. no one ever took pictures of me before. at least not with the look in their eyes that you had.)

when my sight was completely gone i brought my brother with me to the park a couple of times just to make sure you were still coming. he said you did and that you tried to take pictures of me without being too obvious.

i felt happy when i heard that. i was happy that you noticed me after all.

yesterday when you finally sat next to me i felt like heaven came for me. i liked to be so close to you. i liked the way you smelled and the way your body emitted heat. i really liked it. but i also knew that was my last chance.

doctors told me i didn't have much. they told me twelve hours is the most i have to live so i decided to spend some of them with you.

i'm sorry if this hurts you. i'm sorry himchan but i had to do this. it was my only wish, my only dream and without it i would die miserable. this way i died with a smile on my lips. and the taste of your skin on my lips.

thank you, kim himchan. thank you for being there, even if you weren't really.

love, choi junhong, a love struck teenager.

P.S. my brother took a picture of us yesterday. i hope you don't mind it.

puling the picture out of the envelope himchan can't keep the tears in anymore.

the picture is quite dark but you can clearly see two boys standing one by the other. the taller one has his lips pressed against the shorter one's cheek.

and on the back of it, it’s written: 'november 24th 2012, himchan and junhong' and a small heart is added next to their names. 

- quick drabble, i'm sorry for the mistakes.

- can himchan just wear that sweater forever, please.

- stop it himchan, you're not my bias. this is not my ship. what is happening?