I keep writing one-shots that have to be split into 2 parts because they are so freaking long :|

Jongin always begs his parents to be allowed to sit with Kyungsoo in church. Kyungsoo is a little older than Jongin, and he usually sits in one of the front pews. He has round eyes and a chubby face, and all the old ladies coo over how cute he is. Jongin’s parents usually give in quickly and think it’s lovely that Jongin is friends with such a good boy as Kyungsoo. In all honesty they’re not really friends, they never talk much. Jongin likes sitting with Kyungsoo because he’s the best singer Jongin’s ever heard. Jongin can’t even read the words in the hymn book, never mind sing. But one of the first things Kyungsoo says to him is that he can’t read it either.

“But how can you sing it if you can’t read it?” Jongin whispers as their pastor rambles on.

Kyungsoo grins at him and ruffles his hair. “I know the words by heart.”

Jongin wants to be like Kyungsoo, he wants it more than anything. He asks his parents to buy him a blue shirt like the one Kyungsoo always wears to church, and when they finally do he almost never takes it off. Kyungsoo never accuses him of copying, in fact he seems to find it cute. Slowly but surely, they start to talk more, find out they have things in common, and they become closer.

After church one day Kyungsoo asks Jongin’s parents if Jongin can come to the playground with him. Of course they say yes, and Kyungsoo takes Jongin by the hand and pulls him off. They spend all day playing tag and hide and seek, and it’s the most fun Jongin’s had in his whole life, never mind that he’s only six.

“I want to be like you when I grow up,” Jongin admits at the end of the day.

Kyungsoo laughs and hugs him. “Okay, then you better stick close to me from now on.”

But Kyungsoo doesn’t come to church the week after that, and neither do his parents. Jongin never sees Kyungsoo in church again, and after a few years all he becomes is a memory that a lonely teenage boy often reflects on.

At eighteen years old, Jongin is passive and moody most of the time. His parents constantly worry about him, even though he’s doing well in school. They want him to go back to dance, and Jongin never wants to set foot in a studio again as long as he lives. He quit a year ago after an older boy kissed him like he was the most precious thing in the world and then left him hanging while his church excommunicated him for refusing to repent. Jongin still doesn’t know how the church found out about it, but he’s kind of glad in a way. They were archaic, and Jongin had hated that place ever since Kyungsoo had left.

He can’t remember much about his childhood hero, just that he sang like an angel and Jongin worshipped the ground he walked on. He wonders if Kyungsoo remembers him, or if he would care that Jongin was gay. He’d like to think not, but he’ll never know.

“Jongin?”

He looks up from his math book. “Yeah, mom?”

She holds out a pamphlet. “The hospital is looking for volunteers. People who can sit with the patients and talk to them. It’ll be good for college.”

Jongin flips through the pamphlet, eyeing pictures of babies and young children giving sad, puppy eyes to the camera. ‘Come help, be a friend to a child in need. Any time you have is time enough,’ the words spelled out in flowers and teddy bears above the pictures. He sighs. “I already got into college. A really good one.”

Mom echoes his sigh. “Please dear, just do it to get out of the house.”

One would think she’d be happy enough with a son who didn’t party and do drugs, but apparently she wants more. Jongin knows he’s caused her enough trouble, her sister stopped talking to her when she stood by him after he was outed. He owes her this much, he owes it to his father too (though he doesn’t ask Jongin for anything). So he agrees to go to the hospital and find out what he can do.

For a while Jongin had thought his mom fabricated the pamphlet, but as it turns out they really do need volunteers. When Jongin comes in he is immediately sent to the blood donation center, where he is charged with making sure that people have something to eat after they donate blood and take a few minutes to rest before they leave. He also makes sure that the place is stocked with juice and cookies, and he continues this for a few weeks before the manager of volunteers yanks him out and tell him to go visit patients.

“Visit patients?” Jongin echoes.

The manager nods. “Young kids who are hospital-bound often don’t have visitors besides family.”

Jongin panics. “But I’m not a friendly person,” he blurts. “Ask anybody!”

The man rolls his eyes. “Then get friendly, you start next week.”

Jongin grumbles about it on Monday morning with his friends. Or his supposed friends, all they do is laugh at his pain.

“When you get sent to a hospital I’m not going to visit any one of you,” he growls, glaring pointedly at Sehun. Of Jongin’s tight-knit group of friends, Sehun is the only one left who hasn’t gone to college yet. They hang out with other guys, but nobody can match up to the boys Jongin’s been friends with since freshman year. Those people aren’t sympathetic to him either though, Jongin emailed them last night and they all said the same thing.

Haha! to be you XDD – Byun Baekhyun

Buck up, Jongin for crying out loud. It’s not the end of the world. – Kim Minseok

If you can’t handle this, how are you going to survive college? – Kim Joonmyun

Ditto to what Joonmyun said. – Park Chanyeol

You can do it, unfriendly Jongin! It’s a brave new world, fighting! – Troll-Jongdae.

Jongin hoped they all failed their final exams, especially that troll Jongdae and brat Baekhyun.

On Saturday he hauls himself to the hospital, anxiety knotting his stomach. It’s not so much that he’s unfriendly as he is unsure. He’s not good at making friends, whenever he does it’s always because someone approaches him first. He’s always afraid of being judged or exploited. It’s sort of irrational, but sort of not. Jongin thinks he deserves to be a little irrational after what he’s been through.

He’s sent to the third floor and told to go to the game room, where kids age 13-20 congregate and watch TV, play games or just talk. As Jongin walks down the hall, he realizes that he’s in a ward with permanent residents. Their doors are decorated, and their names painted on the glass. He passes completely by one room before the name rears up and smacks him the face.

Do Kyungsoo.

It can’t be, Jongin thinks to himself as his heart begins to race. There must be a hundred Kyungsoo’s in South Korea, the likelihood that this is his Kyungsoo is so small…but he has to see.

He’s not sure if he’s allowed to do this, but he knocks on the door anyway.

“Come in.”

He pushes the door open slowly and his heart stops. He looks more mature, but his cheeks are the same, as are his eyes. His hair is shorter, his smile smaller, but Jongin knows he’s the same person.

“Kyungsoo-hyung,” he breathes. “Do you remember me?”

Kyungsoo gives him a confused look that lasts only for a few seconds, and then his entire face lights up.

“Kim Jongin!” He cries, sitting up. “Oh my god, I can’t believe it!”

Jongin grins and steps inside, shutting the door behind him, Kyungsoo hastily moves a book aside and gestures for Jongin to sit down.

“I can’t believe it,” Kyungsoo laughs. As soon as Jongin sits, Kyungsoo grabs his shoulders and pulls him closer. His face is so expressive, Jongin finds himself thinking. There’s no mistaking the shock on his face. “Look at you! You grew up so nicely,” Kyungsoo gushes. “How old are you?”

“Eighteen,” Jongin answers.

“Right, you’re a year younger than me,” Kyungsoo says lightly. “Well how are you?”

“I’m…” Jongin starts brightly, and then he remembers that they’re in a hospital, in a permanent residence section, and he trails off in shock. “Hyung, how are you?”

Kyungsoo suddenly deflates and Jongin half wishes he hadn’t said anything. “I’m…” Kyungsoo starts, but Jongin cuts him off.

“I was so worried about you when you left,” he rushes on. “You said to stick by you, and then you disappeared and now…what happened?”

Kyungsoo is staring at him wide-eyed. “You remember that?”

“Of course I remember!” Jongin cries. “I remember every word you ever said to me, I…wanted to be just like you. You were my…” He trails off, unable to finish his sentence.

“I’m sorry,” Kyungsoo whispers. “I really missed you. I thought about you a lot, it just happened so fast. I hadn’t been feeling well, and we went to the doctors and found out that I had early stage kidney failure. We moved to the city to be closer to the hospital.”

Jongin’s head spins and he closes his eyes, trying to make sense of this. “Wait, you had what?”

“Early stage kidney failure,” Kyungsoo repeats. “Well, chronic kidney failure that was in an early stage…it’s complicated. I needed medication and doctors and—”

“How did you get it?” Jongin blurts. “You were fine!”

Kyungsoo shakes his head. “I was never fine, and it really wasn’t…I was a weak child.”

Jongin swallows painfully. “But you’re going to be okay, right?”

Kyungsoo smiles. “My kidneys are getting very close to failing completely. They’ve started me on dialysis to keep them from working too hard—”

“What does that mean?” Jongin demands.

“They hook me up to a machine that takes my blood out of my body, cleans it, and then puts it back,” Kyungsoo explains patiently. “It’s only going to work for a little while longer, I need a transplant.”

Jongin gapes at him. “First of all, that sound painful.”

Kyungsoo laughs for a long time when he hears that, and when he calms down he takes hold of Jongin’s hand and links their fingers together. It suddenly gets very hard for Jongin to focus.

“It’s not,” Kyungsoo assures. “Well, my kidneys hurt, which I didn’t know could happen, but the blood cleaning thing, it really doesn’t hurt. They put two needles in my arm, one to take the blood out and one to put it back, and over the course of a few hours it gets cleaned.”

“But it must be bad for you to have to stay here…” Jongin points out. “How long have you been here?”

“Not long,” Kyungsoo assures. “Only about a week. Now they keep me here because they want to make sure I’m okay. Like I said, I’m pretty weak. They decided it would be best if I have constant supervision, I’m on a barrage of experimental treatments.”

Jongin wants to cry, hearing this. “I always thought…you’d be somewhere else,” he confesses. “I wanted you to be happy, I wanted you to be singing…”

Kyungsoo laughs again. “You’re half right,” he teases. “I still sing. As soon as I get better, I’m going to go to New York City for a vacation. Then I’m going to come back here and go to college, I’ll study vocal technique and acting, and someday I’ll be famous.”

Jongin grips his hand tighter. “Can you sing for me?” He asks, hurrying before he can lose his nerve. “I remember hearing you sing in church, you were amazing.”

Kyungsoo smiles and closes his eyes. The first few notes leave his throat and Jongin starts to cry. He can’t tell what Kyungsoo is saying, doesn’t even know if it’s Korean. He doesn’t care, because as amazing as Kyungsoo was when he was seven, he’s a hundred times better now. His voice is deeper, richer, his control better. Now it sounds like he commands the song, makes it work for him. He’s gotten so much better, he’s perfect.

When Kyungsoo finishes and opens his eyes, he catches sigh of Jongin crying and starts to cry too. “Why are you crying?” He half laughs, half sobs.

“You’re amazing,” Jongin sniffles. “When you make it big, I’m going to be the president of your fanclub.” He reaches out and gently wipes away Kyungsoo’s tears. “I really missed you.”

Kyungsoo yanks Jongin foreword and hugs him tightly. “I missed you too,” he sobs. “I really did, Jongin. It’s so good to see you again.”

Jongin hugs Kyungsoo back as tightly as he can. This is half like a dream, half like a nightmare. He always wanted to find his friend again, but not like this. Not in a hospital bed, hooked up to an IV and talking about kidney failure.

When they pull away, Kyungsoo keeps his hold on Jongin’s hand. “So what have you been up to?”

“I started dancing,” Jongin says happily. “I’m really good!”

“Show me,” Kyungsoo demands. “I sang for you, now you have to dance for me.”

Jongin hasn’t danced in front of anyone in almost a year, but Kyungsoo isn’t just anyone. So Jongin gets up and dances, feeling Kyungsoo’s eyes on him and relishing in it. He has no music, but he doesn’t need it to move. When he finishes the routine, he looks back to see Kyungsoo crying again.

“You’re amazing,” he sighs. “That was beautiful.”

Jongin blushes deeply and Kyungsoo laughs at him, calling him back to the bed. Jongin spends hours sitting with Kyungsoo, talking to him about his life, listening to Kyungsoo talk about his. When Jongin has to leave, he does so only after he’s promised to come back again as soon as he can.

When Jongin goes home, he asks his parents if he can take dance again. They look like they might cry from happiness.

“You’re different,” Sehun comments two months later. “What happened to you?”

Jongin grins at Sehun from across the table. “I reconnected with an old friend,” he says lightly.

“You’ve been saying that for two months and we haven’t met him yet,” Baekhyun says loftily. “Therefore he doesn’t exist.”

“I met him back when we were kids,” Jongin goes on, kicking Baekhyun under the table. “I’ve been visiting him a lot, and he’s helping me remember not to take life for granted.”

Joonmyun hears the last part of the sentence, having come over from getting his lunch. They’ve congregated in the mall for the first time in weeks, and Joonmyun seems to be the only one who’s not suspicious of Jongin’s sudden happiness.

“As long as you’re smiling, we’re happy for you,” he assures, ruffling Jongin’s hair affectionately. “And I’m glad to hear you went back to dance. I know how much you loved it.”

Joonmyun is the only one who knew the true reason Jongin quit, having found Jongin crying behind the studio the night he was dumped. Jongin has realized how dumb he was to run away, and the dance studio welcomed him back with open arms. His ex was nowhere to be seen, for which he was secretly grateful.

After the rendezvous at the mall, Jongin heads straight to the hospital. He’s been allowed to continue his volunteer service as Kyungsoo’s personal visitor, which is a title Jongin made up himself. Today Kyungsoo greets him with a tired but happy smile. He’s hooked up to the dialysis machine, and Jongin flinches away from it.

“That thing creeps me out,” he mutters before turning to Kyungsoo with a bright smile. “I brought you a present.”

He pulls from his bag a tourist guide to New York City. Kyungsoo takes the book eagerly and flips through it before grinning up Jongin.

“Are you trying to get me every book on New York City that you can find?” He laughs.

“You should know all you can about a place before you go there,” Jongin says. “It’s only practical.”

Kyungsoo laughs, and Jongin snaps a mental picture. Kyungsoo looks pale, and every now and then he’ll flinch and his hand will go to his lower back, but he seems happy. Jongin thinks he’s beautiful, and strong, and he’s even more than the man Jongin imagined him to be. It’s an amazing feeling, to know that you underestimated how great someone could be.

He dreams about taking Kyungsoo’s hand and never letting go. Sometimes when Kyungsoo is talking, Jongin fantasizes about leaning over and kissing him in the middle of a word, taking it out of his mouth and turning it into a confession. He has a feeling Kyungsoo won’t turn him away, but he doesn’t want to confess now. He wants to wait until Kyungsoo gets better, until he can take Kyungsoo out of the hospital and bring him on a date, buy him dinner and flowers and all that jazz. He knows it’ll be perfect, and he can’t wait for it to happen.

Today, Kyungsoo doesn’t smile as Jongin sits down. He looks pensive, paler than usual.

“Jongin, do you have other friends?” Kyungsoo asks.

Jongin blinks at him. “Yes…why do you ask?”

Kyungsoo looks away. “I think you should spend more time with them. You should lean on them more.”

Jongin’s heart stops. “Why are you talking like this?”

Kyungsoo looks back at him. “The dialysis won’t work forever, Jongin.”

“But then you’ll get a transplant,” Jongin says quickly.

“No,” Kyungsoo says quietly. “That might not happen. The list is long, and I need more than a blood match, Jongin.”

“What are you saying?” Jongin demands, starting to shake.

Kyungsoo looks down. “I’m dying, and I want to know that you’ll be okay afterwards.”

Jongin stands up. “No,” he says, shaking his head. “You’re not…you can’t die. You’re only nineteen!”

“If I don’t get a transplant soon, they’ll take me off the list. They won’t give an organ to someone who is going to die anyway,” Kyungsoo says matter-of-factly. “I really want to thank you, Jongin. You made these last few months so much fun for me—”

“How can you be so calm?” Jongin shrieks. “You sound like you’ve already accepted it!”

“I have!” Kyungsoo insists. “I’m not scared, Jongin.”

“I am!” Jongin screams. “Now you just…just shut up! You’re not going to die!” And he storms out, hiding his tears in his sleeve.

He goes to the first doctor he sees and demands to be tested to see if he can give Kyungsoo a kidney. He has to wait three days for the results, and they come back negative. In frenzy of desperation, Jongin gathers his friends and comes clean to them about what he’s been doing the last few months. He begs them to get tested too, pleading with them to help him save Kyungsoo life. They all get tested, but none of them match.

Jongin almost breaks down in the hospital when they get the results back. “It can’t end like this, it just can’t,” he sobs, doubled over on his knees.

Joonmyun hugs him tight and pets his hair. “Keep trying,” he says.

“How?” Jongin demands.

Joonmyun grabs his shoulders and hauls him up. “Plead to the masses,” he says, looking Jongin in the eye. “Tell your story, yours and Kyungsoo’s.”

Jongin thinks, realizes what Joonmyun is saying. He wipes his eyes and nods. “I understand,” he whispers. “Will you help me?”

Joonmyun hugs him again. “Of course I will.”

Jongin sets up the camera, presses record and takes a seat in front of it.

“Hello,” he begins awkwardly. “Thank you for…clicking on this video. Um, my name is Kim Jongin. I’m eighteen years old and…” he takes a deep breath. “When I was six years old, there was this boy I knew in my church. He was seven, sang like an angel, and I wanted to be just like him. His name is Do Kyungsoo, and he moved away before I could really become his friend. But recently, I found him again.”

Jongin holds up a picture of Kyungsoo in his hospital bed, making a V sign at the camera.

“He’s nineteen now, and he still sings like an angel and I still want to be just like him. But he’s sick, his kidneys are failing and he needs a transplant.”

Jongin puts down the picture and swallows around the lump in his throat.

“Kyungsoo is amazing. He’s so full of life, he wants to sing, he wants to travel to New York City and see all that the world has to offer, but he may not get that chance. He’s dying, and he doesn’t have much time left. But there’s more, see as time goes on, I’m falling more and more in love with Kyungsoo. The thing is…”

Jongin starts to cry, but he continues on. “The thing is that I can’t tell him that. I won’t, not while he’s sick. I don’t want to confess while he knows that he’s dying. I want to tell him that I love him when he’s got a chance to love me back, and now…now he might die, and he’ll never get to go see New York City, or sing in front of a thousand people and hear them applaud for him. And he might die without ever knowing that there’s one person in this world who loves him so much that he…that I would do anything for him. That I love him unconditionally, that I want to spend the rest of my life with him, that I want to make him smile every day for the rest of his life, that I want to love him with everything I have…”

Jongin trails off and wipes his eyes. “I tried to give him my own kidney, but I wasn’t a match. I’m begging you, if you want to help, please get tested. See if you’re a match for Kyungsoo, please save my friend’s life.”

Jongin looks into the camera, imaging all the people who will hopefully see this. “Someone is a match, someone can save Kyungsoo’s life. Even if he doesn’t love me back, I don’t want my best friend to die. Please help me, please help Kyungsoo. Thank you for watching.”

He switches the camera off, exits the room and hands it off to Joonmyun. Joonmyun adds English subtitles to it (later confessing to Jongin that he cried several time in the process) and uploads it to Youtube. Jongin never looks at the video, but in ten days it amasses 500,000 hits and nearly as many comments. Jongin doesn’t care about that though, he just wants to get Kyungsoo a donor.

Kris reads the headline for the fifth time that evening. ‘Heir to Wu Family Fortune Drops Out of College,’ with a picture of him in a cap and sunglasses as he gets into his car.

Lazy, ungrateful, spoiled, bastard…all words used to describe Kris since he was fifteen. He was a slacker in school, he bought his grades. He was good at basketball, but he quit after high school. Too lazy to continue with it. Content to spend the rest of his days living off daddy’s money.  Kris never said a word against it. Nobody would believe him anyway. Like he could go out and say that he never bought a grade, that he had reached his peak in basketball and knew he’d never get better, that he wouldn’t settle for mediocrity, that college bored him? He’d be scoffed at, called a quitter anyway. Why delay the inevitable? Why fight trolls and tools? He knew better.

He looks up to see a scantily clad girl walking in his direction. He looks down and sips his drink, his first one of the night, which he’s been nursing for two hours. He hopes she’s not coming to him, but alas his luck is really ty tonight.

“Want to dance?” she purrs.

Kris smiles apologetically. “Sorry, I don’t dance. And before you ask, I’m fine with this drink. Please, have fun.”

She pouts, but walks away. Maybe she didn’t know who he was, but if she did she’d tell the press that he turned her down. Add fuel to the rumors that he was gay. Kris sighs and tips his head back against the couch in the VIP lounge. Why is he out tonight? He wants to go home.

He pulls his phone out of his pocket and texts Lu Han. ‘I’m leaving. If you want a ride come find me.’

Within two minutes Lu Han returns with Yixing in tow. Yixing is blinking up at the ceiling, tracing the lights with his finger. Lu Han looks severely put-out.

“You always spoil my fun,” he pouts as Kris stands, throws a ridiculously large bill at the waiter and leads the way out. He slips on his sun glasses as the paparazzi start snapping pictures and firing questions at him. He doesn’t listen to them.

“No comment, draw your own conclusions. You’ll do that no matter what I say.”

He slips into the limo, helping Lu Han lower Yixing to the seat. The driver takes off as soon as the door closes.

“I hate this car,” Kris grumbles. “Why can’t they make any low-key limos?”

“What’s the point of that?” Lu Han gripes. “Then it’s be a hearse.”

“Oh!” Yixing cries, sitting up. “That reminds me, did you guys see that video?”

“You’ll have to be more specific than that,” Kris sighs.

“About the dying kid, and the boyfriend who’s trying to save him…but he’s not his boyfriend because he can’t confess while he’s still sick. It’s so romantic, I cried,” Yixing sighs. “I emailed it to both of you.”

“I saw that!” Lu Han gasps. “Oh it was awful, I feel so bad for them…”

Kris pretends not to listen, but he’s intrigued. What’s so sad? Do they need money? He has to investigate.

When he goes home he sifts through his email until he finds one from Yixing titled “ASDFGHJKL MY ETERNAL TEARS TT__TT ;;;A;;; DDD: ;~~~;” and figures he’s got the right one. He clicks on the link and presses play. It’s in Korean, but Kris can read the English subtitles.

“My name is Kim Jongin. I’m eighteen years old and…”

Yixing wasn’t lying, it is pretty heart-wrenching. Kris finds himself tearing up, especially at the end as Jongin pleads for help for a boy who might yet reject his confession.

This is actually right up Kris’ alley. He’s been thinking that he needs to do something crazy good, something so nice that the press will think he’s an angel. Not that he’ll announce it, they’ll find out on their own. Give up a kidney? That might just be crazy enough to work. But what are the chances he’ll be a match?

“Stranger things have happened,” he sighs as he books a flight to South Korea, leaving the next day.

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Did ANYONE see that coming???

Part 2 will be out soon! (ONLY TWO PARTS DON'T YOU DARE ASK ME FOR MORE ._____. )